It get's worse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 9
It get's worse
Hello,
I won't trouble you with my story but joined this forum last year as Meerkat.
Back then I thought I could control this terrible thing which is alcohol. Last week after some problems with my wife and an argument she involved the police. When they came round I was out in the car and as a result will lose my driving license soon.
I have a copy of the big book and spent a couple of days in a rehab clininc a few years ago. I never thought it could get worse but it does.
Tomorrow I will attend a step meeting but tonight I went down to the beer shop for a few cans. Hopefully they will be my last.
Tonight, I told the lady in the beer shop who is a tee totaler of the problems I have with alcohol and she said she didn't think I was that bad. Lorraine I said, you only see me before I have taken a drink
I won't trouble you with my story but joined this forum last year as Meerkat.
Back then I thought I could control this terrible thing which is alcohol. Last week after some problems with my wife and an argument she involved the police. When they came round I was out in the car and as a result will lose my driving license soon.
I have a copy of the big book and spent a couple of days in a rehab clininc a few years ago. I never thought it could get worse but it does.
Tomorrow I will attend a step meeting but tonight I went down to the beer shop for a few cans. Hopefully they will be my last.
Tonight, I told the lady in the beer shop who is a tee totaler of the problems I have with alcohol and she said she didn't think I was that bad. Lorraine I said, you only see me before I have taken a drink
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I always heard the phrase "it will get worse" when I went to AA, but thought I was too smart to let that happen. But then I think about how bad I let it get before I did anything, and had to admit that I hadn't been very smart at all! (Of course, alcoholism doesn't care what our IQ is anyway). I think I stepped off the down elevator just in time.
I'm glad you came back and want to try again. Hang out here when you get an urge, and enjoy your meeting tomorrow!:ghug3
I'm glad you came back and want to try again. Hang out here when you get an urge, and enjoy your meeting tomorrow!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 96
We have this guy who comes around once in a while, a really cool AA'er who lives and studies abroad. He was really far down the scale, a real "bum" if I may say so, and now he's taking a university degree i New Zealand 
He always says "don't worry, it'll get worse", when people are saying "oh I'm fiiine, things couldn't be better, don't miss it at all, yadayada..."
It sounds like he's trying to be really pessimistic 'bout it all, but in fact, there's a truth to what he's saying. There will be times when your resolution will be tested, and you'll have times when in all normalicy you'd run to the first drink. Of course, working the steps or whatever, will help a lot with that.
What he's really saying is "this is a real beast!"
He always says "don't worry, it'll get worse", when people are saying "oh I'm fiiine, things couldn't be better, don't miss it at all, yadayada..."
It sounds like he's trying to be really pessimistic 'bout it all, but in fact, there's a truth to what he's saying. There will be times when your resolution will be tested, and you'll have times when in all normalicy you'd run to the first drink. Of course, working the steps or whatever, will help a lot with that.
What he's really saying is "this is a real beast!"
Last edited by jazzz; 08-25-2010 at 06:17 AM. Reason: censored
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 9
Bad news,
Today I spoke to a solicitor re. my impending Drink Driving appearance on 14th September, hoping that as I had had a clean license for almost 20 years and that as I was prepared to plead guilty at the first possible instance I might be able to keep my driving license due to the extreme hardship it will impose on not just me but my family.
The solicitor says that although this can sometimes be the case, there is little chance of this at the court where I will appear and I may even be looking at a two year as opposed to 12 month ban with a possible reduction if I enrol on an alchohol awareness course because of the alchohol reading ( over 2 1/2 times the limit ). I will lose my business and possibly my house.
I've been sober for over a week now and had intended remaining that way for good but don't see the point. I could handle my alchohol intake and made a stupid mistake. As a result I will be severely punished despite the fact no-one was hurt. I'm not feeling sorry for myself but fail to see the justice in a system which doesn't allow for mistakes and can financially ruin an otherwise good person who was struggling already in this current economic climate.
I have been attending regular AA meetings to make sure I didn't drink and intended continuing to do so but just don't see the point anymore.
Where is the justice in a system where although someone is genuinely remorseful it will ruin them financially anyway for something which could have happened but didn't ( I didn't even wreck the car ). I won't be able to get a job in the current financial climate as I've been self employed for 15 years and no one wants to employ a previously self employed drink driver.
Deterrents yes but Draconian measures ?
Today I spoke to a solicitor re. my impending Drink Driving appearance on 14th September, hoping that as I had had a clean license for almost 20 years and that as I was prepared to plead guilty at the first possible instance I might be able to keep my driving license due to the extreme hardship it will impose on not just me but my family.
