Peta

Hello

I am 26

And I'm an alcoholic

I realised I had a problem with drinking when I was around 20 - was talking on the phone to my friend in New Zealand (I was in Australia at the time) and realised I had finished the one bottle of wine while talking to her and opened the second

That was an eye opener - obviously there had been plenty of debauchery before this event which at the time I guess I though had been fun?

Wasnt able to stop

Got married at 21 to someone I shouldnt have

He was a lovely man but I still shouldnt of married him

My drinking gave me an escape to the reality that I didnt love my husband in the way I should

Plenty of booze infueld bad behaviour followed and I had an affair and the marriage broke up

At 24 I stopped drinking after a variety of attempts - read Allen Carr's book (several times) got hypnotised and it seemed to take away the desire

Was sober for about 18 months..

Early in my sobriety I met my now husband who is a drinker

I truly love him

I dont know if he's an alcoholic - i dont think he is but he does drink regularly and sometimes heavily

HE had never known me as a drunk

18 months into sobriety I took a few casual drinks then stopped then resumed.. and now i'm right back where I was

The hypnosis hasnt worked this time (have tried)


I'm not drinking every day and its no more than a bottle of wine when I do but its consuming my MENTAL space

am i an alcoholic am i not??

How should i quit?

etc etc etc - so i pretty much am assuming because i'm thinking about it all the time I AM AN ALCOHOLIC

went to a psychologist last week to discuss my drinking and HE said I WASNT an alcoholic which confused me no end!

THis justified a week of drinking since I'm not an alcoholic??

Anyway I know what I need to do

Go to AA meetings, get a sponsor, do the steps

Can someone please tell me when the mental compulsion around the drinking will stop!!!!!???????? when will i stop thinking about it ALL THE TIME!?@??!?!?

Thanks for letting me share

Dee74

Hi Peta

I think we can often get into difficulties asking other people if we're alcoholic or not - even here you're likely to get a range of responses.

I think it's far more useful and to the point to ask yourself if your drinking is causing you problems...and if it is, what are you going to do about it?

For me getting outside help and support was vital in breaking the cycle.

I'm an Aussie too - we have a few Aus and NZ links here you may want to check out

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2273689

Welcome to SR

D

Peta

You're right

I think sometimes people say "oh no you're not an alcoholic" because it justifies their own drinking

and i also think that many people dont understand true alcoholism isnt about how much we drink or how often but the mental obsession etc etc

thanks for your input

Dee74

no worries
You'll find a lot of support here too - see you 'round

D

LaFemme

Good luck and welcome.

If you read Carrs book, I suggest maybe rereading it. One of his ideas is that there is no reason to drink poison whether or not you are an alcoholic or not. There is no benefit to anyone.

keithj

I think right around Step 3, I had a moment where I realized that I hadn't thought about drinking that day, and I couldn't really remember thinking about it for a few days prior. It kind of snuck up on me.

Then, around Step 10, I knew for sure that I was reacting to life very differently, and that the drink problem was gone as long as I kept living like I was.

So, I guess it took 3 months or something? Never obsessed over it, or missed drinking, or wanted to drink since then. The occasional fleeting thought enters my head, but it's not something I worry about.

zbear23

I think it's important to name it properly: obsession rather than compulsion. The compulsion occurs AFTER I've had the first drink. The obsession is my inability to cease thinking about it.

And if I am obsessing on NOT drinking....then I'm obviously also obsessing on drinking. It is taking over my mind, my thinking.

That is why my sobriety began with the fear of the consequences if I drank again, and by taking the steps, ended up simply being a new design for living without any reference at all to drinking. Love does not need to reference fear. Once I've named the problem, my job is to move into the solution.

I regard recovery....and the resultant spiritual awakening/spiritual fiteness, as a skill set that is made explicit in AA literature. The more I practice the solution, the better I get at it, until the problem fades into irrelevance. It is at this point when "drinking poison" (alan carr) is a no brainer and I experience no inner dialogue as to should I or should I not. The obsession has been removed.

I don't drink bleach or eat dirt either. Nor do I ever think about it.

blessings
zenbear

LaFemme

"Eat dirt or drink bleach" I like that zbear!!!

