burton2012

I just did 120+ meetings in 90 days. I needed help after a low emotional bottom due to the loss of a loving relationship (alcohol related). So I surrounded myself with sober people, and did what they said, esp. avoid people, places, and things that would lead to the first drink.

However, I have MAJOR philosophical differences with the AA program. I do not feel that I have a disease: if I drank till I had cirrhosis, then I would have a disease. I feel I have an addiction, one that I have been able to overcome, as I have no desire to drink. Not for just 24 hours, but forever. For the rest of my life.

Drinking was not always bad, but over the last few years has become a problem. I've made some bad choices, lost some friends and lovers, you know the drill. But I consider alcohol about 5% of the problem. The other 95% was between my ears: depression, loneliness, restless, irritable, DISCONTENTED. Low self-esteem.

Once I was able to think clearly, I started making good choices: lots of meetings, lots of workouts at the YMCA, eating healthy, sleeping healthy, meditation, journaling.

But I cannot believe a higher power has done this work: I get up early and get on it every morning. In a word it has been DISCIPLINE, using the tools I have learned.

I was miserable over those 90 days, and decided the other day to change my attitude. Develop a sense of gratitude. Wear life as a loose blanket, instead of brooding over my troubles. Wag more, bark less. Smile often, and open up to people.

I've started liking the new me, feeling valued instead of worthless. But now I find the negative vibes at meetings are dragging me down. I want to associate with positive people, not people who are always reminding me of of how bad it was and will be again if I drink. I don't want to drink ever again. I consider myself not an alcoholic, a nasty label I think, but an ex-drinker. Same way I quit smoking: I'm not a recovering smokaholic, but an ex-smoker. To avoid the addiction I have to avoid the substance: alcohol (and nicotine).

So I think I'll attend fewer meetings, and focus on making healthy choices. Perhaps do some work with SMART Recovery.org

AA might be the right spot for many people ... just not sure if it is right for me...

beingjenagain

I don't think AA has to be my whole life. Sure there are many people there who believe it does and in some ways I think it is just substiting one addiction for another. I have been sober over a year and in the past 3 months or so I haven't been to as many meetings. I use to go to 2-4 a week, now it is about 1 a week. i have alot of things to do and enjoy in my sobriety. I don't feel guilty for playing tennis, or going to the park instead of going to a meeting. That doesn't mean that AA isn't the place for me anymore it just means that I have more!

Boleo

If you can stay sober using willpower alone, you are right, you do not have the "ISM".

AlcoholISM is a threefold disease:

1. 1 - A mental obsession of the mind.
2. 2 - A physical craving of the body.
3. 3 - A spiritual malady of the soul.

You may or may not have progressed to all 3 components of the disease. If you are right about your Higher Power not helping you, all you have to do is be diligent and stay motivated every day, every hour, every minute, every second of every day for the rest of your life.

Personally, I would rather have a Higher Power doing that for me.

bugsworth

Welcome burton...and congrats on your decision to adopt sobriety as a way of life.

I too feel as you do....for a long time drinking was fun until I allowed it to take over my life....disease or not (I lean towards not) I had to make a life long commitment to sobriety.

I, like you, attended many meetings in my first 90 days of aa....and like you had major conflict with much of what is taught regarding the "treatment" of alcoholism. As you state, discipline and making positive choices in my life has eradicated much of the garbage that was standing in my way of the life I was suppose to be living.

I knew for me that after 10 months of aa attendance I had learned all of what aa had to offer and decided that the lifestyle was not something I could adopt. I am happily sober 2 years and I know that I made the right decision. Only you can decide what your future holds...keep sobriety first and you will succeed.

tommyk

"The other 95% was between my ears: depression, loneliness, restless, irritable, DISCONTENTED."

That's what AA helps me with the most now.

I'm not sure you need to make a 'break away' command decision... just attend AA when you feel like it. It will be there when you need it.

CarolD

Hi again....
I just replied to your other post
and glad to see you started a thread.

You choose to leave AA?
I never try to convince anyone to stay in AA.

Congratulations on your new sobriety
I do hope you continue to enjoy life.....

