ImReadyToQuit

That would be me sir.. Same as you.. Can't get past 60 days.

Most the time can't get past 30 days.. I've relapsed 8 times in a year. I do learn something new each time.. Congrats on your days sober. I'm back on day one.

LaFemme

Hi SteveO!
Hi Ready!
I hope SR proves to be the missing tool needed for you to quit for good this time. I had a million false starts. It took me about 5 years from realizing I needed to quit to get past 7 days...so I'm actually really impressed you have racked up those 30-60 day runs. I guess all I can ask is if you havebbeen learning from your relapses.

I have somewhere around 114 days now...I seriously never thought id make double digits:-)

anaconda22

Your speaking to the right person socal. I have been in and out of AA and rehabs jails ect.. for almost 10 years. I sometimes wonder why even bother ya know? I feel like I'll never get sobriety. The sad truth is that some people don't and the best they can do is put together long periods of sobriety. I guess what I'm saying is that your not alone believe me.

TheEnd

I have a little over 60 days and I have never relapsed yet (hopefully I won't), but I can understand why someone would.

The complacency that sets in, missing the buzz, feeling left out, boredom, wanting that special feeling, but I think that in order to stay sober one must not think about those things or over glamorize what used to be. One must embrace sobriety and basically get used to it.........not really sure, at least those are the feelings that run through my mind when I think about picking up again and as soon as those thoughts come in mind I quickly replace them with all the crappy stuff that my drinking has brought me.

Dee74

Hi Steve

I could never get past 5 days for about 15 years (I did once - I made it 8 weeks but I was so miserable I caved)

I realise now for most of that time I was trying to control my drinking...thinking that time off would somehow magically give me the key to drinking normally....

Later on I was simply not drinking and that was it - I drank all day everyday to cope with a lot of things, some real, some not - just removing drink from the equation made things worse not better....I had no coping skills for anything.

This time I've tried to think holistically - and I've learned to reach out for support.

I'm nearly 4 years sober - for an all day every day drinker who nearly died? that's a miracle, I reckon.

D

LaFemme

During the 5 years I knew I had a problem but couldnt even put together a sober run I hated people who said there was always hope. I was convinced I was someone who could not get sober it was impossible for me. Yeah 100+ days isn't years but I feel good, I feel happy, and I feel hopeful...and I hope that you can find that too.

Edit: like Dee I was also an all day everyday drinker...2liters of wine and a pack of smokes.

Boleo

For nearly 3 years I sought out the best meetings, best sponsors, best books, etc... Yet relapsed every 3 - 6 weeks like clockwork. It was not until I experienced the "spiritual awakening" that lifted the obsession to drink completely out of me, that I realized that not only was I barking up the wrong tree, but that I was in the wrong forest to start with.

Spiritual based recovery has nothing, absolutely NOTHING, to do with managing my sobriety. In fact, now that I have given it to my HP, sobriety is none of my business. I simply stay spiritually fit and sobriety finds me.

SSIL75

I can relate to this. I used to quit for a few days and then I'd feel hyper. My mind would race and I'd be DYING for a drink just to kind of go with the rush in my head or something? I don't know how else to explain it. It was a cycle of that energy... drinking it down... regret....energy... drinking it down.

I don't know that I ever (growing up) had a reference for normal life really. My parents were both chronically depressed (one of them an alcoholic) and there was never a sense of ease.

I've had to fall in love with normal life. No more manufactured drama designed to set me up for a binge. It's just not that big a freaking deal to have a crappy day sometimes.

So IDK. Just figuring out that life on an even keel is very satisfying. That's been news to me. I no longer WANT to drink anymore. (1) I know I can't without wanting to overdo it. (2) I'm tired of that drama. The racing head. The panic. It's for the birds. Enough already.

