JackUK

Hello everyone. I am a 25 year old married father of one

I have been lurking on this site for a few days now, just reading other peoples stories, thoughts...etc.

I suppose I am looking for some sort of outreach or support for an alcohol problem I may have.

Over the past couple years I have drank ALOT...as in for about a year pretty much every night, now granted this was with friends, at bars etc...but it slowly turned into drinking alone. I began to notice I didnt drink to just...drink. I would/could not just have a "couple beers" I wanted to always get wasted...have fun.

On March 4th my other passed away of Alcoholic Chirossis of the liver. She has been an alcoholic my entire life and it was very difficult to watch her literally die right before my eyes. She was in the hospital for her last time for a week and a half (six days of which she was in a coma) before she died.

IT seems so obvious that I SHOULD stop drinking especiially with a mother who JUST DIED (at age 55) from this horrible disease, but I want to convince myself that I dont have a problem and I just like to have fun.
My wife has told me time and time again (especially in recent days) that I MUST stop my drinking...at least as much.

Ok sorry to be rambling, first post on here and Kinda nervous but I supposed I am just looking for a support group when attempting to curb/end my drinking. But I am finding it very hard to even THINK about stopping, let alone literally wanthing to go home after I leave the office today and slam back a 12 pack.


Thanks in advance for all those who reply

CarolD

How sad to know you lost your Mother to alcohol.
Prayers for comfort for you and all who love her.


You might want to have an honest talk with your
doctor about your drinking habits. You have just
witnessed what happens to unchecked alcoholism.

Good to see you are seeking a healthier future.
Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum....

Cathy31

Hi Jack
I'm sure others will be along to share their stories with you, but first things firsst! Well done that you have acknowledged that you may have a problem. That's a big step! What I did was read as many posts as possible and eventually I realised that I too was alcoholic. The next step was to find the nearest AA meeting (I googled my city and AA meeting) and with a lot of encouragement from ppl here went to it. I wasn't FULLY convinced I was an alcoholic by the time I got to my first meeting, but I went anyway and I realised that AA was the most amazing unpressurised program of ACTION that allows you to do as much or as little as you wish! For me, it's granted me a new beautiful life and I have not had the desire to drink for years - this is from someone who found it very hard to go for more than 3 days without a drink! So from my perspective : AA works, there are meetings everywhere and today it's the best thing that ever happened to me- and GREAT things have happened to me since I got sober! Keep posting, and good luck!
Cathy31
x

JackUK

Thank you

My mother drank HEAVILY for 25 years...especially the past 7 years (she went WAY DOWN hill after my grandmother died) as in she would wake up, drink, pass out, drink...etc. She was drinking pints of vodka a day up until the last time she went into the hospital.

While I am not trying to negate the health issues that may have arisen due to MY drinking, I dont think its quite that bad just yet...I have slowed down these past few months and tend to be a weekend drinker with a few days mixed in here and there. Nonetheless I am noticing more and more how I CRAVE that buzz...bad!

It is just very frustrating because I know alot of people (many of whom are my friends) can enjoy alcohol at a responsible level...and even get drunk from time to time i.e. holidays, random events..etc and not really crave or have any desire to drink again for months. Myself, on the other hand...basically If there were no heath consequences I would pretty much get hammered several days a week, and I hate that I have this "impulse" or insane desire to drink due to what genetics may have been passed down from my mother/family.

JackUK

Thanks Cathy!

FYI..MY name is Bill...my sons name is Jack lol

I have been contemplating as of late of perhaps going to AA meetings. But 1. I am somewhat embarassed to even admit to my wife and her family (not much of a family for me) that I am an alcoholic and 2. That means I at least have to TELL myself I cannot drink again, and I hate that. I hate the thought of not being able to go to a basketball game and have some beers, hate the thought of not being able to enjoy drinking at our annual christmas parties with friends...etc.

Blah! I dunno...maybe these are all "normal" traits and fears among alcoholics and I am just one in a million. Still difficult nonetheless.

Thanks you for your post!


p.s. My mothers name was Kathy (with a K obviously)

WantsOut

Hi JackUK - It's good that you're writing and thinking. Alcoholism is so much in our heads, us drunks. That's the place to start. I was sober for 10 years before I relapsed and now I'm on day 49. For me the place to start was with my delusional thinking. I told myself that drinking was fun, but when I really broke it down I saw the truth. Drinking made me hungover, damaged my relationships, made people think less of me, and often ended in a fight or other awful episode.

Is drinking actually fun overall for you?

An alcoholic's delusional thinking is his worst enemy.

JackUK

Yeah the hangovers are the WORST. Especially because when I drink...i DRINK. Its nothing for me to throw back several beers in a night (more on the weekend), then I wake up the next day feeling like a ran over kitten.

Congrats on your 49 days...and even on your 10 years! thats amazing!