Keep posting...let us know how you
are doing with SMART.
Our Secular Connections Forum has SMART info.
I used the SMARt program for another
issue....not my alcoholism.
I found it was beneficial...hope you do too.

sfgirl

Someone else recently wrote a thread with a similar title. He described his reasoning for leaving AA much differently:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-sobriety.html

I am not an AA advocate nor am I anti-AA. I am not in the program myself and completely understand wanting to not focus recovery on alcohol 24/7. However, at three months I was still really deep in. I had a lot of things I had to work out. I am at 8 months now and I still feel like I am so early on. One important thing I have learned in recovery is that things take time. When I was a drinker, which I basically was my whole waking life, I thought things had to happen instantly. Your post reminds me of that thinking. Like, hey I'm cool, I'm over it, 90 days clean and I don't want a drink, let's move on. It sounds like the sort of rash decision making I made while using because I wanted things to be fixed and be fixed now. The truth is and I am still learning this is that long-term sustainable change takes time. I completely understand not thinking or feeling that AA is the place for you but don't leave it and recovery all together. You need to replace it with something. You seem to have a plan which is good. This is not to sound condescending or preachy but there was a tone of "I've got it all figured out" in your post. Humility is something that I never really knew I didn't have but I have been learning to get and appreciate and need in recovery. As someone who has been there I see that you have a long way to go. I have a long way to go.

Whatever support you choose is awesome. Just keep going the distance.

keithj

Burton,

I wish you all the best in continued sobriety. AA will be there when and if you decide to peek in.

That said, it is very likely that you can't see the benefit of AA because you've never worked the program of AA. I would be miserable also if AA was what you described. Instead of believing that AA was a room full of negative people talking about the 'disease' of alcoholism, staying away from the first drink, and people, places, and things, I was shown the AA program of recovery through the 12 steps.

It is that program of recovery that removed from me all the manifestations of my alcoholism that you describe, such as depression, lonliness, restlessness, discontent. Oh yeah, and I guess my drinking problem went away also. You describe the condition of alcoholism just like the Big Book does on page 52. The AA solution to that is not the meetings you describe, but the taking of the 12 steps and continued practice of those principles.

If you find it desirable down the road to revisit AA, it might be wise to visit the actual program of recovery. Best to you.

tommyk

Keith... that was very well stated.

Believe808

Good luck with your decision to quit AA. I hope you will have more luck than I did. You see, I went to AA meetings for 12 years and then stopped going. I stayed sober another 3 but then I kind of felt I didn't have a disease either, and that I had been able to not drink/drug for that many years and I would be fine. Wrong!! I picked up after 15 years sober. Believe me, I'm not saying this will happen to you, I am just explaining what happened to me when I decided I didn't need AA anymore. Like I said before, I wish you alot of luck.

Mark75

That is not a description of the meetings I go to.

I know what you mean about the disease thing... I don't totally buy into it, but I don't really worry too much about it... I think that it's not will power, but willingness. Willingness to change, to find the way to happiness without drinking. That path may be marked by 12 steps, or not.

We also talk a lot about gratitude at my home group.

I'm glad you are doing well with your sobriety! Maybe, you got a little burned out with AA... 120 in 90, wow!

Let us know what you think about SmartRing vs. AA.

Mark

FightingIrish

In my opinion, the A.A. program (the steps) as conceived is pretty much perfect. Even if you don't believe in God (I don't), I believe anyone can get sober using the A.A. program.

The A.A. fellowship is another matter. Much like the human race, it's a mixed bag...at least as far as my opinion goes. The more I accept that people are not perfect, the better I can find what I need in the fellowship.

If I think I'm not getting this or that from other people, I try to give what I feel I'm not getting and let the universe worry about the rest. It tends to work out the more I get out of the way and stop evaluating everything.

M

joedris

Hi Burton. You don't need our approval to stop going to meetings. That's your choice. While I go to meetings, I've always felt that AA isn't the only way to sobriety. It's just my way. If howling at the moon keeps you sober, then howl away. I've got to agree with Keith, though. If all you found in AA was a roomful of negative people, then you went to the wrong meetings. I think you'll come to realize one day that getting sober isn't that difficult. It's staying sober that's hard. And as everyone has said, AA will always be there if you need it.

burton2012

Thanks for all the honest responses. I realize that I am early on in recovery, and that I should work the steps to completion before I come to any judgment. I plan on doing this. I also know that everything in the program is suggested, not written in stone. I can use what works for me, and shrug off the rest. I guess I need to identify and not compare, but sometimes I feel like George on Seinfeld: "Serenity NOW!". Patience has never been my strong suit...

tommyk

Burton... good words/knowledge there in your recent post ^.

I am a lot like you... I'm either all or nothing. Like you, I did massive amounts of meetings in the first months - that was the 'all' part of me.

Then I decided I didn't need meetings any more at all - the 'nothing' part of me.

I've been in recovery for a lot of years and I still have to fight this 'all or nothing' mentality of mine. I still feel at times that I need to either attend a meeting every night of the week, or none at all. Now I am attending some meetings some nights, and doing other things some nights. No pre-established pattern. It feels strange but I'm slowly learning to do more things in moderation, and I'm slowly learning to enjoy it.

