SingerChic78

Oh my gosh! This is my story! I hid beer cans under beds.. under my fish tank.. behind toilets. I wondered how my partner did not know! Somehow I always snuck more beer in!!! I live not far from a liquor store and would shoot there when he was sleeping. Listen. I am 32. I have been a professional singer for 7 years. I tried EVERYTHING to stop. I am still battling. AA did not work for me either. Everybody I knew drank (Of course, I work in bars and Rock venues) I suffer from severe panic disorder since I was 4! Yes.. 4 was my first attack! Anyways to make a long story short.. In the last year or so, I have given up my dream band to get away from the bar. Still.. I'd relapse. Once I start it's the most awful feeling imaginable to stop and I would hold off stopping as long as possible drying out because the anxiety was too much to bare and the sickness of course. Finally, I just wanted to be free of this stress. It's hard to keep up this lie. My partner is my guitar player so I would wonder if he was the root of my problems a bit, (Mr. perfect who never developed the addiction) though most of my family are alcoholics so.. We are in charge of our outcome. I'm telling you. If you need to talk.. I AM HERE! I am still struggling.. I slipped up less than a week ago after 40 days sober! Then the slip up before that.. it was about the same length of sobriety. I keep learning something every time! I would love to talk! I am going to beat this! WE CAN BEAT THIS! I've SO been where you are!!!~Amy~

Dee74

Hi again

I don't doubt there are people here who drank more or harder than I did - I had friends of my own who did.

But they didn't destroy their lives, their health, or their psyche so completely like I did.

When I consider I was nearly dead it really doesn't matter that it was on beer and wine.

I know it's a natural thing to do but try not to put too much weight on comparison - it's much more useful I think to focus on what alcohol was/is doing to you without bringing others into to it

As for withdrawal - there's a lot of factors that go into that (like general health for example) and no two detoxes of mine were the same, so precedent is often not a great help either.

The safest thing is to see a Dr - I really recommend everyone does that

Good to see you back
D

SingerChic78

BTW! I can drink the boys under the table! a case a day.. easy.. A Pint of Jegermeister and god knows how many beers when I was playing.. I discovered "Hair of the dog" and that's when the real problem began.. The band and I would be up all night drinking, and the sickness after playing through Thurs.-Sat was too much to bare... One Sunday I woke up and had a few beers! MAGIC! So I thought! Things went from bad to worse. I was so good at hiding it once it no longer became acceptable with my partner, but I got REALLY bad. I would pass out many times a day..I would down a beer so fast 20 plus times a day so I wouldn't get caught in .2 seconds! THEN the day came he would have to take care of everything and I no longer cared how he felt. Then I couldn't take being sick ANYMORE! Then the journey began..The shame is the worst thing for me, because I kept failing myself...and my family. It's been a long journey. Detoxing was the reason I stayed drunk too. Then it got to be no matter what. I was sick. No matter how much I drank, I was sick. I am taking 3 substance abuse classes. If you need my advise about anything that has to do with just "getting it over with" I will be here for you! Your story has been the closest to mine I've found. I want to help. (I know I jumped around a lot!)

miyazawa

Dee, I think I was comparing mostly in terms of my worries about detox. Though I'd be lying if I didn't admit that reading about people who have drank more than me doesn't make me feel a little relieved inside. But you are definitely right... it's what it's doing to my life that matters. And I know that my drinking has messed up my life probably more so than others who actually drink more than I do. The only other thing I can hope is that I haven't done too much damage to my body already.

SingerChic, I'd enjoy talking to you more. It sounds like you're about my age, so perhaps we can support each other in our attempt to get and stay sober.

Dee74

Definitely see your doctor if you're worried about detox

and....I hope you got the pleasant surprise I did when I got myself checked out - I was very lucky considering what I did to myself for 20 years

keep us updated

D

miyazawa

Well, the good news is that I've been seeing doctors regularly for about the last six months due to a random other issue, and my bloodwork has always been fabulous. So I'm hoping that that's a good indicator. I guess I'm just worried that I've done some damage that won't show up until later. I know that we can put stress on our livers through drinking and even if it doesn't show up now, the strain can affect it later as we age. But I guess there's not much I can do about that right now except to quit.

However, that being said, I have been too afraid to tell my doctor about my drinking. I will seek help for detox IF I think I need it, but I really think/hope (based on what I've experienced before) I won't, so I'm not going to preemptively go to him.

This does however make me kind of want to ask you guys about something... have you ever heard of anyone having sense of taste and/or smell changing due to drinking? Like severely changing to the point where everything you eat tastes rotten and everything you smell smells rotten? This is the problem I've been seeing my doctor about (and several specialists), but I've always been too afraid to bring up my drinking habits. And no one has ever asked even once about substance abuse at all, so I figured it wasn't likely that drinking is the cause. They've been investigating my sinuses and acid reflux as causes, but every test has come back normal and no treatment has helped. Unfortunately, the next step is to see a neurologist to check for brain tumors and the like.

Dee74

I've never heard of that miyawawa, certainly never experienced it myself - but I recommend you be totally honest with your Dr...

how can they treat you adequately and to the best of their ability if they only know half the story?

D

miyazawa

The last time I mentioned to a doctor that I was worried about my drinking (many years ago before it got bad), he treated me like a little child and gave me a little lecture and made me feel stupid and sent me home with a premade printout about "problem drinking". So I guess that's what turned me off. I've had a few therapists since my drinking got bad and I've also kept it hidden from them for the same reason. I'm scared of being criticized and ridiculued and not really getting any real help or being treated like I should just suck it up and grow up and fix it myself. That doctor told me I was a "big girl" now.

I keep coming back trying to edit that last sentence to explain more clearly what it felt like he was saying about me and how it made me feel, but I don't even know where to start. Is there any doctor out there who would take a 29 year old female seriously about this? I get it; most alcoholics are much older and many more are men than women. And at 29, I'm not far past college age. But I graduated college before I was even old enough to drink. This has nothing to do with being a stupid kid.

CarolD

you might want to find a doctor....an addiction specialist
to consult with about your situation.

Of course...that means facing the reality of your drinking.
and being honest

We have many SR members...happily sucessfully sober for
years ...who use various ways to make the changes
needed for a healthy sober future.

The change begins with you...and I so hope you will.

Dee74

I've had bad experiences with Drs too - I'm disabled and sometimes I find people make snap jugdements based on first impressions.

I let a few bad experiences keep me from seeking help for many years.
It did me a lot of harm miyazawa - learn from my mistakes

Sometimes you have to do a little looking for them, but there are good, understanding doctors out there who will treat you with respect

D

Danae

Hi,

Just wanted to say that age isn't the only problem---I had several doctors decide that I probably didn't have a problem and I am decades older than you. Female, but I don't think that was the issue.

I've found that I have to be VERY clear with them now that I know I have a problem based on the way I think about drinking and I can't stop when i want to.

ANY doctor should take a 29-year old woman seriously!! If this doctor doesn't, please find one who does. And then be honest and clear about how much you drink and why it is a problem for you.

I hid my drinking from therapists as well, but came clean to a new doctor, so perhaps you can start afresh with someone new who will hear what you have to say. It is scary to have potential health problems but know they can't make a correct diagnosis if you are hiding important aspects of your health history.

Good luck, and keep posting. You deserve to have people take you seriously!