online sponsor
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 56
online sponsor
I am looking for someone to help guide me through the 12 steps. I am very serious about staying sober and I am willing to do anything. Please someone who has worked the steps and has maintained significant time clean and sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
A sponsor is an individual that is in the real face to face world... Someone you can call on the phone, have coffee with, see at AA meetings...
Personally I have benefitted enormously from SR as pertains to the 12 steps and the program of AA... But it doesn't substitute for your sponsor...
The fellowship of AA is very important also... have you found a meeting you like, you can make your home group?
Love your avatar, Johnny Cash is one of my heroes.
Mark
Personally I have benefitted enormously from SR as pertains to the 12 steps and the program of AA... But it doesn't substitute for your sponsor...
The fellowship of AA is very important also... have you found a meeting you like, you can make your home group?
Love your avatar, Johnny Cash is one of my heroes.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I am in total agreement with Cubile, SR has been a great supplement to my recovery, but to really work the steps I need face to face time.
Why would you not seek face to face support at an AA meeting if you are going to work the steps?
Why would you not seek face to face support at an AA meeting if you are going to work the steps?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
well heres a start....
post on 12 step support...along the lines of "....where do i start".
plenty of people on there with long term sobriety and experience with step work...
sponsorship is difficult if not face to face..imo but im sure your get lots of pointers and feedback.
im happy to answer any questions...... if i can help please pm me..
but keep looking for that face to face sponsor.......im sure theres a solution.
post on 12 step support...along the lines of "....where do i start".
plenty of people on there with long term sobriety and experience with step work...
sponsorship is difficult if not face to face..imo but im sure your get lots of pointers and feedback.
im happy to answer any questions...... if i can help please pm me..
but keep looking for that face to face sponsor.......im sure theres a solution.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
In the early days of AA, many "lone wolves" recovered with nothing more than an AA big book, so it can be done. Just how small of a town are you in? I have been to AA meetings in towns as small as 5,000 souls.
I am also betting you will find a ride. In AA it is our duty to be there when someone else needs help, so don't feel like you are imposing on anyone.
I am also betting you will find a ride. In AA it is our duty to be there when someone else needs help, so don't feel like you are imposing on anyone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 56
I can get my license back in November after my 2 years of suspension. But I am really afraid of driving again. I dont want to drive drunk again I might kill someone, myself, or at the very least go to prison. Thanks for all of the support.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
I agree with what others have said about a face to face sponsor for a few reasons.
1) There are some real advantages to being to look someone in the eye. We alcoholics tend to be very good at lying and manipulating, and online makes it tougher to be accountable. And a sponsor relationship requires absolute honesty.
2) The fellowship and support can be a real bonus. I'm not real big on fellowship as solution, but the structure and routine of commitment and service to a home group are good things for early sobriety.
3) Willing to go to any lengths is a requirement. I hear some "yeah, but" about how you are different and don't need to do what the rest of us have done. It's not an initiation, hazing type thing. It's an internal state of surrender and willingness. If you can't commit to a face to face sponsor or face to face meetings, how deep does your willingness go.
Are you willing to go to any lengths, in spite of the difficulties? That's the real test of willingness that will help your success. It's easy to go to lengths that are convenient and that we agree with. What about the things that are tough or we balk out? Are you willing to do those also?
All that said, I know that I and many others would love to give you all the help we can. I would read through the 12 step forum and ask someone there to help you get started. You can PM me if you'd like. I'd act as an online sponsor until you could find one locally. It's no excuse to not get started today.
1) There are some real advantages to being to look someone in the eye. We alcoholics tend to be very good at lying and manipulating, and online makes it tougher to be accountable. And a sponsor relationship requires absolute honesty.
2) The fellowship and support can be a real bonus. I'm not real big on fellowship as solution, but the structure and routine of commitment and service to a home group are good things for early sobriety.
3) Willing to go to any lengths is a requirement. I hear some "yeah, but" about how you are different and don't need to do what the rest of us have done. It's not an initiation, hazing type thing. It's an internal state of surrender and willingness. If you can't commit to a face to face sponsor or face to face meetings, how deep does your willingness go.
Are you willing to go to any lengths, in spite of the difficulties? That's the real test of willingness that will help your success. It's easy to go to lengths that are convenient and that we agree with. What about the things that are tough or we balk out? Are you willing to do those also?
