Not being jaded by landmarks?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 26
Not being jaded by landmarks?
Hi all, I'm "B" and I'm am alcoholic. And while I know my under 2 year plight is far less than what many very respectable addicts have overcome, I still feel I have a serious issue that is holding my life hostage.
Two years ago, I was a very healthy and happy guy. Finished school in an IT based field and was lucky enough to get an entry level job. I was making great money for a single guy, had my own place and was getting by on my good looks when it came to the social scene.
After a few months, I met "her". Her and I got involved very heavily and eventually she moved into my place, my apartment. Paradise turns into everyday relationship issues, and in a confined space, that leaves one to search for comfort. My comfort became to be drinking. I began drinking a 6 pack of 16 oz. beers while driving home from work to numb myself from the relationship that was withering after she moved in.
The lease in my place was over 8 months ago and we decided to rent-to-own a house her father owned. Not a great choice but I loved this girl and agreed to do so.
After doing so, it didnt take long for my drinking to ramp up and for it to become a huge hinder in our relationship. We never had fun, stopped having sex, became so far distant and I kept apologizing for vomiting episodes. I gained 80 pounds during this period from the booze and became a fat guy instead of a looker.
She got sick of it and that was that. I had to go.
I'm blessed enough to have a great job despite of all that crappy things that come with being a drunk (calling in late for being hungover, calling in sick, ect.) and I found a perfect place to move into. I can't move into there until March 4th because of the current resident.
So I'm living at my moms until then, sleeping on the couch in the front room. This house is small and crazy, not something Im used to as an established upper 20s man who has been supporting himself. I dont feel I can handle this environment sober. I tell myself, just wait until March 4th until you can move into your condo and then reset everything. Everything drives me nuts here and my only exit is to get drunk everyday.
My dream is to be sober again. To be the good looking guy I was 80 pounds ago and before I became an alcoholic. To be great in the office again and have control of my life. It seems so familiar but so far away. I seem to tell myself, "it will come on March 4th" and then I chug the vodka.
How do you become sober in a very demoralizing situation instead of digging your whole deeper for a better situation in a month? I want to be me, not the person i am now.
Two years ago, I was a very healthy and happy guy. Finished school in an IT based field and was lucky enough to get an entry level job. I was making great money for a single guy, had my own place and was getting by on my good looks when it came to the social scene.
After a few months, I met "her". Her and I got involved very heavily and eventually she moved into my place, my apartment. Paradise turns into everyday relationship issues, and in a confined space, that leaves one to search for comfort. My comfort became to be drinking. I began drinking a 6 pack of 16 oz. beers while driving home from work to numb myself from the relationship that was withering after she moved in.
The lease in my place was over 8 months ago and we decided to rent-to-own a house her father owned. Not a great choice but I loved this girl and agreed to do so.
After doing so, it didnt take long for my drinking to ramp up and for it to become a huge hinder in our relationship. We never had fun, stopped having sex, became so far distant and I kept apologizing for vomiting episodes. I gained 80 pounds during this period from the booze and became a fat guy instead of a looker.
She got sick of it and that was that. I had to go.
I'm blessed enough to have a great job despite of all that crappy things that come with being a drunk (calling in late for being hungover, calling in sick, ect.) and I found a perfect place to move into. I can't move into there until March 4th because of the current resident.
So I'm living at my moms until then, sleeping on the couch in the front room. This house is small and crazy, not something Im used to as an established upper 20s man who has been supporting himself. I dont feel I can handle this environment sober. I tell myself, just wait until March 4th until you can move into your condo and then reset everything. Everything drives me nuts here and my only exit is to get drunk everyday.
My dream is to be sober again. To be the good looking guy I was 80 pounds ago and before I became an alcoholic. To be great in the office again and have control of my life. It seems so familiar but so far away. I seem to tell myself, "it will come on March 4th" and then I chug the vodka.
