Im here, now what?
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Im here, now what?
Hi Everyone
Obviously I am new and found my way here for various reasons.
A while ago, I started questioning myself if my drinking was a tad too much but dismissed it quite easily with the stress and other factors going on.
I am still unsure as to what I am or am not and what to do so I have come here in search of a discussion, suggestion, thoughts, ideas etc.
About a month ago, it was my partners birthday so had a massive party, started during the day and went to the night although i was the only one who went through to the early hours of the next day.
It was then I said to my partner (in my intoxicated state) that maybe I have a problem and it was pushed aside due to the state I was in. I then started to do some online quizes to see what they said and they all direct towards a major issue.
My confusion lies with only partially relating to some of the suggested things like losing family and friends or jobs and that kind of thing.
How do you really know for sure if you are an alcoholic?
I have even joked in the past about being someone who is easily addicted to things and have to be addicted to something at one time and once I give something up i start on something else.
Ok, so I am venting out a few things but really what I wanted to know is where to from here? I am here, and feel some sort of scared feelings about never drinking again but dont know what to do next or how to feel about it, when to start, do I need to do all that or is it that I am just a heavy drinker who can stop if they wanted to? How do i know?
Any thoughts etc would be fantastic...
Obviously I am new and found my way here for various reasons.
A while ago, I started questioning myself if my drinking was a tad too much but dismissed it quite easily with the stress and other factors going on.
I am still unsure as to what I am or am not and what to do so I have come here in search of a discussion, suggestion, thoughts, ideas etc.
About a month ago, it was my partners birthday so had a massive party, started during the day and went to the night although i was the only one who went through to the early hours of the next day.
It was then I said to my partner (in my intoxicated state) that maybe I have a problem and it was pushed aside due to the state I was in. I then started to do some online quizes to see what they said and they all direct towards a major issue.
My confusion lies with only partially relating to some of the suggested things like losing family and friends or jobs and that kind of thing.
How do you really know for sure if you are an alcoholic?
I have even joked in the past about being someone who is easily addicted to things and have to be addicted to something at one time and once I give something up i start on something else.
Ok, so I am venting out a few things but really what I wanted to know is where to from here? I am here, and feel some sort of scared feelings about never drinking again but dont know what to do next or how to feel about it, when to start, do I need to do all that or is it that I am just a heavy drinker who can stop if they wanted to? How do i know?
Any thoughts etc would be fantastic...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi lionheart
good to see another Aussie here.
The fact is noone can tell you if your an alcoholic or not - but the fact you're here and you've done a few tests suggests you think you have a problem.
The bottom line is to get rid of your alcohol problem - stop drinking and stay that way. It's a simple concept but it's not easy.
It's a big ask. We all need support to do it IMO.
Most people use a face to face network like AA or SMART...but SR is a great tool, and some of us here rely solely on the support we get here.
Here's some Aussie links to check out anyway - nothing comprehensive but they might get you started
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2273689
Don't worry about anything down the track too much. Just focus on one day at a time for now.
It's good to check in with your doc - detox can be rough for some of us.
There's a lot of good experience here - keep reading and posting lionheart
Welcome!
D
good to see another Aussie here.
The fact is noone can tell you if your an alcoholic or not - but the fact you're here and you've done a few tests suggests you think you have a problem.
The bottom line is to get rid of your alcohol problem - stop drinking and stay that way. It's a simple concept but it's not easy.
It's a big ask. We all need support to do it IMO.
Most people use a face to face network like AA or SMART...but SR is a great tool, and some of us here rely solely on the support we get here.
Here's some Aussie links to check out anyway - nothing comprehensive but they might get you started
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2273689
Don't worry about anything down the track too much. Just focus on one day at a time for now.
It's good to check in with your doc - detox can be rough for some of us.
There's a lot of good experience here - keep reading and posting lionheart
Welcome!
D
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Hi Dee
Ah, google helps us all come together doesnt it!
Yeah I do think I may have one but could just as easily think its nothing much, which is why its all too confusing for me.
IMO? New to the lingo...
I went with an ex to an AA meeting and thought to myself, wow, I can really relate and put that to my partner who said, no its not you at all..but in saying that she was also an extremely negative force in my life which is another story for not here or related...
Not sure what SMART is but will look it up, thanks.
Ah, have to worry down the track with the plan to drink! Hmmm
I appreciate your response
LH
Ah, google helps us all come together doesnt it!
Yeah I do think I may have one but could just as easily think its nothing much, which is why its all too confusing for me.
