This dead end job is killing me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 91
This dead end job is killing me
Every day I get more and more hopeless, and sobriety gets harder and harder.
Everyday I am driving my wife crazy by being so miserable. I have been stuck in the same job since college and feel like such a loser. I am 30. I have nothing to show for my 6 years of work. It's pathetic and today I am doing essentially the same Sisyphean task I was doing 3 years ago. It's depressing, soul crushing and exhausting. So much so that I just keep envisioning giving up, giving it all up, and drinking again. I got sober so I could improve my life, and get out of this job, but here I am 3 years later stuck in the same place.
It's pathetic. I am so sick of being pathetic. Drinking will just make me more pathetic though, so I struggle through it. I have sobriety. I should be happy, but I flirt with throwing it all away.
I have a vacation soon. The first vacation in over three years. What 3 years though. 2.5 years of sobriety, 2 surgeries, 2 moves, 3 deaths. Maybe I need a vacation baldy. But I just fear coming back and being in the same spot.
How can I change my life?! God, sometimes I just want to give up. I should stop feeling sorry for myself though.
:sorry
Everyday I am driving my wife crazy by being so miserable. I have been stuck in the same job since college and feel like such a loser. I am 30. I have nothing to show for my 6 years of work. It's pathetic and today I am doing essentially the same Sisyphean task I was doing 3 years ago. It's depressing, soul crushing and exhausting. So much so that I just keep envisioning giving up, giving it all up, and drinking again. I got sober so I could improve my life, and get out of this job, but here I am 3 years later stuck in the same place.
It's pathetic. I am so sick of being pathetic. Drinking will just make me more pathetic though, so I struggle through it. I have sobriety. I should be happy, but I flirt with throwing it all away.
I have a vacation soon. The first vacation in over three years. What 3 years though. 2.5 years of sobriety, 2 surgeries, 2 moves, 3 deaths. Maybe I need a vacation baldy. But I just fear coming back and being in the same spot.
How can I change my life?! God, sometimes I just want to give up. I should stop feeling sorry for myself though.
:sorry
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by chango 
Every day I get more and more hopeless, and sobriety gets harder and harder.
What you need is a way of life that provides release from care, boredom and worry.
Without a daily program the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse (terror, frustration, bewilderment & despair) will make life "harder and harder".
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by chango
Every day I get more and more hopeless, and sobriety gets harder and harder.
Everyday I am driving my wife crazy by being so miserable.
I have sobriety. I should be happy, but I flirt with throwing it all away.
Good for you through will power you have not taken a drink for 3 years... That's an accomplishment in and of itself.
Our problems are of our own making.
Do you have a recovery program? The purpose of many, especially AA, is so what is happening to you, doesn't.
Your wife is miserable, your job is miserable, you feel miserable.
You have a wife, a job and you are alive to feel.... Go out and find serenity, gratitude and happiness.... It's not about not picking up, it's so much more.
Mark
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 91
I don't know what serenity is. I have never had it and I have looked damn hard for it. I can't find it in myself. Maybe it's my mental illness. I don't know, but I just feel so damn lost all the time. I don't know where to turn. I have tried AA, really have. It's not for everyone and I don't think it's for me. I just don't know how to make things ok.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Cubile75
Your wife is miserable, your job is miserable, you feel miserable.
You have a wife, a job and you are alive to feel.... Go out and find serenity, gratitude and happiness.... It's not about not picking up, it's so much more.
You have a wife, a job and you are alive to feel.... Go out and find serenity, gratitude and happiness.... It's not about not picking up, it's so much more.
"Your wife is miserable, your job is miserable, you feel miserable".
Optimism is seeing the glass half-full:
"You have a wife, a job and you are alive to feel".
Optimism is not something that you pull out of a hat. It comes from sowing spiritual principles and reaping spiritual prosperity:
Humility is Yin - Insight is Yang
Gratitude is Yin - Optimism is Yang
Benevolence is Yin - Joy is Yang
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by chango
I can't find it in myself.