How do you become sober in a very demoralizing situation instead of digging your whole deeper for a better situation in a month? I want to be me, not the person i am now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Stop drinking. It is very tough to do for people like me, I found I needed support. For support I use this forum, AA and a few close friends. Have you considered AA or another support group?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
Yeah, it's hard living at home after being out on your own, but it isn't forever and it isn't the end of the world. You say you want to get back into shape, so, why not join a gym and work on yourself instead of drinking. It would get you out of the house and you would be doing something that would make you feel better about yourself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Hey there, welcome to SR...
I read your post and then your question, and what occurred to me was... what's different on March 4th? New place to live? Good! But it's the same guy, the same alcoholic 80 lb overweight guy, who's gonna move in to his new apartment...
Change, for us alkies, has to come from within...
Get sober now. Start today. Everything tends to look sh1tty through the bottom of a bottle of vodka... and it's gonna look the same on your mamma's couch as it does in your new apartment.... Maybe, instead.... be grateful you've got a couch to sleep on and a job to go to... because the bottom can be as low as you let it go... and go get yourself recovered.
I know, strong words, but I say them with love and compassion, or at least I try to...
Welcome to SR, keep posting, stay awhile.
I read your post and then your question, and what occurred to me was... what's different on March 4th? New place to live? Good! But it's the same guy, the same alcoholic 80 lb overweight guy, who's gonna move in to his new apartment...
Change, for us alkies, has to come from within...
Get sober now. Start today. Everything tends to look sh1tty through the bottom of a bottle of vodka... and it's gonna look the same on your mamma's couch as it does in your new apartment.... Maybe, instead.... be grateful you've got a couch to sleep on and a job to go to... because the bottom can be as low as you let it go... and go get yourself recovered.
I know, strong words, but I say them with love and compassion, or at least I try to...
Welcome to SR, keep posting, stay awhile.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi BlackShip
I'm not sure how to put it without sounding unsympathetic...
There are people here who deal with a lot of things, a lot of worse things than sleeping in their mom's front room, but they stay sober....because they know how important it is to stay sober and to break the cycle.
It is tough to deal with things without drinking , especially if you've used booze as a crutch for a while...but take it from me - the more you try and drink your problems away, the less capable you will become - and the harder it is to get out of the cycle.
You're much smarter to face up to the problem now...it could be the difference between you moving into your new place a guy getting his life together with a month or so sobriety under his belt...or a shambling wreck.
It's hard to start, sure...but you'll find support here
Welcome to SR
D
I'm not sure how to put it without sounding unsympathetic...
There are people here who deal with a lot of things, a lot of worse things than sleeping in their mom's front room, but they stay sober....because they know how important it is to stay sober and to break the cycle.
It is tough to deal with things without drinking , especially if you've used booze as a crutch for a while...but take it from me - the more you try and drink your problems away, the less capable you will become - and the harder it is to get out of the cycle.
You're much smarter to face up to the problem now...it could be the difference between you moving into your new place a guy getting his life together with a month or so sobriety under his belt...or a shambling wreck.
It's hard to start, sure...but you'll find support here
Welcome to SR
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by dgillz 
Stop drinking. It is very tough to do for people like me, I found I needed support. For support I use this forum, AA and a few close friends. Have you considered AA or another support group?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by suki44883
Yeah, it's hard living at home after being out on your own, but it isn't forever and it isn't the end of the world. You say you want to get back into shape, so, why not join a gym and work on yourself instead of drinking. It would get you out of the house and you would be doing something that would make you feel better about yourself.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
Then find something else to do. Just deciding to drink because you can't think of any reason not to is not a good reason. We alcoholics can always find an excuse to drink, or not to work a program, or whatever it is we want. Either you want to live a sober life or your don't. It's your choice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by Mark75
Hey there, welcome to SR...
I read your post and then your question, and what occurred to me was... what's different on March 4th? New place to live? Good! But it's the same guy, the same alcoholic 80 lb overweight guy, who's gonna move in to his new apartment...
Change, for us alkies, has to come from within...
