well, one year later, and back again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my own little world
Posts: 28
well, one year later, and back again.
I gave it my damn-dest last year...but toughing it out solo didn't work. I was simply too filled with rage and anxiety. It simply didn't work. This time I am armed with all of the tools possible...a good therapist, a good alcohol counselor, a great wife who supports every effort, great drugs (revia, wellbutrin, Libriun, Lexapro) and I STILL can't seem to let go.
It is not just the alcohol...it is the lifetime of habitual deception that I *think* I am having the hardest time with. I love the 'getting away with it'...even when I am getting away with nothing.
I have the most supportive wife in the world, possibly...and tonight it came down. Change or get out. (Although we own the house together, for whatever that is worth).
We are going to go to see some people together, but my topic here is the addiction to this minor deceptive behavior...I don't lie to her about anything else, cheat, etc. This is ingrained behaviour from childhood. The anti-depressants are DEFINITELY helping, but I simply can't let go of the final bottle...even though I too desperately want to.
How does one make the final cut?
PLEASE search my previous posts from last year in order to eliminate idle, off topic chatter...I am asking for some help, and I hope to lean on this board for some support, WITHOUT any AA theo-babble.
Thanks in advance,
Dipso.
It is not just the alcohol...it is the lifetime of habitual deception that I *think* I am having the hardest time with. I love the 'getting away with it'...even when I am getting away with nothing.
I have the most supportive wife in the world, possibly...and tonight it came down. Change or get out. (Although we own the house together, for whatever that is worth).
We are going to go to see some people together, but my topic here is the addiction to this minor deceptive behavior...I don't lie to her about anything else, cheat, etc. This is ingrained behaviour from childhood. The anti-depressants are DEFINITELY helping, but I simply can't let go of the final bottle...even though I too desperately want to.
How does one make the final cut?
PLEASE search my previous posts from last year in order to eliminate idle, off topic chatter...I am asking for some help, and I hope to lean on this board for some support, WITHOUT any AA theo-babble.
Thanks in advance,
Dipso.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 146
Dipso,
Forgive me as I cannot look through your previous posts based on the fact I must go to work soon (UK here). However I am not a member of AA so if they speak any 'theo-babble' or not I wouldn't know or be capable of repeating.
Firstly I just wanted to give up drinking desperately. I'm not there yet (Day 6 without a drink) but with this period of non-drinking and a longer one in December 2006 says I am kicking the habit. I'm not a success yet but I feel I'm getting SOMEWHERE.
All I did was draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper and list the pros and cons of continuing to drink 2 - 3 bottles of wine every night. It took me a while and I was brutally honest with myself. When I listed these pros and cons (some general, some personal) the choice for me was clear.
I have also started a language and musical instrument course. I haven't got as much time to drink now. Maybe neither one of those ambitions interest you, but I bet there are some things you've always wanted to do but never got round to it? Make that phone call today to get involved in an 'ambition' you have always had, so that idle hands don't pick up a glass of booze when you feel tempted. It has helped me.
I also have a wife but nobody, including her, asked me to stop. Maybe this was important for me as I feel I am giving up for me and no one else? I have never worried about my physical health with regards to drinking either. For me it was a question of addressing my mental health in the respect that drinking made ME unhappy. Screw what anyone else thought frankly - including a 'Higher Power' if one exists.
Hope that helps and wasn't akin to any 'theo-babble' you hate?
Forgive me as I cannot look through your previous posts based on the fact I must go to work soon (UK here). However I am not a member of AA so if they speak any 'theo-babble' or not I wouldn't know or be capable of repeating.
Firstly I just wanted to give up drinking desperately. I'm not there yet (Day 6 without a drink) but with this period of non-drinking and a longer one in December 2006 says I am kicking the habit. I'm not a success yet but I feel I'm getting SOMEWHERE.
All I did was draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper and list the pros and cons of continuing to drink 2 - 3 bottles of wine every night. It took me a while and I was brutally honest with myself. When I listed these pros and cons (some general, some personal) the choice for me was clear.
I have also started a language and musical instrument course. I haven't got as much time to drink now. Maybe neither one of those ambitions interest you, but I bet there are some things you've always wanted to do but never got round to it? Make that phone call today to get involved in an 'ambition' you have always had, so that idle hands don't pick up a glass of booze when you feel tempted. It has helped me.
I also have a wife but nobody, including her, asked me to stop. Maybe this was important for me as I feel I am giving up for me and no one else? I have never worried about my physical health with regards to drinking either. For me it was a question of addressing my mental health in the respect that drinking made ME unhappy. Screw what anyone else thought frankly - including a 'Higher Power' if one exists.
Hope that helps and wasn't akin to any 'theo-babble' you hate?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I do hope this is the time you find a way to quit.