The solicitor says that although this can sometimes be the case, there is little chance of this at the court where I will appear and I may even be looking at a two year as opposed to 12 month ban with a possible reduction if I enrol on an alchohol awareness course because of the alchohol reading ( over 2 1/2 times the limit ). I will lose my business and possibly my house.
I've been sober for over a week now and had intended remaining that way for good but don't see the point. I could handle my alchohol intake and made a stupid mistake. As a result I will be severely punished despite the fact no-one was hurt. I'm not feeling sorry for myself but fail to see the justice in a system which doesn't allow for mistakes and can financially ruin an otherwise good person who was struggling already in this current economic climate.
I have been attending regular AA meetings to make sure I didn't drink and intended continuing to do so but just don't see the point anymore.
Where is the justice in a system where although someone is genuinely remorseful it will ruin them financially anyway for something which could have happened but didn't ( I didn't even wreck the car ). I won't be able to get a job in the current financial climate as I've been self employed for 15 years and no one wants to employ a previously self employed drink driver.
Deterrents yes but Draconian measures ?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I'm sorry for your troubles. I know nothing of the legal system in this respect but hope you'll get some good legal advice. Keep in mind your solicitors opinion is just that- opinion.
As for not seeing the point of staying sober - whatever you may think of the legal consequences, it was alcohol and your relationship with it that put you in this situation to begin with.
I would have thought there was every point to continue with sobriety.
D
As for not seeing the point of staying sober - whatever you may think of the legal consequences, it was alcohol and your relationship with it that put you in this situation to begin with.
I would have thought there was every point to continue with sobriety.
D
Last edited by Dee74; 08-30-2010 at 05:35 PM. Reason: british not american
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
So it makes sense to drink because life is unfair, the world is unjust?
I hate to tell you this, but life was unfair and the world was unjust before your DUI. If you're only willing to stay sober if life treats you well, then your sobriety would be pretty short-lived in any event.
OTOH, if you were only willing to consider sobriety to the extent that it might help you in court, you probably aren't done drinking anyway.
I hate to tell you this, but life was unfair and the world was unjust before your DUI. If you're only willing to stay sober if life treats you well, then your sobriety would be pretty short-lived in any event.
OTOH, if you were only willing to consider sobriety to the extent that it might help you in court, you probably aren't done drinking anyway.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
1. So it makes sense to drink because life is unfair, the world is unjust?
2. I hate to tell you this, but life was unfair and the world was unjust before your DUI. If you're only willing to stay sober if life treats you well, then your sobriety would be pretty short-lived in any event.
3. OTOH, if you were only willing to consider sobriety to the extent that it might help you in court, you probably aren't done drinking anyway.
2. I hate to tell you this, but life was unfair and the world was unjust before your DUI. If you're only willing to stay sober if life treats you well, then your sobriety would be pretty short-lived in any event.
3. OTOH, if you were only willing to consider sobriety to the extent that it might help you in court, you probably aren't done drinking anyway.
2. I think I answered that in one.
3. No, I wasn't hoping to stay sober ( when you say sober you mean tee total as do I ) only because it would help me in court but as a genuine remorseful and lasting way of life in hope of better things. But, as I said in my post if staying sober when you're not alcoholic ( I really don't like that label for anyone ) but have made a stupid mistake brings no benefits or rewards from our pious and hypocritical society anyway then what is the point ?
Where is the sense in a system which ruins a perfectly good man who could reform when there are so many other alternatives in our society ?
I am looking for helpful reasons to stay sober, not just for me but for others who may be reading too. Not thoughtless quips about my reasons for possibly not remaining so.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Trust me, those were not thoughtless quips.
I don't understand what you are talking about. If you don't have a problem with alcohol, if this was a "stupid mistake" unrelated to alcoholism, then why would you consider stopping drinking forever?
If you DO have an alcohol problem (regardless what label you put on it), then what difference does it make whether your license is suspended in deciding whether to drink or not? I don't see the connection at all.
If you are an alcoholic or have decided you shouldn't drink, then don't. If not, then go ahead.
I don't see what your license suspension has to do with that decision.
I don't understand what you are talking about. If you don't have a problem with alcohol, if this was a "stupid mistake" unrelated to alcoholism, then why would you consider stopping drinking forever?
If you DO have an alcohol problem (regardless what label you put on it), then what difference does it make whether your license is suspended in deciding whether to drink or not? I don't see the connection at all.
If you are an alcoholic or have decided you shouldn't drink, then don't. If not, then go ahead.
