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Sick Mind

Old 08-11-2009, 12:50 PM
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Sick Mind

Hi,

I have been drinking for years and years. I go through these ups and downs so much it's crazy. One minute I can clearly see my alcohol problem then the next day I will convince myself that it's OK for me to get drunk. So that is my initial problem, my mind constantly wants the wrong thing.

A side issue I have is all of the OTHER negatives that come along w/ drinking. Poor eating habits the day of and the day after drinking (eating way to much), smoking, and spending too much money... None of which are good.

Basically drinking doesn't do anything good for me. However, my mind always wants it back. I can go a week or two without it, but then my mind clears and I am right back to having "a beer"... which leads me to buy a fifth of vodka and drink half of it after 6 beers, wake up hungover, eat like ****, no working out, spin spin spin around I go right back to where I was.

I guess my question is this. How do you convince yourself that you have a serious problem? I don't want it to take a DUI or loss of job to convince me. I keep saying to myself, just don't do it. But I'm ALWAYS able to actually convince myself that I can drink. That the hangover won't be that bad. That I'll just control it better this time, etc...

I have tried AA a few times. Made it to step 2 but that's it. I always quit as I'm always able to convince myself I have no problem.

Can anyone give me some advice, maybe a mental game they played to keep them off the booze? I know AA is good, and I will go to meetings again, but what about those quiet un-accountable times. When you're alone and nobody knows... How do you fight it then? All responses are welcomed and thanks in advance...
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Old 08-11-2009, 01:34 PM
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"I know AA is good, and I will go to meetings again, but what about those quiet un-accountable times. When you're alone and nobody knows... How do you fight it then?"

Call people, be around people, study steps with people...?

If someone has problems when they are alone... what is the obvious solution...?
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:29 PM
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Originally Posted by formerdrunk View Post
I know AA is good, and I will go to meetings again, but what about those quiet un-accountable times. When you're alone and nobody knows... How do you fight it then? All responses are welcomed and thanks in advance...
Hi Former drunk, I'm nearly four months sober and I promise you, I don't need to fight anything, particularly alcohol. When I entered AA I was bruised and beaten; a good state of mind to humble myself to the programme of AA; which I got stuck into almost straight away.

Two months into the programme, I'm not sure when but between steps 5 and 9, the desire to drink just went! Don't ask me to explain how, it just did; the programme works.

Now, I'm only just about getting my head round this myself; the problem was not my alcohol abuse; that was just a symtom of my overall mental condition. What the steps did was to fix my mental condition and the obsession with alcohol took care of itself.

It might sound all very airy fairy; I thought so too when I first read the steps; but it works.

However, you don't even have to know anything about what I've just typed. A good start would be to do the attend as many AA meetings as you can, be honest, willing and keep an open mind. And don't forget to find a sponsor; a strong one whose also strong on the programme.

Your life will change and craving for alcohol will become non-existant for you; quickly (you only get out what you put in) in fact my struggle is simply I want to work on my overall spiritual condition; drinking just really isn't an issue anymore.
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:37 PM
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Give the booze a break for 30 days, should be no biggie if you don't have a problem


Glad you found SR, you now have a large group of people who understand your situation & want to see you recover.

Take Care,

NB
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:37 PM
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Originally Posted by formerdrunk View Post
One minute I can clearly see my alcohol problem then the next day I will convince myself that it's OK for me to get drunk. So that is my initial problem, my mind constantly wants the wrong thing.

Can anyone give me some advice, maybe a mental game they played to keep them off the booze?

... How do you fight it then? All responses are welcomed and thanks in advance...
Some Doctors, therapists and addictionologists say addicts have a blown insight circuit that prevents them from making the connection between their disease and themselves. This explains why no amount of synthetic knowledge helps us in the long run.

I have come to believe that the root cause of all of my problems is Delusional Thinking. I use the inventory process to recognize where my insight is broken and then appeal to my Higher-Power for help in circumventing it.

