35 Days and almost a relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
35 Days and almost a relapse
So I was near the end of my shift yesterday and a co-worker commented how she could really use a drink. It shook me so bad, I didn't tell her but it sent me almost off the deep end. I drove home with my mind racing, "You can do it, just a six pack. It's your night off, you've been really good. One night won't hurt you." I made it home resisting the impulse and broke out in a sweat, I paced the house for a minute and then being hungry I made a quick dinner and ate it in about five minutes. Then I chugged a liter of seltzer water. I sat down at the computer and read blogs here while drinking some more seltzer obviously drinking the seltzer as if it were beer. I lost myself thankfully in reading and about one hour later the spell was over.
What a murderous two hours though and thank you SR and all the participants here. Your stories helped keep me from the drink once again. I was perilously close to getting up and driving for beer though. I'm just glad I didn't.
I am now terrified when the next episode will be and how many more I will have to endure. When I told my wife, she said "How can you still have these cravings after one month?" This question from her is why I come here. Only other addicts can understand the control a bad habit can have on you.
It is clear to me now that the psychological part of addiction is way worse than the physical, at least for me.
Another day down and many more to go I presume, I'll just have to keep toughing it out as I don't plan on failing.
What a murderous two hours though and thank you SR and all the participants here. Your stories helped keep me from the drink once again. I was perilously close to getting up and driving for beer though. I'm just glad I didn't.
I am now terrified when the next episode will be and how many more I will have to endure. When I told my wife, she said "How can you still have these cravings after one month?" This question from her is why I come here. Only other addicts can understand the control a bad habit can have on you.
It is clear to me now that the psychological part of addiction is way worse than the physical, at least for me.
Another day down and many more to go I presume, I'll just have to keep toughing it out as I don't plan on failing.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I can ewlate Sudz,
My wife thinks it as easy as just not drinking and we all know that is not the case for most of us.
Good for you for resisting temptation.
On my one month date after quitting I was expecting a congrats or something and was disappointed when she said nothing.
I guess they just don't get it.
I have replaced the bad habit of drinking with the good habit of working out and don't really get cravings anymore. Don't know if something like that may help you on your quest.
My wife thinks it as easy as just not drinking and we all know that is not the case for most of us.
Good for you for resisting temptation.
On my one month date after quitting I was expecting a congrats or something and was disappointed when she said nothing.
I guess they just don't get it.
I have replaced the bad habit of drinking with the good habit of working out and don't really get cravings anymore. Don't know if something like that may help you on your quest.
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
I'm glad you got through it. I remember those times early on. People would say to me when I've gotten a craving -"Would it be worth three months of feeling like crap to have a drink today"? And I'd be thinking to myself "yes, I think it would". 
So, just like you I would wait it out. There was no insightful glowing thought that came early on. I was just annoyed with the cravings and so I'd would reach out until they subsided.
So, just like you I would wait it out. There was no insightful glowing thought that came early on. I was just annoyed with the cravings and so I'd would reach out until they subsided.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 413
I'm glad you didn't relapse.
Staying sober is definitely something that I can't do alone.
If you're like me, the episodes will just keep coming and will get worse until you deal with WHY you're getting them in the first place.
Are you connecting with a support group at all? (Like AA?) Personally, AA helped me to find and resolve the causes and conditions that made me want to drink in the first place. That makes it easier to stay sober.
On another note -- this link might help you to feel less "crazy". Carol D often posts this link about PAW (Post Acute Withdrawal):
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
The article says that PAW can last up to two years since the last drink, but staying sober through it is totally worth it.
You will need support though ... Good thing is, you can get support.
Glad you're here -- and do keep posting.
Staying sober is definitely something that I can't do alone.
If you're like me, the episodes will just keep coming and will get worse until you deal with WHY you're getting them in the first place.
Are you connecting with a support group at all? (Like AA?) Personally, AA helped me to find and resolve the causes and conditions that made me want to drink in the first place. That makes it easier to stay sober.
On another note -- this link might help you to feel less "crazy". Carol D often posts this link about PAW (Post Acute Withdrawal):
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
The article says that PAW can last up to two years since the last drink, but staying sober through it is totally worth it.
You will need support though ... Good thing is, you can get support.
Glad you're here -- and do keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: NC
Posts: 219
Good for you for not giving into the temptation.
My husband doesn't understand either. He is one that will say "just don't drink"....if it had only been that easy.
I remember after finishing my christmas shopping I had one of those cravings and I hadn't had a drink in almost 2 months.
I agree with Fubarcdn about the exercising. It has made a wold of difference these past couple of weeks. I haven't had a craving for a drink since I finally got serious and started working out everyday.
My husband doesn't understand either. He is one that will say "just don't drink"....if it had only been that easy.
I remember after finishing my christmas shopping I had one of those cravings and I hadn't had a drink in almost 2 months.
I agree with Fubarcdn about the exercising. It has made a wold of difference these past couple of weeks. I haven't had a craving for a drink since I finally got serious and started working out everyday.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Wow! you really did win over the urge.....
Have you heard of HAlt? Each time I returned to
drinking....at least 2 of those elements were in place.
Sooooo....