Since you were last here we have added info you
might want to check out.
We have a forum... Secular Connections
and
At the head of our page here in Alcoholism
please read the top sticky.
Take care
Since you were last here we have added info you
might want to check out.
We have a forum... Secular Connections
and
At the head of our page here in Alcoholism
please read the top sticky.
Take care
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
If you don't like a reply to your post...
all you need to do is put the member on ignore.
Look under your Profile for the Buddy function
and click.
The shares our members do may help someone else
if not you.
This forum is for everyone seeking answers to alcoholism.
It is not necessary to bash
any recovery program.
all you need to do is put the member on ignore.
Look under your Profile for the Buddy function
and click.
The shares our members do may help someone else
if not you.
This forum is for everyone seeking answers to alcoholism.
It is not necessary to bash
any recovery program.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
dipso going it alone is the toughest way to go it, very few succeed and most of those that do succeed it alone are miserable white knuckling it.
I have 112 straight days of sobriety after 40 years of drinking, I thought I had made some sort of major accomplishment if I went 2 days with out a drink.
I am in AA and can honestly say that my urge/need to drink has been lifted. I will not insult any other program that works for someone, anything that stops an alcoholic from drinking and makes them a better happier person is something I whole heartedly support.
I like you dipso, tried time and time again to do it on my own! It did not work! For me and the vast majority of recovering alcoholics, doing it alone is not an option, it does not work for most.
The reason I went with AA is because I pay attention to things that work, AA has worked for me because I listen to those in AA that have what I want, long term happy sobriety.
I will not let my pride and ego stand in the way of my sobriety, knowing that everything I tried for 10 years at the end of my 40 years of drinking I failed at miserably, I swallowed my pride and ego and listened to fellow alcoholics that had found something that worked for them, in my case what I found was AA.
There are other programs out there that work for others, the one thing they all have in common is none of them promote doing it alone because they all acknowledge that it can not be done alone and result in a happy sober alcoholic.
I have 112 straight days of sobriety after 40 years of drinking, I thought I had made some sort of major accomplishment if I went 2 days with out a drink.
I am in AA and can honestly say that my urge/need to drink has been lifted. I will not insult any other program that works for someone, anything that stops an alcoholic from drinking and makes them a better happier person is something I whole heartedly support.
I like you dipso, tried time and time again to do it on my own! It did not work! For me and the vast majority of recovering alcoholics, doing it alone is not an option, it does not work for most.
The reason I went with AA is because I pay attention to things that work, AA has worked for me because I listen to those in AA that have what I want, long term happy sobriety.
I will not let my pride and ego stand in the way of my sobriety, knowing that everything I tried for 10 years at the end of my 40 years of drinking I failed at miserably, I swallowed my pride and ego and listened to fellow alcoholics that had found something that worked for them, in my case what I found was AA.
There are other programs out there that work for others, the one thing they all have in common is none of them promote doing it alone because they all acknowledge that it can not be done alone and result in a happy sober alcoholic.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
>I gave it my damn-dest last year...but toughing it out solo didn't work.
Toughing it out solo never worked for me.
>...and tonight it came down. Change or get out.
When no-one else wants you, AA will welcome you.
If you are doing the same things and getting the same results...
AA theo babble? Works for millions.
I thought I was the exception for a long time too...
Wishing the best for you, Ted
Toughing it out solo never worked for me.
>...and tonight it came down. Change or get out.
When no-one else wants you, AA will welcome you.
If you are doing the same things and getting the same results...
AA theo babble? Works for millions.
I thought I was the exception for a long time too...
Wishing the best for you, Ted
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Welcome !
Re: AA
Good Luck. Lot's of sobriety here at SR.
Re: AA
There is a principle that is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I had tried to quit drinking numerous times previously...going it alone and reading everything I could get my hands on. I ESPECIALLY loved the stuff that took a strong position AGAINST AA. I didn't need those AA people...those weak, cultish people. I'm not quitting drinking to become one of THOSE. They just swap the bottle for their cult.
Well, I still had some pride and arrogance in me then. I actually still believed in my will and intellect as my best defense. The moment I actually "broke" was my defining moment. Broken and humbled I walked into AA. Best decision of my life. I dropped all my defenses and realized I needed people after all...especially those who knew exactly where I was coming from. I am not an island...I am not smart enough..or tough enough to do this without support.
I applaude anyone who can get "real" anyway they can. But resistance to any answer can be problematic. I had to drop all my defenses and my defining facade...I had to realize that I was actually incredibly ill defined. I had to break to rebuild.
Whatever works for you....I wish you recovery anyway you can get it.
T.
Well, I still had some pride and arrogance in me then. I actually still believed in my will and intellect as my best defense. The moment I actually "broke" was my defining moment. Broken and humbled I walked into AA. Best decision of my life. I dropped all my defenses and realized I needed people after all...especially those who knew exactly where I was coming from. I am not an island...I am not smart enough..or tough enough to do this without support.
