It Has Beaten Me I Am Getting Drunk
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 76
It Has Beaten Me I Am Getting Drunk
Hi All,
First i want to thank you you for all your kind replies to my posts over the last few weeks.
However after 51 days (just over 7 weeks) i think Alcohol has beaten me, i really just want to have a drink and to be honest get DRUNK.
The so called withdrawals (PAWS/Extended withdrawls) have finally driven me crazy enougth to think thats it, i quit, quitting i am going to get drunk and to hell with the anxiety, Stress, worries, twitching, headaches, and you know what yeah they maybe there in the morning but guess what so will my beer and if there is something wrong with me F... I. i will deal with it when it happens, but i will be drunk until then (was always a happy drunk) and happy, not a pain in the arse to be around and moaning all day everyday about my headaches or my twitching and worrying everyone whats wrong with me.
Good Luck You All
Robbo
First i want to thank you you for all your kind replies to my posts over the last few weeks.
However after 51 days (just over 7 weeks) i think Alcohol has beaten me, i really just want to have a drink and to be honest get DRUNK.
The so called withdrawals (PAWS/Extended withdrawls) have finally driven me crazy enougth to think thats it, i quit, quitting i am going to get drunk and to hell with the anxiety, Stress, worries, twitching, headaches, and you know what yeah they maybe there in the morning but guess what so will my beer and if there is something wrong with me F... I. i will deal with it when it happens, but i will be drunk until then (was always a happy drunk) and happy, not a pain in the arse to be around and moaning all day everyday about my headaches or my twitching and worrying everyone whats wrong with me.
Good Luck You All
Robbo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Sobersville
Posts: 28
I haven't got any clever words to stop you from drinking. All I can say is that when I saw your post I said out loud, "oh no" and swore a bit. My girlfriend asked what was wrong and I told her. She didn't know what to say either but looked at me seriously and I could tell she was thinking that if it was me she'd be distraught.
A lot of people have followed your progress, even if they've not written anything. Every single one of them will be saying, "oh no", when they see that you're having a wobble
Please try not to give in.
Bananaman.
A lot of people have followed your progress, even if they've not written anything. Every single one of them will be saying, "oh no", when they see that you're having a wobble
Please try not to give in.
Bananaman.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by robbo78 
...(was always a happy drunk) and happy, not a pain in the arse to be around and moaning all day everyday about my headaches or my twitching and worrying everyone whats wrong with me.
TOO MUCH of a bad thing is good (like suffering)
When the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change, change will follow.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Robbo,
I'm sorry to hear of your struggle, and I hope you manage to see the insanity before you actually pick up that drink.
As it always did me. Booze always won. You're just learning what I lot of us had to learn. The only way for me to win was to admit defeat. To know deep down in my heart where the truth lies, that I will never win. Never. One day, drunk and miserable and hopeless, that thought hit me. That I would never win. There was nothing I could do to save myself. Then I became willing to do what others had done to find a power that could save me. I needed a spiritual experience.
This might upset some folks, but I don't think too much of the PAWS concept. It gets thrown around on this forum quite a bit, and that's OK. It may have some scientific merit. But it seems to be treated like just hold on and things will get better in time. It will resolve itself if you can hang on long enough.
And that's true, to some extent. Over the course of a couple months, my head cleared a little, my health, legal, social, work, family problems got a little better. But I have to say that for the majority of alcoholics I know, that basic miserable condition does not resolve itself. 7 weeks was about all I could ever stand as well.
There is a large group of recovered alcoholics that believe we are doomed to return to drinking unless we have a fundamental and profound phychic change. Based on their own experience and their observation of others, they believe that simply not drinking and waiting for the PAWS to pass is rarely successful long term.
I see these train wrecks coming in meetings. I listen to a guy share and just know he is headed back out weeks or months before it inevitably happens. I'm not psychic, how would I know that?
