RunnerMD2be

Hello All,

I've browsed these forums before, and I never have posted because I wasnt ready to confront this.

Let me introduce myself. I am a college student hoping to go to medical school. I love to run and I love trains. I am gay, and have a very supportive boyfriend.

Let's get to the dark side...

I don't consider myself a heavy drinker, well I hadn't at least recently. I'm essentially a binge drinker. I don't drink often, but once I take the first sip, it is down hill from there. Recently, my drinking has increased in frequency. My drink of choice has always been Vodka. I always love(d) going out with friends for a few drinks, but then I end up the drunkest person there, and usually end up doing something I regret. Monday morning I had an exam in one of my classes. I had to drop my boyfriend off at the metro, and on the way back I wanted to pick up a bottle of vodka to have during the next couple nights. I used to be able to control my drinking to the point of just before bed having a few drinks. This time however, I took that first sip when I got home and it just went down hill from there. I stumbled to the exam, embarrassed myself in front of my class and stumbled home to drink so more to wash away my disappointment in myself. I ended drinking over a half-liter of the cheap vodka. I passed out and woke up to find my boyfriend and my mom in my room. Keep in mind, my mom lives over two hours away. It was such a horrid occasion that pains me to think about. I've absolutely never done that before. I'm on celexa, and now Lexapro and washed it away to the fact that my meds were out of balance. I almost posted the day after that but some technical thing happened and it didnt post? I dont know. Anyways, fast forward to last night, or yesterday afternoon rather. I was having a good day, and then decided a shot or two (or 10 as it turned out to be wouldnt hurt). I ended up walking my dog down the street and confessing how upset I was to my mom who discovered I was a little bit off.

In conclusion, I have made the decision to give this crap up. Thanks for the memories, but there is too much more to life than to spend it drunk and regretting.



SO! This means no more alcohol... but more than that it means...

1. No more hangovers
2. No more drunk texts to regret
3. No more trying to find an excuse to stay home because I'm too drunk to go out
4. No more trying desperately to sober up in time to act sober enough to not be noticed
5. No more hurting my body
6. I WILL NEVER HAVE A DUI
7. It means that I will be living for me...


Sorry for the lengthy post...

It's great to be amongst everyone here.

Jon

Sneezy

Welcome to SR Runner - glad you're here and have decided to deal with things head-on.

You'll find a lot of support and wisdom around here - I know I have.

And I love your list of what no alcohol means, especially living for yourself!

flutter

Yikes I identify with most of this. You should read my first post here.. only on my drunken day of all days, I woke in the ER with my mom, dad, husband.. and a doctor over me shaking his head.

I was also very excited about sobriety and all of the glorious things it had to offer..but I got complacent, and arrogant.. and fell right back into things.

Prevent that! Make a plan.. take action.

Welcome, Jon, I'm glad you're here.

Dee74

welcome Jon

I've never regretted leaving that old life behind. I'm much happier and life is so much better - and easier

I know you'll find it a great choice too.

Hope to see you 'round some more

D

GreenAces

Welcome! Day one is better than day none!

RunnerMD2be

Thanks everyone for your quick replies

its been a long time coming!

I'm truly ready for this

CarolD

There are lot's of AA meetings in your area.
:I started AA in Georgetown ...so I know this....
AA is for anyone with the desire to quit drinking.

Please get pro active ...plan for a healthy sober future.
Welcome to our recovery community.....

RunnerMD2be

Thanks Carol D. One question about AA. Is it christian based? I'd be willing to ignore certain things if really is a good program. Also, if there were other non-denominational programs, I'd be more inclined to try them! Thanks!

EricL

Hey, congrats on taking some action to look into recovery.

I got sober young, then went back to finish my undergrad and am currently in med school, cant imagine doing this while still drinking!

As far as being christian based.... no, not really at all, there are some references to prayers that originate from christian teachings, they are very upfront about AA not having a monopoly on god, as long as I find some power outside myself to rely on, then AA has nothing to say as to if it is "proper" or "sufficient". This single fact has saved my ass many times in the past, the fact that it truly is a god of my understanding, not of anyone else's understanding. And, for me this has been an evolution of sorts, beginning with my becoming willing to admit that I needed a spiritual solution to my alcohol problem because I had tried "putting the plug in the jug", tried "thinking the drink through", tried counseling, and whatever else I could try before coming to AA as my last resort.

I know that's kinda long winded, but the short answer is no, not christian based, no mention of any biblical figures, and free of any deities. However, for someone as strongly science minded as me it was a struggle at first to keep an open mind to the idea that there was a spiritual solution for my problem. But, now, I couldn't imagine NOT having this solution in my life as it affords me the opportunity to do so many amazing things.

Feel free to PM if you wanna chat more about the medical side of things.

