A Thing on Fear
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
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A Thing on Fear
I found out, through recovery, that most of my drinking stemmed from fears, real or imagined. Here's some stuff I learned about FEAR:
FEAR in the form of anxiety or anticipation (i.e., expectations, demands) is ALWAYS about the future: What could happen and the unknown. So anxiety, restlessness, expectations, all the things that shut me down to another person's perspective are FEAR--an unrealistic response to a perceived threat. Stuff I've got not power over because it's not even happened (and may not ever happen).
FEAR in the form of ego or pride (i.e., resentment, contempt) is about the past. My perception or vanity about my own importance, how someone else should respond, are perfect examples of past performances that cannot be changed. When I stand to lose some credibility (perceived by me) or some respect (demanded by me) or some response I though I should get but don't, these are examples of fear in the past. Stuff I've got no power over once it's happened.
Consider this when working on resolving fear. When I'm emotionally or spiritually 'sideways,' it's usually a result of FEAR. I might lose something I have (respect, pride, status, and so on) or I might not get something I want (applause, or good comments, desired outcomes, or something in the future I've been expecting). If either of these are true (and sometimes both are true) then I'm in fear. And I start over-compensating with fear in a thousand forms. Something is wrong with ME to make me sideways.
Try this next time you are faced with fear:
1) What is the basis of the fear? (what am I going to lose or what am I not going to get?) Identification is crucial. Is it something I stand to lose that I have, or something I might not get?
Activity: If someone cuts you off or steals a parking spot, do you get bitchy or angry? What kind of fear is that? If you've got a court date next month and you're obsessed with the outcome, what kind of fear is that? Practice understanding the fear.
2) What are the solutions to fear? (faith and courage are starting points, praying for the s.o.b., meditation, asking for help, etc.)
3) What specific actions can I take that will create/strengthen courage/faith today(The goal being some infinitesimal movement in the direction I wish to go)? Remember that prayer is a tool that strengthens and emboldens faith; meditation is also useful in reducing anxiety as to identify the fear. Faith, doing the same thing expecting the same result, in the face of fear develops courage. Sometimes I simply need to suck it up, ask for help from MY God and others, and walk forward.
The whole journey is about spiritual growth. Progress. And it works if one is willing to do the work.
Trust the process. And let a Higher Power drive for a while. Yield to the Magnificence that's merely waiting to be asked.
FEAR in the form of anxiety or anticipation (i.e., expectations, demands) is ALWAYS about the future: What could happen and the unknown. So anxiety, restlessness, expectations, all the things that shut me down to another person's perspective are FEAR--an unrealistic response to a perceived threat. Stuff I've got not power over because it's not even happened (and may not ever happen).
FEAR in the form of ego or pride (i.e., resentment, contempt) is about the past. My perception or vanity about my own importance, how someone else should respond, are perfect examples of past performances that cannot be changed. When I stand to lose some credibility (perceived by me) or some respect (demanded by me) or some response I though I should get but don't, these are examples of fear in the past. Stuff I've got no power over once it's happened.
Consider this when working on resolving fear. When I'm emotionally or spiritually 'sideways,' it's usually a result of FEAR. I might lose something I have (respect, pride, status, and so on) or I might not get something I want (applause, or good comments, desired outcomes, or something in the future I've been expecting). If either of these are true (and sometimes both are true) then I'm in fear. And I start over-compensating with fear in a thousand forms. Something is wrong with ME to make me sideways.
Try this next time you are faced with fear:
1) What is the basis of the fear? (what am I going to lose or what am I not going to get?) Identification is crucial. Is it something I stand to lose that I have, or something I might not get?
Activity: If someone cuts you off or steals a parking spot, do you get bitchy or angry? What kind of fear is that? If you've got a court date next month and you're obsessed with the outcome, what kind of fear is that? Practice understanding the fear.
2) What are the solutions to fear? (faith and courage are starting points, praying for the s.o.b., meditation, asking for help, etc.)
3) What specific actions can I take that will create/strengthen courage/faith today(The goal being some infinitesimal movement in the direction I wish to go)? Remember that prayer is a tool that strengthens and emboldens faith; meditation is also useful in reducing anxiety as to identify the fear. Faith, doing the same thing expecting the same result, in the face of fear develops courage. Sometimes I simply need to suck it up, ask for help from MY God and others, and walk forward.