DayTrader

HB.......when you were hanging with the AA fellowship, what step(s) did you get stuck on?
Just curious.

tomdecel

Chronic relapser, I guess that is me. Unfortunately I have no words of wisdom to prevent relapses other that every time I stopped drinking, the desire to be healthy outweighed the desire to be drunk.

For 10 years I was drinking around the clock and was grossly overweight. My Dad died at 62 from a massive hearth attack and as I got into my mid fifties I knew that for me it was not a matter of if, but when.

So I started a "get healthy" program that included daily exercise, eating healthy and no drinking. I managed to sustain the program for over 14 months, lost 90lbs and managed to completely abstain.

I ended up traveling to Europe and in while in Vienna, even though I hate beer, I just had to try a couple of theirs while on a barge on the Danube on a beautiful sunny day. I felt that with 14 months of sobriety, I would be able to just come home and just get back on the wagon. Well I did not, went right back to my old ways for about 4-5 weeks when again, the desire to be healthy made my stop.

Same thing three years ago, this time I went 8 months without a drop, but then it was a trip to Paris for a week, and there was no way I was going to go to France and not drink their wine.

Get the pattern? I have repeated the pattern again and again for the past three years. I can stop (with some effort), but once I stop that is it for months until another trip, or another bike race, or another distraction takes me of course.

This year was very different. The economy really turned me upside down in several business ventures and even thought I did not drink for over 6 months over the summer (I was training for a long bike ride) I was miserable the entire time and as soon as I opened up the flood gates it was massive consumption. For the first time in my life I experience depression and an overall feeling that the sky was falling down on me.

For me, I now know that the force or desire to be healthy and free from addiction has to be stronger than the force that sabotages that need. When I am in that mental groove, nothing can get in my way.

cakeeater

I had allot of relapses before I finally racked up any time or solidly got anywhere. Now I'm a year sober and feeling very solid. I have no desire to drink.

I started with the over-brain and lizard-brain theory where it boils down to the alcoholic is an alcoholic because it feels too good or felt too good at one time and the lizard-brain starts to think booze is a need for survival. The theory goes the lizard-brain then reaches up it's lizard tendrils into the over-brain to rationalize why the individual should drink. Basically you have to think and act for it because lizard-brain can't do it on it's own. Allot of people refer to the need as "the beast" or "the demon" or whatever to disconnect it from themselves.

I went a little askew with my theory and basically told myself I'm the one who decides to drink. I make the decisions. So then when I quit for the final time I told myself it's no big deal, I'm just not consuming something and went about my business. Of course it doesn't go so smoothly. Whenever I started thinking about alcohol in any fashion I just took time to stop thinking. I gave up the idea I can beat it rationally. I can't trust myself. Instead I just sat down, closed my eyes, and felt the nagging urge without acting on it or putting words in my head until it passed. I gave up the idea of escaping or coping with my urges. A zen guy I met in the nut house calls it sitting with pain. Every time I did it I noticed that urge would only last so long. A little nagging feeling in my stomach or a certain kinda tension in my head. In time it got less and less, and it upset me less and less. I'm not all new age balancing crystals on my toes or anything but I still meditate every day. I see it as a kind of cool zen me in my brain dojo kinda thing. It makes me feel sharp, light, and balanced.

I had other things as well. I saw a therapist and told him everything that was going on alcohol related and otherwise. I spilled my guts to the guy and he helped keep me from going on some ape**** killing spree. My family was aware of my problem and supportive of my decision to quit which I'm very fortunate for. I even moved from where I was living because that apartment was where I did just about all my drinking. There was nothing for me there anyway. No friends left, wife left a long time ago, etc. To me it was really nothing but a dank womb for me to safely get sloshed in and slowly kill myself.

Before that my chronic relapsing was less than a month apart and usually resulted in allot of binge drinking. At 6 months this time around it was easier but there were still periods I recall when I had to keep my eyes on the road and away from the bar. Now I don't consider myself invincible but I know how I'll react if I feel tempted, and although I can't say I'm glowing happy with life I'm still not tempted. Alcohol makes me think of being sick. Maybe because I went through withdrawals so many times.

