invisigoth

How do you do it? As of late I've been able to get 2 or 3 days under my belt but at the the end of the day(s) I'm still drinking, whether it be wine or beer or liquor this is really killing me because I'm a normal functioning adult who somehow got bushwhacked by something that was always a recreational thing. I'm just so mad at myself for F'ing up something that was the end of the day is something I should have been able to control. No offense to anyone but it kills me that I am so powerless to the god !@#$ drink. I guess I'm just weak...This F'ing blows...

Dee74

I don't think it's weakness 'Goth....it's addiction. Not the same thing.

You obviously still see drinking as a viable option...I had to think about that myself.
I tried lots of times simply quitting. I used it make it a few days and then drink too

Eventually when I had to quit or die, I realised I needed to accept something - I couldn't control my not drinking any better than I could control my drinking.

I had to accept I would never 'control' alcohol in any way - it always controlled me.

The only way to effectively deal with the problem was to remove it from my life - and stick to it - make sure I understood it was no longer a viable option.

Then I could look at what else was missing from my life that I felt I needed alcohol to fill it...

I found to my cost I couldn't be sober in my old life...I needed a new one
Support was vital for me to 'stick to it'

What have you tried as recovery methods?

Posting here is good, but if it's not enough to help you, have you thought of where to go from here?
D

CarolD

I did return to drinking ..many times after I decided to quit.
I simply did not understand why...
until I read this book.....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Then I took that info...re-connected to God and AA
and I finally quit drinking....

I certainly hope you will find lastingf sobriety ...it's a great way to live.

DayWalker

First of...the two people above me have TON's more sober time than me, so listen to what they say, but if I can add something...

For me...it was all about "help". I tried so many times to do it on my own, and I could put together a few days, and a couple months. But I never really "did it" till I got other people involved to help me. Dosen't have to be AA (Althought that works for many) but just getting support/guidence from others that have been there is what really helped be a turning point for me. Your not weak, you just need to relearn things, like we all did.

Just my thoughts and exp.

Steve

ste

What can I say? I felt/feel the same.
The only thing that comes to mind is another members signature, which I'll probably quote wrong (sorry).
"Strange game, the only winning move is not to play."
Our minds love to play.... with themselves especially, IMHO.
Maybe get others involved who have your best interests in mind.
Know they're no fun to play with, but, a different game with new rules can help.
Tired of "Heads I win, tails you lose"?

Hooped

I've blown it more times than I can count Goth so I know where you're comin' from and thats for sure.

This go-round at it.. I've finally enlisted some outside help, cuz obviously I couldnt seem to do it just using my own toolbox alone.
I was just spinning my wheels...quit/startup...over and over.

Besides currently attending AA, I got on the phone and searched out some other options. Took some action. Never did that before.

I signed up for a one week long hour a day small group session with a counsellor. It was awsome.

Now I'm seeing an Addiction Counsellor once a week for the next three months.

Funny thing is, this is all free where I live (Canada) and the program is within walking distance of my home. Never even knew this kind of stuff was available till I got off my arse and looked for it.

Among other things, I'm getting this drummed into my head:

In early sobriety (counsellor says this is less than a year) it is absolutley essential to:

EAT (lots ...small snacks every 2-3 hours, something healthy, eg peanuts, bannana, etc)

SLEEP (get plenty of rest..a good nites sleep)

HYDRATE (drink water...lots and lots of water)

and most important:

GO TO MEETINGS (doesn't have to be AA..but find some form of support meetings to go to...and go to them)

I've learned a lot ...and with 3 more 'just for todays', I'll have a month.
Not much compared to others here...but for me this is huge.

If you really want to do it Goth.. you can.
Reach out for some face to face help.

Good luck man.

justjo

Hi Invisgoth
Your post made me think somewhat. "this thing got me bushwhacked and it was a recreational thing" you said.

You could say Im a mature person who grew up with alcohol and pretty much a recreational thing for sure. Friends come over, we'd all get drunk, had kids, slowed down a litte, then life started kicking my ass too. Ive been through alot in my life when I really look at it. I didnt realize how much until I actually sat and thought about it. Booze was good and let me forget too. My sister died from alcoholism, ( I wasnt the one with the problem, you know ) but after a year of loosing my best friend, I sort of thought "this thing got me bushwhacked too" I used it as my safety net, my escape to feel, well, sad about another loss in my life. It helped me.
But you know, it might have for a while and now even though Im sad, I remember her face that day and I dont need to drown my sorrows anymore, I just cry instead.
My whole point Invisgoth, is STOP, I know its hard to do but you can do it with help from supportive people, here and at meetings. You need a reason to do it, find it and do it. Its too easy to just give up and then you find years, months go by.
JJ

least

I tried and failed over and over, and each failure reinforced the idea that I was a loser for sure. I'm not a loser, and neither are you, we're just addicted to alcohol in one way or another.