Because it shouts from them they are miserable not drinking and have no solution for it. For them, it's just a matter of time. The days don't get better; the PAWS doesn't subside. In fact, the days get worse and worse and they get more and more desperate. They either latch on to the solution that the rest of us have found, or the go back out and drink.
And I'll be honest. There is nothing exclusive about AA's solution. Most of us have found that some kind of profound, fundamental change was necessary. AA just has one time-tested way of bringing about that change. Others have found other ways.
But with few exceptions, something more than not drinking is usually necessary. Again, some folks will get riled with that assertion because they were able to stop and be happy by just not drinking. All you have to ask yourself is how is that approach working for you?
I'm sorry to hear of your struggle, and I hope you manage to see the insanity before you actually pick up that drink.
Originally Posted by robbo78
However after 51 days (just over 7 weeks) i think Alcohol has beaten me,...
Originally Posted by robbo78
The so called withdrawals (PAWS/Extended withdrawls) have finally driven me crazy...
And that's true, to some extent. Over the course of a couple months, my head cleared a little, my health, legal, social, work, family problems got a little better. But I have to say that for the majority of alcoholics I know, that basic miserable condition does not resolve itself. 7 weeks was about all I could ever stand as well.
There is a large group of recovered alcoholics that believe we are doomed to return to drinking unless we have a fundamental and profound phychic change. Based on their own experience and their observation of others, they believe that simply not drinking and waiting for the PAWS to pass is rarely successful long term.
I see these train wrecks coming in meetings. I listen to a guy share and just know he is headed back out weeks or months before it inevitably happens. I'm not psychic, how would I know that?
Because it shouts from them they are miserable not drinking and have no solution for it. For them, it's just a matter of time. The days don't get better; the PAWS doesn't subside. In fact, the days get worse and worse and they get more and more desperate. They either latch on to the solution that the rest of us have found, or the go back out and drink.
And I'll be honest. There is nothing exclusive about AA's solution. Most of us have found that some kind of profound, fundamental change was necessary. AA just has one time-tested way of bringing about that change. Others have found other ways.
But with few exceptions, something more than not drinking is usually necessary. Again, some folks will get riled with that assertion because they were able to stop and be happy by just not drinking. All you have to ask yourself is how is that approach working for you?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
robbo...of course you "want" to get drunk...if you didn't want to get drunk alcohol would not be an issue. The bottom line is do you want to be sober...it would seem at the moment you don't. Maintaining sobriety takes hard work...you have to learn how to live a whole new life, one that never includes alcohol.....even when you "want" to get drunk. The choice is yours...you are armed with the facts about what alcohol will and has done to you. If you refuse to fight you will never win. I wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Totally agree with keithj.
IMO, When you are ready, you will do it...i met a great guy with 'PAWS', he hasn't drunk for 7 years and was totally miserable, couldn't hold down a job, no relationship, no money, no hope for the future...he's started working the steps for the third time...this time i think he will be a bit more honest and listen though...he tried it his way!
I've been through what you are going through soooooooooo many times...before i got down to AA...wow, thanks for reminding me...i don't want to do it again!
Do have some hope though Robbo when you are wallowing in the guilt and remourse, there is a solution for this you know:-)
IMO, When you are ready, you will do it...i met a great guy with 'PAWS', he hasn't drunk for 7 years and was totally miserable, couldn't hold down a job, no relationship, no money, no hope for the future...he's started working the steps for the third time...this time i think he will be a bit more honest and listen though...he tried it his way!
I've been through what you are going through soooooooooo many times...before i got down to AA...wow, thanks for reminding me...i don't want to do it again!
Do have some hope though Robbo when you are wallowing in the guilt and remourse, there is a solution for this you know:-)
Is it hot here or am I crazy?
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Planet Zirchon 9 (which is near Milwaukee, WI.)
Posts: 38
Lot of heartfelt posts. All I can say,
Living sober sucks... But living drunk sucks even more. You're chances of living a rewarding life are far better sober than drunk.
Living sober sucks... But living drunk sucks even more. You're chances of living a rewarding life are far better sober than drunk.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Yes you have been suffering recently with painful
physical symptoms and your doctors not very helful.
