This dead end job is killing me
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
I understand where you are coming from being in a completely unfulfilling job/career. I spent the last 3 1/2 years working for a company I hated with a passion. I now have a new job with a new company and my outlook is much better. It is a much better company that respects and empowers their employees. I am lucky for that.
Let's just accept what you have said, that "AA doesn't work for you." There are many people who have found sobriety, and serenty outside of the rooms of AA. sfgirl gave you some good suggestions of alternate ideas you might try out. I have to agree with one AA slogan here though, "nothing changes if nothing changes."
It sounds like you are in a "rut" and you will stay stuck there if you continue to keep doing the same thing over and over. I know this isn't the best job market to be looking for a new job, but start making plans in that direction. Just the act of taking action to change your cirucumstance can be helpful in pulling you out of the rut. Maybe you need to go back to school to get some training in another area. Explore what is out there. IMHO a good theripist goes a really long way when you are in a rut and/or depressed. Just having a person who can view your situation with a "fresh set of eyes" and give you some input can be really helpful.
I think it's great that you are staying sober, especially the way you are feeling. Now you just have to start setting some goals in your life, making a plan to achieve them, and working on it. Give it a shot. Take care.
Let's just accept what you have said, that "AA doesn't work for you." There are many people who have found sobriety, and serenty outside of the rooms of AA. sfgirl gave you some good suggestions of alternate ideas you might try out. I have to agree with one AA slogan here though, "nothing changes if nothing changes."
It sounds like you are in a "rut" and you will stay stuck there if you continue to keep doing the same thing over and over. I know this isn't the best job market to be looking for a new job, but start making plans in that direction. Just the act of taking action to change your cirucumstance can be helpful in pulling you out of the rut. Maybe you need to go back to school to get some training in another area. Explore what is out there. IMHO a good theripist goes a really long way when you are in a rut and/or depressed. Just having a person who can view your situation with a "fresh set of eyes" and give you some input can be really helpful.
I think it's great that you are staying sober, especially the way you are feeling. Now you just have to start setting some goals in your life, making a plan to achieve them, and working on it. Give it a shot. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Basingstoke UK
Posts: 139
I know how you feel about the "Dead End Job" scenario cuz Ive had loads in my time and I only ever liked 2 of the jobs out of about 20+ jobs. One of my favourite jobs was making road signs. Really enjoyed that got payed well shame it was temporary.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
i can relate to your situation.
You do have strength and courage, though.
You're keeping your sobriety, dealing with a lot of difficult stuff
in your life.
It's tough. But you didn't run, didn't drink your way through it.
You didn't rationalize why it's ok to drink.
You're dealing with pain, and not running.
An extremely courageous act.
-
As far as changing jobs, you might consider looking on Amazon.com
for some books on the best approach.
The economy is rough right now, real rough.
It's not you, it's the situation all of us are in.
It's best if you don't beat yourself up, label yourself a loser.
You're not. You're determined and able to stick to your plan
to keep your life on a sober footing.
I'm not sure what your interest level is in exercise,
but you can set a goal of running a 3K, 5K, or even a 1/2 marathon
if you're at that level.
Build up your self-esteem by accomplishing goals you have control over.
That will empower you to make bigger changes in your job.
that's just one way to approach this.
use it if it sounds like it can help.
best of luck.
And well done on years of sobriety.
That's amazing.
You do have strength and courage, though.
You're keeping your sobriety, dealing with a lot of difficult stuff
in your life.
It's tough. But you didn't run, didn't drink your way through it.
You didn't rationalize why it's ok to drink.
You're dealing with pain, and not running.
An extremely courageous act.
-
As far as changing jobs, you might consider looking on Amazon.com
for some books on the best approach.
The economy is rough right now, real rough.
It's not you, it's the situation all of us are in.
It's best if you don't beat yourself up, label yourself a loser.
You're not. You're determined and able to stick to your plan
to keep your life on a sober footing.
I'm not sure what your interest level is in exercise,
but you can set a goal of running a 3K, 5K, or even a 1/2 marathon
if you're at that level.
Build up your self-esteem by accomplishing goals you have control over.
That will empower you to make bigger changes in your job.
that's just one way to approach this.
use it if it sounds like it can help.
best of luck.
And well done on years of sobriety.
That's amazing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Hotel California
Posts: 175
Perception...