TorontoGuy28

Hey-

Glad you made the decision to quit.

What plan do you have to get and stay sober ?

Lots of incredible support and information here, please learn from others.

I've made a few attempts to get sober, it took a while but I am here now, and life could not be better.

All the best !

TG.

BullDog777

there are alot of good meetings in your area. i live in manassas, and i when i was younger i used to go to meetings in Sterling at a place caled Stepping Stones.

I've never found a finer group of people who were so about getting the newcomer routed in a good foundation with a sponsor than that place. you ought to check it out.

welcome.

artsoul

Welcome Runner! I was the same way with drinking - once I picked up the first one, I had to keep having "just one more." Alcohol finally wore me down and I had to get support to help me quit. This forum has been a lifesaver for me.

You've got a great attitude - stay positive and sober one day at a time!

RunnerMD2be

Thanks everyone!

Its really great to get this out in the open. I'm willing to accept the fact that I'm never going to have another drink. I am okay with that. There will be plenty of situations where I feel compelled. In the end, I will have to, as we'll all have to look to what's important. I am what matters, there's nothing to gain by drinking.


As far as a plan goes, I'm just hoping to find good substitutes for now. Green tea is a favorite of mine, and I love running. I'll have to pick these up more. What do plans typically entail? are there places on this website that specifically deal with plans?

Thanks!

Toronto68

Runner, I think tea is good as far as something to "lean on," but when they ask what your plans are, they are asking what you would do to make your life different now, so that you do not leave yourself susceptible to a relapse. I'm not going to pound on the table with suggestions that you do that, but the trend a lot of times is that people don't set themselves up for success if they don't make changes, do things differently. Whether it's mundane details in life, like how you get to work or when you do laundry or bigger things, like including spritiuality in your life (when you normally would not) or including AA in your life and doing the Steps or getting therapy. On and on.

For most people, I think there is a gratitude that comes about a few weeks after the drinking has stopped. Then we start to feel with our emotions naturally again (instead of having surrogate/fake strength from alcohol or fake apathy, etc), and that can be challenging sometimes, on the positive or negative side.

So when people are asking you what plans you have, they don't want you to have a false start to your sobriety; they want you to consider that the mess that alcoholism brings can't get swept under the rug; that the work continues after you brush yourself off and quit.

Some people do lots of things in combination to change for the better, and others do a smaller number of things. In my case, it's basically just me and SR, and I have a friend or two that want me to get moving on more things, like AA or Cognitive Behavioral, for example.

Anyway, I'm happy you have made the initial steps.

WatchTheSky

I'm in undergrad too. Going for a PhD in clinical psychology after graduation. (Not the same as an MD, I know, but still an advanced degree!) I was a daily drinker with heavier binges on the weekends and consider myself to be an alcoholic. I hope that both of us are able to stay sober, get our other mental health issues under control (bipolar II for me), and achieve these goals we've set for ourselves! You're right, the party is already over.

CarolD

Here is a list of structured recovery programs for you to explore

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

We have SR members who are happily succesffully sober without a
specific formal program.
We have others who use variations.
AA is not the only path it's simply the one I use.
Open your mind to all the possibilities available.

If I want Christianity ...I'd be in church this morning.
Instead...I'll be on here and be in my AA home group.....sharing
with anyone interested in a fantastic new lifestyle.

MaryAnn100

Hi Jon or may I call you Doc? Welcome. As you were told AA is not christian based........just wanted to add that one of its founders was a doctor so read about Dr. Bob online.

Nice to have you here.

jls22

I can relate so much. Didn't drink everyday, had those great days and wanted to 'treat' myself to a drink. But it always goes down hill. I thought that I would be able to control it, you know a sip here a sip there, but I lost that control on Thanksgiving. The love of my life walked right out of it, leaving me to be a single mom now. And the worse part is having to tell my son that he no longer has a daddy in his life because of my poor choices.

RunnerMD2be

I think the first step from here is going to be going to the Counseling center at my University. They're very good and quite receptive to all sorts of problems. They may know where I can go to find resources to keep me sober and on track. I'll look into other resources online in the meantime.

Thanks everyone for your responses, it really is good to know that I am not alone as a young person discovering this aspect of myself.

My mom picked up the book Under the Influence for me, per my request and I've begun to read it.

I'm honestly very excited to beat this and live a life with both eyes wide open

David 1

Great idea about the counseling center; while you are there you might want to ask about a chemical dependency evaluation just to get more information about your alcohol issues, i.e. does alcoholism run in your family, the extent of your drinking patterns, etc.

Many of us have (tried to) quit multiple times and hitting a bottom is often a prerequisite.

I am always glad to hear about someone taking proactive steps at an early age - I wish you luck and know that you face a challenging road ahead.

Dave