Nikkle

I posted my current struggle in the Christian section, but Christian or not, I am hoping someone could offer some insight on how I might get connected with someone who wants to follow through with the 12th step. I have 52 days sobriety today. I want to continue forward in recovery, rather than just come to a standstill, which would just be abstinence. I don't want to just abstain, I want to live, but I'm running out of gumption. I know the title of my other thread isn't very interesting "Needing a ride" but I cannot express how important this dilemma is to me at this time. Maybe I am being rude or pesky, not following forum etiquette by trying to get people to respond but I guess I'll just have to do that until I find a better solution. This is all trial and error for me, I'm fighting for my life so please forgive me if my attempts are clumsy. Thank you!

Ramblin4hope

Nikkle, you mean the 12 steps?

go to an AA meeting and get a sponsor, they will walk you through them if you are ready

Nikkle

the 12th step is service to others right? I need someone who is looking to help

Anna

So, you're looking for someone to help you out - if you are going to AA meetings, do you have a sponsor? He/she would be a good person to contact for advice. Also, you will find lots of help here at SR, as our members are all trying to help each other.

Congratulations on your 52 days of sobriety. I think that recovery becomes a way of life and you can help yourself move forward with your recovery. What kinds of things do you do each day to help yourself?

Anna

I just went and read your other thread and I see you are looking for rides home from Celebrate Recovery meetings in your area. I guess the good news is that, in 3 months you will be able to drive yourself to and from the meetings, though 3 months is a long time to get through when it's hard to get rides. I'm sure the people in your meetings are doing the best they can because recovery is hard for all of us, so hopefully you will be able to get to most of the meetings for the next few months. Are there other options for you? Are there AA meetings that are closer or easier to get to? Maybe you could consider a change for the next few months to help relieve some of the stress of transportation.

Stay positive Nikkle!

Nikkle

I very much want a sponsor, I have asked people, they said they would pray on it, but to call anytime. I do that. I asked how to get a sponsor and was told to come to the meetings, find someone you think you could relate to, even if their story is different than your own. I am hesitant to just stand up and announce my need for a sponsor because I'm afraid I'll get one of the freshly graduated 12 steppers that have never been a sponsor but are eager to try it out. Well, maybe that is just a chance I am going to have to take and yes, I know I could switch sponsors if that one didn't work, but right now I'm not sure I could emotionally handle being someones test subject and then deal with all the drama surrounding that. Yes, I have brought my need for rides to the attention of everyone several times, both as a group and individually. I am getting sick of hearing myself sound like a public service announcement and I have seen a few eyes roll and heads turn away as I bring it up again. I have no right to judge what anyone is thinking, but I am perceiving in my own mind that some are thinking "oh, great, here she goes again...she has already said this"

Nikkle

I can get a hardship permit in 3 months if I meet all the requirements which will involve paying thousands of dollars in full. We are extremely low income so that is not a realistic expectation, but would be a wonderful miracle.I could go to the AA meeting 5 miles away but I would still need a ride and would have to deal with the 13th stepper that I left that group to avoid. It meets the same night as my workbook class, which would also mean I would just be going back to sitting around swapping sobriety stories instead of digging into the work. Yes, I realize everyone is doing the best they can. I am not personally upset with anyone, I am just wondering why out of such a large organization as a whole with hundreds of regularly attending members, why no one has thought to address the practical issue of transportation. Not just for me, but all those who have come before and will come after. It seems like a basic vital need. On one hand people say you must be willing to go to any lengths for your recovery, but then I hear maybe I'll just have to back off. I don't get it.

keithj

'Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics...'

'This message' is that I had a spiritual awakening as the result of taking the actions outlined in the BB. That awakening removed/solved the drink problem. It also radically and fundamentally changed my life. That's the only message I'm carrying.

It's not a matter of looking to help or not. It's a matter of how to help. I can help by telling you what I did to recover. Here are the Steps we took. That's what Step 12 is all about.