I don't have any magic words to share in an internet forum... But seek and you will find... Perhaps you need a guide?
Perhaps you are depressed... See a physician or psychologist. Perhaps you need a spiritual solution... See a clergyman.
OK, AA is not for you, only one question though... did you do the steps, did you really study the big book? If you did, OK... There are lots of alternative programs... someone should be along with a link.
You can't find it inside yourself... You can't do it alone.
Glad to see you are posting!! I hope to hear more from you!!
Mark
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 91
Thanks. I just am so tired of struggling. I have so many responsibilities, and it doesn't matter what successes I get, I still end up hating myself. I am so tired of this. I look back on my life, and I always end up in the place no matter what I do. Therapists, medicines, drinking, marriage, friends, moving, staying, health, sickness, sobriety, hard work, laziness, school, not school, travel, domestic life, spirituality, materialism. I just feel like I am losing my fight.
I was in the hospital a few years ago and I have just never been the same. The problems were always there, but I had the optimism and the drive to improve things. Now I am just so damn apathetic. I can't stop it. I lost my fight.
I feel like I am tearing apart at the seams.
I was in the hospital a few years ago and I have just never been the same. The problems were always there, but I had the optimism and the drive to improve things. Now I am just so damn apathetic. I can't stop it. I lost my fight.
I feel like I am tearing apart at the seams.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
It sounds like it is probably more about you then your situation. Does your work have a plan that covers counseling? It might be good to talk with someone about these things.
In regards to your job, have you been looking online to see what else is out there that may better suit you & sending out resumes. Sometimes we know what to do & what has to be done to keep us happy but we don't take action.
I wish you all of the best in your journey.
Take Care,
NB
In regards to your job, have you been looking online to see what else is out there that may better suit you & sending out resumes. Sometimes we know what to do & what has to be done to keep us happy but we don't take action.
I wish you all of the best in your journey.
Take Care,
NB
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Hey chango
You must have a lot going for you... a job with responsibilities... school... travel... wife and family...
But still, it's not enough, is it?
I don't want to alienate you with the AA thing, but you didn't say if you had worked the program of AA or read the Big Book... If you have, I won't say anything more about it... But, as I have learned through AA and very recently here on SR by some excellent folks who post in the 12 step forum...
Our problems are of our own making...
This is a great message of hope! Do you know why?
Mark
You must have a lot going for you... a job with responsibilities... school... travel... wife and family...
But still, it's not enough, is it?
I don't want to alienate you with the AA thing, but you didn't say if you had worked the program of AA or read the Big Book... If you have, I won't say anything more about it... But, as I have learned through AA and very recently here on SR by some excellent folks who post in the 12 step forum...
Our problems are of our own making...
This is a great message of hope! Do you know why?
Mark
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
On the path to self discovery
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 161
chango,
If AA does not work for you perhaps try a different recovery method.
I do SMART Recovery and find it very helpful, it is not Step based.
Perception can be everything.
You said you havent been the same since you were in the hospital, do you feel are you unable to do your dream job, find happiness because of this?
Being in a dead end job sucks! If there is one thing that might lead me to start drinking again it would be going back to cubicle life.
What is getting in the way of making a change in job your situation?
If AA does not work for you perhaps try a different recovery method.
I do SMART Recovery and find it very helpful, it is not Step based.
Perception can be everything.
You said you havent been the same since you were in the hospital, do you feel are you unable to do your dream job, find happiness because of this?
Being in a dead end job sucks! If there is one thing that might lead me to start drinking again it would be going back to cubicle life.
What is getting in the way of making a change in job your situation?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 91
Do you know why?
Because we are able to fix them. I understand that. What I am trying to say is I feel like I have tried everything. And yes, I read the big book and attended AA quite a bit. I actually quit drinking after I stopped going to the meetings.