I don't see what your license suspension has to do with that decision.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Your post reminds me of mine early 2009 where i had been dry for 5 months and then went out and drank again...wow!!!! Progressive, yeah it is! I remember waking up at the computer with SR website on the screen, then looking at the time and an hour had gone past, then panicking and checking myself for blood as last thing i remembered was being in a bar and being annoyed with someone...this was 9pm at night!
Now at 9pm i am mostly sitting in a restaurant somewhere with my GF eating a nice meal chatting the night away...happy, joyous and free...
AA has the solution if you are ready:-)
ps check this out, was another night of blacking out in the 4 months before i finally gave up and asked for help at AA...http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-there.html
Now at 9pm i am mostly sitting in a restaurant somewhere with my GF eating a nice meal chatting the night away...happy, joyous and free...
AA has the solution if you are ready:-)
ps check this out, was another night of blacking out in the 4 months before i finally gave up and asked for help at AA...http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-there.html
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
No matter how far I seem to fall, I just manage to fall a little bit farther. I cant stand to fall anymore, so I'm trying to build myself up. It could get worse if I continue to drink, so I decided that's not the answer. I scheduled an emergency appointment with my therapist and plan to start going back to AA tomorrow. I would start tonight, but I have class, working on my PhD, but I will be okay.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by SSIL75
I think you'd be hard pressed to find a non-alcoholic adult who drives at 2.5 times the legal limit.
Either way, you're not really answering my question where I was looking for positive reasons to stay completely alcohol free if someone's drinking isn't a constant problem. You see, what I have difficulty coming to terms with is the fact that I can get into bother without alcohol, speeding for example ( but I don't ) - solution don't speed so therefore drink driving, don't drink and drive. But if I'm not drinking and driving all the time but make a mistake once, should I stop drinking completely ? Surely by that analogy, if you're not speeding
all the time and aren't drinking when you speed then surely it would be reasonable to stop driving completely ?
Thanks for all the positive replies.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Meerkat1
...you're not really answering my question where I was looking for positive reasons to stay completely alcohol free if someone's drinking isn't a constant problem.
It's not anyone else's responsibility to provide you with positive reasons to avoid alcohol.
If your drinking is not a big enough problem for you, then keep drinking. Simple as that.
If it is a big enough problem, then decide to quit. Simple as that.
The quitting part itself, however, is usually not as simple as that.
As you can see from the past year, joining this site, getting a Big Book, and spending a few days in a rehab are not sufficient to stop drinking. All that got you was more severe consequences (trouble with wife, probable lost license).
And apparently, those consequences aren't severe enough to get you to stop drinking. You're right back to the first point. If it's not bad enough, keep drinking. If it is bad enough, decide to stop.
If you do decide to stop drinking, and find that you are having difficulty with that, many of us can help. Until then, there's nothing any of us can do for you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Meerkat - I have to say I'm just a little confused, too. If you just made a mistake and aren't an alcoholic, I'm wondering why you were in rehab a couple years ago and then joined this forum. It's just that your first post on this thread is completely different than the later ones. And this:
.I think that's why it's hard to know what to say. I'm not judging you, just telling you how it seemed to me.
I understand that you're angry - and that emotion is a real trigger for a lot of us. I've had the same feelings before: that life is just too much to deal with so how could anyone NOT drink? But if you look around this forum, there are a lot of people talking about all the positives of staying sober. Quite a few people here have never had any real consequences and/or who are early stage drinkers. I think we all know that eventually it will get worse (the title of this post). So you may ask why not drink, but the question from the other side is: why drink at all?
I hope things work out so that you don't lose your business or house. I hope the court is understanding. But whatever the outcome, drinking can only add to your problems. Really, what if you decided to drink in a blackout someday and kill someone? I always respected the AA folks who told me "it just hasn't happened to you..... yet." Unfortunately, it's the way things go if we keep on this path.
Tonight, I told the lady in the beer shop who is a tee totaler of the problems I have with alcohol and she said she didn't think I was that bad. Lorraine I said, you only see me before I have taken a drink
I understand that you're angry - and that emotion is a real trigger for a lot of us. I've had the same feelings before: that life is just too much to deal with so how could anyone NOT drink? But if you look around this forum, there are a lot of people talking about all the positives of staying sober. Quite a few people here have never had any real consequences and/or who are early stage drinkers. I think we all know that eventually it will get worse (the title of this post). So you may ask why not drink, but the question from the other side is: why drink at all?
