How do you grow a set of balls?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 73
How do you grow a set of balls?
I've quit drinking for 1 yr now, and find I need to deal with 'real life' for the first 'real time'.
That said, I find I'm a bit of a wuss now, who's unable to make decisions and doesn't truly know who he is.
How do I correct this?
That said, I find I'm a bit of a wuss now, who's unable to make decisions and doesn't truly know who he is.
How do I correct this?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I'm not sure how you 'make' that happen, to be honest.
It's natural to be scared - most of us avoided responsibility for a long time.
I just know the more I dealt with things, the more confident I become, the more I learned and the more I grew, as a person.
I worked as hard on finding out who I was as I did on not drinking.
I think that's just as important if you want to be happy, not to mention stay sober.
I found service work and working with others was very beneficial for me....one of those paradoxes - concentrating on others helped me know myself better than anything LOL.
D
It's natural to be scared - most of us avoided responsibility for a long time.
I just know the more I dealt with things, the more confident I become, the more I learned and the more I grew, as a person.
I worked as hard on finding out who I was as I did on not drinking.
I think that's just as important if you want to be happy, not to mention stay sober.
I found service work and working with others was very beneficial for me....one of those paradoxes - concentrating on others helped me know myself better than anything LOL.
D
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
That would be a neat party trick...
Anyways, congratulations on your sober time, Drk.
If it makes you feel any better, I have a year too, and I'm still not all together. I'm doing the best I can and things are starting to come together....slowly.
I guess just give it some time...and if certain things aren't working, change something.
Anyways, congratulations on your sober time, Drk.
If it makes you feel any better, I have a year too, and I'm still not all together. I'm doing the best I can and things are starting to come together....slowly.
I guess just give it some time...and if certain things aren't working, change something.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Columbus Ohio
Posts: 55
Im with Dee on that, I have know idea because I lost my balls 10 years ago and haven't grown a set as of yet. I've been sober for a month and am facing losing my house and my mind but im gonna deal with all this $hit clear headed and sober if we run to the funky stuff to try to escape the problems will still be there and worse. hang in there Drk were all here for you and I guess over time our balls grow back.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by Drk 
How do I correct this?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Why do you need to do this? Your decision, somone told you, seen it on TV?
Have you done any work on yourself since getting sober? Do you know who you are and about yourself before you go off to live 'real life'?
Just some things to think about because if you haven't changed bigtime inside then you are talking about taking you ythat you have always known and getting him out there in 'real life'...have you never tried that before?
Heres a great saying for you before you dash off to conquer the world:
"Fortune favours the prepared mind"
Have you done any work on yourself since getting sober? Do you know who you are and about yourself before you go off to live 'real life'?
Just some things to think about because if you haven't changed bigtime inside then you are talking about taking you ythat you have always known and getting him out there in 'real life'...have you never tried that before?
Heres a great saying for you before you dash off to conquer the world:
"Fortune favours the prepared mind"
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
I started drinking heavily when I was about 16 years old.
I have often heard it said that alcoholics are "immature" or "childish" people and I once heard an old timer say at an AA meeting that "we stop maturing from the time we start drinking"
I suspect there may be some truth is that because now when i think about it I never really knew how to face life situations without alcohol.
I was always a painfully shy person and never really knew how to relate to people. Alcohol gave me the courage I needed to socialize.
Alcohol also became a crutch in other similarly stressful situations.
If I was angry sad or lonely, jealous or fearful alcohol was my willing alli and a ready solution to whatever i was experiencing.
The problem with using alcohol as a coping mechanism is that it robs us of valuable lessons about dealing with life.
In the normal process of things we face the feelings and deal with the problems. We take the blows. We learn to get over it and we move on. This is how we learn. This is how we grow.
When we interrupt the normal process with alcohol we stop maturing.
In hindsight now I think I am being pretty accurate when I say that at 32 I had the maturity and decision making ability of the average 16 y.o.
It is only through understanding and learning and a willingness to change that i was finally able to start looking after myself and my family.
Talking with a counsellor, Step Work, Reading are just some of the things that helped me to identify the parts about myself that needed changing.
"....I am still not where I want to be, but I am no longer where I used to be...."
A quote I like.
I also like the word "Courage"
We all need Courage to deal with the pain and stress of life. Courage means that even though I am afraid I will still do what I have to do.
"....do it afraid...." another quote I like....
I cant tell you how to grow a pair of hairy ones my friend but I
can tell you to look for the courage inside you. It is there if you look deep enough.
I have often heard it said that alcoholics are "immature" or "childish" people and I once heard an old timer say at an AA meeting that "we stop maturing from the time we start drinking"
I suspect there may be some truth is that because now when i think about it I never really knew how to face life situations without alcohol.
