Sasha4

If it were me in your shoes - I think the following thoughts would pop into my head....

1. I'm just going to drink for one week to celebrate being in my own new pad.

2. I need to drink because there is so much that needs doing in my new apartment and I can't cope.

3. I'm just going to have a few drinks to celebrate living on my own.

4. I'm going to have a few drinks because I have realised that I am living on my own.

5. I need to drink, I can't cope with how quiet my new apartment is compared to my mums.

6. Just one drink so that I can enjoy the quiet of my new place. I waited a while for this.

It could go on and on.

My point is, that while you have an alcoholic mindset, there will be a little voice telling you, urging you, to have a drink. Alcoholics would through a huge booze party if their bus turned up on time. They would also have one to comiserate if their bus was late.

I'm not religious, but I love AA.
There are some meetings I don't like, but there are some I cannot wait to attend. It's just trial and error.

I have one friend who loves the routine of her life. She works. Comes home and eats. She then walks to a meeting. Then goes home to get a good nights sleep. Her life is simple, but there are no regrets, no hangovers, no anxiety. And she's happy.

Have you considered any other recovery groups such as SMART or Celebrate Recovery?

No-one has to know your going, if your not comfortable with others knowing. Also, if you go and really hate it, you don't have to go again.


Take lot's of care and keep coming here to let us know how you are getting on - good or bad!

xx

Taking5

Maybe you missed the part about "or some other support group"?

Besides AA is not religious. They do start and end with a prayer, but other than this 60 seconds, you are as likely to hear profanity at an AA meeting as you are to hear people talk about god.

AA is all about being accountable to ourselves.

Good luck.

Stevie1

B, I can't add to the very wise advice you've gotten so far. Except to add that I, too, am a staunch agnostic and have recently started going to AA and finding that my refusal to believe in "a God" has nothing to do with my willingness to believe in a higher power.

Also ditto on the excuses...there are always excuses for why it's too hard to quit drinking or why now isn't the right time. Basically you have to get off your pity pot on that one...suck it up and quit. Or don't.

I say that not to be harsh, but out of understanding...I spent a whole lot of time on the pity pot whining to myself about why it was too hard to quit now. AA is helping me, but whatever you choose it should involve spending time away from your parent's house in some sort of activity that helps you stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Danae

I agree with what others have posted. I am very wary of any religion-based ANYTHING! I am not an "AA"-er, but have been a few times, can see how I may end up going, and did find it to be a relief to be in a room with other people with the same issues. Maybe worth a try and you don't have to commit.

One thing I haven't seen stressed yet, is how much better you may feel in a week or two if you just stop drinking now. Really a lot better. Can't guarantee, but it is worth a try.

If you think of stopping drinking as something that may make your life easier, rather than harder, you may be more likely to give it a try. Think of it as a treat, or present that you can give yourself.

Sorry if that sounds disgustingly positive! But it is what I wish people had told me a few months back.

Good luck...

D

LaFemme

Hi B!

I'm not going to say anything different than anyone else...I'm hoping that sheer numbers will help you see clearly.

I said when I moved I would quit...I said that for 4 moves. Each move I brought my problems with me and drank more at the next place.

I'm not in AA but it helps many people...those who believe in God and those who don't. The truth is we need some type of support and program. Mine are SR and my life coach. I work hard at my sobriety and it makes life better and easier not only to deal with but enjoy.

In truth it might be better to detox at your moms, detox can be dangerous and its better not to do it alone

Life is wonderful without the bottle...the sooner you quit the sooner life will improve.

Welcome to SR!

LaFemme

Mark75

Well, we've entered the inevitable AA/religion controversy that always seems to rear up when we are welcoming a new member to SR... and, oh boy, so many times I have to bite my tongue, because often, as in BlackShip's case, support is needed, is requested... and that is exactly the primary purpose of AA.... to help alcoholics recover... and part of that support is the fellowship, face to face... And then we hear that these newcomers are shy, introverted, whatever... or they live in a small town, they are professionals... whatever...