Get sober now. Start today. Everything tends to look sh1tty through the bottom of a bottle of vodka... and it's gonna look the same on your mamma's couch as it does in your new apartment.... Maybe, instead.... be grateful you've got a couch to sleep on and a job to go to... because the bottom can be as low as you let it go... and go get yourself recovered.
I know, strong words, but I say them with love and compassion, or at least I try to...
Welcome to SR, keep posting, stay awhile.
I read your post and then your question, and what occurred to me was... what's different on March 4th? New place to live? Good! But it's the same guy, the same alcoholic 80 lb overweight guy, who's gonna move in to his new apartment...
Change, for us alkies, has to come from within...
Get sober now. Start today. Everything tends to look sh1tty through the bottom of a bottle of vodka... and it's gonna look the same on your mamma's couch as it does in your new apartment.... Maybe, instead.... be grateful you've got a couch to sleep on and a job to go to... because the bottom can be as low as you let it go... and go get yourself recovered.
I know, strong words, but I say them with love and compassion, or at least I try to...
Welcome to SR, keep posting, stay awhile.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I went from being an independent man of means to living on my moms couch too (health issues related to my disability and not related to drinking). I'd drank before... but from then I really drank.
I continued to drink after I found a new place.
Took me the best part of 10 years to pull myself up.
It all started with pride - and anger and frustration. Understandable maybe - but
if I had my time again, I'd have done something worthwhile with my time.
Looking back from where I did eventually end up, I had it pretty sweet.
My relationship with my folks was troubled...but I wasn't dead, I had a place to rest, and I had people looking out for me.
Use the time at your moms to get yourself together...it's a few weeks..you can do it man...then hopefully you can launch your new sober life properly when you get your own pad
D
I continued to drink after I found a new place.
Took me the best part of 10 years to pull myself up.
It all started with pride - and anger and frustration. Understandable maybe - but
if I had my time again, I'd have done something worthwhile with my time.
Looking back from where I did eventually end up, I had it pretty sweet.
My relationship with my folks was troubled...but I wasn't dead, I had a place to rest, and I had people looking out for me.
Use the time at your moms to get yourself together...it's a few weeks..you can do it man...then hopefully you can launch your new sober life properly when you get your own pad
D
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
Those of us who have been around recovery for a while know that the situation does not matter. If one truly wants to grab onto the sobriety train, no circumstance, person, situation or anything else will stand in their way. No one ever said it would be easy. It is simple, but not always easy. Only you can decide how badly you want it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I get it BlackShip... My point is that that your transition in to sobriety is gonna be a challenge, no matter whether you do it from your mom's house or your apartment...
Before the bottom came up and hit me, I attached all sorts of conditions... I will quit when things go better at work, I will quit when my daughter goes away to school... on and on... But it was all about avoidance and denial.
Please, consider starting your journey now, when you are most uncomfortable... crisis precipitates change... crisis does, not comfort... like when you are living alone in your own place, on your own... there will always be another time, another condition to be met...
Thanx for posting!!
Before the bottom came up and hit me, I attached all sorts of conditions... I will quit when things go better at work, I will quit when my daughter goes away to school... on and on... But it was all about avoidance and denial.
Please, consider starting your journey now, when you are most uncomfortable... crisis precipitates change... crisis does, not comfort... like when you are living alone in your own place, on your own... there will always be another time, another condition to be met...
Thanx for posting!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by Mark75
I get it BlackShip... My point is that that your transition in to sobriety is gonna be a challenge, no matter whether you do it from your mom's house or your apartment...
Before the bottom came up and hit me, I attached all sorts of conditions... I will quit when things go better at work, I will quit when my daughter goes away to school... on and on... But it was all about avoidance and denial.
Please, consider starting your journey now, when you are most uncomfortable... crisis precipitates change... crisis does, not comfort... like when you are living alone in your own place, on your own... there will always be another time, another condition to be met...
Thanx for posting!!
Before the bottom came up and hit me, I attached all sorts of conditions... I will quit when things go better at work, I will quit when my daughter goes away to school... on and on... But it was all about avoidance and denial.