If this sounds far fetched to you, then I suggest you start learning something about Eastern Religion and Existentialism. They focus on self-deception.
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:50 PM
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hello fd.some great advice there,,,i am just 6 months sober,i had tried AA about 4 yrs ago,but wasnt beaten and bruised enough.this time i went to AA with a willingness to go to any lengths to get sober and an open mind.i did what i was told,ie,the complete opposite to what my brain was trying to tell me to do.when i gave up the fight my compulsion to drink went.i have just completed the steps and my life has changed beyond recognition.of course this is an ongoing process but its not about the booze anymore.AA offers a programme for living and it is sooooo worth it.alcoholism is a nasty progressive illness.i have made many friends in AA as i can form relationships now,something i couldnt do before.i only have a little part time job but by throwing myself into AA and helping others (not just in AA,voluntary work too) i just do not have enough hours in the day! i hope this is of some help to you.best wishes,charmian.
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Old 08-11-2009, 03:00 PM
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Find something you enjoy without having to drink and whenever you get the urge to drink, just do that thing until you forget all about drinking.
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Old 08-11-2009, 03:08 PM
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Red face

Great to hear from you friend. I can completely relate to where you are I was

there once and found great release in the third step. Yeah, the big one. Since

have accepted that step in my life and learned from a sponsor how to do it

better the insanity has eased. You know those behaviors that did not fit with

what I wanted to do overeating, acting out, isolation, intense anger. It is not

a perfect thing for me yet but it has gotten much more tolerable. There is

HOPE. SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND
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Old 08-11-2009, 03:13 PM
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Originally Posted by formerdrunk View Post
How do you convince yourself that you have a serious problem? Can anyone give me some advice, maybe a mental game they played to keep them off the booze? How do you fight it then?
i don't need to convince myself...i have the evidence of my experience.
Go to 90 A.A. meetings for 90 days, share there you are in need of help.
i don't fight the obsession...i surrender to the God of my understanding.

Hello and welcome to the Sober Recovery community.
i hope you continue to come back and ask questions.
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Old 08-11-2009, 03:13 PM
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Welcome to SR
When I quit I made a list of all the good that can come from drinking and all the bad that can come of drinking.
I have this list on my now empty beer fridge and read it every time I think it is OK to just have one.
As long as the balance of the list weighs in favor of not drinking I will not drink.
As time passes the balance is going more and more to not drinking since some of the good things about drinking have turned out to be illusions.
It sounds like you have a good start to a list of your own.
Give it a try it is what works for me.
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Old 08-11-2009, 03:28 PM
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Originally Posted by formerdrunk View Post
Hi,

I have been drinking for years and years. I go through these ups and downs so much it's crazy. One minute I can clearly see my alcohol problem then the next day I will convince myself that it's OK for me to get drunk. So that is my initial problem, my mind constantly wants the wrong thing.

A side issue I have is all of the OTHER negatives that come along w/ drinking. Poor eating habits the day of and the day after drinking (eating way to much), smoking, and spending too much money... None of which are good.

Basically drinking doesn't do anything good for me. However, my mind always wants it back. I can go a week or two without it, but then my mind clears and I am right back to having "a beer"... which leads me to buy a fifth of vodka and drink half of it after 6 beers, wake up hungover, eat like ****, no working out, spin spin spin around I go right back to where I was.

I guess my question is this. How do you convince yourself that you have a serious problem? I don't want it to take a DUI or loss of job to convince me. I keep saying to myself, just don't do it. But I'm ALWAYS able to actually convince myself that I can drink. That the hangover won't be that bad. That I'll just control it better this time, etc...

I have tried AA a few times. Made it to step 2 but that's it. I always quit as I'm always able to convince myself I have no problem.

Can anyone give me some advice, maybe a mental game they played to keep them off the booze? I know AA is good, and I will go to meetings again, but what about those quiet un-accountable times. When you're alone and nobody knows... How do you fight it then? All responses are welcomed and thanks in advance...

I understand you completely. The mind takes off, it just does not seem to want to recall too much of any past drinking. It's like go ahead, you have been fine, have a drink, you can control it!!

