CarolD

We all wish you the very best a sober life offers

I do hope your de tox goes smoothly
please don't hesitate to get professional assistance
if you get into problems.

Weeza

Hi Lionheart,,
if you've not yet come across the AA pamphlet with 12 questions called IS AA FOR YOU?I'll post the link here:

Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You?

But here are the 12 Questions for your convenience:

1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?

2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?


3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?

4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?

5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?

6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?

7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?

8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?

9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?

10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?

11 - Do you have "blackouts"?

12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?

I've not had a drink in 18 years so answered the questions according to how life is for me today, coming up with all NOs... So then I retook the test from what I could remember how things were for me in 1992, and got 8 Yes answers... So there's been improvement. But even so, when I went to my first AA meeting it was because a musician friend of mine had been in the program but relapsed after having 5 years sober time, so he looked me up because he wanted to party, only I knew he'd been in AA so told him "no way, you're better off sober. I don't know how you ever managed as long as you did but I've got my own problems and the last thing I need are yours."

Well, my friend phoned me ten days later to say his wife left him, he lost his job, but he wanted to thank me for refusing to get him loaded because that's what it took for him to realize he needed to see his sponsor face-to-face, so then he asked if he could take me to dinner for an amends, and I thought, 'yeah, a nice meal out would be fun' because I was always so drunk I could never leave the house plus didn't know how to drive at 27... My friend then picked me up and we went to Nickodell's which was a famous Hollywood bar and restaurant. I saw the anchorman Jerry Dunphy drinking a martini nearby so ordered what he had and raised my glass to him. He gave me a wink and I was in 7th Heaven, only, because I was next to my musician friend who was struggling for watching me enjoy my drink-- he felt like a vampire and this made me self-conscious with sipping when I just wanted to knock back that baby and feel its olive slap my pallet. That martini was the longest drink in my history and I would have ordered two more but my friend was a wreck.

"Oh God, I thought you'd never finish. I can't stand being here. I'm having a panic attack." As he was about to drive me home, we saw a line of people standing on the sidewalk along our route and my friend exclaimed, "it's a meeting. I'm sorry, but would you mind sparing me 90 minutes. I promise I can take you home or get you a cab, but I really need this." In feeling sorry for my friend, I said, "Why not? There's nothing to go home to," and so I followed him into an indoor rec center's basketball court with metal folding chairs in rows, car keys on every seat. I thought, "man these people are stupid... someone can just come in here and find a free car, I better watch my friend's keys or I won't get my ride back home...

God only knows how much I resented having that just one martini and not three... That was my last drink and if I ever want to entertain 'control drinking' all i have to do is remember how much was not enough... I wasn't convinced that I was ready to hang it all up but for some reason it just was my time... No one needs to go back out and do more research to find out... if it can be imagined, it's enough...

Take care,
Weeza

eastcoaster

Oh my goodness, YES! I feel so much freer now, without that obsession with alcohol. When I find myself in situations where other people are drinking - like when I'm out watching live music, which I do a lot - I often recall how stressful the whole experience used to be. How long until last call? Am I drinking more than everyone around me? What do I have for when I get home? It's just so much more fun to listen to live music and be around my friends without all of those ridiculous concerns. BUT PLEASE NOTE: I've been sober for almost a year and a half, and it took me a while to feel secure enough in those situations to know I wouldn't a) be tempted, and b) give into temptation, so it is probably a good idea to try to avoid alcohol-heavy gatherings and events for the first little bit. But now: no problem.

I've worried about my drinking since I was nineteen. Even though I didn't drink every day I always drank to excess and when I compared my drinking habits to those of other people's I just knew that something was wrong with me. I was obsessed with probably having a drinking problem for over a decade. I talked about it all the time when I was drunk. Sometimes I would just revel in it, and sometimes I would decide to quit. Quitting never lasted longer than a few days.

At the end, I was getting drunk 5 or 6 nights a week. I used to always only drink with other people (and therefore be out at bars 3-4 nights a week) but during the last few years I also drank by myself a heck of a lot. I tried to hide the extent of my drinking from various roommates. I never drank in the morning, or at work, etc., but I always knew I was an alcoholic, regardless.

About a week before I went to my first AA meeting, I was talking to a friend of mine who was an AA member, about my concerns, and he said he only wished he had quit a decade earlier. He also said - and prefaced it with "this is going to sound cheesy" - that he probably only has this one life, and it's a gift, and why on earth would he want to squander it? Or something to that effect. In any case, it really resonated with me. I haven't majorly screwed up my life, I guess, but I also don't have anything majorly awesome in my life, either, if screw-ups and awesome stuff are a serious and healthy relationship, children, a fulfilling career. I just knew I couldn't get what I wanted if I kept drinking. And I want to be happy. My recovery has been all about hope.

I am sorry for being so long-winded!

I wish you luck, lionheart, sounds like you have a lot sorted out in your head, it's just getting the courage together. No small feat. It used to seem impossible to imagine a future without drinking. It gets easier every day, week, month...you just have to hang in there! And a support system like this, or AA, or whatever is, I think, a really important early step. There are all kinds of people able and eager to show their support, as I'm sure you can see in all of these responses.