Browns2011

Hi Everyone

I have just recently accepted the fact that I need help and am departing for 30 day rehab on Jan 4th. I am excited about getting healthy again but scared about my job.

My question for everyone: What is the best thing to tell your boss when you leave for 30 days? Do people treat you differently when you get back to work (is there a weird tension)?

I have a pretty high profile job with a large company. I know many people suggest that you simply say "I am taking a 30 day leave for family reasons". Yes, you are not required to say anything but I simply feel that it would make the situation more awkward when I return.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

jimhere

How about the truth? With your boss I mean. With co-workers, it really isn't their business unless you choose to make it so.

December15

It depends on if your boss is a genuine humane person who will understand and who you cant trust with some confidential information. If in doubt, just say you are attending a life improvement course - which ofcourse is no lie.

sugErspun

I have done this a few times in my life (take leave and gone to rehab) 3 to be exact. 40 days, 35 days and 100 days. It is a difficult situation because there's usually no phone, no way to pay bills or update friends and family - let alone be available for any emergencies at the office.

"I am going to be gone for a month and I cannot contact you nor you me" doesn't always come across the best. I guess what made the decision "easy" was I got so low that I really didn't care if my job wasn't there when I got back or not. At first I was overly concerned with it, perhaps clinching on to the idea that my life is better than I think, I have a good job and as long as I have that - I am not as bad off as I feel.

The last time I had to take off work to go to rehab, I sat down with the guy who was my boss and said "I need to go away and get help. I really enjoy my job and am thankful for it - but the way I am headed, I won't be of much use to anyone in the near future. I am open to tell you the details if you like, though it is not my preference to do so."

The response was something along these lines: "I don't want you here if you can't be your best. It's no secret that something is going on with you and on a personal level - I want you to get whatever help you need. On a professional level, your work has not gone unnoticed and I promise your job will be waiting for you when you are ready to return."

That lifted a pretty big weight off my shoulders at the time. After a few weeks at rehab, I came to a point where the job really didn't matter that much and I was not going to be devastated if something happened and they wouldn't be able to put me back at my same role, salary etc. I returned to open arms 4 months later (I stayed out of work longer than I was in-patient)...After a month back, I was approached by someone who said I should apply for a position they had open. It would be a very good promotion, but it would also mean that I basically came back to a job that was held for me and then took the first opportunity that came my way.

So - I sat down with him again and said "This is a really great opportunity for me and I think I am qualified. I want you to know that I am indebted to you for what you did for me and if you want me to not apply so I can continue working for you - I won't apply." He said he would never do anything to stint my growth, professional or otherwise. I ended up being offered the promotion and transferred out and up the ladder.

2 years later - this guy called me and wanted to know if I would be interested in some contract work for a new company he was with. I met with them and ended up leaving my company of 10 years to work for this man. My old company was sold and everyone laid off within 3 months of this....I remain gainfully employed and from the outside it looks like things just "work out" for me.

I give all the credit to being honest, at any cost.
My advice would be the same.

soberinwpg

I agree. Be honest. My experience is yes you do get treated differently when they know. Some treat you with compassion, some with fear, some don't like it. It is all based on THEIR past experiences. You just worry about YOUR health and it will all work out.

Good for you btw.

justanothrdrunk

There are laws in place that will protect you (and your job) if you tell the truth.

Going to treatment qualifies under FMLA even (and the ADA in some ways too). I've used FMLA when in treatment to protect my job.

Been in rehab 3 different times (1 week, 28 days, and 5 months) - told my boss about it each time.

Weeza

Watch out about the pink cloud, when you get to your 4th step down the road and if it's noted from there that you might owe amends to your job, you may then tell your boss or associates, but remember that if it's potentially harmful to you, your staff or family in doing so (like lose job) you can always make direct amends by catching up as the best employee upon return, and then you'd have a whole lifetime of service in that mind set...

For now, easy does it... just report that you need to take a one month leave due to personal matters. You're not obliged to say what... chances are your employer already suspects you're in trouble with drinking because absences and attitudes at the work place have reflected poor performance, so if you're already at that stage of notes about inconsistent performance, don't rock the boat.

One thing I would be concerned about is the confidentiality of the human resource department hired on to process your medical insurance and whether your medical information might leak back to the workplace, so check with insurance about the rehab coverage to make sure it's not reported back to the workplace.

I recall when I was in my first year, i was bitten by the pink cloud (enthusiasm for getting life back on track to the point of telling the whole world)... well... be mindful of how that pink cloud can boomerang and bite you in the butt because this is a dog eat dog world-- sometimes folks in the workplace are looking for a break to climb up, and if it means the expense of another, tough cookies, you're no longer needed at this office... this can especially happen in publishing or entertainment... so be careful about language selection... rather than go for the sympathy card to have things sound like a crisis, call it a sabbatical if you get cornered...

lots of professionals go on company paid-for sabbaticals every seven years as a bonus (at least in finance and publishing)...

what I'm concerned about is this bit of honesty you're willing to offer might be turned around and used against you... I've seen it happen and the last thing you need is to lose your job so don't give up any leverage... if you've got the skills and can deliver but are just needing a month off to heal and restore yourself, no need for explanation or any public show...

I hope I'm not coming across as shady but am trying to be practical here... I've seen what honesty about sobriety/program in the workplace can do to a job-- especially when at company parties and not participating with imbibing... coworkers can get weird over that and if they'd like some of your perks or position, it's easy for a nice guy to get pushed into the river and see where the current leads... so don't sell yourself short to get there if you don't need to...

CarolD

Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum

I did not go to re hab....so I have no experience with that.

I can tell you tho...that lies and deceptions would be
counter productive to my recovery from alcoholism.

Glad to see a new member ...