All that said, I know that I and many others would love to give you all the help we can. I would read through the 12 step forum and ask someone there to help you get started. You can PM me if you'd like. I'd act as an online sponsor until you could find one locally. It's no excuse to not get started today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
You've got some good advice.
When I read your post, all I could think of was "Any lengths".
What town do you live in? I know scores of people who didn't have a license and managed to still get a sponsor...some of these sponsors gave rides to the people they were taking through the steps because they also could not drive when they first came to AA.
Any lengths? Call the local AA number and ask for help.
When I read your post, all I could think of was "Any lengths".
What town do you live in? I know scores of people who didn't have a license and managed to still get a sponsor...some of these sponsors gave rides to the people they were taking through the steps because they also could not drive when they first came to AA.
Any lengths? Call the local AA number and ask for help.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
You might also want to post this question in the 12 Step forum..
I don't use AA, but I took a cab or a bus to counseling many many times. I had to do whatever I could to make sure I did EVERYTHING to stay sober. I wasn't enough, I needed help, and I would have walked to get to it.
You wont need to be afraid of a DUI if you no longer drink, anyways.
I don't use AA, but I took a cab or a bus to counseling many many times. I had to do whatever I could to make sure I did EVERYTHING to stay sober. I wasn't enough, I needed help, and I would have walked to get to it.
You wont need to be afraid of a DUI if you no longer drink, anyways.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
This is just me, and by no means am I condoning this or recomending it, but when I made the decision to "go to any lengths" it looked a bit different for me then it does for you, I had also lost my license, but two nights a week I drove to a meeting one hour away, arrived early and left late, so that was fours a night, two nights a week I drove TWO hours each direction so that was closer to six/seven hours a night, one night a week there was a meeting within walking distance, it was only a few miles away, one night a week there was a meeting 18 miles away.
I kept the insurance up on my car, flimsy I know, but I looked at it like this is my LIFE I am looking to save, if I get caught I'll just twelve step guys in jail. I didn't care.
ultimately after six months I moved to an area with a stronger program, but to me, "going to any lengths" meant exactly that, and I didn't let anything or anyone get between me and my sobriety, not my family, not the girl I was dating, not "The Law", not anything, if you got in my way I would go through you, over you, around you, I didn't care, I had to pursue my sobriety with the same determination as I pursued my alcoholism, and NOTHING stood between me and drinking, I could get loaded in jail, and did, so I made sure nothing stood between me and my sobriety with that same single minded determination.
Once again, I am not condoning my behavior, but it's my experience, it's what I did when I made the decision to "go to any lengths" to me that meant I was going to go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps NO MATTER WHAT.
My experience has always been if I take one step towards "God' or "recovery" it has always taken two steps towards me and MORE then met me halfway. For a while I had a sponsor that made me WALK to meetings because it took longer, I would walk to a meeting, go early, stay late, walk home, five hours would have passed, I'd call my sponsor and say 'what now?" he'd say walk to another meeting.
Only you can decide what "willing to go to any length" looks like for you, as a sponsor I have never asked any sponsee to do anything I haven't done myself, the bad news for them is I have done an awful lot in pursuit of sobriety over the years.
I kept the insurance up on my car, flimsy I know, but I looked at it like this is my LIFE I am looking to save, if I get caught I'll just twelve step guys in jail. I didn't care.
ultimately after six months I moved to an area with a stronger program, but to me, "going to any lengths" meant exactly that, and I didn't let anything or anyone get between me and my sobriety, not my family, not the girl I was dating, not "The Law", not anything, if you got in my way I would go through you, over you, around you, I didn't care, I had to pursue my sobriety with the same determination as I pursued my alcoholism, and NOTHING stood between me and drinking, I could get loaded in jail, and did, so I made sure nothing stood between me and my sobriety with that same single minded determination.
Once again, I am not condoning my behavior, but it's my experience, it's what I did when I made the decision to "go to any lengths" to me that meant I was going to go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps NO MATTER WHAT.
My experience has always been if I take one step towards "God' or "recovery" it has always taken two steps towards me and MORE then met me halfway. For a while I had a sponsor that made me WALK to meetings because it took longer, I would walk to a meeting, go early, stay late, walk home, five hours would have passed, I'd call my sponsor and say 'what now?" he'd say walk to another meeting.