As bad as you think you have it, there are literally millions of people who have it worse. I can identity with your post though, I just got off the pity pot after a long session of wallowing in my misery. Misery can get comfortable when you spend too much time there.
Nothing has changed for me externally & I still have the same problems but today I am glad to have the problems I do. Today, I see the glass as half full and have a feeling of gratitude for what I have and don't think about what I don't have. Most of us know that we have to be careful for what we ask for anyway... we might just get it. For me acceptance and surrender are key. I have to accept that I am powerless over people places and things. I can only choose how I react to them. Negative energy and attitude attracts negativity. A positive outlook and energy attracts same. Has any true good come from wallowing in misery and being negative? Choose to be positive then act that way. Fake it until you make it...
The compulsion to drink or use was lifted a long time ago. I have a perception problem. I have a living problem. I don't know how to function in this world without help. I'm not trying to promote anything here, just sharing what has helped me which is the Step Working Guide from N.A. It goes into the steps in detail. Of course all the other "suggestions", service, sponsorship, meetings go along with the steps.
It sounds like you gave active recovery one chance. It works for hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people, why wouldn't it work for you? But you have to give it your all. Find a sponsor that has a sponsor & is active in recovery. Do the things that are suggested. Get out of your comfort zone... Act your way into better thinking. I know of no one that was successful at thinking their way into action.
To me, recovery is like a life raft with a hole in it. It will save you but you better spend time and energy keeping the raft afloat. I've heard other people say it's like a plant. Don't water it and it will slowly die.
Best of luck to you..
I don't necessarily agree with everything in this article but it did help me to stop worrying so much about losing my material "stuff" & cut down on the future tripping.
Why is There Suffering?
by Stephen Knapp
It is natural that at some point in our lives we ask, "Why is there suffering?" Or "Why am I not happy?" "Why can't we simply go on with life and not undergo so many trials and tribulations? Why can't God make a universe or world where there is no suffering?" Well, my answer to that is He already has, but we are simply in the wrong one.
Let me explain it a little more fully. First of all, we are all spiritual beings within material bodies. Most people at least understand that much. But that is also where the trouble begins. As soon as you are enclosed in a material body and interact with the material energy, you are going to experience various aspects of worldly existence which may not be the most pleasant. According to your interpretation of the experience, based on the dictates of the senses and mind, some of these incidents may be appealing and some will be less than desirable, or even appear to be troublesome to the extreme.
These troubles come under three categories. First there are the troubles caused by the body itself, then those which are caused by other beings, and then those caused by nature.
The first kind of trouble is that from the body itself, such as the need to eat, breathe, sleep, have clothes and shelter, and so on. It takes some endeavor or work to provide for these needs of the body. Even then there is no guarantee that it will be easy. The body may also have health problems that need additional or special attention. The eyes may need glasses to see properly. Or you may experience headaches, toothaches, upset stomach, muscle pains, or simply grow old and not have the same capability as you did in younger days. Or worse, the body may get cancer or some other disease and die early. And we have to deal with all of this. Why does this have to happen? This is a loaded question and can warrant a complex answer, but on the simpler side, the answer is that it is a material machine, and all forms of material energy and objects gradually deteriorate and break down. The body is made of the material elements which constantly change. And this is what we have to undergo as long as we acquire a material body in which we exist.
The deterioration process of the body is often assisted by the way we treat it. If we don't eat properly, don't take care of it, or if we smoke and drink alcoholic beverages in excess, then naturally the body will not be able to maintain itself as easily and will rapidly deteriorate and give us more problems with which we will have to contend. Sometimes we cause the very problems about which we complain.
The second kind of problems in material life are those caused by other beings, whether they be barking dogs at night, or biting bugs, noisy neighbors, or angry drivers on the highway, or people at work who carry an angry attitude or are simply hard to work with, and so on. This can include criminals who want to rob you, or steal your car, or break into your house. Or it may even be a war that takes place in the region where you are living. So many things can happen because everyone has their own viewpoint that they want to pursue which may be different from the way you see things, and which may give you trouble or be the cause of others' suffering.
The third type of trouble comes from nature itself. There is not much you can do when the summer becomes excessively hot, or when the winter provides blowing cold and lots of snow. When tornadoes or hurricanes come through, or when droughts or lack of rain depletes our food supply, we simply have to deal with it the best we can. These are the kinds of problems that may appear in life because of the every-changing ways of nature, which can be a cause of suffering.
