notalwaysever

I have posted here in the past, honestly couldn't tell you what username I used at the time. I was looking for advice on limiting my drinking or just general questions to make sure I wasn't causing to much damage to my body. I always said I had it enough under control though, and times I knew it wasn't under control it was ok because I wasn't hurting anyone.

Well as of today, I have lost two jobs in two months, am going to have to completely drop out of school, will be kicked out of my apartment by next week, and have had a complete mental breakdown because I stopped taking all of my psychiatric medications at once because I chose alcohol over them.

So to everyone here: you were right and I was wrong. I have no idea what I am going to do at this point. Tomorrow I am going back to my doctor and am going to have to explain what is going on.

sleepie

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Please do what you need to to take care of yourself.

NYCDoglvr

I'm so very sorry you're going through such a difficult time. I suggest trying to keep things simple. One step at a time. One day at a time. No one knows what the outcome will be. Call a physician about medication, start exploring what your options are. Call friends and family and ask for help (we alcoholics have a very tough time asking for help).

I can sense the panic you feel and I emphasize. Suggest getting a pad of yellow lined paper and a pen/pencil. Start making lists of problems and what you can do about them, who you can call.

Dee74

Welcome back notalwaysever

Seeing your Dr - and being honest - is a great first step. Have you thought of recovery programmes as well?

D

DayTrader

Welcome to the club Not.......

heh, we ALL had to say similar words at one point or another. Heck, if you admit you have a problem then that kinda obligates you to do something about it.....and by "doing something about it" we all intuitively knew that meant we'd have to give up our booze - and I don't know ANY alkie worth his salt who can come to that decision easily.

And don't think of it as YOU were WRONG and WE were RIGHT..... let's just say you experienced the same thing we did: you finally caught yourself in a delusion. Heh.....there are some pretty cool cats 'round here who deluded themselves for decades - yet they're a WHOLE lot better now. The same deal's on the table for you too.... how's complete freedom from that old life of insanity sound?

Welcome back and good luck.

notalwaysever

Well, I just found a friend will to let me rent out their laundry room to stay in and I am actually considering that an improvement in my life....wow.

johndelko408

I admire your courage in admitting you were wrong. Not everyone can muster the strength to admit when they are wrong. The greatest obsession of every alcoholic is to be able to control their drinking. I know because I tried every tactic in the book. Switching types, brands, locations and who you drink with. But no matter what I tried there was no beating this disease. It's progressive too, it never gets better always worse.

tmbg

Hey, whatever it takes because you need a homebase--it's part of living. At least you have a place to live; so you can start planning you're next move as that necessity is taken care of for the time.

DayTrader gave you the pep talk. So...now the doctor and a program to help you sort things?

Isn't this a great place?

notalwaysever

Jesus Christ! I just made plans to go out for a drink with a friend after my doctors appointment...WTF is wrong with me! I mean official the plans are to grab a bite to eat but that is never what happens.

Dee74

I hope you find the strength to stick to the burger - maybe go to a non licenced cafe instead - if an option, maybe even confide in yr friend?

D

LaFemme

Hi Not! Everyone will tell you admitting the problem is the first step...you've finally got that and that's awesome. The situation with the friend...not so much. If its a drinking buddy I would cancel...if its a good friend admit the pro lem and suggest a coffee shop. You can do thfis but it sounds like you need a plan...we are here to help.

LaFemme

CarolD

Welcome back....

Why not make new plans?
Ask your friends to join you at a coffee shop?

Might be a quick way to discover who are really
interested in your well being.

Sobriety rocks....and so can your future

rws177

I have said all those things too and ultimantly had to hit my bottom in order to get sober. Hopefully this is your bottom and you can begin the path to recovery, welcome back!!

leo21

Hitting bottom hurts. Don't spin your wheels and please dedicate yourself to recovery. You have a lot of people here rooting for you my friend.

notalwaysever

Went to the doctor today and they are having me hospitalized for a week to stabilize. See if that helps.

Freedom1990

I will be keeping you in my prayers!

notalwaysever

Just got out this evening, kind of weird really. I don't have insurance and since I recently lost my job it was a county hospital and the whole experience was a big unnerving. I guess one thing that really stuck with me though was that I was in the unit for people with substance abuse problems and in the hospital they made absolutely not differentiation between me and the guy shooting heroin or the woman who hallucinated while doing crack and almost killed her self. I have always known alcohol is a drug but just never really took that statement to heart I guess.

Thing is I still want a drink. Even being as close to bottom as I am (and after this week I seen that there is further to fall) and seeing my life falling around me I still want a drink. I don't know if because when I was in the hospital they had me on Chlordiazepoxide and then discharged me without a prescription or it or what but if this does not get easier I am going to just keep digging myself deeper into this hole. I am an intelligent person, I see what I am doing, its just so hard to make the rational decision.

DayTrader

I dunno but that sounds like complete powerlessness over alcohol to me. It also sounds like you've lost the power to choose as well. Again.......welcome to the club. Here's the good and the bad in that, if you've lost the ability to choose, it never comes back....that's the way this disease rolls. The good part though, is that feeling of helplessness aids the search for a "great than human-power" solution - and that may be the only way you'll ever stop. --that was the case for me too.

In an odd twist, there was some freedom in realizing I had not option BUT to continue drinking.......it narrowed down my "proposed solutions" to one.

keithj

That was my experience as well, the one that really helped me turn the corner and start into recovery. Prior to that I thought I knew, but I didn't know what I didn't know.

I always hung on to the delusion that 'this time', it would be a wake up call and I would get serious and fly straight and quit drinking for good. This time I would get it.

And I never did. There was never a wake up call sufficient for me. It was when I had a clear moment of seeing the truth that things started to change. The truth was, there was never going to be a wake up call. I was going to keep repeating these tragedies, and there was nothing I could do about it.

When I grasped the horror of that truth, I knew I was powerless. That's when I became willing to ask for help and take the 12 Steps and recover.

SSIL75

are you hooked up with local recovery folks? Sounds like you could really use the support. I'm not a 12 step person but realizing I had stopped thinking clearly was helpful to me. That my cravings weren't real. It was just alcohol talking. So, it was OK if I WANTED to drink. That was normal. But to ride that out and do something different set the wheels in motion for me. Literally retraining my brain.

Let us know what your plans are for today ok? You have a lot of support here!