A Thing on Fear
I found out, through recovery, that most of my drinking stemmed from fears, real or imagined. Here's some stuff I learned about FEAR:
FEAR in the form of anxiety or anticipation (i.e., expectations, demands) is ALWAYS about the future: What could happen and the unknown. So anxiety, restlessness, expectations, all the things that shut me down to another person's perspective are FEAR--an unrealistic response to a perceived threat. Stuff I've got not power over because it's not even happened (and may not ever happen).
FEAR in the form of ego or pride (i.e., resentment, contempt) is about the past. My perception or vanity about my own importance, how someone else should respond, are perfect examples of past performances that cannot be changed. When I stand to lose some credibility (perceived by me) or some respect (demanded by me) or some response I though I should get but don't, these are examples of fear in the past. Stuff I've got no power over once it's happened.
Consider this when working on resolving fear. When I'm emotionally or spiritually 'sideways,' it's usually a result of FEAR. I might lose something I have (respect, pride, status, and so on) or I might not get something I want (applause, or good comments, desired outcomes, or something in the future I've been expecting). If either of these are true (and sometimes both are true) then I'm in fear. And I start over-compensating with fear in a thousand forms. Something is wrong with ME to make me sideways.
Try this next time you are faced with fear:
1) What is the basis of the fear? (what am I going to lose or what am I not going to get?) Identification is crucial. Is it something I stand to lose that I have, or something I might not get?
Activity: If someone cuts you off or steals a parking spot, do you get bitchy or angry? What kind of fear is that? If you've got a court date next month and you're obsessed with the outcome, what kind of fear is that? Practice understanding the fear.
2) What are the solutions to fear? (faith and courage are starting points, praying for the s.o.b., meditation, asking for help, etc.)
3) What specific actions can I take that will create/strengthen courage/faith today(The goal being some infinitesimal movement in the direction I wish to go)? Remember that prayer is a tool that strengthens and emboldens faith; meditation is also useful in reducing anxiety as to identify the fear. Faith, doing the same thing expecting the same result, in the face of fear develops courage. Sometimes I simply need to suck it up, ask for help from MY God and others, and walk forward.
The whole journey is about spiritual growth. Progress. And it works if one is willing to do the work.
Trust the process. And let a Higher Power drive for a while. Yield to the Magnificence that's merely waiting to be asked.