OK, AA is only for those who want and need it. I get that. And AA is not the only way. I get that too... I am supportive and non critical of anyone who gets sober without AA... seriously, I mean that...

But sometimes I start thinking, I know, dangerous... Thinking about my own experience..... You know one of the things about AA that is scary for me?

It's real. I become accountable. There is no hiding behind a keyboard.

SR is fantastic and I love it, maybe too much... Heck I have over 4000 posts... But no way could I have done it with SR alone... I text, talk and network with other people in recovery, and they would notice if I weren't around, well, maybe (some ) SR members might miss me, but ... in real life, I have people who know where I live and work... they know my email address and phone number... I'll be talking to some today...

IDK, this isn't a promotion for AA... it is a promotion for real life face to face support and accountability, if not AA, counseling, OP rehab, whatever.... Some here don't need it, but many do...

Blackship... .... get real and accountable... I care about you and I don't even know you... but I know your alcoholism... reach out in the real world. Get recovered.

Kjell

Black-

I hear ya and there will always be, no matter what your relationship, financial, or social status...reasons to feel sorry for yourself.

Always.

Now if you're an alcoholic, here is where the beauty lies. You can turn this "weakness" into strength.

I'm an AA'er and AA works on matters such as this (and more), but any other recovery program worth it's weight should do the same as well.

Recovery isn't for those want it.
Recovery isn't for those who desereve it.
Recovery is for those who work for it no matter what is going on in there life.

We can and do recover. I'm living proof, but I'm not special. It can work for you too.

Your move.

Kjell

ReadyAndAble

Hi, Blackship. I think you're probably detecting a pattern here in the comments:

1) Do not wait for things in your life to change so that you can quit drinking. Quit drinking so things in your life change (mentally, physically, you name it). The whole "It will be easier to quit when X happens" is a trick of addiction that keeps some people drinking forever.

2) Consider face-to-face support, whether it's AA or any other program. There are secular groups if you're more comfortable with that.

I hope you start today. It's amazing how quickly two years can turn into 10 or more—you'll count yourself incredibly lucky if you take action now. Reading on SR helped me a lot!

dubbguy

To me you can hear the alcoholic voice in the post that is lieing to yourself so that it keeps you drinking.
You are basically saying "I'm going to make a bad situation better by drinking tons of alcohol".
When in reality using logic you would think "I"m going to make a bad situation worse by drinking tons of alcohol".
The best time to start making those positive life changes is right now. The ones you make "a month from now" tend to stay "a month from now" until one day you realize years have gone by.

DayTrader

I found I wasted a lot of time trying to get back to what I once was. The fact of the matter was, I'm different now than I was back then and the best thing for me to do now is to live life forward as best I can. Part of that necessitates that I accept my current situation and try my darnedest to make the best of it - whether I like it or not. I know ppl who got sober on the streets......who got sober in homeless shelters.......who got sober living with abusive spouses........and who got sober living in all sorts of sticky situations.

I didn't LIKE that I had to wear an alcohol tether for 9 months. I hated it......hated paying the $600/month for it......hated the constant calls for "equipment checks" that were a 45minute drive away when I couldn't drive....etc etc. Looking back though, that stuff was 100% absolutely necessary for me to go through. That's what it took for me to get physically separated from booze. My point is that there's, more than likely, a very important reason you're back with your mom right this minute.........although you may not understand why until later.

Living in the present moment and making the best with what we've got...... that's a big part of recovery for me. Sitting around, counting road-blocks and looking only for the negatives usually keeps me trapped.

BlackShip

Thank you for all of the great responses. I am determined to make today day 1. In about 4 hours, I will need to overcome the daily ritual of getting drunk on my way home from the office. Many of the posts here have inspired me, but now I just need to do it.

Kjell

Do something, anything, everything different.