That is another question I have...I have read/seen...heard stories on here about people being very down on themselves for "relapsing" after 9 months, 3 years, 7 years...etc. Well to me (and please give your opinions/advice) say If i were to be an everyday drinker (which I almost am ) and I dont have a drink for say...two years...then go all out one weekend, get drunk etc, its almost like the last two years mean NOTHING...when in fact I went from getting drunk everyday, to once in two years!

JackUK

any advice would be appreciated...

Toronto68

Jack, what do you mean by the last question? Are you asking whether it would still be "alcoholism" (if you are an alcoholic to begin with) if you stayed off for the 2 years and then had fun drinking all of a sudden? I don't know if I can picture it working that way. If you stayed off it for 2 years it would have been because it was working for you to be that way; then once you drank again, it would most likely be a disaster for you, probably worse experiences than before. Like the soul was getting drained.

I'm sorry you're dealing with your mother's death.

It didn't do me any good to hear it when stopping was out of the question for me, but....since you are looking into the idea (that's how you got here), it is worth giving it a try. I upped my drinking after both my parents died, one when I was younger than you and the other a little older. The burden of the addiction got a lot heavier after that. I wasn't drinking for fun anymore. I gave AA a try a lot of years ago but didn't keep it up, and didn't try anything else. The last 10 years or so could have been a little less empty, who knows. Looking for help is the right thing to do.

soidog

Jack - Sorry to hear about your mother's death. You can get a lot of good advice, insight, and inspiration on this board.

Just reacting to some of the things you wrote earlier that stood out to me. First, like you, I always had "an issue" with my being an alcoholic relative to other people who can drink "normally". I always thought to myself "Hey I should be able to drink 'normally' like everyone else". Well, the painful realization that ultimately dawned on me was that I couldn't. The fact of the matter is, some people can have one or two drinks and call it quits and that's it. For alcoholics, like me at least, that's just not an option - for whatever reason - genetic, psychological, whatever. So, for me it was an important step to get over the "why can't I drink normally like everyone else" phase and just accept me for what I was.

Secondly, about work. You mentioned wanting to pound a 12 pack after work today. I am sooo with you on that. Work stress was probably the number one reason why I drank continuously for years and years, every night. For me, drinking, work stress, and depression/insomnia were like virtual constants in my life that fed off each other. Once I kicked the bottle, the depression and sleeping problems ended, and although the work stress is still there - I handle it much more ably than I did before when my only "solution" was to temporarily escape from it by getting drunk. And believe me, I do have a very stressful job as well (and the same job I had when I was a drunk). Quitting will make work sooo much better and easier to cope with.

Good luck!

barb dwyer

Hi Jack and welcome to SR.

I know Jack is the son... but .. well I'll never remember anything but people's handles.

I think we all know what we are.
I'm glad to see you, at an early stage, ready to make some changes
for your son's sake... and for your own.

i'm very sorry about your mother,
losing a parent isn't easy
no matter how it occurs.
I had lost both my parents by 21,
so I know what it does
to our own sense of mortality.

Maybe it's their last gift to us.
The re-examination of our own lives.

I've seen you ask several times for information...
has anyone told you about the stickies at the top of this forum?
That's fgood reading.

i heartily recommend getting the book 'Under The Influence"
that the excerpts on here share.

There's another THOUSAND books
but for the money - that one is the 'turnaround' book.

Understanding as much as we can is a GOOD thing.

Your last comment is correct.
And not widely known... other than in recovery.

When we quit...
no matter HOW LONG we quit...
when/if we pick back up...
it starts AS IF we'd never stopped.

Many people don't understand that.


Again - welcome to the connumity!

I hope you find the information and support you're looking for!

barb dwyer

"connumity" COMMUNITY ...

NewBeginning010

Hi Bill,

Most of us started exactly where you are, first we thought we might have a problem & then took it from there.

Some took action, some posted & read and went back to drinking. I hope you stay close to SR & consider a program to help you along the way. I didn't want to admit I was an alcoholic either, well... I am ;-)

Your story is very close to mine in the recent past, almost too close. It can get worse very quickly & it just gets harder & harder to quit as time goes on.

Anyway, I just wanted to welcome you here & wish you the best in your recovery. Please remember, nothing changes if nothing changes.

Take Care,

NB

P.S. Sorry to hear about your mother, may she be in a peaceful place :ghug3

JackUK

Thank you very much...and thank you ALL for responding to my post. I know its a message board, and I know its the internet and I dont know any of you but its...comforting...amazing almost (not to sound corny That I have received this support ALREADY.

Regardless if I "fall off the wagon" or not I will continue to come here, post and read others stories/thoughts. As much as I love my wife and understand her concern...she just dosent get it, and thats not HER fault. It's comforting to talk/communicate with people who understand COMPLETELY what Im going through not..."well just stop drinking."