But we can't. This I suppose is where acceptance comes in. I thought I too had accepted, but a part of me just wants the freedom of choice...and not suffer the consequences. Everything in life is geared to a drink. After work, to relax, to have fun, to be out with the crowd.

But when that stops, you are cut off from being 'normal'. We simply do not want to be like this. Hand up who does.
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Old 08-11-2009, 03:48 PM
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Originally Posted by glad1242 View Post
Find something you enjoy without having to drink and whenever you get the urge to drink, just do that thing until you forget all about drinking.
Glad,

Are you an alcoholic? If you are, that advice really surprises me.

I am an alkie (recovered), and I promise you that wouldn't have worked for me. I enjoyed NOTHING unless alcohol was involved, and I mean absolutely NOTHING. Alcohol was my life!

So, apart from drugs, how could I find anything to enjoy to replace drinking?
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Old 08-11-2009, 05:31 PM
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your post reminds me of me when I was drinking.
My mind has this twisted perception of drinking.It can make up excuses to drink,even when it could kill me,and I call that insanity when it comes to drinking.My insanity produces delusions,which produce a illusion I can drink normal without consequences.I cannot.I am believing a big lie if I bite on it and drink.My mind is delusional in other words.Can my delusional mind heal itself or keep itself in check?No.Without help I will drink myself to death or kill myself in all probability.Thats the usual course.
If I am to remain sober and relatively happy,I need to look at the cause of those drinking delusions/illusions and do something about it.(with the help of someone who knows what they are doing-another recovered alkie)
I can find those folks in AA and the help in the Big Book.
Together we looked at the causes and conditions of my drinking,and causes of my delusions...and did the right action and the drinking problem was removed.
No fight,no fuss,it just is gone,no struggle.
Now,can my delusional mind tell when it is slipping back into delusions where I may drink again?Possibly so ,possibly no,so I keep doing what the AA program suggests,and keep my daily reprieve.If I let my mind slip back to where it was,I`ll know then because i will drink...so I want to not drink,and so I am going to live steps 10-12 of AA the best I can today.Then drinking is not a worry or a concern.

it is a good path I am on,there is room enough for you too!








Originally Posted by formerdrunk View Post
Hi,

I have been drinking for years and years. I go through these ups and downs so much it's crazy. One minute I can clearly see my alcohol problem then the next day I will convince myself that it's OK for me to get drunk. So that is my initial problem, my mind constantly wants the wrong thing.

A side issue I have is all of the OTHER negatives that come along w/ drinking. Poor eating habits the day of and the day after drinking (eating way to much), smoking, and spending too much money... None of which are good.

Basically drinking doesn't do anything good for me. However, my mind always wants it back. I can go a week or two without it, but then my mind clears and I am right back to having "a beer"... which leads me to buy a fifth of vodka and drink half of it after 6 beers, wake up hungover, eat like ****, no working out, spin spin spin around I go right back to where I was.

I guess my question is this. How do you convince yourself that you have a serious problem? I don't want it to take a DUI or loss of job to convince me. I keep saying to myself, just don't do it. But I'm ALWAYS able to actually convince myself that I can drink. That the hangover won't be that bad. That I'll just control it better this time, etc...

I have tried AA a few times. Made it to step 2 but that's it. I always quit as I'm always able to convince myself I have no problem.

Can anyone give me some advice, maybe a mental game they played to keep them off the booze? I know AA is good, and I will go to meetings again, but what about those quiet un-accountable times. When you're alone and nobody knows... How do you fight it then? All responses are welcomed and thanks in advance...
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Old 08-11-2009, 06:32 PM
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You miht find this link interesting....about the brain and alcohol

ALCOHOL'S DAMAGING EFFECTS ON THE BRAIN

Yes...when I was an active alcoholic...I had a sick mind.
I no longer do...I'm an AA recovered alcoholic.

Welcome to SR...

Last edited by CarolD; 08-11-2009 at 06:50 PM.
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Old 08-11-2009, 08:30 PM
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Wow! Really good advice, all of you. I am going to go to a meeting tomorrow. I think the program has not worked for me because I have not really tried it. Although I can't see how I can become sober for years to come, I am encouraged by all of you who have.
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Old 08-11-2009, 08:35 PM
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Although I can't see how I can become sober for years to come
Don't even try...