I think from other posts I've read, that its different for everyone, I wish I could give you a definitive answer, but I don't think it works that way:-(

DayTrader

It stopped for me before I even wanted it to. I mean, I really didn't WANT to ever quit drinking. I loved drinking. I didn't really even want to taper back or slow down either. I used to think that "If God reeeeeeally IS allllllll powerful.......He should be able to grant me 2 wishes: 1. I continue to drink non-stop whenever and wherever I want. 2. God should take away all the suffering." That prayer wasn't "working."

I changed that prayer to "God, please help me/make me WANT to be sober. Make me not want to drink anymore." It wasn't long after that.....it literally just went away. I didn't change, I didn't "become willing to quit drinking," it wasn't a therapist or knowledge of self or knowledge of the disease.......none of that stuff. I simply asked God to take it away - and He did.

LexieCat

For me, the obsession left around the first week I was sober. Yes, I THOUGHT about drinking (you can't not think about it when you are in AA meetings or reading recovery literature) but I didn't think of it as something I wanted to do. I actually thought about it pretty much as Zbear described it--like eating dirt or drinking bleach. It wasn't something I felt inclined to put into my body anymore.

I am aware that it could very well return, though, so I can't afford to be complacent about it.

Everyone's experience seems to be different, though--My understanding is that Dr. Bob continued to experience the desire to drink for a long time.

CarolD

Peta .....Welcome back to our recovery community....

I think you are really wise to make plans for a sober future.

Did you use AA or any structured program
when you were sober before for 18 months?
Had the obcession eased or vanished during that time?

Good to see you here with us....please do keep posting
Blessings to you and your husband

Peta

Thank you all so much

In answer to one of your questions My 18 months of sobriety was not in any recovery program - I read Allen Carrs book - (several times, didnt work the first) got hypnotised which seemed to take away the desire to drink - but it came back after a year or so in a subtle way and i guess once I picked up it fed the addiction so the desire grew stronger and stronger...

While a lot of what Allen Carr says is true (there are no positives with drinking) I think that like you've pointed out for an alcoholic to TRULY get to a place where the desire is taken away and the inner dialogue is silenced - we have to commit to a journey of spiritual awakening where we hand it over to our higher power

I've been a Christian for 6 years and have prayed about my drinking but its almost like i havent fully believed that God would heal me in this way?

Perhaps part of me wanted to hold on to this for myself?? Like God you can have the other areas of my life but i'm holding onto the drinking ??

I'm not sure and while I can see that everyones DIFFERENT when it comes to when the compulsion goes away - I have hope in that it DOES go away and you are all proof of that

thank you

LaFemme

The compulsion does go away! But whatever path we take to sobriety, be it AA or Carrs book or hypnosis, we do have to keep working on ourselves and that means working on recovery...I don't think this is just for alcoholics, I think everyone needs to work on themselves their whole lives...of course that is just me, I've got a pretty good shot at being wrong;-)

P.s. my experience has been much like Day Traders....I prayed for a year that God would take away my desire to drink, and he did, I of course kept drinking despite the fact that I hated it. I'm 35 days sober now and no real compulsion to drink, but that doesn't mean I get to coast now. Imho.

artsoul

I prayed for the desire to quit, too. I guess it worked because I found SR within months and this has been my lifeline. The obsession was just as strong (if not stronger) however, during the first several weeks of sobriety.

I just knew if I got through those times (hearing the voice and getting the urge, but not acting on it), it would eventually fizzle out. I still think about it a lot at 3+ months, but it doesn't bring up an emotional reaction with me the way it did before. And I can see that other things are starting to fill my thoughts now.

I don't think it means there's anything wrong with our recovery if we still think a lot about it in the beginning. It often takes a year or more for cigarette smokers to stop thinking about having a smoke, and the same thing goes for getting over relationships. It takes time, but it does get easier after a while.

LaFemme

Wow, sorry for the hijack here but I just realized something when reading artsouls post...I gave up cigarettes the same day I gave up alcohol (a pack a day) and I haven't even thought about it since...I do think about alcohol every day, but never smokes...weird!