I have 8 months, going to drink soon...
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
It sounds like you have really received some great ES&H above!
I went through what you are going through several times in my first few years. After the first really bad bout, actually while it was still going on, I go with my sponsor, went back to working the steps with her, and went to a lot of meetings. It was suggested to me by both my sponsor and her hubby, that I be very alert at those meetings, and be sure after the meetings to go up to, talk to, and welcome someone that was new or in their first few weeks.
I protested, saying I had nothing to share, and they responded that I did have a lot to share. A newcomer can identify more easily with someone that has 3, 4, 5, 6, etc months than someone who has years. They wanted to know 'how I did it' when they only had a few days or weeks, WOW
Some nights if I was going for coffee I would definitely invite the newcomer to join us, and many times they did.x
Somehow, the more I did that, the better I felt and my life was no longer 'boring.' Later in recovery I realized that the "you have to give 'it' away in order to keep it" was exactly what I was doing.
Hang in there (((((Drumstick))))) it does get better!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
I went through what you are going through several times in my first few years. After the first really bad bout, actually while it was still going on, I go with my sponsor, went back to working the steps with her, and went to a lot of meetings. It was suggested to me by both my sponsor and her hubby, that I be very alert at those meetings, and be sure after the meetings to go up to, talk to, and welcome someone that was new or in their first few weeks.
I protested, saying I had nothing to share, and they responded that I did have a lot to share. A newcomer can identify more easily with someone that has 3, 4, 5, 6, etc months than someone who has years. They wanted to know 'how I did it' when they only had a few days or weeks, WOW
Some nights if I was going for coffee I would definitely invite the newcomer to join us, and many times they did.x
Somehow, the more I did that, the better I felt and my life was no longer 'boring.' Later in recovery I realized that the "you have to give 'it' away in order to keep it" was exactly what I was doing.
Hang in there (((((Drumstick))))) it does get better!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Lots of great advice given above and your 8 months of sobriety is a real bright spot when you consider that you have accomplished that on your own with sheer willpower and strength of will. With the time you now have your brain is healing everyday and creating correct neural pathways that were damaged by the abuse. However, your brain is also sending you signals to "drink" because your body and mind do not understand that alcohol is a poison... it just knows that it "wants it".
Do NOT throw away the healing time that you have by drinking and setting your healing time clock back. The depression cycles will deepen not lift and it will affect your sleeping, moods and everything in a negative way.
More good news... the key to true happiness and peace is just stopping drinking but it is in the spiritual path of recovery and right now you admit that you are not on that path. If you take the sobriety you now have and if you start seeking out the right sponsor or group to connect with you could very quickly find yourself becoming happy and fulfilled and the constant desire for alcohol will simply fall away.
We all have to have meaning and purpose in our lives and everyone has a divine destiny ... you have a great life ahead of you and you need to get up everyday and ask your HP to help and guide you to that perfect path for you. Expect miracles, expect divine appointments, ask your HP to protect you as He did when you "forgot" your wallet.
Alcohol causes us to isolate and we are social beings that need others ... seek out groups that have wisdom, maturity and good sobriety among their members. Pray for the right sponsor to be revealed to you on your journey. Work the steps ... REALLY work the steps! THat is the KEY to unlocking true peace and happiness.
Once you find it give it away to someone like yourself...
You can make it ... you can find peace, joy and happiness as millions of others have all across this planet. But it won't happen if you don't take the bit in your teeth and go after it with all of your strength and obviously strong resolve.
Do NOT throw away the healing time that you have by drinking and setting your healing time clock back. The depression cycles will deepen not lift and it will affect your sleeping, moods and everything in a negative way.
More good news... the key to true happiness and peace is just stopping drinking but it is in the spiritual path of recovery and right now you admit that you are not on that path. If you take the sobriety you now have and if you start seeking out the right sponsor or group to connect with you could very quickly find yourself becoming happy and fulfilled and the constant desire for alcohol will simply fall away.
We all have to have meaning and purpose in our lives and everyone has a divine destiny ... you have a great life ahead of you and you need to get up everyday and ask your HP to help and guide you to that perfect path for you. Expect miracles, expect divine appointments, ask your HP to protect you as He did when you "forgot" your wallet.
Alcohol causes us to isolate and we are social beings that need others ... seek out groups that have wisdom, maturity and good sobriety among their members. Pray for the right sponsor to be revealed to you on your journey. Work the steps ... REALLY work the steps! THat is the KEY to unlocking true peace and happiness.
Once you find it give it away to someone like yourself...