Anyway, that was my shtick. It seems to me people who keep trying to quit one way or another eventually quit for good.

Isaiah

Yes, I have some. Don't keep saying you can't get past 30/60 days.

I mean, how do you usually start to feel when that date is coming up? Anticipation or fear?

Pumpkin Soup

Lost count of the relapses I have had since I first admitted properly I have this disease which was a few years ago - the longest I have managed is 12 days but I normally cave on the 3rd day. Im back on day 1 again - it should be day 5. I only discovered this site this week so will be checking in here daily to hopefully help me stop relapsing. I have read some really inspirational stuff this morning which should keep me in check today - it would be easy to say what the heck its the weekend now I may as well start day 1 on Monday but I do not want to feel like I did last Monday ever again so day 1 on a Friday might be a good way to start changing my habits. One point I think that the alkie in me has clung on to is that from previous AA meetings I have heard many ppl talking about their relapses but they were now sober for so many days/months/years and a bit of me thought - ah well see you can relapse and get away with it - I really need to get rid of that thought!

Pumpkin Soup

Thank you. We will get there! Perhaps this day 1 will be our last day 1 - I do hope so. 5th November - a date to remember! I will think of all the fireworks as a celebration for everyone who is sober today x

DayTrader

I hope that works for you. If your work on the preceding steps is sound, moving to the next step is easy. When I cut corners or skipped stuff, I got the same results you did the last time through.

honestly hb, only someone who hasn't taken the first step in recovery and the first step in AA could think that way. While you may have thought you were further along the steps.....that thinking is rooted in 1st step reservations.

Bamboozle

Maybe go to the doctor and tell him/her what's going on.

I couldn't stay sober when my depression went untreated. I don't know if you have any underlying conditions--not for me to say...not a doctor--but maybe you could talk to a professional to rule out any possible contributing conditions.

I couldn't get more than 80 days sober until I addressed depression with therapy and meds. I have 1.5 years now. Unbelievable.

AA4life

I couldn't string together very many sober days until April of 2009. Knock on wood. Hope I never have to start over!

I thought it was impossible, and then, the miracle began to happen. Now I try to stay proactive in recovery. When in doubt, do something positive for your sobriety!

:-)

24hrsAday

i was in a 4-6 Month pattern for years.. just enough to "heal up" a little then Right back to drinking! it's going on 4 years Now.. Never say Never.. Never Quit Trying!

tomdecel

Amen

undercoverangel

I am also a chronic relapser.

I had tried to quit almost every day for months on end. It was mind-boggling, I'd wake up in the morning absolutely determined not to drink that day, and by 5:30 pm I was heading to the liquor store. I'm pretty quick to do it too, once I decide, there's no thinking about it, I just do it. I don't think even a sponser or anybody would stop me. ;O( I'm hesitant to go to AA, as I know way too many people around here and foolish pride gets in the way I guess. Not to mention I would do it alone since my husband would never go.

I'm glad a couple of you mentioned the relapse posts, I keep thinking the same thing, I'll just have a few and go right back to it, a relapse is expected, right? ;O( Ugh, the alcoholic thinking, what got me here in the first place.

Anyway, I think what gives me the incentive to stay quit right now is I'm finally feeling better, more clear headed, a little more energetic, and I love that. It has been years since I really felt good. Day 9 for me today (I've only done 9 days one other time in my 5 years drinking). I'm more patient with the kids, not having a hangover in the morning, and it's been weeks since I fell on the dog, so even my dog likes me again. I swear my dog used to roll her eyes at me. Or maybe I was just getting paranoid.... I really truly want it this time, and I am hoping that is what it takes to finally succeed. Have a great sober day everybody, stay strong. ;O)

SteveO, I hope you are doing okay today. Eventually, the drinking thoughts will lessen, and it will all just be a bad memory......