Please, consider starting your journey now, when you are most uncomfortable... crisis precipitates change... crisis does, not comfort... like when you are living alone in your own place, on your own... there will always be another time, another condition to be met...
Thanx for posting!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Black, when I would carry on with life from one improved context to the next, I would carry my drinking behaviour with me. Once I had the "deliverance" of setting up in a new place, the descent into drinking was there waiting for me. So I can relate to the thing about it having to come from inside. From your point of view, it doesn't seem feasible to start ASAP, and you could say you have your whole life ahead of you to quit. You could also drink your whole life. I spent more time drinking than I "needed" to. I'm not going to chant for you to pick now, but you should understand that the ability for the mind to negotiate with its host (you) is pretty far-reaching. When I did finally quit, I was shocked at how easy it turned out to be (the quitting part, that is). I'm not going to whine about what it could have been like, but I could have stopped sooner. Time really slipped by since I was 26 and just getting started at taking my drinking problems to the next level. Good luck with your transitions. If you really want it, there is an accountability to yourself that is going to be rewarding.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR....
Because you do have a job....you are spending hours away from
the toxic place.
Add in AA and the gym...and viola! soon you will be too busy
to be disturbed over this temporary houseing....
AA can help you quit drinking...forget religion ...go with an open
mind and began your sobriety.
All my best
Because you do have a job....you are spending hours away from
the toxic place.
Add in AA and the gym...and viola! soon you will be too busy
to be disturbed over this temporary houseing....
AA can help you quit drinking...forget religion ...go with an open
mind and began your sobriety.
All my best
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Originally Posted by BlackShip
Thanks, I appreciate and completely connect with your post. That's exactly what I do. Always a reason to have a drink and stop tomorrow.
I have that little saying posted above my computer, and for many years I found excuse after excuse to continue and I kept pushing it off tomorrow, on Sunday, next week next month. The real problem was I didn't really want to quit. But once the drinking became a bigger job for me than sobriety I really didn't have any excuses left.
I am not an AAer, (because it seemed hypocrital based on my beliefs and because I had been forced to do AA for a DUI 10 years earlier and it wasn't for me.) But once I detoxed and cleared my system of the alcohol I decided that I was going to put my own program together based on getting as mentally and physically in shape as possible. I have lost weight and I am in better shape now than when I was in my early 20's (I'm 42). I also learned as much as I could about my alcoholic condition to find out why I react to alcohol the way I do. I am happy, in shape and successful. You can do it too! But you have to make the decision to take action now, not tomorrow, or next month, and I know from experience because I said tomorrow for years and I wish I would have accepted that I am an alcoholic and took action immediately instead of wasting years of my life to the bottle. Good luck, you will be off the couch in no time, but your new live can start now!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Blackship - I always found a reason to put off quitting, too. I kept waiting for the day when it would be easy to stop, stress-free, etc.... - but it never came. I had to "just do it."
Since you're going to be starting out in a new place, why not get the worst part over with and be able to make the move feeling good, with a clear head?
Glad you're here!
Since you're going to be starting out in a new place, why not get the worst part over with and be able to make the move feeling good, with a clear head?
Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
I'm an atheist and am heavily involved in AA. It's the only thing that got me sober.
AA isn't about religion. It's about building a network of sober friends who understand and support you and taking certain steps toward recovery. Some of the steps focus on the concept of a "Higher Power," but that can be anything you want it to be. Plenty of people use the AA program and the strength of their fellows as their Higher Power.
I would give AA a chance without having preconceptions about it. The worst thing that will happen is you waste a few hours of your time.
GG
AA isn't about religion. It's about building a network of sober friends who understand and support you and taking certain steps toward recovery. Some of the steps focus on the concept of a "Higher Power," but that can be anything you want it to be. Plenty of people use the AA program and the strength of their fellows as their Higher Power.
I would give AA a chance without having preconceptions about it. The worst thing that will happen is you waste a few hours of your time.