I was always a painfully shy person and never really knew how to relate to people. Alcohol gave me the courage I needed to socialize.
Alcohol also became a crutch in other similarly stressful situations.
If I was angry sad or lonely, jealous or fearful alcohol was my willing alli and a ready solution to whatever i was experiencing.
The problem with using alcohol as a coping mechanism is that it robs us of valuable lessons about dealing with life.
In the normal process of things we face the feelings and deal with the problems. We take the blows. We learn to get over it and we move on. This is how we learn. This is how we grow.
When we interrupt the normal process with alcohol we stop maturing.
In hindsight now I think I am being pretty accurate when I say that at 32 I had the maturity and decision making ability of the average 16 y.o.
It is only through understanding and learning and a willingness to change that i was finally able to start looking after myself and my family.
Talking with a counsellor, Step Work, Reading are just some of the things that helped me to identify the parts about myself that needed changing.
"....I am still not where I want to be, but I am no longer where I used to be...."
A quote I like.
I also like the word "Courage"
We all need Courage to deal with the pain and stress of life. Courage means that even though I am afraid I will still do what I have to do.
"....do it afraid...." another quote I like....
I cant tell you how to grow a pair of hairy ones my friend
but Ican tell you to look for the courage inside you. It is there if you look deep enough.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,964
Originally Posted by Drk
I've quit drinking for 1 yr now, and find I need to deal with 'real life' for the first 'real time'.
That said, I find I'm a bit of a wuss now, who's unable to make decisions and doesn't truly know who he is.
How do I correct this?
That said, I find I'm a bit of a wuss now, who's unable to make decisions and doesn't truly know who he is.
How do I correct this?
It was for me...when the time was right...I was right on it.
I hope you can gather it inner most resources that would have you healthy. Its so worth it to reach beyond your fears
. Worked for me 
.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I've been sober 12 years this year and i still have days when I think "OMG what do I do now?"
However I will give you two pieces of advice
1. What others think of you is none of your business
2. While making mistakes feels bad, it's how we learn to do things better
1 doesn't give you an excuse to be a w**nker and be mean to others
BUT
2 does give you the right to be human and give yourself a break
However I will give you two pieces of advice
1. What others think of you is none of your business
2. While making mistakes feels bad, it's how we learn to do things better
1 doesn't give you an excuse to be a w**nker and be mean to others
BUT
2 does give you the right to be human and give yourself a break
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
The only way I could learn to live without alcohol as a crutch was to really work on myself. I saw a counselor for about 7 months after I quit, he was experienced in addiction issues, but surprisingly most of our sessions had nothing to do with drinking/using.. I had a lot of stuff to work on, and had to learn all new skills on how to deal with life no matter what was handed to me, without using.
Have you seen a counselor, or gone to meetings, or anything..?
Have you seen a counselor, or gone to meetings, or anything..?
Attended By a Single Hound
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Drk
I've quit drinking for 1 yr now, and find I need to deal with 'real life' for the first 'real time'.
That said, I find I'm a bit of a wuss now, who's unable to make decisions and doesn't truly know who he is.
How do I correct this?
That said, I find I'm a bit of a wuss now, who's unable to make decisions and doesn't truly know who he is.
How do I correct this?
I'm a year and eight months clean now and begining to find out who I am. I'll never forget when I, newly clean, discovered I didn't even like half the food I'd spent the last few years almost exclusively living on. Odd thing. Also, when I realised what I'd thought was having balls was actually just being a total a-hole.
Feel like I've been dating myself for the past year...just getting to know who I am. Found I have qualities I never knew, and also that I'm a total pain in the arse lol. Given me a new appreciation for my mates...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 93
While growing balls would be a funny thing for a chic like me.....uhem....I must say that just HAVING the "balls" to quit for a year is pretty impressive.
I come from a VERY messed up, broken family....we're talking alcoholics parents.....mental institution escapes by my mother...child abuse, (in every way imaginable)...hell, I am 43 years old and my 61 year old drunk mother rang my cell and left a message that she had "died two weeks ago" and that now I would be "all alone"...(I had a co-worker/friend listen to it so someone would believe I even was in receipt of it!)...this is the same woman who had not seen her own son (the one that died 2 years ago) since 1982...
Anyhow....my point? Some of us have some REALLY serious issues, (and blow them off as nothing) and others have not as serious issues, (and blow them way out of proportion)......we are ALL individuals and like that one poster said....it's none of your business what others think about you...(I personally could give a rat's bootie what people think of me any more.....I wasted too much of my youth worrying about that garbage)......life is just life....no rules....no boundaries.....no nothing that is set in stone and not malleable in some way.....and as a girl I have to say....what do having balls have anything to do with anything? (that's a ha-ha, by the way.....)
