sleepie

I'm really feeling the weight of the cruelty of people today. I know I'm going to drink tonight. I can't understand how to live a life where people are cruel. And use each other... a world where I am discarded and treated with little or no regard for my feelings. I don't get it. This comes in bouts, today it's really bad. Nobody can be trusted. Nothing recent has sparked any of this, it's something I've felt since i was a child. And it's been proven over and over to be true. My faith in people is entirely lost. I'm not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

julez

Oh sleepie! Thats so very sad to me! I'm sorry so many people are letting you down.

Hon, you drinking over it isn't gonna stop those people from being thoughtless and mean. I wish you wouldn't punish yourself for the actions of others.

hopeless2day

Sleepie, ever ask youself...WHAT IF? What if I don't drink tonight? Seriously, what will happen? you won't have regrets and most likely you will wake up feeling pretty damn good.

Stay well my friend

yeahgr8

Did you get to that AA meeting you said you were going to?

sleepie

I have to learn not to let people in. I am waiting for my meditation cushion to come in the mail. I hope that will help me learn to be alone. I wish I were able to have relationships with others (not even romantic) that did not result in me being treated as a piece of meat without feelings. People are sick. It's why I feel nothing for the destruction of our natural resources. Eventually we will die out like the dinosaurs and that I take some comfort in.

Reset

Sorry to hear that.

I am not sure if you would like advice or are just wanting to vent.

sleepie

Yes I went to 2 meetings.

yeahgr8

Was that a no? ;-)

Oh good i posted before you...so what did you think, are you going to keep going? Did you talk to anyone there?

SSIL75

I used to feed my stress/anxiety because its presence gave me permission to drink. Sometimes I wonder if you do the same thing with your issues.

You know how people addicted to pain meds actually begin to feel more pain than is physically present? To feed their addiction? Same principle

Dee74

Hi Sleepie

If I drank every time I thought the world was cruel, I'd never stop drinking...and the world would still be cruel.

If people abuse you, that's one thing - to abuse ourselves because of that is something else altogether.

Do something different, sleepie - you deserve to get somewhere.

D

SASA

sleepie, because of people mistreating you, you should take special care of yourself and drinking honestly does not fall into this category. Take a nice hot bath, try to relax and be good to you. Maybe work out, walk etc. If you now drink you just will feel very sad tomorrow that you did and give in to these people. You are better than they are.

sleepie

Umm, I said yes, I went to 2 meetings. I was not inspired to return. I did not talk to anyone there because I don't want to come off as needy. Anyway it all boils down to me in the end. I wonder if I feel low because I am getting off the meds. Both clonazapem and zoloft. I feel though, that my experiences have peeled me away layer by layer until one raw nerve was left, exposed, hurt and vulnerable.

ZZworldontheweb

Why are you going off your meds? Did your doc OK it?

God loves you sister. So do we. That's not a bad fan club.

sleepie

The doc is all for a med free life! Mostly as far as the clonazapem goes. She thinks I should be on the zoloft. Or something for depression I guess. But it stopped working plus it's making me fat, which gets me down. Plus, my goal was to get off of everything once I started getting back on my feet- which I have, in that I am interviewing ceaselessly for a decent job. Besides that- anxiety is my biggest obstacle and there is no acceptable long term med for that so again, it all falls on my shoulders in the end.

Opivotal

Hi Sleepie, I was wondering what happened with your job interview? I read your last post and was very impressed with you going for 3 interviews. Don't know if I would have held up. One is hard enough IMO.

I hope you feel better tomorrow and take some of the advice above, such as being kind to yourself.

Sending my Best Wishes Your Way!

sleepie

Nothing happened yet Opivotal. I had interview 3 and 4 a couple of days ago and now if I don't hear anything next week, it's over and I failed again. Thanks for your thoughts

pennywistle

Sleepie, I'm in your exact mindset today. The way I feel right now is that all I have right now is a roof over my head and four walls to prevent the dumba***** and a****** of the world from getting into my psyche and I'm really grateful for that.
I hope your meditation cushion comes soon!

"The only way out of a storm is through it"

SJTChiSox

I'm having a bit of a tough day, its day 90 for me and guess what... I'm still a drug addict and alcoholic and I still have a long way to go. But its not worth drinking over tonight. I have been dealing with a guy in the program I am involved with who is driving me nuts (complete with threats). Alot of my depression is gone and I'm not a huge ball of nervous energy so thats a good thing. So much of my anxiety and depression was directly related to my use. I thought I was self medicating and that I had to but that was just denial.

However its up to me wether or not I give him the power to ruin my day or not. I am choosing not to give him that power. I can control alot of how I feel.

Best of luck. Sometimes people can be hard, but its not worth drinking over. Plenty of good people in the sea as well!

sleepie

SJT- a guy in the program? As in AA? That does NOT encourage interest in the program and thank you for your honesty.

ReadyAndAble

Sorry to see you struggling, Sleepie. I know you've been exposed to a lot of cruelty, but there is also a lot of good in the world. This whole site is built on the premise that if given a way to do it, total strangers will want to help each other. That's a pretty radical idea, yet here we are.