IMO? New to the lingo...
I went with an ex to an AA meeting and thought to myself, wow, I can really relate and put that to my partner who said, no its not you at all..but in saying that she was also an extremely negative force in my life which is another story for not here or related...
Not sure what SMART is but will look it up, thanks.
Ah, have to worry down the track with the plan to drink! Hmmm
I appreciate your response
LH
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Victoria, Australia
Posts: 39
Hi lionheart, welcome to another aussie!
We're all your friends here, hope to see you come back and chat sometime.
I'm 20 days sober now, going to meetings and keeping my head above water. It's taking a while but i'm starting to lose all my denial and can openly and honestly say that i am an alcoholic and have been for a long time. you will know what's right for you.
I wish you safe passage on your journey.
peace.
We're all your friends here, hope to see you come back and chat sometime.
I'm 20 days sober now, going to meetings and keeping my head above water. It's taking a while but i'm starting to lose all my denial and can openly and honestly say that i am an alcoholic and have been for a long time. you will know what's right for you.
I wish you safe passage on your journey.
peace.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi mate
If you have already been to an AA meeting and thought you could relate that is a very good start indeed. I go to AA and am happy and sober now.
In the meetings i attend we have lots of different people ranging from a person who was a binge drinkers, just once a month, who has 9 years sobriety and a much much happier life now to people have been to prisons, institutions and have lost everything and they are much happier now.
It is irrelevant what you have lost so far, it is all about what alcohol does to you, take for example the binge drinker above, she only drank once a month at the end but for the rest of the month her life seemed truly unmanageable, basically life was **** for her...even with a huge gap between the drinking bouts her life was still all about the drinking, when she finished a binge she was then consumed with thoughts of not letting herself drink, doing things to stay away from drinking e.g. going home early, getting up early, eating different stuff, taking a new hobby, dropping a new hobby, taking a new course, reading different books etcetcetc this is the insanity part of the obsession...alcohol literally ruled her life whilst drinking and whilst not drinking...same as me.
If you go to AA, listen and do what they suggest you will be able to have a happy, joyous and free life without alcohol and without the insanity...all you have to do initially is get to meetings and be open minded and listen...its free and there is no obligation hehe
Hope that helps you.
I've no idea how we got onto SMART, i had heard of AA before i got into AA but never had heard of SMART and i am one of the people that tried absolutely everything with no success before finally walking into a meeting and saying ok i've had enough please help me (well i was ****** actually but you can do it for you now, you don't have to go that far...or do you;-)).
If you have already been to an AA meeting and thought you could relate that is a very good start indeed. I go to AA and am happy and sober now.
In the meetings i attend we have lots of different people ranging from a person who was a binge drinkers, just once a month, who has 9 years sobriety and a much much happier life now to people have been to prisons, institutions and have lost everything and they are much happier now.
It is irrelevant what you have lost so far, it is all about what alcohol does to you, take for example the binge drinker above, she only drank once a month at the end but for the rest of the month her life seemed truly unmanageable, basically life was **** for her...even with a huge gap between the drinking bouts her life was still all about the drinking, when she finished a binge she was then consumed with thoughts of not letting herself drink, doing things to stay away from drinking e.g. going home early, getting up early, eating different stuff, taking a new hobby, dropping a new hobby, taking a new course, reading different books etcetcetc this is the insanity part of the obsession...alcohol literally ruled her life whilst drinking and whilst not drinking...same as me.
If you go to AA, listen and do what they suggest you will be able to have a happy, joyous and free life without alcohol and without the insanity...all you have to do initially is get to meetings and be open minded and listen...its free and there is no obligation hehe
Hope that helps you.
I've no idea how we got onto SMART, i had heard of AA before i got into AA but never had heard of SMART and i am one of the people that tried absolutely everything with no success before finally walking into a meeting and saying ok i've had enough please help me (well i was ****** actually but you can do it for you now, you don't have to go that far...or do you;-)).
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Rainbow Fish - thank you - i feel welcomed very quickly!
keepcomingback - wow - you just threw that at me and its exactly what i needed..thankyou..being so honest and giving me your thoughts and its very much appreciated. From the short time being here and reading some of the other posts, everyone can be honest and open and that is exactly what i am like so to be able to think and speak those thoughts is fantastic! The things you pointed out have hit home...probably scare me more than anything but I have always been one to take care of problems so with that info, I know that something needs to change - to what degree...well the new year will help figure that out!
keepcomingback - wow - you just threw that at me and its exactly what i needed..thankyou..being so honest and giving me your thoughts and its very much appreciated. From the short time being here and reading some of the other posts, everyone can be honest and open and that is exactly what i am like so to be able to think and speak those thoughts is fantastic! The things you pointed out have hit home...probably scare me more than anything but I have always been one to take care of problems so with that info, I know that something needs to change - to what degree...well the new year will help figure that out!