You can make it ... you can find peace, joy and happiness as millions of others have all across this planet. But it won't happen if you don't take the bit in your teeth and go after it with all of your strength and obviously strong resolve.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I don't have any answers for you, but i'm glad you got through your craving and forgot your wallet too.
I hope today is better for you....i know it sounds corny, but try to look at your glass as 1/2 full today...because things could be a whole lot worse if these past 8 months you were tottering around 1/2 drunk all the time.
if it's any consolation, i think we all go through this period too.
I hope today is better for you....i know it sounds corny, but try to look at your glass as 1/2 full today...because things could be a whole lot worse if these past 8 months you were tottering around 1/2 drunk all the time.
if it's any consolation, i think we all go through this period too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 72
Morning, just getting into work now. I was driving into work and it crossed my mind a few times to just turn the wheel into one of the poles along side the road or steer into on coming traffic. Obviously I did not do it, that's some insane thinking for sure!!
Oh, I just texted my sponsor right now and told him I really need his support and want to get together and talk with him. I also wanted to see if he will be at a meeting that I have attended in the past tonight.
I just want to SCREAM!!! Alright, I got a text from my sponsor, we are meeting tonight with some AA guys before the meeting. I really need there support right now.
Oh, I just texted my sponsor right now and told him I really need his support and want to get together and talk with him. I also wanted to see if he will be at a meeting that I have attended in the past tonight.
I just want to SCREAM!!! Alright, I got a text from my sponsor, we are meeting tonight with some AA guys before the meeting. I really need there support right now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 264
Drum. I totally relate. I can't add much. What time do you go to work? Are there any early morning meetings you could go to? I also feel sort of sapped at night. I've found that the early early meetings are a godsend. It's a good way to start the day and also it seems that those who frequent the early meetings are very serious about recovery and have a lot of wise input for me.
A guy this morning said that instead of deciding IF he wants to go to a meeting, he goes anyway and asks himself if he really wants to be there. Today his answer was yes.
Hang in there, this too shall pass. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
A guy this morning said that instead of deciding IF he wants to go to a meeting, he goes anyway and asks himself if he really wants to be there. Today his answer was yes.
Hang in there, this too shall pass. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 264
Morning, just getting into work now. I was driving into work and it crossed my mind a few times to just turn the wheel into one of the poles along side the road or steer into on coming traffic. Obviously I did not do it, that's some insane thinking for sure!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 638
I'm glad to hear that you did not give in and drink. I have been going to meetings and working the steps but feeling down lately. This Sunday I agreed to go t church with my aunt and uncle which I have not been before aside from weddings and such, hopefully that will add some spiritual growth.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 711
I read somewhere on this site about HALT.
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
?? I think those are right.
anyways, when I get the urge and feel like it's all falling apart I stop and see if I'm experiencing one of those things and then address it.
Yesterday I was craving sooooo bad about lunchtime I thought I was going to jump out of my skin. I quickly grabbed a bunch of crackers to snack on and made ice water to drink. In a few minutes I felt like I could handle it much better and it pretty much went away. Hope that helps.
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
?? I think those are right.
anyways, when I get the urge and feel like it's all falling apart I stop and see if I'm experiencing one of those things and then address it.
Yesterday I was craving sooooo bad about lunchtime I thought I was going to jump out of my skin. I quickly grabbed a bunch of crackers to snack on and made ice water to drink. In a few minutes I felt like I could handle it much better and it pretty much went away. Hope that helps.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by drumstick 
Oh, I just texted my sponsor right now and told him I really need his support and want to get together and talk with him.
Rock on though.....you're going the right things. Heck, just recognizing "things aren't getting better now that you're not drinking" is a biggie. For many, life DOES get better when they stop. Maybe toss in some workouts, improve your diet......quit drinking......and life get's better. That sure wasn't MY experience though. I quit drinking and things just got "quieter" outside.......but inside, they got louder, MUCH louder.....and much more threatening.
The fear of living with that stuff was what scared me into really trying to work the program - it really was either find a solution or die. Too bad it had to come to that......but I guess it had to come to that. My stubbornness and ego wouldn't let me see my problems in the first place and even when I did, I couldn't ask for help OR support. "It's darkest before the dawn" comes to mind.
I'd invite you to post in the "12 step recovery" forum if you'd like some AA-based information/support. I don't (and I'm sure many others don't as well) follow too many of the threads outside of that part of the forum.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 72
Originally Posted by DayTrader
For many, life DOES get better when they stop. Maybe toss in some workouts, improve your diet......quit drinking......and life get's better. That sure wasn't MY experience though. I quit drinking and things just got "quieter" outside.......but inside, they got louder, MUCH louder.....and much more threatening.
