Aloneinoz

Im ready to take steps to change my ways but Im not ready to tell anyone close to me that I have a problem.

Is it possible to make these changes with only on-line support? I could go to AA once a week under the pretence of going to weight watchers and i always spend a lot of time on-line so those are things i could def do without anyone knowing.

Do you think its possible to do this? I know friends will ask why Im drinking but i could make up a reason to explain this, driving or on meds.

Do you think this could work? I am working on telling people, Im just finding it hard to except myself so I want to get my own head sorted before I start sharing this with others.

Thanks

NYCDoglvr

Getting sober alone didn't work for me. Being newly sober is a big change and I needed the incredible support I found in the rooms of AA. The moment I walked in I was surrounded by love and support. I also thought I had to hide my alcoholism from friends but, hey, they already figured out I had a big problem, lol.

It was also important for me to say, out loud to other people, "I am an alcoholic" and the recommended "90 meetings in 90 days" is very important, I believe, in order to get a foundation.

I don't know what will work for anyone else, only my own experience.

Best of luck!

BullDog777

in a word, yes. if you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then yes, it's very possible. i just celebrated a year and this place has been my only real constant place of any common addiction recovery support.


i was in and out of AA for a decade and imo this place is far better for me.

welcome. these people here are amazing lifelines of support. anytime.

Dee74

It's possible - lots of folks here only use SR.

I've never been to AA or any other group - but I nearly died from my drinking - I was very committed, and I still am, to making sobriety my #1 priority.

It may not work for everyone but I'm not sorry I made the sweeping changes I did - I had to - and the rewards have been immense.

Rather than rehash my story again here's something I prepared earlier LOL
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2531003

D

Toronto68

AloneinOz, I quit a year ago, then started coming here a little before my 90 days, and haven't missed many days of visiting the site since then. I don't remember being without alcohol this long, and probably wasn't since I the time I started drinking.

What you need to do might be different. (Not sure whether I should interpret from your post you have been to AA already or have begun to think about it.) I don't know if my method is the only way I will want to handle it or need to handle it, but that's what I have been doing to reach this point. I don't have all of the pieces to my life straightened out yet, but this (sobriety) is still what I want.

I don't think it has to matter too much for now whether you want to tell other people about you. I think what is really going to matter is whether you are really honest with yourself. I am guessing that I was finally really honest with myself about my alcoholism when I quit last year, because I remember thinking that "this" was with me for life, like a disease would be. That was like an epiphany, the moment of acceptance. I think that made it a lot easier, and I speculate I would not have been able to do it if I had not experienced that honesty inside myself and kept it that way (and not run away and doused it with more alcohol). I don't think it is necessarily a good idea to keep it totally in the closet, but I think I would rather you fibbed like crazy with others about why you don't drink or what you're doing once a week yet were completely honest with yourself about the reality. Besides, let that come with time. How you should approach the topic with others can adjust itself after you have sure footing on your plan to stick with being sober.

Another thing I can think of suggesting is that you draw from different perspectives. In other words, don't assume that people going to AA are "those people that need that" or that "those people have to go to therapy." Don't assume that people only using SR or things we haven't mentioned to be missing out and kidding themselves. We're not all in the same body. There's something worthwhile to hear from a variety of experiences. Find what does work and don't stop when you begin to feel better and think that was it. That's when people can relapse, sometimes fatally.

This was a great question. I'm glad you are working on this.

AmericanGirl

Hi AloneinOz-- Yes, many people here have had success using this website as their primary form of support.

On this other part, about telling your friends, I do recognize the difficulty but I also think you may be surprised with how people react when you do tell them you aren't drinking. Most people don't pry for reasons and those who care about you will support you if/when you do tell them. I mention this only because I was extremely paranoid about how people would react, but in retrospect, I see that what seemed huge for me was not huge for them, and most people--unless they have cause to be defensive because of their own issues--are respectful and supportive.

Glad you're here.

LaFemme

Like many, I am sober for the first time in my adult life, SR Is my only support network...as you can see by the number of posts I have racked up...I rely heavily on SR:-) I do have a counselor but she is not helping me with the addiction...we work on the problem areas of my life...alcohol is not part of our dialogue. If you are committed to sobriety and Have a plan for changing you life than yes, You can Get sober with SR.

As for telling people...I have no family nearby and they have their own addictions...they never said anything about my drinking when I was killing myself...and despite my now 5 months they still offer me wine with dinner...so I don't talk with them about it...it would be a waste.

I have one sober friend and we talk about it a very little. A couple of other friends commented on my not drinking early on and I told them a half truth...which was that I no longer enjoyed the taste of alcohol...they accepted that with little comment and that was that.

NewMe11109

Hi AloneinOz -

I think it is possible, but it wasn't for me.

Recovery does not just equal not drinking, that is just abstaining from alcohol.

I know a lot of people who have abstained from alcohol but are still miserable.

The key is to change the way you think - about life, about interacting with people, about what you think about yourself. If you can do this through reading, posting on SR, etc. -- then great. But, often times a program of recovery (SMART, AA, etc.) is what is needed to make this larger shift in thinking.

If you look at the people who use SR almost as their sole recovery tool, they are really really involved in SR. They don't do it half-way. They read and post everyday, they take on leadership positions on SR, and really use SR to keep them grounded on a daily basis.

So, in my humble opinion, you can't just come to SR once a week and have that be your only program. Perhaps some have done it, but they can better tell you how they made this work. For this alcoholic, it is AA + SR + working with other alcoholics. (and even then, it takes daily work...)

Mark75

I am not sure of the question...

Can you start your recovery, in AA (try to go more than once a week, especially early on), and here in SR with telling those close to you?... heck yes.!!!