Because we are able to fix them. I understand that. What I am trying to say is I feel like I have tried everything. And yes, I read the big book and attended AA quite a bit. I actually quit drinking after I stopped going to the meetings.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by chango
[I] I feel like I have tried everything. And yes, I read the big book and attended AA quite a bit. I actually quit drinking after I stopped going to the meetings.
Did you try getting a sponsor? Did you try working the steps?
If not, you were a spectator but not a participant and have at least 2 more things to try.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
OK thanx, don't want to be a pain in the @ss.
You may very well be depressed. It sounds as if you have already treated for some type of mental health issue.... maybe it's time again? I feel that certain personalities tend to do certain things... depression, OCD, anxiety... My personality tends towards the ADHD thing, which can really block me...
Otter knows something about SMART... maybe you can get some more info on that program!!
We are here..
Mark
You may very well be depressed. It sounds as if you have already treated for some type of mental health issue.... maybe it's time again? I feel that certain personalities tend to do certain things... depression, OCD, anxiety... My personality tends towards the ADHD thing, which can really block me...
Otter knows something about SMART... maybe you can get some more info on that program!!
We are here..
Mark
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
Maybe you have tried everything. Maybe you really did give AA a good shot and it wasn't a good fit. It seems that given where you are at right now though, you should consider re-evaluating your recovery program. You don't need AA necessarily, but you need SOMETHING. Without AA it is much more difficult, but you can find alternative groups, individual therapy, group therapy, etc. Work on eating healthy, working out, meditation, things like that. If you have mental health issues explore treatment for those problems specifically, but don't neglect other parts of your recovery. I don't mean to be rude but coming on here to complain about your problems, as painful as they may be, does not help to solve them. Congrats on your time sober. I hope you can find some peace and live. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
Chango—
I didn't get sober in AA. I think the other people are right though that the problem is that you need to work on your recovery. That being said I completely understand AA not being for you. It wasn't for me. You can find the same serenity that some people manage to find in AA through other avenues. I have.
This is what worked for me. You might want to take some aspects of it and see if any of them will work for you:
1. Individual therapy twice a week
2. Buddhist recovery meditations and talks (Buddhist Recovery, Dharma Punx) If they aren't recovery centered I think that any dharma talks about general buddhism would be helpful, is there a zen center in your hood?
3. Voracious reading about recovery - both the scientific aspects and the more spiritual
Some books I would recommend for someone who is already sober but struggling with recovery:
Mindful Recovery: A Spiritual Path ... - Google Books
One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and ... - Google Books
First-year sobriety: when all that ... - Google Books
The Five Things We Cannot Change ... - Google Books
Everyday Zen: Love and Work - Google Books
4. Relax and be gentle with yourself
5. While AA may not be for you the 12 steps have some good info in them; you can use them as a framework; take what you want. I personally read some books geared towards women about the 12 steps that reframed them. I never did the 12 steps but ended up probably going over a lot of the concepts organically in my recovery basically because they are standard things that I think have to happen to free yourself from emotional and spiritual pain. Oh, and I don't think you have to buy into the concept of a higher power to have a good recovery. Again, my recovery is very much my own program.
Of all of these steps the one I most recommend is the first one. You don't have to go twice a week, but getting individual therapy with the right therapist can greatly help you. You will be amazed how much your life can change just by working on changing perceptions. Not much has changed in my life in the last 10 months externally— yet everything has changed. The first book I put down is really good. You might want to check it out. Oh, and being sober is more than half the battle so you might be really surprised how fast your life can get changing once you start working on it (I hesitate to say better because sometimes we have to walk through some pain before that happens— I did— but ultimately we come out the other side to serenity and a better life and while going through change it is an amazing and wonderful thing).
I didn't get sober in AA. I think the other people are right though that the problem is that you need to work on your recovery. That being said I completely understand AA not being for you. It wasn't for me. You can find the same serenity that some people manage to find in AA through other avenues. I have.