The fear of living with that stuff was what scared me into really trying to work the program - it really was either find a solution or die. Too bad it had to come to that......but I guess it had to come to that. My stubbornness and ego wouldn't let me see my problems in the first place and even when I did, I couldn't ask for help OR support. "It's darkest before the dawn" comes to mind.
The fear of living with that stuff was what scared me into really trying to work the program - it really was either find a solution or die. Too bad it had to come to that......but I guess it had to come to that. My stubbornness and ego wouldn't let me see my problems in the first place and even when I did, I couldn't ask for help OR support. "It's darkest before the dawn" comes to mind.
He said "If there was a neon sign above his head that was displaying his thoughts to the general public during these periods he would have been commited to the mental institution for sure"
That's how I have been feeling. So, as you guessed I spent 1.5 hours with my sponsor tonight and then another 1.5 hours at a discussion meeting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 72
I am lucky to have recognized how important it was to make that decision tonight for lots of reasons:
1. I would have drank and then I cannot even begin to think of what hell I would start up all over again.
2. I am grateful that there are people that graciously accepted me back into the meeting room and were so happy to see me again and had nothing but positive reinforcement to share with me and encourage me that they are proud I was able to have the courage to come back and ask for their support.
3. I will say my crazy insance thoughts and perceptions shrunk considerably with listening to other and alot of the wisdom I got tonight felt like it was things I really needed to hear.
Acceptance, Life on lifes terms, Gratitude, Easy does it, Fear, resentment, anger, ppt were some of the topics that were addressed tonight.
I am going back to working my program and not just coasting, I have alot of work to do!!
1. I would have drank and then I cannot even begin to think of what hell I would start up all over again.
2. I am grateful that there are people that graciously accepted me back into the meeting room and were so happy to see me again and had nothing but positive reinforcement to share with me and encourage me that they are proud I was able to have the courage to come back and ask for their support.
3. I will say my crazy insance thoughts and perceptions shrunk considerably with listening to other and alot of the wisdom I got tonight felt like it was things I really needed to hear.
Acceptance, Life on lifes terms, Gratitude, Easy does it, Fear, resentment, anger, ppt were some of the topics that were addressed tonight.
I am going back to working my program and not just coasting, I have alot of work to do!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 72
So, good morning. On my way into work today, I was a whole heck of alot calmer, the good thing is there was no thoughts of driving into on coming traffic. The investment lastnight with my sponsor and taking the time to listen and participate in the meeting really helped. I think I slept alot better too since I was able to shrink the head down quite a few notches.
Now, I am planning on using a portion of this weekend to lookup meetings, schedule times in the day for my recovery and step work and stick to this because I have just experienced isolating and not working a program and it really was no cup of tea. I guess it is right about what I hear, that drinking was merely a symptom of something alot deeper that is going on inside me mentally.
So, I am grateful that I at least have a job to come to everyday eventhough it is not my ideal position, I have to be thankful.
Now, I am planning on using a portion of this weekend to lookup meetings, schedule times in the day for my recovery and step work and stick to this because I have just experienced isolating and not working a program and it really was no cup of tea. I guess it is right about what I hear, that drinking was merely a symptom of something alot deeper that is going on inside me mentally.
So, I am grateful that I at least have a job to come to everyday eventhough it is not my ideal position, I have to be thankful.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I'm so glad you reached out and got some support...you sound much better...or you read much better to be more accurate
Being thankful is a big one for me which is why I'm a regular on the gratitude section...which reminds me I need to go there next
Hugs...LaFemme
Being thankful is a big one for me which is why I'm a regular on the gratitude section...which reminds me I need to go there next
Hugs...LaFemme
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
That's awesome Drum...
Quite the turn around: months sober and I'm going to drink --> a new level of surrender --> I'm back at meetings / WORKING the program --> a feeling of hope --> to some pretty heavy realizations (ie, drinking was just a symptom).
Thank you Drum...... thank you for being honest from the get and then demonstrating what can happen if we just surrender!
Great story.
........now don't F*& it up! LOL
Quite the turn around: months sober and I'm going to drink --> a new level of surrender --> I'm back at meetings / WORKING the program --> a feeling of hope --> to some pretty heavy realizations (ie, drinking was just a symptom).
Thank you Drum...... thank you for being honest from the get and then demonstrating what can happen if we just surrender!
Great story.
........now don't F*& it up! LOL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I get a lot of calmness, positivity out of practicing ...."the attitude of gratitude". much better to have a job, even if it's not ideal, than not.
I'm glad to read that your outlook is improving drumstick.
I'm glad to read that your outlook is improving drumstick.
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