I applaude anyone who can get "real" anyway they can. But resistance to any answer can be problematic. I had to drop all my defenses and my defining facade...I had to realize that I was actually incredibly ill defined. I had to break to rebuild.
Whatever works for you....I wish you recovery anyway you can get it.
T.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Gainesville, Texas
Posts: 89
When I had a counselor, a therapist, an enabeling wife, and four different drugs, I didn't want to hear about AA either. In addition I tried "getting saved" 7 times, and getting locked up in a mental institution, a hospital and a rehab.
I was fortunate that someone told me to try ONE thing at a time, for 90 days each. If it did not work, try something else.
AA works for me.
Ray
I was fortunate that someone told me to try ONE thing at a time, for 90 days each. If it did not work, try something else.
AA works for me.
Ray
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
The worst thing that one can do dipso is to close the door on a possible path to recovery by judging the path without ever even trying to walk it.
The Wright brothers paid no attention to the greatest scientist of the day who said that powered flight was impossible, keep that in mind when ever someone critisizes something you your self have not tried yourself, especially when the majority of the people around you who are successful are using it.
The Wright brothers paid no attention to the greatest scientist of the day who said that powered flight was impossible, keep that in mind when ever someone critisizes something you your self have not tried yourself, especially when the majority of the people around you who are successful are using it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 264
Hello,
I too must work today and don't have time to search your posts.
I did not want to attend AA. I don't think any of us do. However, for me, I tried everything else. Nothing else had worked. I had to surrender to this "last resort." It was AA, or going to a farm where they did a detox and rehab and I didn't want leave my kids. I decided to give AA a shot. Over 1 year later, I haven't picked up a drink in all that time.
At any rate, I cannot give you advice on quitting drinking with an alternative to AA, since none of them worked for me. I can only speak to my own experiences. However, I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and wish you all the best.
One last thing, I would urge any alcoholic not to close out any one option , for one never know what may help. One doesn't need to be a believer in God to attend AA--he or she can use the AA group as a higher power in order to do the steps. Very best.
I too must work today and don't have time to search your posts.
I did not want to attend AA. I don't think any of us do. However, for me, I tried everything else. Nothing else had worked. I had to surrender to this "last resort." It was AA, or going to a farm where they did a detox and rehab and I didn't want leave my kids. I decided to give AA a shot. Over 1 year later, I haven't picked up a drink in all that time.
At any rate, I cannot give you advice on quitting drinking with an alternative to AA, since none of them worked for me. I can only speak to my own experiences. However, I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and wish you all the best.
One last thing, I would urge any alcoholic not to close out any one option , for one never know what may help. One doesn't need to be a believer in God to attend AA--he or she can use the AA group as a higher power in order to do the steps. Very best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my own little world
Posts: 28
Thanks everyone for your replies. Much appreciated. I HAVE extensive experience with AA...and with sobriety within AA...but all of it miserable, really. I am not dismissing it in any way as a positive course of action for anyone else, or even for myself, in the future...just not for me, and not right now. I am happy for those whom it works for...but I will not at this point be hypocritical enough to attend a program that recites the 'lord's prayer'...religion, as we can see today, is THE major cause of death, strife, poverty, hate and war, and I (today) can have no part of institutions that endorse the concept of an active god...it is a self-serving delusion.
All that being said, I AM actively seeking help, in many forms, including this forum. I am 90% of the way there, mentally, what I really was attempting to address in this thread has NOTHING to do with AA or it's methodology, rather, the shared patterns of deceptive behaviour that we ALL have engaged in within our addictions, and what steps everyone took to overcome the desire to engage in those behaviours.
I hope this can get this thread back on topic.
Please read this for some background, so we are not running around in circles:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-november.html
Thanks in advance, everyone!
All that being said, I AM actively seeking help, in many forms, including this forum. I am 90% of the way there, mentally, what I really was attempting to address in this thread has NOTHING to do with AA or it's methodology, rather, the shared patterns of deceptive behaviour that we ALL have engaged in within our addictions, and what steps everyone took to overcome the desire to engage in those behaviours.
I hope this can get this thread back on topic.
Please read this for some background, so we are not running around in circles:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-november.html
Thanks in advance, everyone!
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
I think I remember you
The name seems vaguely familiar.
Anyway, yep me too. In and out, repeat the cycle. My cycle has finally ended and hope yours does not end this way. I got sick without warning not too long ago and it got bad. Prognosis=alcoholic cirocis of the liver with acute liver failure. Was told that one more drink and that will be it for me. So, that is how I gave it up. Drink=Die. You must realize it is a poison regardless of how it makes you feel, it is slowly killing you. Take it from someone who got a second chance to live and tell others about it. Please.