People ask me how many meetings I go to, and now I say, "It depends on which way the wind blows...", lol.

chip

Hi Burton,
For me, I found I "hid" in the rooms of AA during much of my early sobriety. At some point I started having anxiety because I felt I was wasting too much of my time going to meetings. I realized I needed to get some "balance" in my life.

Today, I try to balance work, family, recovery, hobbies and fun. Recovery is about living...I can't really "live" if I'm in a church basement several hours a day.

I also realized that I could contribute something positive to some meetings, rather than dump my garbage all the time.

I'm working on the steps, like many others in AA. I have to admit that I don't LIKE doing the steps. It goes against my very nature. Then again, staying sober seems to go against my very nature when I consider my life before I started recovery.

I realized some other things about AA:
- when I need it, I REALLY need it and it's there for me
- other low lifes (like me) got sober as well...and they have every right to be in AA too
- I can't let negative people affect my recovery
- in AA, it's best to find the "winners" and stick with them.
- I'm not enjoying the steps, but it's virtualy impossibe for me to entertiain any thoughts of drinking while I'm practicing them.
- I'm convinced that my experience in AA has ruined drinking, should I ever decide to pick it up again.
- I'm afraid to quit AA because I've heard too many horror stories about people who do.

Like Carol, I wouldn't ever try to convince someone to stay in AA if they want to quit. I will say that in almost 4 years of recovery, and a obsession with AA & recovery, I've never heard anyone with stable longterm sobriety say it's a good idea to quit.
chip

shaun00

A story i hear often these days here and also locally to me...

This is me........i realized that going to meetings.....no matter how many... just wasnt gonna get this alcoholic sober for any length of time.

And even when i did .......i was the restless..irritable..discontented dry drunk that dr silkworths talks about.

After a few weeks i surcome again to the insane decision to take a drink...

My sponsor gave me an big book and talked of a complete psychic change.

F...k it i thought.......what have i got to loose..

None of this has been easy......for me...

i had become so mentally twisted and bitter.......with or without booze.

It did and does work for this drunk.....and has for a while.

Sadly some......actually alot of the meetings around here have little to do with the program of recovery laid out in the bb of alcoholics anonymous..

But i still go and pass on what was given to me...freely....to any newcomer that want to listen.....

i guess im trying to say.......i got fellowship in AA...... but i got sober with my head in a book..."the book"

keithj

This is a common fallacy propogated by many people in the rooms of AA who have never worked the steps. The phrase, "Take what you need (or want) and leave the rest," gets repeated and misused.

The only take it or leave it approach recommended in the BB is take the program entirely or don't. The idea that you can work the 12 steps piecemeal or cafeteria style is not supported by the BB. Half measures availed us nothing. Half the steps avail us nothing. The Big Book repeatedly uses the word 'must' when giving directions.

The 12 steps are simple ideas that build off each other. One simple idea built on the foundation of the previous simple idea.

gravity

I have experienced some of what you are experiencing.

Personally, I also don't like some of the language used to describe my condition - alcoholic, disease, powerless. When I start drinking, I can’t stop and I can’t deny the mental obsession with alcohol I used to have. It is what it is. Call it whatever you want.

I also go through times where I am only hearing a negative message at meetings (selective listening?), especially when I'm feeling good about myself. "I'm doing great but everyone else is stuck in the problem."

I guess you could say that I tend to take credit when life is running smoothly ("who needs AA?") but when things get difficult, I need the help of my sponsor & other alcoholics.

There are many facets to my own recovery. AA (steps, meetings), prayer/meditation, spiritual teachings, physical wellbeing, support of my family, journaling, SR. I also have a very full life - career, young family, hobbies. My anxiety comes from trying to do too much, trying to run the show. 17 months sober and I’m still trying to find balance.

Very early in my sobriety, I told my sponsor that there was no practical way I could attend meetings on a daily basis. He responded, “That’s fine. The whole point of AA is to live a good, sober life. Not to live in meeting rooms.”

Keep sobriety your priority. I hope all works out well for you but I think its best not to close any doors – who knows what the future will bring?

Take care.

navysteve

The Big Book never calls it a disease. And even if it did, it gives you the freedom to decide for yourself.


The Big Book says that bottles were only a symbol of our problem. SELF is the problem as explained in the Big Book.


Burton,
I am glad to hear that you plan on working the steps first. You are picking up on a few of the differences between the fellowship and the program. I would suggest a sponsor that works the step as outlined in the Big Book. Read it for yourself so you know.

If then you still feel this way then what have you lost? AA never claims to be the Alpha and Omega of alcoholism recovery, we simply have a way that works for us. That does not make you any less of an alcoholic ( if one can aspire to be one?). I hope you find a path that fits you. I do believe in most cases AA can benefit peoples recovery, but I know that it is not all there is.