Only you can decide what "willing to go to any length" looks like for you, as a sponsor I have never asked any sponsee to do anything I haven't done myself, the bad news for them is I have done an awful lot in pursuit of sobriety over the years.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
I'm not condoning your behaviour either Ago - dunno 'bout you, that's the kind of 'bigger than the law/I know better/the means justify the ends' attitude I sought to give up when I got into recovery.
That Dude? Like others have said, you're not the first guy to have a DUI who lives in a small town - call the hotline - if you want to go, there will be ways to get there that won't land you in jail.
D
That Dude? Like others have said, you're not the first guy to have a DUI who lives in a small town - call the hotline - if you want to go, there will be ways to get there that won't land you in jail.
D
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Yeah, I know of your case a bit and it doesn't seem far fetched since your out
in the sticks. I will sponsor you.
Before the age of mass communication people in isolation got sober with just a big book and grapevine. Long distance is cheap and email is fast and easy. There is no reason to do it completely alone these days.
in the sticks. I will sponsor you.
Before the age of mass communication people in isolation got sober with just a big book and grapevine. Long distance is cheap and email is fast and easy. There is no reason to do it completely alone these days.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I'm not condoning your behaviour either Ago - dunno 'bout you, that's the kind of 'bigger than the law/I know better/the means justify the ends' attitude I sought to give up when I got into recovery.
That Dude? Like others have said, you're not the first guy to have a DUI who lives in a small town - call the hotline - if you want to go, there will be ways to get there that won't land you in jail.
D
That Dude? Like others have said, you're not the first guy to have a DUI who lives in a small town - call the hotline - if you want to go, there will be ways to get there that won't land you in jail.
D
I wrote about my experience, sorry my life doesn't meet your approval.
I tried to be clear in that:
This is just me, and by no means am I condoning this or recomending it, but when I made the decision to "go to any lengths" it looked a bit different for me then it does for you
I had to pursue my sobriety with the same determination as I pursued my alcoholism, and NOTHING stood between me and drinking, I could get loaded in jail, and did, so I made sure nothing stood between me and my sobriety with that same single minded determination.
Once again, I am not condoning my behavior, but it's my experience, it's what I did when I made the decision to "go to any lengths" to me that meant I was going to go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps NO MATTER WHAT.
I had to pursue my sobriety with the same determination as I pursued my alcoholism, and NOTHING stood between me and drinking, I could get loaded in jail, and did, so I made sure nothing stood between me and my sobriety with that same single minded determination.
Once again, I am not condoning my behavior, but it's my experience, it's what I did when I made the decision to "go to any lengths" to me that meant I was going to go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps NO MATTER WHAT.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
like others have said: it may not say anywhere that you shouldn't get an online sponsor but to get the full benifit of a sponsor/sponsee relationship you need someone you can at least talk to on the phone on a regular basis. I would call AA central services for your area. If there is none, call up the closest city even it is 100 miles away. Ask if they know of any meetings closer to you and explain you need a sponsor. They should be able to hook you up with someone.
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Typical, Dude,
I heard your plea for help and offered a hand but as we say you have to be willing to go to any lenth. You haven't even logged into SR since the third of SEPT. and you want to get sober. Recovery from this disease needs much more commitment than that. I know you met negitive response to your query but what do you expect. Look at your avatar!
I hope you do realize the true weight of this disease before it's TOO LATE
I heard your plea for help and offered a hand but as we say you have to be willing to go to any lenth. You haven't even logged into SR since the third of SEPT. and you want to get sober. Recovery from this disease needs much more commitment than that. I know you met negitive response to your query but what do you expect. Look at your avatar!
I hope you do realize the true weight of this disease before it's TOO LATE
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Yes and I assumed right you logged out and started a bender that winded you
up behind bars. If you still want to start I sent you a message about the
length YOU have to go.
However, I am sorry if my assumption wasn't exactly right
but it was worse than I realized. You are lucky to be alive and posting. If you
feel like it share with SR what happened to you.
Keep coming back Brother
up behind bars. If you still want to start I sent you a message about the
length YOU have to go.
However, I am sorry if my assumption wasn't exactly right
but it was worse than I realized. You are lucky to be alive and posting. If you
feel like it share with SR what happened to you.
Keep coming back Brother
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