That's a good start

Toronto68

You should also get checked out at the doctor's too, since it can be dangerous.

reggiewayne

Welcome Blackship!

PLEASE READ THROUGH SOME OF MY FIRST POSTS...

I share a lot of your story man. I'd like to address the weight issue you bring up. I too gained about 80 pounds in a few years during my disease. I would drink a lot, then eat a lot to soak up the booze. While drinking I had plans of exercise, of diet, of carbs, fats, protein, etc... No matter how hard I tried, I could never seem to lose weight. For me, alcohol killed my metabolism. On nights I drank, I ate like crap to soak up the booze (at 2am how often do we look for fruit or whole grains?)... On days I was hungover I had terrible blood sugar spikes and dips, I truly feel that I was being directed by my body to eat certain foods, based on what it needed due to the abuse I was putting it through on an every other day basis with alcohol.

I too knew I shouldn't drink, but couldn't figure out how to do it since being drunk was the only (albeit short term) relief / happiness I could get out of life. Basically, much - if not all - of what you write I was going through 61 days ago.

When I started sobriety I didn't like myself very much. I was ashamed of my weight gain, I was ashamed of my drunken escapades, I was ashamed that I couldn't keep my shnit together when drinking - like seemingly everyone else around me could. I basically felt like a loser and a failure. Every time I drank, it was going to be different. I wanted so badly to find a way to have the ease that comes with a few drinks but I wanted to not have all of the bad stuff that accompanies it...

What I did was surrender. I don't mean that in some "holy roller" kind of way I simply mean that I had to admit that I was an alcoholic. My life was COMPLETELY unmanageable. Coming to that decision I was faced with a choice. Could I continue living my alcoholic life and still find a way to be happy? As much as I hated to admit it, that answer was / is NO! There is really no way for me to drink normally in any way, shape, or form. At that point (61 days ago) I had to search for a solution...

I have found that solution in AA. For alcoholics, we have a two sided addiction. On one side, we have the mental obsession. The mental obsession is the part that tells me "have a drink, you deserve it, it will be different this time, what a day - have a drink and relax, the game is on, you're playing golf, you've done really well", etc... basically the mental obsession is where the disease starts. It's my brain telling my body that it needs a drink. The other side of the addiction is the physical craving. This is the part THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CONTROL. Once my body has alcohol present I have a real physical craving that wants more. The more I drink, the more it wants... Check this link out on why this is... The Phenomenon of Craving

Once I know more about why I drink like I do, the only cure is for me to figure out a way to live and be happy without having to take the first drink, which triggers the physical craving, which leads to the part of alcoholism that is uncontrollable.

This is where recovery comes in. For me to simply not drink is miserable. I must have a program of recovery in place to help me deal with relationships, kids, wife, job, money, sex, hobbies, etc... Alcohol was my "medicine" for all of these things when I was drinking. The recovery method I have chosen is AA.

That is where I am today. 61 days sober. I no longer hate myself. I have lost 10 pounds (still have much more to go, but my metabolism has finally calmed down). It's funny, I tried for years to lose weight and I was never successful. Not only did I not lose weight, but I kept gaining weight. Today, I really don't even try to lose weight - MY FOCUS IS ON RECOVERY - it just seems to happen.

Having now had some time in recover I can realize that I wasn't unhappy because I had gained weight, I was unhappy because the person I was, was not in line with the person I wanted to be. I was in conflict daily between who I thought I was and who I actually was. Recovery is the way to bridge that gap!

I don't know if this helps you, it certainly helped my writing it. My only advice is to get into some form of recovery. It doesn't have to be AA, but for me, AA works very well. Simply being sober, is not enough for me....

Best of luck to you!!!

reggiewayne

[QUOTE=DayTrader;2850824]My point is that there's, more than likely, a very important reason you're back with your mom right this minute.........although you may not understand why until later.


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Wow. That's so well said. I have been through a lot of stuff in my life and I can look back on literally all of it and see how it helped me... Good stuff as always DT...