While there is a lot more to "One Day at a Time" than just not drinking... Right now, you just don't drink for today... tomorrow is tomorrow...

Once you get a few of these days behind you, well, you still just do it one day at a time... and it gets easier.

Mark
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Old 08-12-2009, 03:47 AM
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you`re right Mark,one day at a time worked great for me when I was new...and
today still is a good place to live
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Old 08-12-2009, 05:35 AM
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Originally Posted by formerdrunk View Post
Hi,

I have been drinking for years and years. I go through these ups and downs so much it's crazy. One minute I can clearly see my alcohol problem then the next day I will convince myself that it's OK for me to get drunk. So that is my initial problem, my mind constantly wants the wrong thing.

A side issue I have is all of the OTHER negatives that come along w/ drinking. Poor eating habits the day of and the day after drinking (eating way to much), smoking, and spending too much money... None of which are good.

Basically drinking doesn't do anything good for me. However, my mind always wants it back. I can go a week or two without it, but then my mind clears and I am right back to having "a beer"... which leads me to buy a fifth of vodka and drink half of it after 6 beers, wake up hungover, eat like ****, no working out, spin spin spin around I go right back to where I was.

I guess my question is this. How do you convince yourself that you have a serious problem? I don't want it to take a DUI or loss of job to convince me. I keep saying to myself, just don't do it. But I'm ALWAYS able to actually convince myself that I can drink. That the hangover won't be that bad. That I'll just control it better this time, etc...

I have tried AA a few times. Made it to step 2 but that's it. I always quit as I'm always able to convince myself I have no problem.

Can anyone give me some advice, maybe a mental game they played to keep them off the booze? I know AA is good, and I will go to meetings again, but what about those quiet un-accountable times. When you're alone and nobody knows... How do you fight it then? All responses are welcomed and thanks in advance...
I swear I could have written what you've written. I was right there with you. I recently read that we should not think about "fighting" our addictions but rather embrace them, love them for what they have taught us and somehow that will make it easier to let go (Wayne Dyer). Sounds crazy, I know. Also, I think about how alcohol just doesn't work anymore. It used to be a pal that was always there but now it works against me on every level. I remind myself of that often.

I really hope you stick around. And remember progress not perfection. Good luck, my friend.
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Old 08-12-2009, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by formerdrunk View Post
Wow! Really good advice, all of you. I am going to go to a meeting tomorrow. I think the program has not worked for me because I have not really tried it. Although I can't see how I can become sober for years to come, I am encouraged by all of you who have.
I remember that terrifying thought of never ever drinking again and to be honest I knew I couldn't do it; or at least I thought I could never not have a drink again.

Also living life one day at a time takes some practise; I still haven't conquered that one; but it is particularly difficult to do when you're new to AA. I still have to constantly remind myself - or be reminded - about it.

Anyway, this is what I did, which raised a few eye-brows. I promised myself a bottle of whisky (I love whisky) at Christmas (that's this one comming) and in the meantime I got stuck into the programme of AA big style.

Just to be open and honest(ish), I told just about everyone my whisky-Christmas-plan. I even shared it at my homegroup AA meeting (when my sponsor wasn't there; we're a devious lot us alkies; I was too frightened of my sponsor's disaproval to tell him) and my wife wasn't too happy about my plan, but didn't say much.

Two months into the programme, around Step 5 to 9, my obsession went.

I now have no need to kid myself about the whisky (which is what I think I was doing). I haven't even mentioned it till now to anyone, and of course I won't drink whisky at Christmas; why would I want to?

That worked for me, but maybe it's not such a good tip?
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Old 08-12-2009, 08:02 PM
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Tosh.. that's awesome... I like the mental games as well. I also loooooove whiskey, but unfortunately the consequences of the whiskey far outweight the positives. I made it through today (Day 4) and feel great. Thanks for the advice...
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