Killswitch

Don't even bother telling anyone until you have a good length of sobriety under your belt. If you tell people your quitting after 3 days of sobriety you will be met with a great deal of scepticism. . . . At least I have been (and for good reason at this point). After my latest lapse in sobriety I'm not even mentioning "quitting" for awhile.

If asked why I'm not drinking I'm just going to tell them I don't feel like it tonight or whatever. Maybe your friends and loved ones are different than mine, but I think I'm going to need a good length of time behind me before people really believe it's for good.

Toronto68

Stewart, I'm trying to remember if you mentioned you were interested in AA, and I think that is why I asked whether you had told anyone your thoughts on quitting. I could be wrong, but I thought it would be helpful to you, to have someone in front of you who had been through it - instead of just keeping the issue to yourself. Maybe it is enough that you come to this site, not sure.

getr345

IMO Killswitch, sometimes telling other people strengthens your own decision and makes it harder for you to go back on it. The more out there it is, the more real it is. It closes more backdoors you may be leaving open. Who cares what people believe, if you are serious and have what it takes and do the work, they will see in time. But I think the more "public" and open (and honest) your sobriety becomes, the greater your chance for long term success.

WasteOFtime

The "real day one" thus far, (and I say thus far because I don't know what will happen tomorrow,) was when I did not pick up and made the decision that I did not want to pick up, and forced myself to find help.

My simple take on it is, if you find yourself in AA or NA rooms,(not by court order) or lurking on websites that have to do with recovery in some way, shape, or form, then you are ready or damn close to being ready to get help. Once you take one step forward to help yourself, people will be ready to help you succeed. If you are not willing to help yourself then not many people are going to be willing to help you. The doors are always open, but its up to you to suit up and show up.

First day for me was at mid-night, because I follow the just for today method and it works for me!!

This is simple, its a life or death decision for me, I am playing Russian roulette with the bottle, and I know if I drink that sooner or later when I pull the trigger its going to go BANG.

Keep it simple,
Make good friends,
work your steps,
Ask your higher power, and others for help
Hell my higher power was a chair for the first 6 months, because it was the only think that could hold me up lol


and you WILL succeed!

getr345

Something else to consider Killswitch when telling people who maybe have heard it all before from you is telling them what will be different this time, and why, because THIS TIME you truly understand why and how it will be different. And maybe that will take you some time to figure out. But if they can see and recognize that you truly have a different approach, some of the skepticism might drop and in it's place you might find renewed support. For example, you might say, "Hi Mom (or whoever) I'm trying to quit drinking again and I know you might be skeptical but the reason it truly will be different this time is because..." and you can fill in the blank with any number of things: Because I'm an alcoholic and finally understand what that means and that I truly cannot drink again, or because I'm going to AA and have working the steps, or because I'm in treatment, or because I have read the AA Big Big cover to cover ~twice~ and have a much greater understanding of alcoholism, or because I have found an online support group where I am learning about alcoholism and recovery, whatever. It's what's different this time that makes it different. Getting sober is not like rolling the dice to see what might happen this time, seems you have tried that before and rolled craps so to speak. Figure out how the game is played, how to win every time, and it's not really a gamble anymore or a game of chance with bad odds. It's more of a level playing field where you take an active role in the result.

StewartUK

To be honest at this point im reluctant with A.A, i suppose its because my view of AA has always been of hardned career drinkers and not some weekend binger like myself, now before you say it, i know that impression will be false but its still holding me back. For now this group is helping immensely, ive heard people that dont use AA can struggle and im not vetoing it at all but just for now i dont think im ready. As for telling people, they've probably heard it before and wouldnt believe me for a second but at least if they know im trying it stops people offering drinks...who knows!

NEOMARXIST

I find people don't offer drinks anymore when I tell them that I'm a recovering alcoholic. Open, Honest and true. I only tell them if I need to though. Why mess around making up bullsh*t excuses or anything like that.

Anyway, anyone who knew me knew back in the day knew that I always drank anyway. I always was the hardcore of the lot and now I've gone full-circle and took harcore binging to the limit, I'm an alcoholic, but recovering mindyou. It's the natural progression of someone who truly lives the lifestyle. All the others were just frauds!! LOL.

I found that telling everybody who needed to know the score and that I no-longer drank meant that when the going gets tough then there ain't nowhere to run to. Often not telling people is your alcoholic voice/mind leaving an escape avenue to run down. Rat yourself out good and proper and go to any lengths that you need to in-order not to take that first drink "Just for today"

This is coming from an ex binge-drinker. Mate I was 23 when i got sober and lived for my sesh. There are many, many alcoholics who are binge-drinkers and give-up before they become 24/7 drinkers. You can be one too, you just have to want it more than you want to get f*cked up.