The whole journey is about spiritual growth. Progress. And it works if one is willing to do the work.
Trust the process. And let a Higher Power drive for a while. Yield to the Magnificence that's merely waiting to be asked.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
"FEAR in the form of ego or pride (i.e., resentment, contempt) is about the past. My perception or vanity about my own importance, how someone else should respond, are perfect examples of past performances that cannot be changed. When I stand to lose some credibility (perceived by me) or some respect (demanded by me) or some response I though I should get but don't, these are examples of fear in the past. Stuff I've got no power over once it's happened."
this is dead on. Fear often comes from our failure to control situations that are beyond our control, in the past. Our self will has been challenged, our egos and pride take a hit. When we face similar things in the future, we remember that, and we develop fear. Letting go of our egos is a big step in resolving our fear.
this is dead on. Fear often comes from our failure to control situations that are beyond our control, in the past. Our self will has been challenged, our egos and pride take a hit. When we face similar things in the future, we remember that, and we develop fear. Letting go of our egos is a big step in resolving our fear.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
skg, thanks for the thoughtful post. In my experience, I agree that fear is a manifestation of ego, and it is my most glaring character defect. This realization would have made my 4th step much quicker. I could have just written down the first fifty people that came to mind in one column and that single word in the next column and I would have nailed it. 
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Location: Mgm, AL
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Not to confuse the topic at all, but recycle reminded me of something I picked up outside the rooms of AA:
Resentments are twice as dangerous as they robs me of my "right now" because I spend all my time planning in the future how I plan to change the past! Dead on as to why the people were living rent-free in my head!
My 4th & 5th step evicted all of 'em.
When I began to understand that what I didn't do out of love I did out of fear, things changed. No, strike that. My WHOLE WORLD changed.
Resentments are twice as dangerous as they robs me of my "right now" because I spend all my time planning in the future how I plan to change the past! Dead on as to why the people were living rent-free in my head!
My 4th & 5th step evicted all of 'em.
When I began to understand that what I didn't do out of love I did out of fear, things changed. No, strike that. My WHOLE WORLD changed.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
When I began recovery, one of the things I had to accept was that I had all the decisions in my life, big and small, based on fear. I never remembered not being afraid. My home was a war zone and as I got older I began to try to control everything, all the time. That perpetuated the fear. It was really, really hard to know that, as a middle-aged person, every choice I had made in my life was based on fear.
Thankfully, my bottom was so profound that the fear was shattered. There was really nothing else to be afraid of. And, I began to Dance in the Light.
Thankfully, my bottom was so profound that the fear was shattered. There was really nothing else to be afraid of. And, I began to Dance in the Light.
Ethanol Intolerant
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
Originally Posted by Anna 
When I began recovery, one of the things I had to accept was that I had all the decisions in my life, big and small, based on fear. I never remembered not being afraid. My home was a war zone and as I got older I began to try to control everything, all the time. That perpetuated the fear. It was really, really hard to know that, as a middle-aged person, every choice I had made in my life was based on fear.
Thankfully, my bottom was so profound that the fear was shattered. There was really nothing else to be afraid of. And, I began to Dance in the Light.
Thankfully, my bottom was so profound that the fear was shattered. There was really nothing else to be afraid of. And, I began to Dance in the Light.
Yes, it took every drink I drank to get here. A smarter or more courageous person might have woke up sooner than I did, but when I finally admitted to myself and to those around me that I was in the process of committing suicide, a huge burden of fear was lifted. Now, there is nothing anyone else can do that is important enough to make me be afraid. I still have fear, but it is something I do to myself - it always was something I did to myself. Giving up fear is the exact center of my recovery right now.
I am fighting back tears as I write this. I cannot express the feeling I am having right now. Something went click in my brain just now. Either I am having a stroke or I just gained something I have been looking for weeks. Thank you everyone who contributes to SR, you are beautiful and I love you.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Originally Posted by recycle
I still have fear, but it is something I do to myself - it always was something I did to myself. Giving up fear is the exact center of my recovery right now.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
Posts: 618
Re:Fear
Originally Posted by skg
I found out, through recovery, that most of my drinking stemmed from fears, real or imagined. Here's some stuff I learned about FEAR:
FEAR in the form of anxiety or anticipation (i.e., expectations, demands) is ALWAYS about the future: What could happen and the unknown. So anxiety, restlessness, expectations, all the things that shut me down to another person's perspective are FEAR--an unrealistic response to a perceived threat. Stuff I've got not power over because it's not even happened (and may not ever happen).