Nikkle

Thanks for clearing that up for me Keith.

least

Is there anyone more trustworthy at that group that you could talk to about this jerk? If it were me getting 13th-stepped by this creep I think I'd call him out publicly, loudly enough (not screaming, but not whispering either) for the rest to hear. Maybe that would make him go back into his shell, so to speak. I'd hope that someone more responsible could talk to him and tell him to "cool it!!!" That's bs that you are driven away from that meeting by a sh!thead like that.

mtnmagic

Nickkle - I want to tell you that you are not alone in how you feel
about the transportation issue.

I live in a small mountain town where public transportation is extremely limited. I currently can't drive. I absolutely hated asking for rides
home from AA meetings. I too, could get to them easy enough,
it was getting home that was the issue for me. I hated having
to solicite rides home, even though I was assured over and over
it was part of service for the recovering individual. I too, perceived
all kinds of negative reactions that in retrospect were probably exaggerated
in my head.

Fact of the matter I was extremely uncomfortable in my own skin asking
for help on a regular basis in very new sobriety. I would worry and fret
over it between meetings and eventually used this as a huge excuse to
distance myself from meetings and relapse over and over again.

Do not do this to yourself. If your CR meetings are where you want
your home group to be, allow yourself the discomfort and the unknown
and faith that you will get home from the meetings every single time.
I'll bet as time goes on you develop some sort of routine with members
and it stops being a big issue to you. I never gave myself the chance
to progress like that. I hope that you do. I know I am going to try again,
because I have to for my own life.

Also, I read in your other thread about wanting to provide regular transportation when you are in a position to do so. I have told myself
that a million times, but never allowed myself to reach that goal.

Here is giving you hope. I really related to you on this one. Oh and
I am three days sober this time. I hope to God it's the last time for
day three.

Nikkle

It's not that simple, he is not an outright pervert. He is actually a very kind and sweet man about 15 years my senior. He lives alone and has just recently made efforts not to isolate himself anymore. He, along with several other men in the group act overprotective of me because they know I live with an active alcoholic. I think he has let his emotions wander too far since he knows I am not married. The problem I was having with him is that he would hug me before and after meetings, but they were long drawn out full body contact hugs. The reason I left was because I need to concentrate on my sobriety right now, not my issues with having been abused as a child or the inappropriate attraction towards him I was starting to feel. I probably sent him some mixed signals, so it wouldn't be fair to call him out on it, thereby sending him running for the hills in humiliation and causing drama within the group. So I nipped it all in the bud. I just wanna be sober.

least

Ok, I understand better now. Can you talk to him by himself? Explain how uncomfortable he's making you feel? I'm just sorry you can't go to that meeting since it's closer to you.

Nikkle

Thank you Mtnmagic and congrats on day 3! Funny how I seem to be right back where I started before I started feeling all stressed out. I had decided not to worry, just show up having faith that God would provide, knowing it wasn't laziness on my part that I did not have a solid plan mapped out and that it took courage and trust to just show up believing instead of staying home and not even trying. Still, I was told part of my recovery was taking responsibility by having a ride secured before ever arriving. It seemed reasonable and logical at the time, I am trying to be obedient and not just do things my way. I have gotten a ride from a different person each time not out of a desire to control things, but to prevent helper burnout. Someone might not mind doing it on occasion, but I was trying to be sensitive to the fact that people might not be able to make a commitment to every time. I wasn't trying to force money on anyone, I asked them to put it in the offering next time if they didn't want it. It seems like I am either doing too much or too little no matter which direction I turn. Trust God, not enough. Keep trying, too much. Quit trying, feeling sorry for myself.

Nikkle

Awwh Least, right now, that would require a whole nother set of recovery skills that I am not ready to take on just yet. That is one of the many reasons I was enjoying my CR classes, they separate the men and women.

endlesspatience

I think that's a kind and thoughtful respone to the issue you have with the 13the stepper. To be honest, there are times when my mind wanders in meetings and I dream about whoever I think looks hot in the room. I don't go in for lots of contact and hugging though. But AA people can be a bit mad, especially if they've isolate themselves for a while. Kind of you to cut him some slack but I really hope you can find a way to get around to the meetings again.