Toronto68

Stewart, I think it's great if you get a lot out of the site. I understand if you have preconceived ideas about what AA means and whether it suits you. I can think of people who would identify with you though and who use AA. I remember when you started talking about how you would wake up sort of baffled with yourself and what had happened (shoes still on and all that). I am assuming that was disturbing for you if not also scary (you had no idea what was going on prior to waking up). That means something to me. I wouldn't want you to have to continue to experience whatever negative emotions prompted you to look for the site - let alone continue and also get hurt or worse. I would rather you be freed from it all instead. So ultimately I would want you to find a solution that works for you, whether AA is in the picture or not. But you have to be your own agent in it though, whether I care or not (that's something I understand about alcoholism now more than I used to). I consider myself lucky to be able to write back to you and talk about this; not everyone gets to do that, unfortunately!

StewartUK

cheers guys, i'm glad your here for the support! Toronto, i think the only thing more disturbing about waking up totally confused and unaware of whats going on is how quick i become accustomed to the practise

Toronto68

Stewart, has anything changed for you? Is it going alright?

Cathy31

Well nothing changes if nothing changes...and in my experience the effort required to simply be part of an online community hardly equals the effort required to get and stay sober - HAPPILY! Happily is the key. *Sigh* A young girl in our fellowship took her own life on Friday. She tried the easier softer way - not so soft hey! Our disease destroys - and Steward a weekend binger is no different to a daily drinker it's just another avenue alcoholism uses to kill you. I too was a binger. I too am an alcoholic.
Cathy31
x

StewartUK

Hi Toronto everythings going good cheers, no drinking!

I appreciate everything that people have chipped in with in this forum and cheers for the advice Toronto. However I have noticed alot of real borederline harshness when it comes to people talking about AA. I appreciate your comments Kathy and ive not made up my mind yet about which course of action to take and im open minded to everything but i dont appreciate statements slating a lack of percieved effort on my part to address my own problems, since you have 0 understanding of my life.

CStyle

Sometimes reality is Harsh. If you are truly an alcoholic, than all the effort (on your part) in the world isn't going to stop your alcoholism. Next time you get diarrhea, try to stop it and see how that works out. While I do not believe that AA is the only way to get and stay sober, it is the only way that I know of, that millions of people have gotten and stayed sober.

I truly hope that you are beaten into a sense of reasonableness sooner, rather than later. I hope this for all people lost in active addition.

StewartUK

This is the thing though, I have never at any point said i was against A.A. Its something ive been thinking about for the last few weeks and have no problems with giving a shot. What astounds me about this forum is the quickness for people to judge other peoples efforts, the only thing putting me off A.A right now is some of the arguments ive witnessed between A.A and non A.A members.

From reading this forum for years its been a place of amazing support and genuiney willingess for people to help each other, i dont understand why this percieved divide becomes such an issue. The only thing i ever mentioned in my postings was that i wasnt sure if i was ready for A.A, not that I had anything against the idea so im not so sure what's unreasonable about this.

The post in response to KAthy was an overraction which i appologise for, but it comes only through my own frustration at reading new comers being met with this attitude at times.

Toronto68

Stewart, once in a while there will be a person here who does not exactly come across as Little Bo Peep in their responses. Sometimes that is also someone who is very outspoken about AA being the way to go. People need to check their approach to others, and I include myself in that.

The good thing behind the responses though, no matter how they are delivered, is that the person does care about recovery for others. There is a silver lining inside the appearance of harshness though, when you think about the fact that complete strangers are actually looking at the topic of someone else's suffering. Not everybody packages it in the same way.

One of the reasons that I have wondered whether AA is the right way to go for you is the face-to-face idea. If you get something from me, that's great, but I am a lot more remote than somebody that might be less than an hour away on the town map...and hypothetically the in-person support might be more effective in a craving situation, if one came up for you.

Glad you came back in here and found my question to you though. Sounds like you are hanging in there, and I'm glad!

StewartUK

Thanks Toronto. I know the posts are well meaning and I get the need to be harsh in terms of delivering a reality sandwhich to someone. I mean i think your right, i think face to face support is probably second to none and i'll be keeping it in mind in the coming weeks. Dont underestimate the value of your contributions though as it does help a great deal. I was just browsing posts from others the other evening and got pretty worked up by the delivery of some peoples message as there was one guy whod just come on clearly confussed and was hit with this A.A or fail message which even if true doesnt really do someone any good and may end up turning them away from a possible lifeline of their recovery( IE this forum) which may have lead in the future to A.A groups or something else, i worry that some may be put of before they even start.

How are you keeping anyway?

NEOMARXIST

Hi Stewart. I empathise with you mate. Whatever you choose to do, just make sure that the one thing that you always do is not to pick up that first drink 'just for today'.

All the rhetoric means nothing without that fundamental principle anyway. Your recovery is what matters so do what is right for you mate. Stay sober one day at a time at all costs and take what you want and leave the rest if it's gonna make you drink again.

Everyone has differences of opinion just like everything in life but all that really matters when it boils down to it is that you stay sober. Without that then there is nothing anyway.

Keep The Faith

Toronto68

Stewart, I agree with your point about putting people off, when it could change the course the person (that is taking initial steps) could take. I like the fact that you want to talk about it, it has to start somewhere.

I'm doing OK! I have my ups and downs but my outlook is pretty good. It's better than it was last summer, for example, that's for sure.

Stereosteveo

I knew I was really done for the first time on my way home from my first 5th step with my sponsor.