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
The reason I went to an AA meeting was to support my partner at the time. It wasnt about me, although I sat at the back thinking, gee that sounds similar and when you say think of similarties not differences, it makes me think well ok too much is similar and thats freaky!
I have no idea what to do with my life without having drinks involved and that makes me think this first step here is one of a smart thing to do...
Wow, you all have already helped...and within hours...
prob is, im sitting here having a few and thats prob not good huh...
yeahgr8 - that all just makes sense
Pls all keep posting - you have so much to offer me and i know i too will eventually be able to help others with other things i have been through - its my way, helping others but am able to, for once, stop and say, hang on me too...
What a start - thank you...cant say that enough...
I have no idea what to do with my life without having drinks involved and that makes me think this first step here is one of a smart thing to do...
Wow, you all have already helped...and within hours...
prob is, im sitting here having a few and thats prob not good huh...
yeahgr8 - that all just makes sense
Pls all keep posting - you have so much to offer me and i know i too will eventually be able to help others with other things i have been through - its my way, helping others but am able to, for once, stop and say, hang on me too...
What a start - thank you...cant say that enough...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Victoria, Australia
Posts: 39
you hang in there lionheart. get to a meeting if you can and you feel like you might be ready. and remember, it's the first drink that gets you drunk!
This forum has been an inspiration for me also. I've only been on here for a couple of days and already i've met some wonderful open and honest people. I still have my doubts and Mrs Denial is always lurking somewhere in the shadows but i now know that aa is way for me to stay sober. I slowly beginning to like me
thanks for sharing, keep coming back !
This forum has been an inspiration for me also. I've only been on here for a couple of days and already i've met some wonderful open and honest people. I still have my doubts and Mrs Denial is always lurking somewhere in the shadows but i now know that aa is way for me to stay sober. I slowly beginning to like me
thanks for sharing, keep coming back !
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
This "big book" is something i have heard about but not read but gee it sounds like i should read it..sounds like something that will make me relate....im not sure its just about substance but attitude and thoughts too..
I chose the name lionheart coz it means so many things...never back down...when i commit to something i dont back down....im stubborn and that includes drinking i guess..i manage to believe its ok..
slow beginning..im not even there, so rainbow fish, i admire you....i actually feel that if i even try before NYE that i will just let me down...
im scared to even tell my partner what i am doing and the secret stuff eats at me...i want to say, im on a forum doing this, just to make me accountable but then i cant drink NYE if i do....and that in itself should speak volumes hey..
wow, talk about honesty...
maybe i need to blog...
I chose the name lionheart coz it means so many things...never back down...when i commit to something i dont back down....im stubborn and that includes drinking i guess..i manage to believe its ok..
slow beginning..im not even there, so rainbow fish, i admire you....i actually feel that if i even try before NYE that i will just let me down...
im scared to even tell my partner what i am doing and the secret stuff eats at me...i want to say, im on a forum doing this, just to make me accountable but then i cant drink NYE if i do....and that in itself should speak volumes hey..
wow, talk about honesty...
maybe i need to blog...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 21
I would say that the fact you are questioning your drinking and you are on here asking questions and concerned YET you are having a "few" while posting may tell you something? I'm just throwing that out there. I am brand new at all of this as well.
I think the hardest part is thinking that you have problems but other around you dont see it or believe you have any issues. THats my problem right now. My wife thinks I should take a significant time off and then practice moderation during times when family and friends are at a gathering or something. I am kind of open to trying that. I dont wake up with urges. I dont have withdrawals, hell I was only drinking every once 3-4 sometimes 6 weeks apart. My problem is that I catch myself itching to get to the bar with my friends and then I pound drinks when I get there.
So maybe try taking a break from it if you are not sure? See how far you get. Are you currently drinking every day?
I think the hardest part is thinking that you have problems but other around you dont see it or believe you have any issues. THats my problem right now. My wife thinks I should take a significant time off and then practice moderation during times when family and friends are at a gathering or something. I am kind of open to trying that. I dont wake up with urges. I dont have withdrawals, hell I was only drinking every once 3-4 sometimes 6 weeks apart. My problem is that I catch myself itching to get to the bar with my friends and then I pound drinks when I get there.