I too tried it all, AA, counciling, treatment, recovery program after recovery program. Now, the knowledge of where my body is with this and the fact that I can no longer metabolize alcohol scared me straight, cold turkey and yes I can say..forever as a drink would mean..right now! Just put it down, see it for what it is and walk away..for good.
Anyway, yep me too. In and out, repeat the cycle. My cycle has finally ended and hope yours does not end this way. I got sick without warning not too long ago and it got bad. Prognosis=alcoholic cirocis of the liver with acute liver failure. Was told that one more drink and that will be it for me. So, that is how I gave it up. Drink=Die. You must realize it is a poison regardless of how it makes you feel, it is slowly killing you. Take it from someone who got a second chance to live and tell others about it. Please.
I too tried it all, AA, counciling, treatment, recovery program after recovery program. Now, the knowledge of where my body is with this and the fact that I can no longer metabolize alcohol scared me straight, cold turkey and yes I can say..forever as a drink would mean..right now! Just put it down, see it for what it is and walk away..for good.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 264
I was able to read the brief discussion in the link you posted, but THAT discussion had a link that did not open. Anyway, I understand what you are saying about how AA is not for you, etc. Your question seems to be how does one deal with the urges to "get away with something" or "be a rebel" in regards to drinking.
I deal with this through my creative work. Maybe you can take up something creative, be it art, writing, music, or something else. Then you can be rebellious with your art, let's say, breaking all the rules, or writing nonconventional or controversial fiction.
Another idea is getting involved with politics. The political world is definitely a place you can go to get your rebellious streak out. I know I need to! I am rebellious with nearly everything in my life BESIDES substances--I can't afford to do THAT any longer!
I deal with this through my creative work. Maybe you can take up something creative, be it art, writing, music, or something else. Then you can be rebellious with your art, let's say, breaking all the rules, or writing nonconventional or controversial fiction.
Another idea is getting involved with politics. The political world is definitely a place you can go to get your rebellious streak out. I know I need to! I am rebellious with nearly everything in my life BESIDES substances--I can't afford to do THAT any longer!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Worcester
Posts: 789
Originally Posted by dipso 
PLEASE search my previous posts from last year in order to eliminate idle, off topic chatter...I am asking for some help, and I hope to lean on this board for some support, WITHOUT any AA theo-babble.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Gosh, you have:
1) a good therapist
2) a good alcohol counselor
3) a supportive wife
4) four(?) different drugs designed to make it easier
5) a desperate desire to stop
I really don't know what is missing. Are you following the advice of the therapist and alcohol counselor? You have me seriously curious to know what is keeping you drinking.
I hope you find your way to the serenity that comes from letting go of that final bottle. It's so worth it. And please stick around and stay connected. Your struggle will end up helping someone else. Of that much, I am sure.
1) a good therapist
2) a good alcohol counselor
3) a supportive wife
4) four(?) different drugs designed to make it easier
5) a desperate desire to stop
I really don't know what is missing. Are you following the advice of the therapist and alcohol counselor? You have me seriously curious to know what is keeping you drinking.
I hope you find your way to the serenity that comes from letting go of that final bottle. It's so worth it. And please stick around and stay connected. Your struggle will end up helping someone else. Of that much, I am sure.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my own little world
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by mike_mass
I'm not sure you really are asking for help. Someone who is truly desperate doesn't normally set the ground rules for those who might help them.
My thread is about patterns of deceptive behavior, and how to overcome them. Why is everyone focussing on the non-topic here?
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
>I simply can't let go of the final bottle...even though I too desperately want to.
> How does one make the final cut?
I think that many people here are answering your question honestly.
I made the final cut with the support of AA, as have many others.
If this is not for you, try rational recovery or moderation management.
If these work for you, God bless. If not, AA will always be there.
I am glad that you are opening up here, and I do hope you stay around.
I for one find your opinions interesting and thought provoking.
Ted
> How does one make the final cut?
I think that many people here are answering your question honestly.
I made the final cut with the support of AA, as have many others.
If this is not for you, try rational recovery or moderation management.
If these work for you, God bless. If not, AA will always be there.
I am glad that you are opening up here, and I do hope you stay around.
I for one find your opinions interesting and thought provoking.
Ted
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
I am a community greeter at SR. Just dropping you a note to say welcome and hope you find the experience strength and hope here that you are looking for.
If at any time you have questions and are unsure of who to ask, the greeters are identified by their names being in bold green and the moderators are in bold blue. We are all very open to questions or concerns.
Peace, Levi
If at any time you have questions and are unsure of who to ask, the greeters are identified by their names being in bold green and the moderators are in bold blue. We are all very open to questions or concerns.
Peace, Levi
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