GG
Ch5 HOW
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by BlackShip
Hi all, I'm "B" and I'm am alcoholic. And while I know my under 2 year plight is far less than what many very respectable addicts have overcome, I still feel I have a serious issue that is holding my life hostage.
Two years ago, I was a very healthy and happy guy. Finished school in an IT based field and was lucky enough to get an entry level job. I was making great money for a single guy, had my own place and was getting by on my good looks when it came to the social scene.
After a few months, I met "her". Her and I got involved very heavily and eventually she moved into my place, my apartment. Paradise turns into everyday relationship issues, and in a confined space, that leaves one to search for comfort. My comfort became to be drinking. I began drinking a 6 pack of 16 oz. beers while driving home from work to numb myself from the relationship that was withering after she moved in.
The lease in my place was over 8 months ago and we decided to rent-to-own a house her father owned. Not a great choice but I loved this girl and agreed to do so.
After doing so, it didnt take long for my drinking to ramp up and for it to become a huge hinder in our relationship. We never had fun, stopped having sex, became so far distant and I kept apologizing for vomiting episodes. I gained 80 pounds during this period from the booze and became a fat guy instead of a looker.
She got sick of it and that was that. I had to go.
I'm blessed enough to have a great job despite of all that crappy things that come with being a drunk (calling in late for being hungover, calling in sick, ect.) and I found a perfect place to move into. I can't move into there until March 4th because of the current resident.
So I'm living at my moms until then, sleeping on the couch in the front room. This house is small and crazy, not something Im used to as an established upper 20s man who has been supporting himself. I dont feel I can handle this environment sober. I tell myself, just wait until March 4th until you can move into your condo and then reset everything. Everything drives me nuts here and my only exit is to get drunk everyday.
My dream is to be sober again. To be the good looking guy I was 80 pounds ago and before I became an alcoholic. To be great in the office again and have control of my life. It seems so familiar but so far away. I seem to tell myself, "it will come on March 4th" and then I chug the vodka.
How do you become sober in a very demoralizing situation instead of digging your whole deeper for a better situation in a month? I want to be me, not the person i am now.
Two years ago, I was a very healthy and happy guy. Finished school in an IT based field and was lucky enough to get an entry level job. I was making great money for a single guy, had my own place and was getting by on my good looks when it came to the social scene.
After a few months, I met "her". Her and I got involved very heavily and eventually she moved into my place, my apartment. Paradise turns into everyday relationship issues, and in a confined space, that leaves one to search for comfort. My comfort became to be drinking. I began drinking a 6 pack of 16 oz. beers while driving home from work to numb myself from the relationship that was withering after she moved in.
The lease in my place was over 8 months ago and we decided to rent-to-own a house her father owned. Not a great choice but I loved this girl and agreed to do so.
After doing so, it didnt take long for my drinking to ramp up and for it to become a huge hinder in our relationship. We never had fun, stopped having sex, became so far distant and I kept apologizing for vomiting episodes. I gained 80 pounds during this period from the booze and became a fat guy instead of a looker.
She got sick of it and that was that. I had to go.
I'm blessed enough to have a great job despite of all that crappy things that come with being a drunk (calling in late for being hungover, calling in sick, ect.) and I found a perfect place to move into. I can't move into there until March 4th because of the current resident.
So I'm living at my moms until then, sleeping on the couch in the front room. This house is small and crazy, not something Im used to as an established upper 20s man who has been supporting himself. I dont feel I can handle this environment sober. I tell myself, just wait until March 4th until you can move into your condo and then reset everything. Everything drives me nuts here and my only exit is to get drunk everyday.
My dream is to be sober again. To be the good looking guy I was 80 pounds ago and before I became an alcoholic. To be great in the office again and have control of my life. It seems so familiar but so far away. I seem to tell myself, "it will come on March 4th" and then I chug the vodka.
How do you become sober in a very demoralizing situation instead of digging your whole deeper for a better situation in a month? I want to be me, not the person i am now.
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