These three kinds of misery are there simply because of having a material body. It is not that life cannot be enjoyable. There may be plenty of things that can give us pleasure or happiness. But you have to remember that life in the material world comes as a whole package, you get it all, complete with the good and the bad, the pains and the pleasures.
Another sort of problem that exists in material life is the lack of security or peace of mind. We live in an ever-changing world, and this change means that we don't know what the future will bring. Thus, due to various levels of anxiety and concern, we undergo so many endeavors in order to prepare for whatever may come. This may include trying to arrange for a financially secure retirement, a house that is as safe as possible from burglars or storms, a big bank account for emergencies, life insurance for our family's protection from financial ruin, or a good education to attain the qualifications for whatever might happen in the job market, and on and on. It is the nature of the material world to change, nothing remains the same which causes our anxiety about the future. Anything can happen, in which case it is often said that nothing is secure. However, these are the dealings we have to undergo especially when we consider ourselves to be this material body, which must have all kinds of protection against the unknown future.
Nothing has changed for me externally & I still have the same problems but today I am glad to have the problems I do. Today, I see the glass as half full and have a feeling of gratitude for what I have and don't think about what I don't have. Most of us know that we have to be careful for what we ask for anyway... we might just get it. For me acceptance and surrender are key. I have to accept that I am powerless over people places and things. I can only choose how I react to them. Negative energy and attitude attracts negativity. A positive outlook and energy attracts same. Has any true good come from wallowing in misery and being negative? Choose to be positive then act that way. Fake it until you make it...
The compulsion to drink or use was lifted a long time ago. I have a perception problem. I have a living problem. I don't know how to function in this world without help. I'm not trying to promote anything here, just sharing what has helped me which is the Step Working Guide from N.A. It goes into the steps in detail. Of course all the other "suggestions", service, sponsorship, meetings go along with the steps.
It sounds like you gave active recovery one chance. It works for hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people, why wouldn't it work for you? But you have to give it your all. Find a sponsor that has a sponsor & is active in recovery. Do the things that are suggested. Get out of your comfort zone... Act your way into better thinking. I know of no one that was successful at thinking their way into action.
To me, recovery is like a life raft with a hole in it. It will save you but you better spend time and energy keeping the raft afloat. I've heard other people say it's like a plant. Don't water it and it will slowly die.
Best of luck to you..
I don't necessarily agree with everything in this article but it did help me to stop worrying so much about losing my material "stuff" & cut down on the future tripping.
Why is There Suffering?
by Stephen Knapp
It is natural that at some point in our lives we ask, "Why is there suffering?" Or "Why am I not happy?" "Why can't we simply go on with life and not undergo so many trials and tribulations? Why can't God make a universe or world where there is no suffering?" Well, my answer to that is He already has, but we are simply in the wrong one.
Let me explain it a little more fully. First of all, we are all spiritual beings within material bodies. Most people at least understand that much. But that is also where the trouble begins. As soon as you are enclosed in a material body and interact with the material energy, you are going to experience various aspects of worldly existence which may not be the most pleasant. According to your interpretation of the experience, based on the dictates of the senses and mind, some of these incidents may be appealing and some will be less than desirable, or even appear to be troublesome to the extreme.
These troubles come under three categories. First there are the troubles caused by the body itself, then those which are caused by other beings, and then those caused by nature.
The first kind of trouble is that from the body itself, such as the need to eat, breathe, sleep, have clothes and shelter, and so on. It takes some endeavor or work to provide for these needs of the body. Even then there is no guarantee that it will be easy. The body may also have health problems that need additional or special attention. The eyes may need glasses to see properly. Or you may experience headaches, toothaches, upset stomach, muscle pains, or simply grow old and not have the same capability as you did in younger days. Or worse, the body may get cancer or some other disease and die early. And we have to deal with all of this. Why does this have to happen? This is a loaded question and can warrant a complex answer, but on the simpler side, the answer is that it is a material machine, and all forms of material energy and objects gradually deteriorate and break down. The body is made of the material elements which constantly change. And this is what we have to undergo as long as we acquire a material body in which we exist.
The deterioration process of the body is often assisted by the way we treat it. If we don't eat properly, don't take care of it, or if we smoke and drink alcoholic beverages in excess, then naturally the body will not be able to maintain itself as easily and will rapidly deteriorate and give us more problems with which we will have to contend. Sometimes we cause the very problems about which we complain.