So maybe try taking a break from it if you are not sure? See how far you get. Are you currently drinking every day?
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
I guess between saying a few turned into a shitload takes away the value of a few. What others have said and reading other forums have showed me I am not alone, I am in a situation that is similar yet different but is a problem. I just emailed my partner in anticipation for discussion about moving forward...what a confrontation that will be, more that I have to admit my faults....
I kinda think I do have problems but dont at the same time..that is what is hard. For me, its easier for someone to say "this is the problem" because as soon as that happens, I form a plan of attack to fix it..its me and who I am and funnily enough past counsellors have used me as an example for it.
I can see what you wife is saying, my familly have said the same thing. Its usually because they are emabarrassed that it is hard for them to say but how horrible is it to be that person, even when you think you are the one that who may be brining the party to life!...absolutely get it AOC...I feel for you mate...
I thought about having a drink after work today (like you say, not that often) and then hammered it...how do you say no once you start...i start too often!
When someone says to me STOP or take a break, I get stubborn..I dont know why, its not just alcohol..im sure a professional should help with that at some point...
You say, do I drink every day, no. but its just about every day and if its not every day, I make up for it when its not.....that cant be good hey...
I kinda think I do have problems but dont at the same time..that is what is hard. For me, its easier for someone to say "this is the problem" because as soon as that happens, I form a plan of attack to fix it..its me and who I am and funnily enough past counsellors have used me as an example for it.
I can see what you wife is saying, my familly have said the same thing. Its usually because they are emabarrassed that it is hard for them to say but how horrible is it to be that person, even when you think you are the one that who may be brining the party to life!...absolutely get it AOC...I feel for you mate...
I thought about having a drink after work today (like you say, not that often) and then hammered it...how do you say no once you start...i start too often!
When someone says to me STOP or take a break, I get stubborn..I dont know why, its not just alcohol..im sure a professional should help with that at some point...
You say, do I drink every day, no. but its just about every day and if its not every day, I make up for it when its not.....that cant be good hey...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: London UK
Posts: 86
My view is that family, friends, jobs, and that sort of thing are not so easy to get back once lost. So maybe you want to do something about your problem BEFORE you start losing everything.
Just a thought...
Just a thought...
Nonexistent Willpower
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 439
Lionheart,
Keepcomingback has given you great direction. If you don't know where you stand you might listen to this and see if you can relate:
Joe And Charlie Big Book Adventure
Keepcomingback has given you great direction. If you don't know where you stand you might listen to this and see if you can relate:
Joe And Charlie Big Book Adventure
its a half an inch of water
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tulsa, OK
Posts: 43
Hi LH, regarding the Big Book of AA, you can read it on-line: Big Book On Line
I'm hoping you will continue to share your journey here at SR...
I'm hoping you will continue to share your journey here at SR...
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi again....
I'm really glad you are here to examine your drinking patterns.
Alcohol is a liquid toxin. It damages the function of all organs.
This is true for all drinkers...not only alcoholics.
Please read this link ..it's from the book that
convinced me to quit drinking
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
What scared me the most was not my liver...but my brain.
My drinking was effecting my rational thinking...
Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum
I'm really glad you are here to examine your drinking patterns.
Alcohol is a liquid toxin. It damages the function of all organs.
This is true for all drinkers...not only alcoholics.
Please read this link ..it's from the book that
convinced me to quit drinking
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
What scared me the most was not my liver...but my brain.
My drinking was effecting my rational thinking...
Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Originally Posted by hps 
My view is that family, friends, jobs, and that sort of thing are not so easy to get back once lost. So maybe you want to do something about your problem BEFORE you start losing everything.
Just a thought...
Just a thought...
I completely agree. Better to do something before the sh!t hits the fan. Not so much mess to clean up if you work on it early. I've relapsed more times than I'd like to remember, but I'm sober today and happy to be sober.
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Thank you to all who posted and gave some direction or places to go and learn more.
I will be discussing it further with my partner tonight and also thinking about going to a meeting tomorrow night.
Today is Day 1 - My journey has begun - I know I dont want this to continue so its time to make the change
Thank you all for your words and thoughts.
LH
I will be discussing it further with my partner tonight and also thinking about going to a meeting tomorrow night.
Today is Day 1 - My journey has begun - I know I dont want this to continue so its time to make the change
Thank you all for your words and thoughts.
LH
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