Can you do it in a vacuum? I don't know, why would you want to, this thing is bigger than we are.

tomdecel

I stopped on my own without sharing it with others (outside of SR). I was a closet drinker, drinking after my wife and kids would go to sleep, and at my worst times, early in the morning before they would wake up.

If I got myself into this mess, I had to get myself out of it. No one forced me to drink, nobody forced me to stop.

In my mind, no amount of meetings, steps, posts, religious experiences, etc., are going to make me stop drinking. It is me an no one else. My conscience, my desire to live a healthy life without any addictions. I own the key to my sobriety, it is just a question of desire. My desire to be sober is very strong right now and outweighs the desire to get high. I work at it a lot.

I expected and was preparing to attend AA for the first time in my life when I quit and I found Sober Rec looking for on-line meetings. I log in all the time now, I even read posts in the bathroom in my blackberry!

I did tell my wife that I was planning to attend AA because I was in such a rot for so long that I needed anything to jump start me out of the hole I was living in and AA would provide me some sense of direction and perspective.

In an attempt to be somehow honest with her, I mentioned one night to her that the web page I spend some much time in every morning and night (SR) is a "self help" community of people trying to make our lives better and she never questioned it. I never mentioned alcoholism or addiction.

She did comment that she had not seen me this happy in a long time. "Yeah it's, the daily exercise" I responded.

least

If by 'on your own' you mean 'without AA or another program' then yes, it is possible, at least it was for me. I do have a weekly session with my addiction counselor and sometimes go to my home group meetings, but it's mostly with the counseling and SR.

I've gotten such valuable insights from all three resources: my home group, my counselor, and here. I have tools from all three that I use in my recovery. And what matters is that I'm staying happily sober.

FBL

I have been able to recover these past 17+ months without any "formal" program, other than SR. I'm lucky in that I have some close friends and family members that have been able to provide face-to-face support. I found it very important to share my alcoholism with them. In fact, many of them were very worried about me and am glad that I finally stopped. The "drinking buddies" have all fallen by the wayside, but they were never really true friends in the first place.

Whatever you decide, please stick with it. Living sober has been even better than I had hoped!

Bamboozle

I couldn't stay sober until I got my chronic depression treated. I rely heavily on SR to deal with the addiction side of things. I go to therapy for the depression and sometimes talk about addiction. I also rely upon myself to stay sober and do the best I can. Humans are social animals and support is a must, but it does come down to me as to what I do or don't do. I think it's a good idea to have a strong support network, in whatever form that may be.

SSIL75

I am also recovering without any formal support. If I start to struggle I will get a counselor. AA is not for me for many reasons. I'm going well with just SR and of course a real, deep desire to live an alcohol free life.

rws177

I think it is possible to do it on your own but some support never hurts. For me I went ten months with no AA or anything. I started doing jiujitsu, reading books on recovery, eating right, going to school. For me that was wasn't just abstaining from drinking and being a "dry drunk" but truly working on myself. Then around ten months I started going to AA and I must say it helps. After a meeting I always feel better, my sponsor wants me to go to more meetings but I genneraly make one a week which is plenty for me. Basically there is no one way to get sober, at least not for me there wasn't. This site is very helpful though for sure.

tsmba

There is more than one way to skin a cat. When I began attempting recovery, I was the ultimate rebel. Rest assured I wanted any reason not to go to "them damned meetings".

No one knows any exact recovery statistics, other than that the deck is stacked against us. It is known that nothing comes close to the long-term track record of AA/NA for those who choose that route.

I skirted death and loss of freedom several times pursuing my own way. I've had four one-year coins, two five-year, and one ten-year. I found other ways that worked, until they didn't.

Isaiah

I don't think I could've had any success if I'd started entirely on my own. Alcoholism was way to confusing to me and had it not been for illuminations from SR and especially AA I would've been stumbling around for too long. I have had so many epiphanial moments at AA or the Newcomer forum here that have guided my own path.

Still, it is possible to sober up on one's own, definitely. I have heard before that a majority of recovered alcoholics do so on their own - not sure how true that is. Me, I've tried a bit of everything and find that just about everything helps in some way or another (AA, therapy, becoming more church-y, SR, my own independent soul-searching.) I would just advise anyone not to close any doors too quickly and to take advantage of whatever is available for you.

But inevitably people do recover by the quality of the work they put into their recovery. It's not a matter of their being a perfect recovery program, only a sincere effort to work any number of them.

leo21

It's possible. For me it's three things that helped me greatly:
1. God (my HP).
2. Celebrate Recovery (replaces AA)
3. SR online.

jamdls

I'm another one that has recovered on my own and I didn't even find SR until I'd been sober for about 18 mths. I did go to a couple of AA meetings the first month and although the meetings and the big picture weren't for me the steps did give me a place to start in building my new life. The other most important part of my recovery was having someone to regularly talk with who could relate, that person for me turned out to be my dad who had been an abusive drunk but had been sober for 25+ yrs, he lived 2000 miles away but we talked almost every day for the first year or so; I didn't talk with anyone else about what I was going through all I needed was that 1 special person. Recovery on your own is possible it requires a lot of self discipline and dedication, prayer helps tremendously as well if you are so inclined.

SSIL75

I must admit though when I first thought seriously about quitting (earlier this year) I know that part of the reason I didn't want to go to AA or even tell my husband was b/c I didn't want to be accountable to anyone. I wanted to be free to decide I liked drinking life better without any guilt or reprecusssions (of course the idea that I could continue being an alcoholic without reprecussions is dumb but whatever).

So, be mindful I guess that you're not giving yourself too much of an escape route.