FEAR in the form of ego or pride (i.e., resentment, contempt) is about the past. My perception or vanity about my own importance, how someone else should respond, are perfect examples of past performances that cannot be changed. When I stand to lose some credibility (perceived by me) or some respect (demanded by me) or some response I though I should get but don't, these are examples of fear in the past. Stuff I've got no power over once it's happened.
Consider this when working on resolving fear. When I'm emotionally or spiritually 'sideways,' it's usually a result of FEAR. I might lose something I have (respect, pride, status, and so on) or I might not get something I want (applause, or good comments, desired outcomes, or something in the future I've been expecting). If either of these are true (and sometimes both are true) then I'm in fear. And I start over-compensating with fear in a thousand forms. Something is wrong with ME to make me sideways.
Try this next time you are faced with fear:
1) What is the basis of the fear? (what am I going to lose or what am I not going to get?) Identification is crucial. Is it something I stand to lose that I have, or something I might not get?
Activity: If someone cuts you off or steals a parking spot, do you get bitchy or angry? What kind of fear is that? If you've got a court date next month and you're obsessed with the outcome, what kind of fear is that? Practice understanding the fear.
2) What are the solutions to fear? (faith and courage are starting points, praying for the s.o.b., meditation, asking for help, etc.)
3) What specific actions can I take that will create/strengthen courage/faith today(The goal being some infinitesimal movement in the direction I wish to go)? Remember that prayer is a tool that strengthens and emboldens faith; meditation is also useful in reducing anxiety as to identify the fear. Faith, doing the same thing expecting the same result, in the face of fear develops courage. Sometimes I simply need to suck it up, ask for help from MY God and others, and walk forward.
The whole journey is about spiritual growth. Progress. And it works if one is willing to do the work.
Trust the process. And let a Higher Power drive for a while. Yield to the Magnificence that's merely waiting to be asked.
FEAR in the form of anxiety or anticipation (i.e., expectations, demands) is ALWAYS about the future: What could happen and the unknown. So anxiety, restlessness, expectations, all the things that shut me down to another person's perspective are FEAR--an unrealistic response to a perceived threat. Stuff I've got not power over because it's not even happened (and may not ever happen).
FEAR in the form of ego or pride (i.e., resentment, contempt) is about the past. My perception or vanity about my own importance, how someone else should respond, are perfect examples of past performances that cannot be changed. When I stand to lose some credibility (perceived by me) or some respect (demanded by me) or some response I though I should get but don't, these are examples of fear in the past. Stuff I've got no power over once it's happened.
Consider this when working on resolving fear. When I'm emotionally or spiritually 'sideways,' it's usually a result of FEAR. I might lose something I have (respect, pride, status, and so on) or I might not get something I want (applause, or good comments, desired outcomes, or something in the future I've been expecting). If either of these are true (and sometimes both are true) then I'm in fear. And I start over-compensating with fear in a thousand forms. Something is wrong with ME to make me sideways.
Try this next time you are faced with fear:
1) What is the basis of the fear? (what am I going to lose or what am I not going to get?) Identification is crucial. Is it something I stand to lose that I have, or something I might not get?
Activity: If someone cuts you off or steals a parking spot, do you get bitchy or angry? What kind of fear is that? If you've got a court date next month and you're obsessed with the outcome, what kind of fear is that? Practice understanding the fear.
2) What are the solutions to fear? (faith and courage are starting points, praying for the s.o.b., meditation, asking for help, etc.)
3) What specific actions can I take that will create/strengthen courage/faith today(The goal being some infinitesimal movement in the direction I wish to go)? Remember that prayer is a tool that strengthens and emboldens faith; meditation is also useful in reducing anxiety as to identify the fear. Faith, doing the same thing expecting the same result, in the face of fear develops courage. Sometimes I simply need to suck it up, ask for help from MY God and others, and walk forward.
The whole journey is about spiritual growth. Progress. And it works if one is willing to do the work.
Trust the process. And let a Higher Power drive for a while. Yield to the Magnificence that's merely waiting to be asked.
~God bless~
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