I used AA early on but don't go to many meetings anymore. I do see my addiction counselor once a week (for the last three years) and she's a huge help, not just in staying sober but in working on my self, understanding my life.

The one thing I did do that I credit heavily for my finally being able to stay sober was counting my blessings every day. I express gratitude every day for at least one thing, one blessing, and it soon became a habit, a natural thing to do/feel. I read someplace that a grateful alcoholic won't drink, and that's certainly the case with me. By expressing my gratitude, counting my blessings, I realize just how much I have to lose if I drink. And the biggest thing I stand to lose is my peace of mind. Haven't felt this content in a long time and don't want to throw it away for any reason.

Many of us tried and failed, over and over, but eventually 'got it' and are living happily sober lives now. Don't despair. Keep at it. Try anything and everything to stay sober. Your life and happiness are worth the effort.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you are my friend and I care about your well being.

ronf

"My mind is someplace I should never go unescorted" Hey bud, could you jump in your car and drive to Tulsa? No map, no gps, no nothin? How about if someone jumped in with ya who knew the way? Now what's more important? Tulsa? (no offence meant) or getting sober? Get somebody to ride along who knows the way.

Best-o-luck, Ron

Stevie1

Goth, everyone else who's posted above me has a lot more sober time than me...but I just want to emphasize that you are not a weak person. That's like saying losing a fight with a 300 lb pro wrestler makes you weak....the addiction is always stronger and walking away is the only solution...it takes a lot of work and personally I realise it's not something I can do alone.

I've been where you've been countless times. It sucks. Hang in there, I hope you find something that works.

bellakeller

How do I do it?

I don't. I just go to AA, listen to other people and do what I am told by those who have done this before me and the rest takes care of itself. If it was up to me to cure this thing by my lonesome I would still be drinking.

Rusty Zipper

invis!

first off, never give up that hope!

i got shanghaied by the bottle too.

why did i drink, i liked it, bottom line.

then when i wanted to stop, i couldn't,

as the progression of alkyism had me hoodwinked.

when, and only when stopping, meant more to me then life itself did i take the action to really do somthing about it.

as i tried for years to stop on my own, i couldnt make one freak'n day of not drinking.

what wisdom i have learned, we cant do it on our own.

you, and only you can find a way that works,

and there is a way for everyone.

i'm an A.A. er,

though i have seen many put the bottle down other ways.

keep reaching out our friend,

you can do it!

all good wishes invis

zip

SSIL75

I did that until I realized that really and truly, drinking was never going to be an option for me.

Snarf

I do it by thanking God every morning for getting me through another day without alcohol, and asking Him to help me do it again for just 1 more day. I think of the wonderful life I have ahead of me, and how all of that would be thrown away if I start drinking again. I think about the legal problems that I've put myself through with alcohol. I think about how much happier my fiancee is since I've stopped drinking.

But mostly, it's about my faith in God. I reckon if he's as powerful as I think He is, then He's certainly a Power Greater Than Myself than can help relieve me of the obsession to consume alcohol. It's all about faith.

kilt

I'm going to come at this from a different direction. I think that the reason why you fail is because of of the habit and not the addiction. If you can sit down and think about the times of day when you drink maybe you can arrange to put yourself in a different place or situation at those times. You are being a success having broken the daily habit. All you have to do is stretch that out a bit. Take a nap or log on to SR when instead of a drink.

invisigoth

Thanks for all the support everyone, I'm going to need it.

least

I have faith in you that you can do this. As I always say: forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again. There's a lot of us who have had our @sses beat by alcohol but have gone on to get and stay sober and lead better happier lives. You can too.

ReadyAndAble

Hi, invisigoth. You already got some good advice here. Have you read the excerpts from "Under the Influence" that are posted here http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html?

It makes the case that some people's livers simply process alcohol differently; just something we're born with with. And that makes us predisposed toward alcoholism on a physical level. Fascinating stuff. If that's true, there's no reason to ever blame yourself for letting it get out of control. You were never a normal drinker; you just thought you were....

least

Hope you are doing/feeling better today.

SSIL75

I think you'll get there. You seem to be trying/contributing. I think that helps so much.