December15

I can only tell it from my own experience. In my company it is a full on work hard and play hard environment. When management say party time has arrived, then you are expected to guzzle the booze. No doubt about it. Management see the flowing of souls in the cloud of intoxication as a team building exercise. That is why I will soon be leaving, and for a much better job. And they can get on with it.

jamdls

Being an HR manager I agree that honesty is the best policy. If your company has 50 or more employees then you are protected by the FMLA laws and if you do not apply for the FMLA leave then your job is not protected; and the HIPAA laws prohibit your employer from sharing the reason of your leave and if they do share the reason of your absence you have major legal recourse.

Sudz No More

I told just my direct manager and the co-workers in my department that I was trying to quit and they have all been very supportive. They have offered advice on how to avoid temptation and ask me every day how I am doing. When I tell them, they pat me on the back. It is a shame though to realize that not everyone will get this kind of support.

yeahgr8

If you are going to go into rehab to start an honest program of recovery it might be best to start by being honest with your direct boss as to why you are taking a break rather than checking on on the back of a lie? You can do this in a retrospective way though but if anything sinks in, in rehab, you will want to tell your direct boss when you get back, is it going to sound better telling them from the start or having to say i lied to you because i was afraid to tell you the truth when you get back?

Some unbelievable advice in this thread so far so be careful what you take on board and good luck:-)

joedris

I'm gonna go with Jimhere, Tell your boss the truth. It's none of the co-workers business.

penny74

Just tell the truth.
It will make you feel better.
l promise.

brother

Has your boss handled confidential matters with respect? My boss was lenient about personal time/family matters but also loved to gossip (think Michael Scott/DunderMifflin). The things he revealed to me about other employees' personal problems in day to day chit-chat were not appropriate. I figured he would do the same regarding details about my absence.

Wolfchild

Welcome to our Sober Recovery community!

Browns2011

Thanks everyone for your comments on this subject. I appreciate everyone taking the time to reply!

I work for a major fortune 500 organization that has a history of being very employee friendly. In addition, I have a pretty good track record and the highest level of performance rating.

Having listened to most of your advice, I think I am just going to be honest with my boss and tell him. I am sure he will be thankful of my honesty and my willingness to get better.

I guess I will take a FMLA leave. I am not sure if I can afford, however, the loss of salary for a full month. The rehab is going to cost me a small fortune. My other option is just taking sick days and all of my vacation (at least I get paid).

I am heading to Capo by the Sea in CA. Anyone been there?

Thanks and good luck everyone (and Merry Christmas)

PS: This would not be as hard as it is to tell my boss if it were not for the fact that, the person prior to me (in my position), left on a 6 week leave and never came back. He never told anyone why he left or why he was gone. I feel sorry for my boss that I have to leave after he just went through that. I do, however, intend to come back and be my old self again.

McGowdog

Welcome to SR Browns2011.

I've been to an alcohol treatment center twice; 6 days and 14 days. The later was something I was required to do in order to stay employed. I had woke up in a jail cell when I was supposed to be at work one morning. I went and made monetary amends for the damage I'd caused the night before, then went to my workplace where I was supposed to be assisting the doctor in medical procedures. I was the lead engineer/clinician of a group of about 6 employees. I pulled a medical tech aside and told him what I recall from a blackout bender the night before. My coworkers picked up the slack, but I was ashamed and didn't know what to do. I asked my friend, who was a recovered addict, what I should do. He said, "Just call the main boss and fess up. Spill your guts and ask for help." So I did and they told me to go find and accredited rehab/treatment center.

So I did and that lead to about 20 months of sobriety before I drank again. I was in an intense inpatient treatment center and since I had a drivers liscence and stuff, they let me drive home every night to be with my wife and I drove back to them every morning where I did everything that everybody else did, except sleep there. I ate 3 squares a day there.

Here's the biggest mistake I made while I was there; trusted the intake person who was supposed to set this up with my employer's insurance company. The intake person said I was set and that was that. About 8 months later, sober, my company let me go and I received bills from the TC. I owed 8,000 of the 13,000 that was charged to my former insurance company. My insurance company paid 5,000 and said enough's enough. I was stuck with the $8,000.00. When I went to make arrangements with the TC, they had already moved the bill to collection and thanks to a loving wife, we got it handled and I was left with a resentment to the treatment center and my former employer. My friends in A.A. said, "If you want to get sober, come to A.A."

It takes what it takes and stuff... just don't get ripped off. The way I figure it, I paid $8,000.00 to hear some clinicians say, "Go to A.A. It works." I am currently one of 2 guys in my "class" that are currently sober now. I know of at least one guy from there who is dead now. I drank a few more times between then and now, but am sober longer than I've ever been at almost 6 years. I do the A.A. program in a group that meets once per week.

But to be honest, I enjoyed my stay at the local treatment center, enjoyed the counselors and love to see them at some of the A.A. meetings now. I got everything I could out of my treatment centers, community service, hospital visits, jail visits, level II education and therapies, anger management courses...

Texasblind

Capo by the Sea? You're headed for the good life my friend. Make the most of it. Learn. Use the tools they give you.

Stereosteveo

Good move my friend. I wish you well.
I have no advice for you either as far as the work situation. I did not afford myself the priviledge of rehab either. I was way too proud to go for the 10 years it was offered for free.

But I've heard many a person who has gone through rehab say:
Rehab is for discovery.
AA is for recovery.

I've never heard anyone speak negatively about their experience in rehab. But I know one guy who went 13 times...

Alcohol had so much power over my life I could not just put it down and abstain for a certain period and move on, like I thought I could. I learned that lesson repeatedly, the hard way. I had to have and still have to have continued support, forever actually.

The neat thing is today if you can find a liquor store on one corner, well...most likely you will find a AA meeting on the other..