The second kind of problems in material life are those caused by other beings, whether they be barking dogs at night, or biting bugs, noisy neighbors, or angry drivers on the highway, or people at work who carry an angry attitude or are simply hard to work with, and so on. This can include criminals who want to rob you, or steal your car, or break into your house. Or it may even be a war that takes place in the region where you are living. So many things can happen because everyone has their own viewpoint that they want to pursue which may be different from the way you see things, and which may give you trouble or be the cause of others' suffering.
The third type of trouble comes from nature itself. There is not much you can do when the summer becomes excessively hot, or when the winter provides blowing cold and lots of snow. When tornadoes or hurricanes come through, or when droughts or lack of rain depletes our food supply, we simply have to deal with it the best we can. These are the kinds of problems that may appear in life because of the every-changing ways of nature, which can be a cause of suffering.
These three kinds of misery are there simply because of having a material body. It is not that life cannot be enjoyable. There may be plenty of things that can give us pleasure or happiness. But you have to remember that life in the material world comes as a whole package, you get it all, complete with the good and the bad, the pains and the pleasures.
Another sort of problem that exists in material life is the lack of security or peace of mind. We live in an ever-changing world, and this change means that we don't know what the future will bring. Thus, due to various levels of anxiety and concern, we undergo so many endeavors in order to prepare for whatever may come. This may include trying to arrange for a financially secure retirement, a house that is as safe as possible from burglars or storms, a big bank account for emergencies, life insurance for our family's protection from financial ruin, or a good education to attain the qualifications for whatever might happen in the job market, and on and on. It is the nature of the material world to change, nothing remains the same which causes our anxiety about the future. Anything can happen, in which case it is often said that nothing is secure. However, these are the dealings we have to undergo especially when we consider ourselves to be this material body, which must have all kinds of protection against the unknown future.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
Originally Posted by Thanks2HP 
As bad as you think you have it, there are literally millions of people who have it worse. I can identity with your post though, I just got off the pity pot after a long session of wallowing in my misery. Misery can get comfortable when you spend too much time there.
...
Has any true good come from wallowing in misery and being negative? Choose to be positive then act that way. Fake it until you make it...
[/B]
...
Has any true good come from wallowing in misery and being negative? Choose to be positive then act that way. Fake it until you make it...
[/B]
I don't mean to attack your post, I just had a very different experience and if when I was suffering someone had come had me with those sorts of comments I would have lost my head. However, I realize fully that everyone is different and that is the beauty of SR that so many different people are here to offer their experiences and advice.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 271
Chango, hang around. Not everyone here believes that the grand majority of people who suffer from alcoholism get better in AA. Not everyone here believes that because you didn't quit drinking via AA, you are flawed or "didn't really work it" or whatever. That's an ignorant, potentially very damaging accusation for people to make. But for some reason, the moderators tolerate those kinds of posts, probably because AA actually teaches that kind of . . . rhetoric. Yikes!
There are some really good threads going on now in the secular forums. But jobs are really precious right now - don't quit yours until you have another. There are chemical-free ways to *literally* change your mind even though your circumstances are unhappy. I'm a fan of Buddhism, but different people here use lots of different approaches, and use them successfully. Explore the site and you'll see that a lot of people here aren't of the "AA Nazi" variety.
Hope to see you around.
There are some really good threads going on now in the secular forums. But jobs are really precious right now - don't quit yours until you have another. There are chemical-free ways to *literally* change your mind even though your circumstances are unhappy. I'm a fan of Buddhism, but different people here use lots of different approaches, and use them successfully. Explore the site and you'll see that a lot of people here aren't of the "AA Nazi" variety.
Hope to see you around.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by sfgirl
Just because other people may suffer much more horrific tragedies daily than I will ever know in my lifetime this did not make the suffering I felt any less real.
Thanx for saying that, it is really important. There is a therapist I listen to a lot on NPR and that is a concept that he revisits frequently and I'm glad he does.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
Originally Posted by Cubile75
sfgirl...
Thanx for saying that, it is really important. There is a therapist I listen to a lot on NPR and that is a concept that he revisits frequently and I'm glad he does.
Mark
Thanx for saying that, it is really important. There is a therapist I listen to a lot on NPR and that is a concept that he revisits frequently and I'm glad he does.
Mark
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