Be especially aware and
don't allow yourself to become overly
Hungry
angry
Lonely
Tired
Blessings to you and your family
Have you heard of HAlt? Each time I returned to
drinking....at least 2 of those elements were in place.
Sooooo....
Be especially aware and don't allow yourself to become overly
Hungry
angry
Lonely
Tired
Blessings to you and your family
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Congrats on fighting that craving!
This is huge! You can do this!!
I am also married to a normie that just did not get it. That's ok, I sought out folks (here and face to face) that do get it. It really is all about one alcoholic helping another. Together we can do this.
The good news is that the severity and frequency of the cravings really do diminish as time goes on. Quicker when you are ready to put in the work, physically and spiritually.
Congrats on your 1 month! Just think, you do not ever have to go through that first month again, if you just do not drink, no matter what!
This is huge! You can do this!!
I am also married to a normie that just did not get it. That's ok, I sought out folks (here and face to face) that do get it. It really is all about one alcoholic helping another. Together we can do this.
The good news is that the severity and frequency of the cravings really do diminish as time goes on. Quicker when you are ready to put in the work, physically and spiritually.
Congrats on your 1 month! Just think, you do not ever have to go through that first month again, if you just do not drink, no matter what!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
Congrats on 35 days and making it through a tough time.
I used to get cravings every 30 days, up to 6 months. What happened to me at 6 months I'm not sure. But I had 2 or 3 days that I almost gave in. I talked about it on here and at an AA meeting. Once I got my 6 month coin it wen't away. I have been fine ever since.
I have had a really crapy last couple days, but I have actually been enjoying it. Because a year ago I would have said "what the hell,might as well get sloshed". I still think about alcohol every day, but very seldom does the idea sound appealing anymore. I just can't express how good that is, to be free of the monkey I had on my back.
Hang in there. I believe the worst of it is over for you. Those first 30 days are rough. There will be more bumps in the road. But if you stick with this, those cravings WILL go away.
Fred
I used to get cravings every 30 days, up to 6 months. What happened to me at 6 months I'm not sure. But I had 2 or 3 days that I almost gave in. I talked about it on here and at an AA meeting. Once I got my 6 month coin it wen't away. I have been fine ever since.
I have had a really crapy last couple days, but I have actually been enjoying it. Because a year ago I would have said "what the hell,might as well get sloshed". I still think about alcohol every day, but very seldom does the idea sound appealing anymore. I just can't express how good that is, to be free of the monkey I had on my back.
Hang in there. I believe the worst of it is over for you. Those first 30 days are rough. There will be more bumps in the road. But if you stick with this, those cravings WILL go away.
Fred
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
I'm glad you got through it Sudz.
For me, I have to actively work on my recovery every day to avoid the cravings (and even then, they will come a little bit).
I use AA + SR + working with other alcoholics + reading about alcoholism. But, with that said, I still will have a bad day and start talking to myself about "wouldn't it be nice if I ..." But now, I have the tools to finish that sentence differently.
Glad you are here.
For me, I have to actively work on my recovery every day to avoid the cravings (and even then, they will come a little bit).
I use AA + SR + working with other alcoholics + reading about alcoholism. But, with that said, I still will have a bad day and start talking to myself about "wouldn't it be nice if I ..." But now, I have the tools to finish that sentence differently.
Glad you are here.
good work SNM Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The Trenches, Texas
Posts: 778
I like what Carol said about HALT. 99% of the time I can pinpoint destructive thoughts to those 4 things. I find my mind can handle one of the four, but anytime more than one of those is affecting me, it spells trouble. Hunger and tired go hand in hand for me, usually when I get hungry my mind then gets tired and then off to the races per se. I used to approach things with the same thought process as you, "toughing it out". A good friend of mine said, "stop weathering the storm and learn to dance in the rain". Needless to say, I have been dancing in the rain a lot here lately, lol . It is much more fun than another white knuckle night.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
I'm all for taking care of oneself and not getting stressed out in early recovery. Taking care of those comforts can be little steps to keeping us from wigging out.
But I like to take HALT for what it is. Are we saying that all I need to not drink is a sandwich, a cot, and someone to share it with? Is that ALL I need to recover? I found that a spiritual solution to my spiritual malady made it OK for me to be alone, tired, and hungry. And the anger just went away all by itself (well, with a little Step work). Satisfied from the inside out.
I've seen many people fail to stay sober when they received the trinity of recovery (job, car, girl).
Just a consideration.
But I like to take HALT for what it is. Are we saying that all I need to not drink is a sandwich, a cot, and someone to share it with? Is that ALL I need to recover? I found that a spiritual solution to my spiritual malady made it OK for me to be alone, tired, and hungry. And the anger just went away all by itself (well, with a little Step work). Satisfied from the inside out.
I've seen many people fail to stay sober when they received the trinity of recovery (job, car, girl).
Just a consideration.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
I find it helpful in those situations to call a sponsor or someone else in the program. If all else fails nip it in the butt! Stop the thought, don't let it play around in your head at all, if you can. If it keeps playing, I like to take it to the end, play the tape through, see how it all ends after getting completely wasted--that usually serves a nice detterant. You can't do this thing alone. I am glad you are here but I would get some dependable recovery people outside of here to call up too. Best.
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