I need advice from an alcoholic/recovered alcoholic
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
Speaking from my own experience: I knew I was hurting those who loved me. I'm sure I had no idea (and still don't) how much, but I knew I was doing harm to the people who were closest to me. I knew I was killing myself, I knew I needed to get to treatment or I was going to die. But in the state I was in, those negative thoughts just made me want to drink more. I drank in order to stop thinking -- the worse the thoughts, the more I drank. And knowing I was hurting those around me was pretty distressing.
I don't intend this to sound harsh, but I don't think non-addicts can truly "get into" addicts' heads. Our brains, when in active addiction, just plain work differently. The best thing you can do is get into your own head, try to understand and deal with what you're going through. Your partner will get sober, or not, only when he's good and ready. The best thing you can do is be good to yourself.
I don't intend this to sound harsh, but I don't think non-addicts can truly "get into" addicts' heads. Our brains, when in active addiction, just plain work differently. The best thing you can do is get into your own head, try to understand and deal with what you're going through. Your partner will get sober, or not, only when he's good and ready. The best thing you can do is be good to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 271
Would it come as a complete shock to you to learn that he is not your problem? You are your problem. He can't help you with your problem anymore than you can help him with his.
Act accordingly. Get support for yourself in dealing with your problem, and he will cease to be an issue (and, mostly likely, he will also cease to be a part of your life).
Good luck.
Act accordingly. Get support for yourself in dealing with your problem, and he will cease to be an issue (and, mostly likely, he will also cease to be a part of your life).
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 146
It's hard to say without knowing the person. People can relate the situation to their own experiences, and the way their psychology reacted to alcohol, but really each person is unique, and you probably know better than anyone here.
Me - I never confused killing kittens with giving money to charity even in my drunkest state. I never really hurt loved ones because I drunk alone, and at most sort of isolated a few days, but then just sort of bounced back and vowed never to drink - again. And I always knew I was doing grave damage to myself while drinking - knew I was in deep trouble the first time I had DT's.
good luck.
Me - I never confused killing kittens with giving money to charity even in my drunkest state. I never really hurt loved ones because I drunk alone, and at most sort of isolated a few days, but then just sort of bounced back and vowed never to drink - again. And I always knew I was doing grave damage to myself while drinking - knew I was in deep trouble the first time I had DT's.
good luck.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi there
You can't make him stop drinking, only he can do something for himself when he is ready.
You should have a look at the family and friends section on SR, my question would be how is it possible that he thinks this behaviour is acceptable to you and why do you think it is acceptable, assuming this is not the very first time that he has been drinking 2 bottles a day for 4 weeks?
Good luck, it sounds like a living hell for you and him!
You can't make him stop drinking, only he can do something for himself when he is ready.
You should have a look at the family and friends section on SR, my question would be how is it possible that he thinks this behaviour is acceptable to you and why do you think it is acceptable, assuming this is not the very first time that he has been drinking 2 bottles a day for 4 weeks?
Good luck, it sounds like a living hell for you and him!
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