I sure hope you will find your way
into asolid healthy sober future.
physical symptoms and your doctors not very helful.
I sure hope you will find your way
into asolid healthy sober future.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Originally Posted by Mrak
Lot of heartfelt posts. All I can say,
Living sober sucks... But living drunk sucks even more. You're chances of living a rewarding life are far better sober than drunk.
Living sober sucks... But living drunk sucks even more. You're chances of living a rewarding life are far better sober than drunk.
Living sober does not suck - not for me. I wouldn't be in this deal if it sucked. I'm living a life I never thought possible.
Robbo, I hope you make it back. There is a solution.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 652
Know how you feel, Robbo..
Feel like that myself a lot of times.
Instant relief of all worries and pains and anxiety in the fridge,
l just hope you think about this before you do anything you will regret later.
Be safe.
I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it. ~Thomas Jackson
Feel like that myself a lot of times.
Instant relief of all worries and pains and anxiety in the fridge,
l just hope you think about this before you do anything you will regret later.
Be safe.
I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it. ~Thomas Jackson
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by robbo78
Hi All,
First i want to thank you you for all your kind replies to my posts over the last few weeks.
However after 51 days (just over 7 weeks) i think Alcohol has beaten me, i really just want to have a drink and to be honest get DRUNK.
The so called withdrawals (PAWS/Extended withdrawls) have finally driven me crazy enougth to think thats it, i quit, quitting i am going to get drunk and to hell with the anxiety, Stress, worries, twitching, headaches, and you know what yeah they maybe there in the morning but guess what so will my beer and if there is something wrong with me F... I. i will deal with it when it happens, but i will be drunk until then (was always a happy drunk) and happy, not a pain in the arse to be around and moaning all day everyday about my headaches or my twitching and worrying everyone whats wrong with me.
Good Luck You All
Robbo
First i want to thank you you for all your kind replies to my posts over the last few weeks.
However after 51 days (just over 7 weeks) i think Alcohol has beaten me, i really just want to have a drink and to be honest get DRUNK.
The so called withdrawals (PAWS/Extended withdrawls) have finally driven me crazy enougth to think thats it, i quit, quitting i am going to get drunk and to hell with the anxiety, Stress, worries, twitching, headaches, and you know what yeah they maybe there in the morning but guess what so will my beer and if there is something wrong with me F... I. i will deal with it when it happens, but i will be drunk until then (was always a happy drunk) and happy, not a pain in the arse to be around and moaning all day everyday about my headaches or my twitching and worrying everyone whats wrong with me.
Good Luck You All
Robbo
Good luck, keep coming back no matter what!
:ghug2
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 7
Don't do it. You have made it this far. Your body and mind want alcohol back and they are doing everything they can to make you give in. This is even what my neurologist told me--he said my BFS and anxiety symptoms were psychological rather than physical in nature. Don't let it beat you. You are probably very close to getting past the worst. If you start drinking again, you will be starting the clock over again on the symptoms if you ever stop drinking again. In my case 3 months I felt better. For you it might be 4, 5, or 6. That is not that long! It just seems like it.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,846
Robbo, I've been away from a computer for most of the day. All I can say is PLEASE reconsider.
I've been following your posts since I joined about a month ago. I've gotten similar overpowering urges to go back to the beer, but these feelings ALWAYS pass.
Whatever you decide, just remember we'll always be here for you.
I've been following your posts since I joined about a month ago. I've gotten similar overpowering urges to go back to the beer, but these feelings ALWAYS pass.
Whatever you decide, just remember we'll always be here for you.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
"PLEASE reconsider" Ditto that. I'm on day 37 this time. I also try not to judge. It really is a choice as best I can figure out. If I makes you happy... do it. Just be responsible and don't drink and drive etc. Not preaching; just throwing in my personal experience (with myself ). 51 days and the medical screening you willed yourself to do seem to me a tragic waste.
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