I hope things work out so that you don't lose your business or house. I hope the court is understanding. But whatever the outcome, drinking can only add to your problems. Really, what if you decided to drink in a blackout someday and kill someone? I always respected the AA folks who told me "it just hasn't happened to you..... yet." Unfortunately, it's the way things go if we keep on this path.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: U.K.
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by Meerkat1
Bad news,
Today I spoke to a solicitor re. my impending Drink Driving appearance on 14th September, hoping that as I had had a clean license for almost 20 years and that as I was prepared to plead guilty at the first possible instance I might be able to keep my driving license due to the extreme hardship it will impose on not just me but my family.
The solicitor says that although this can sometimes be the case, there is little chance of this at the court where I will appear and I may even be looking at a two year as opposed to 12 month ban with a possible reduction if I enrol on an alchohol awareness course because of the alchohol reading ( over 2 1/2 times the limit ). I will lose my business and possibly my house.
I've been sober for over a week now and had intended remaining that way for good but don't see the point. I could handle my alchohol intake and made a stupid mistake. As a result I will be severely punished despite the fact no-one was hurt. I'm not feeling sorry for myself but fail to see the justice in a system which doesn't allow for mistakes and can financially ruin an otherwise good person who was struggling already in this current economic climate.
I have been attending regular AA meetings to make sure I didn't drink and intended continuing to do so but just don't see the point anymore.
Where is the justice in a system where although someone is genuinely remorseful it will ruin them financially anyway for something which could have happened but didn't ( I didn't even wreck the car ). I won't be able to get a job in the current financial climate as I've been self employed for 15 years and no one wants to employ a previously self employed drink driver.
Deterrents yes but Draconian measures ?
Today I spoke to a solicitor re. my impending Drink Driving appearance on 14th September, hoping that as I had had a clean license for almost 20 years and that as I was prepared to plead guilty at the first possible instance I might be able to keep my driving license due to the extreme hardship it will impose on not just me but my family.
The solicitor says that although this can sometimes be the case, there is little chance of this at the court where I will appear and I may even be looking at a two year as opposed to 12 month ban with a possible reduction if I enrol on an alchohol awareness course because of the alchohol reading ( over 2 1/2 times the limit ). I will lose my business and possibly my house.
I've been sober for over a week now and had intended remaining that way for good but don't see the point. I could handle my alchohol intake and made a stupid mistake. As a result I will be severely punished despite the fact no-one was hurt. I'm not feeling sorry for myself but fail to see the justice in a system which doesn't allow for mistakes and can financially ruin an otherwise good person who was struggling already in this current economic climate.
I have been attending regular AA meetings to make sure I didn't drink and intended continuing to do so but just don't see the point anymore.
Where is the justice in a system where although someone is genuinely remorseful it will ruin them financially anyway for something which could have happened but didn't ( I didn't even wreck the car ). I won't be able to get a job in the current financial climate as I've been self employed for 15 years and no one wants to employ a previously self employed drink driver.
Deterrents yes but Draconian measures ?
You didn't wreck the car this time it didn't happen this time
As for handling alcohol? It would appear you can't which is why you got in your car drunk and it's why the legal system is going to punish you accordingly.
I'm no angel and I'm not trying to lecture, rather asking you to look again at your actions and what could have happened, and what might happen should you keep your license.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by artsoul
I'm wondering why you were in rehab a couple years ago and then joined this forum.
Originally Posted by artsoul
Why drink at all?
Originally Posted by soberscot
What about the hardship and pain you could have caused on someones family if you'd had an accident that involved that families main earner, or their child?
You didn't wreck the car this time it didn't happen this time
As for handling alcohol? It would appear you can't which is why you got in your car drunk and it's why the legal system is going to punish you accordingly.
I'm no angel and I'm not trying to lecture, rather asking you to look again at your actions and what could have happened, and what might happen should you keep your license.
You didn't wreck the car this time it didn't happen this time
As for handling alcohol? It would appear you can't which is why you got in your car drunk and it's why the legal system is going to punish you accordingly.
I'm no angel and I'm not trying to lecture, rather asking you to look again at your actions and what could have happened, and what might happen should you keep your license.
However, consider yourself in the situation where as a fine upstanding member of society you attend a party or reception and unintentionally exceed the drink drive limit. You have a clean record and driving license, were fully capable of the task in hand but have exceeded the limit due to a stupid error of judgement. How would you feel being punished on the strength of what might have happened instead of what did ?
Could the mods please close this thread after this post as I had envisaged it latterly more as debate regarding positive reasons for stopping drinking on the back of an isolated incident rather than becoming a bit of a one man stand. No more posts here please in the meantime.
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