On the verge
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
You're right I do already know this. That's why I initially quit drinking and doing the drugs. That's why I tend to stay off until I break down and relapse again as I'm sure I'll do.
Faerie
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Australia
Posts: 396
Clay, I am so happy you are no longer talking about suicide. That shows how far you have come in such a short time. As you know I have tried to kill myself 4 times and regret it immensely. I am so proud of you for going to AA, that is also a step in the right direction.
Good on you for standing up to your parents about going to church. I know you are an Athiest and you should stick by your beliefs. I am a pagan-witch and whilst my parents [who are Christians] don't really approve of my beliefs they respect them. All of us in recovery need belief of some sort whether we are Christian, Buddist, Pagan, Athiest or whatever. I believe no faith or belief in science is wrong and that it is a personal choice and that is sacred.
I too was a pot addict for almost 10 yrs, I no longer touch it, if you want to know how I got myself off of it successfully please PM me. [That goes for anyone reading this who shares the problem, I did it so can you]
Clay, as you know I too am overweight. But I am doing something about it and I feel great about it. I have a diet shake for brekkie and walk for 20 mins twice a day. Start by making small changes in your life then step it up, you'll be surprised how easy it is to get healthy when you are truly committed. And as you know, dispite my weight I still think I'm beautiful.
Now I'm gonna embarrass you in front of everyone, your photo is WAY cute so stop putting yourself down!
Love you loads,
Your best aussie friend,
Good on you for standing up to your parents about going to church. I know you are an Athiest and you should stick by your beliefs. I am a pagan-witch and whilst my parents [who are Christians] don't really approve of my beliefs they respect them. All of us in recovery need belief of some sort whether we are Christian, Buddist, Pagan, Athiest or whatever. I believe no faith or belief in science is wrong and that it is a personal choice and that is sacred.
I too was a pot addict for almost 10 yrs, I no longer touch it, if you want to know how I got myself off of it successfully please PM me. [That goes for anyone reading this who shares the problem, I did it so can you]
Clay, as you know I too am overweight. But I am doing something about it and I feel great about it. I have a diet shake for brekkie and walk for 20 mins twice a day. Start by making small changes in your life then step it up, you'll be surprised how easy it is to get healthy when you are truly committed. And as you know, dispite my weight I still think I'm beautiful.
Now I'm gonna embarrass you in front of everyone, your photo is WAY cute so stop putting yourself down!
Love you loads,
Your best aussie friend,
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
keithj: you are so right. I think all of us are giving advice left and right and maybe it is not good advice.
In any case, I am thinking about you Clay, you are in my thoughts. I have two sons who are just about your age.
Maybe the crux of your turmoil is the pain of being young. I never went through any of the stuff you are going through because I numbed myself.
I think it is a good thing that you are so conscious of your problems and so aware of them. I hope you know that despite the pain that is something of a gift.
I went through most of my youth and adult life as a zombie. I didn't know what anything meant. I didn't know what intimacy meant, I didn't know what relationships meant, I didn't know what hope meant.
My life was all a big act. But from your posts, I can see you are not faking anything.
You are way ahead of the game there.
In any case, I am thinking about you Clay, you are in my thoughts. I have two sons who are just about your age.
Maybe the crux of your turmoil is the pain of being young. I never went through any of the stuff you are going through because I numbed myself.
I think it is a good thing that you are so conscious of your problems and so aware of them. I hope you know that despite the pain that is something of a gift.
I went through most of my youth and adult life as a zombie. I didn't know what anything meant. I didn't know what intimacy meant, I didn't know what relationships meant, I didn't know what hope meant.
My life was all a big act. But from your posts, I can see you are not faking anything.
You are way ahead of the game there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Originally Posted by littlefish 
keithj: you are so right. I think all of us are giving advice left and right and maybe it is not good advice.
In any case, I am thinking about you Clay, you are in my thoughts. I have two sons who are just about your age.
Maybe the crux of your turmoil is the pain of being young. I never went through any of the stuff you are going through because I numbed myself.
I think it is a good thing that you are so conscious of your problems and so aware of them. I hope you know that despite the pain that is something of a gift.
I went through most of my youth and adult life as a zombie. I didn't know what anything meant. I didn't know what intimacy meant, I didn't know what relationships meant, I didn't know what hope meant.
My life was all a big act. But from your posts, I can see you are not faking anything.
You are way ahead of the game there.
In any case, I am thinking about you Clay, you are in my thoughts. I have two sons who are just about your age.
Maybe the crux of your turmoil is the pain of being young. I never went through any of the stuff you are going through because I numbed myself.
I think it is a good thing that you are so conscious of your problems and so aware of them. I hope you know that despite the pain that is something of a gift.
I went through most of my youth and adult life as a zombie. I didn't know what anything meant. I didn't know what intimacy meant, I didn't know what relationships meant, I didn't know what hope meant.
My life was all a big act. But from your posts, I can see you are not faking anything.
You are way ahead of the game there.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe
I'm just waiting for the day I can snap the hell out of it. Too bad depression doesn't work that way.
...trial by meds...
...trial by therapy...
This is the only way I can live well...it's all I know to do for depression.
Clay, please take care of yourself and get well soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
I'm feeling substantially better today. Last night after an AA meeting I had a long conversation with a guy who's been around and he gave me some good advice on finding a sponsor and not talking in the meetings as a newbie (as in what do I have to offer those who have been sober for 5, 10, 20 years). He also shared with me his brush with suicide and I shared mine and we laughed over some common thoughts and behaviors behind our experiences. He also approved on my use of Nature as a higher power and emphasized no one but myself can decide how to do the program. He also encouraged me to just listen for the first few meetings and find someone who I think I'd click with and ask him if he sponsors. He made me feel a lot more at ease about the program. I'm still going to go to LifeRing and my therapist as well, and of course keep coming here. After my relapse I'm determined to stay sober. I'm going to try to do the 90 meetings in 90 days (he told me the logic behind that) though I may not be able to do that yet due to gas and being low on funds.
Also I got invited to a black journalists' dinner Friday night where I can network with professionals and find out if anyone's hiring or knows of entry level jobs. And the guy who invited me used to work at the Rocky Mountain News and he gave me some good advice on how I can improve my chances of getting hired. I also set up a time to talk with a counselor at my college's career center so I look forward to that and makes me feel less anxious about going into the job market. I've also joined some networking groups online. And the managing editor at the paper I'm interning at said there could be some freelancing opportunities for me once I graduate. I figure I'm going to get a job outside journalism, freelance on the side, and still look for reporting and editing jobs. And I exercised last night for the first time in a week, so that made me feel a lot better.
Thanks for all your advice and help everyone!
:ghug3
Also I got invited to a black journalists' dinner Friday night where I can network with professionals and find out if anyone's hiring or knows of entry level jobs. And the guy who invited me used to work at the Rocky Mountain News and he gave me some good advice on how I can improve my chances of getting hired. I also set up a time to talk with a counselor at my college's career center so I look forward to that and makes me feel less anxious about going into the job market. I've also joined some networking groups online. And the managing editor at the paper I'm interning at said there could be some freelancing opportunities for me once I graduate. I figure I'm going to get a job outside journalism, freelance on the side, and still look for reporting and editing jobs. And I exercised last night for the first time in a week, so that made me feel a lot better.
Thanks for all your advice and help everyone!
:ghug3
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