I come from a VERY messed up, broken family....we're talking alcoholics parents.....mental institution escapes by my mother...child abuse, (in every way imaginable)...hell, I am 43 years old and my 61 year old drunk mother rang my cell and left a message that she had "died two weeks ago" and that now I would be "all alone"...(I had a co-worker/friend listen to it so someone would believe I even was in receipt of it!)...this is the same woman who had not seen her own son (the one that died 2 years ago) since 1982...
Anyhow....my point? Some of us have some REALLY serious issues, (and blow them off as nothing) and others have not as serious issues, (and blow them way out of proportion)......we are ALL individuals and like that one poster said....it's none of your business what others think about you...(I personally could give a rat's bootie what people think of me any more.....I wasted too much of my youth worrying about that garbage)......life is just life....no rules....no boundaries.....no nothing that is set in stone and not malleable in some way.....and as a girl I have to say....what do having balls have anything to do with anything? (that's a ha-ha, by the way.....)
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Congratulations on your year Drk.....
I find living the AA 12 Steps and
connecting to God gives me direction
in all areas of my life.
I really enjoy the new recovered me....
hope you will find that true for you.
I find living the AA 12 Steps and
connecting to God gives me direction
in all areas of my life.
I really enjoy the new recovered me....
hope you will find that true for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Drk, that's a funny phraseology for the title.
What do you mean, what is it that you are having a problem with when it comes to having nerve or gumption or being determined about something? Are you saying you are just afraid to make decisions and act on them and leave things as they are? Does something need to be changed? For some people, not drinking for a year sounds overwhelming and strong. So it really depends on why you are not satisfied with this "wuss" situation.
What do you mean, what is it that you are having a problem with when it comes to having nerve or gumption or being determined about something? Are you saying you are just afraid to make decisions and act on them and leave things as they are? Does something need to be changed? For some people, not drinking for a year sounds overwhelming and strong. So it really depends on why you are not satisfied with this "wuss" situation.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
that said, I find I'm a bit of a wuss now, who's unable to make decisions and doesn't truly know who he is.
good topic and good honesty
well,I never knew who I was too.I found this out while doing my 4th step inventory.
I lost me back in grade school in grade 5 when I started acting like someone I really wasn`t, to try and feel like I fit in with the others.I started changing me to be like I thought others wanted me to be,Thats where it started,and it grew worst as I got older.My inventory showed me my dependence on people ,places or things. I tried to fix the fear inside instead of using the H.P.
In other words,that was my life run on self will instead of God`s will.
It stems from fear and it was my attempt to use self will to combat that fear instead of relieing and trusting in God to direct my life.
When I quit trying to please people by changing my life to suit them,and put my focus on seeking and doing God,`s will, then I realized who I really am.I also found a lot of freedom and peace,and I realized one day I liked people more than ever.
unable to make decisions?
wishy washy I call it,I was too
my sponsor told me this simple thing
go ahead and make the decision,time will tell if you are wrong or right,if you are wrong,don`t make that decision again
so I did,and after some time ,confidence came -slowly
good topic and good honesty
well,I never knew who I was too.I found this out while doing my 4th step inventory.
I lost me back in grade school in grade 5 when I started acting like someone I really wasn`t, to try and feel like I fit in with the others.I started changing me to be like I thought others wanted me to be,Thats where it started,and it grew worst as I got older.My inventory showed me my dependence on people ,places or things. I tried to fix the fear inside instead of using the H.P.
In other words,that was my life run on self will instead of God`s will.
It stems from fear and it was my attempt to use self will to combat that fear instead of relieing and trusting in God to direct my life.
When I quit trying to please people by changing my life to suit them,and put my focus on seeking and doing God,`s will, then I realized who I really am.I also found a lot of freedom and peace,and I realized one day I liked people more than ever.
unable to make decisions?
wishy washy I call it,I was too
my sponsor told me this simple thing
go ahead and make the decision,time will tell if you are wrong or right,if you are wrong,don`t make that decision again
so I did,and after some time ,confidence came -slowly
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 224
I've always been sort of a wuss: at least now I'm a sober wuss. Part of character work is changing who you are, but part also is accepting who you are. Maybe you were a real flamer when actively drinking and you're just right know. lol Who know?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
I started to look at the examples of strength in the rooms of AA. Too much emphasis on being helpless in recovery. Too many with "years" of sobriety, but still unable to make the simplest of life decisions. Thats not what I wanted. Its a program of action. Good luck and congrats.
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