Anna

Yes, of course you can get sober and recover without AA or a formal program.

It all depends on your motivation.

What concerns me the most is your quick willingness to not be honest. I understand not telling people in your life about your sobriety. I didn't tell anyone either when I stopped drinking. I think it's fine to let people see the changes in you, rather than telling them. But, I think honesty is crucial for recovery.

lionchaser

"" Selfishness- self-centeredness! That we think is the root of our troubles! ""

I tried to FIND AN EASIER, SOFTER WAY too, but my way wasn't working nor did it ever. So I had to begin to do the things suggested by other people,,,go to meetings,,,keep coming back,,,,get a sponsor...etc. I had to get outside of myself and my thinking.

These suggestions '''are ''suggested'' in the same way that, if you were to jump out of an airplane with a parachute, it is ''suggested'' that you pull the ripcord to save your life.'''

When I got outside of myself and my perception of what 'everyone will think of ME' then I quickly learned that reality wasn't like my late local news channel where everyone is out to kill each other, rather I found that there was very willing, able, and intelligent people out there to help me solve my problem, as well as within my family. A lot of peopleI knew were like '''WHEEEWWW FINALLLLY he's asking for help and ready to make a change'''. It was more insulting to them to continue my old destructive behavior towards them and others than to get honest about my problem, ask for HELP and admit the truth.

H.O.W. this thing works is I became HONEST, I became OPEN to new ideas, and I was WILLING to put them to the test.

pinetree

It is helpful to be honest about yourself with yourself and other people

julez

I go to AA, and come here, but the only person who knows I do either is my husband. I haven't shared with anyone else that I have a problem, and that I'm trying to fix it. And I've got over a month sober, and I'm feeling great!

tsmba

You might recover without AA, or you might die trying. We don't have endless chances at recovery.

tmbg

Exactly. I didn't want to be accountable to anyone or anything--or, really, that I couldn't be accountable even though I wanted to be. Man, the last few months of my drinking I really struggled with this issue. The leap of faith that brought sobriety really changed all that.

Bamboozle

You're right that we don't have endless chances at recovery. It would be more accurate to say, however, that no matter what way one tries, one may still die.

There's no sure-fired-guarenteed way to remain sober. Plenty of folks have talked the talk and walked the walk for a good long while and in a very high quality way...and then found themselves drinking again. Alcoholism doesn't discriminate--most people don't make it no matter what recovery method used.

That's why it's imperitive that alcoholics learn their triggers and reach out for positive support when they get the itch every single time. Positive support takes many forms. SR is one of them.

DayTrader

My experience here is a bit different. I haven't learned one trigger other than "I was never drunk when I my first drink" So my only trigger is being dry. And the only real support I rely upon sure doesn't come from a person walking the earth nor from knowledge about myself/my illness/disease/triggers, or from knowledge about how to manage my life.

I understand there are some treatments based upon "trigger identification," avoiding said triggers and finding new ways to manage your life so you can deal with them - and if that works, then go for it. I wasn't able, with any long term success, able to control my drinking.

AA's solution is 180-degrees in the other direction....and does guarantee it's efficacy. Not everyone, however, is willing to work the AA program.

yeahgr8

Give it a go and set yourself a limit...i.e. try and give up by yourself if it works great...if not say after the tenth time that you drink again even though you dont want to then try something else...good luck:-)

LaFemme

For me...trigger identification isn't really a part of my recovery because when I drank anything could be a trigger...a blue sky, a sappy commercial, the fact that steak was on sale....:-) I needed to completely change my mindset and how I viewed alcohol. If someone were to invent a pill that would cure alcoholism I would not want it because I no longer view alcohol as something desirable.

Murray4x5

I've gone solo on my first try for 5 months with the help of SR, and my wife knows as well.

If the Komodo Dragons (desires to drink) start closing in, I'll climb the closest AA tree to save myself!

Murray

Bamboozle

Not everyone can work your program. Good that it works for you. If I had tried your way, I never would have quit drinking. I'm grateful for the endless support of SR and for professional help from my therapist.

tsmba

I would be nervous about this practice. I've always felt the "selfish program" deal was ********....yes, we must get ourselves in order, but if we stop there, stagnation is the inevitable result. To me, its like using God as the "bush league pinch-hitter" mentioned in the 12 & 12. What works for me in the long run is daily maintenance. I've failed repeatedly by telling myself all is well, and "I know what to do if things deteriorate". Isolating from others in recovery sets me up for failure because others can see behavioral changes in me that I cannot.

Zebra1275

I once quit for almost 6 years on my own, but looking back I realize that I really didn't make many changes to myself. After a difficult year during which I relapsed several times, I came to the conclusion that alcohol is bigger than me. I'm now I'm going to AA, and that along with SR is keeping me sober, one day at a time.

BullDog777

i disagree with your use of the term "********".
The way you work your program is between you and God. nobody else. if it works for him, then it works for him. instead of criticizing someone else's program, maybe the thing to do would be to make sure your own is not suspect.

SSIL75

^ to add to that, atheists can recover, too

onlythetruth

I'd like to point out that even if you conclude that you do need help, help can take many forms. You can go to face to face meetings of AA, SMART Recovery, or one of the other formal programs. You can utilize online support through the formal programs and remain completely anonymous. You can get support here. There is no "right" or "wrong" way of receiving support from others who understand.

tsmba

You obviously didn't read my post. I was addressing the saying "AA is a selfish program" and made no mention of anyone's program.

soberbythesea

For me... yes it was... I quit on my own, without AA, and my husband, mom and a few close friends are the only ones who know (for a long time, it was only my husband.) And all of you on SR, of course. I'm 4.5 months sober now.

I was ready to quit, it was something I had to get straight in my own head, and for me that was that. If you don't think you need AA then don't let anyone tell you that you do. JMO of course.

soberbythesea

Bingo... that was the key for me, too.