For example, just the other day I was like "Hey I havent drank at all this week!" and she said "well its only been 4 days"...OUCH! lol...but Im not mad at her for that...to her 4 days isnt ****, but to me those were HARD four days...I wanted a beer, I wanted to go out...etc.

I think i am coming to the realization (albiet slowly) that I do have a problem and hopefully with support I can overcome it. I still dont like the fact of thinking I can never drink again, but the more and more I think aboiut my situation as opposed to other "normal" drinkers...the more I realize that I just may have to accept that.

I have NEVER been to an AA meeting....When I was younger I went to ONE Al a teen (spelling?) meeting and did NOT like it because I felt noone could relate. Having a mother who was an extreme alcoholic, and growing up in a hostile household with her alcoholic boyfriend made me feel ALOT different than the other kids there who would talk about their grandpa or random aunt being an alcoholic. I dunno...not saying it hurt them any less, but still could not relate at all.

Above all...with my mother just passing I find it hard to not just drink (how stupid is that?!?! she DIED from drinking lol) but I feel guilty...almost ashamed that I didnt DO MORE for her during her rough times. From the time I was 16 (when I got my license) I took her to countless detox centers, treatment facilities, would pick her up at bars, let her stay with me from time to time when she was homeless...the list goes on and on. But the most recent years I would still talk to her on the phone daily, but didnt go see her as much as I would have liked.(she was staying with a friend who was kind enough to take her in)

DecBaby

Jack something that stands out to me is your fear of NEVER drinking again. Start with today, Today you won't have a drink. Do the same thing tomorrow. Tell yourself just for now you will not drink. I don't know if others agree with this but it makes it sem a lot less hard than to say I can't drink EVER again.

least

I knew I had a bad problem with drinking over two years ago, but couldn't stop on my own. I had to have rehab (three times!), went to AA, seeing a counselor (an addiction specialist), and other methods of support. I realize now that I was trying to CONTROL my drinking, not really trying to stop drinking. I kept on thinking I could control it, but that was a big lie.

I hope you can stop drinking. It's really not worth it. You'll save yourself a lot of money, time, and sorrow by quitting now. Give sobriety a good try. What do you have to lose but a bad expensive and ultimately fatal habit?

I too am sorry for the loss of your mom. One good reason for me to stay sober is so I won't hurt my kids any more than I already have. I do'nt want to leave them a legacy of hurt and sadness.

Rimmy

That thought kept me drinking far too much for the past 13 years. You don't want your drinking to progress to a point where years go by and you look back and think, "what the hell was the point of that!"

I just told all my close friends and family and got nothing but support and understanding. You don't have to announce to anybody "I am an alcoholic" in order to say you are taking a break from drinking for a while.

Good Luck

mirage

Hi Bill...you've gotten some great input so far. Just wanted to say sorry about your mom and I'm glad you plan on plugging in here, whether or not you've quit. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I come here every day, and I do think it makes me stronger, if not more knowledgeable. I know there's no going back to when I was ignorant or in denial about my drinking...so I think SR is fantastic, and the people here are wonderful. You can do this..you may need a little time for it to all sink in and be ready, but you'll do it.

WantsOut

When I relapsed after all those years, drinking /was/fun again - at first. Why do people do self-destructive things like smoke cigs or crack or drink? Cause it's fun at least for a while. Then the first thing happened - small but scary. Then driving with a buzz. Then a sorta big thing. Then I was passed out in Times Square, cops poking me with their nightsticks while my friends stood by horrified. And so it goes.

It's always going to be there, this disease. I cannot drink normally. Not in 1997, not in 2010, and not in 2035.

armaviva

looks like you're gettng some great advice, i have nothing to add i just wanted to touch on this. i cant speak for anyone else, but for me, and in my instance of recently relapsing after a little more than 2 years, the next day was so horrible because of the guilt that i associate with drinking. my drinking hurts myself and other people. for one night, i drank, and i let myself and others down. it doesn't mean that 2 years mean nothing to me. i was proud of myself, still am. i am still working toward recovery, it was a mistake and i feel sorry for it, but where i am now is so much better than where i was two years ago. where i am today (on day 5) is exponentially better than where i was 4 days ago (day 1 again). im actually excited to start over, and prove to myself once again that i can do this, that i am doing this. i feel good that i was able to pick myself back up after one night of drinking, and that it didn't turn into more and more nights, months and months, as it has before. and my previous experiences with sobriety no doubt contributed to that. its like anything else you know, practice makes perfect--that sort of thing. just like with any other addiction, if you fail you just have to get back up again and take it as a learning experience. i think in recovery for addiction, a relapse or several relapses...is almost expected. i dont think i've ever heard of someone beating it on the first try. so while a relapse is definitely a cause for some remorse, it doesn't take anything away from the sober time that i did have.