This is what worked for me. You might want to take some aspects of it and see if any of them will work for you:
1. Individual therapy twice a week
2. Buddhist recovery meditations and talks (Buddhist Recovery, Dharma Punx) If they aren't recovery centered I think that any dharma talks about general buddhism would be helpful, is there a zen center in your hood?
3. Voracious reading about recovery - both the scientific aspects and the more spiritual
Some books I would recommend for someone who is already sober but struggling with recovery:
Mindful Recovery: A Spiritual Path ... - Google Books
One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and ... - Google Books
First-year sobriety: when all that ... - Google Books
The Five Things We Cannot Change ... - Google Books
Everyday Zen: Love and Work - Google Books
4. Relax and be gentle with yourself
5. While AA may not be for you the 12 steps have some good info in them; you can use them as a framework; take what you want. I personally read some books geared towards women about the 12 steps that reframed them. I never did the 12 steps but ended up probably going over a lot of the concepts organically in my recovery basically because they are standard things that I think have to happen to free yourself from emotional and spiritual pain. Oh, and I don't think you have to buy into the concept of a higher power to have a good recovery. Again, my recovery is very much my own program.
Of all of these steps the one I most recommend is the first one. You don't have to go twice a week, but getting individual therapy with the right therapist can greatly help you. You will be amazed how much your life can change just by working on changing perceptions. Not much has changed in my life in the last 10 months externally— yet everything has changed. The first book I put down is really good. You might want to check it out. Oh, and being sober is more than half the battle so you might be really surprised how fast your life can get changing once you start working on it (I hesitate to say better because sometimes we have to walk through some pain before that happens— I did— but ultimately we come out the other side to serenity and a better life and while going through change it is an amazing and wonderful thing).
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chepstow
Posts: 359
Originally Posted by chango
you're right. i won't complain anymore.
Personally, I'm with the AA mob here. If you only attended AA meetings and read the Big Book, then you haven't really touched upon the most important bit of AA, which is the programme; and that's what it's all about.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Hey chango...it sure does sound like you have had a lot on your plate in the last few years...a vacation might just be what the doctor ordered!
I am not an aaer so I don't believe that you have "untreated alcoholism" since you have been sober for 2.5 years but I do think that you should talk to a professional about your feelings. Sometimes we can fall into a rut and tend to forget that our jobs may not be what we want but given the economic climate there would be more than a few who would be glad to have it...kwim??
I don't think you should worry about a "recovery" program as much as you should focus on what you can do daily to bring some joy into your life...a new activity...a hobby perhaps....exercise is huge in my life...is it something you can add to your daily regime?
Flirting with the idea of drinking is something that happens to us all at one time or another...you have proven that you need not act....keep focused and congrats on your years of sobriety!
I am not an aaer so I don't believe that you have "untreated alcoholism" since you have been sober for 2.5 years but I do think that you should talk to a professional about your feelings. Sometimes we can fall into a rut and tend to forget that our jobs may not be what we want but given the economic climate there would be more than a few who would be glad to have it...kwim??
I don't think you should worry about a "recovery" program as much as you should focus on what you can do daily to bring some joy into your life...a new activity...a hobby perhaps....exercise is huge in my life...is it something you can add to your daily regime?
Flirting with the idea of drinking is something that happens to us all at one time or another...you have proven that you need not act....keep focused and congrats on your years of sobriety!
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"I have tried AA, really have. It's not for everyone and I don't think it's for me."
AA isn't for everyone.
I firmly believe it is for anyone who knows they have a problem.
If you gave AA your all, you gave AA your best 100%, you worked the steps, you did was was suggested EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN'T WANT TO... then I'll agree that AA probably isn't work for you.
I like to suggest to people that they do it the AA way until they find what works for them somewhere else.
AA isn't for everyone.
I firmly believe it is for anyone who knows they have a problem.
If you gave AA your all, you gave AA your best 100%, you worked the steps, you did was was suggested EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN'T WANT TO... then I'll agree that AA probably isn't work for you.
I like to suggest to people that they do it the AA way until they find what works for them somewhere else.
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