north

Maybe not leaving right away.... I haven't figured out what to tell my sponsor but I will be keeping it down to once a week.

Don't get me wrong. I have a lot to thank AA for - and I know they really helped me in my first few weeks of sobriety when I felt it'd be impossible to attend a social event without an alcoholic beverage in my hand and down my gullet. However, despite the dire ominous warnings that if I don't attend 5 meetings per week or I absolutely will relapse - I believe I can remain sober and enjoy life without making AA the center of my life.

I really enjoy visiting this board as it enjoys a good mix of former drunks who've found sobriety through more than one solution- not just AA. It defies the stern advice I was told at AA claiming such people were either never alcoholics to begin with or similar to the warnings of a Fire & Brimstone preacher, doomed to relapse.

Unlike a lot of newcomers, I was already on a spiritual/religious path before AA, so I had no issues whatsoever with the first three steps and/or accepting a Higher Power.

With a strong faith in God, I was curious to discover that those members who were atheist or agnostic, had no less difficulties with achieving sobriety even if their HP was "a motorcycle", "other AA members" ... just someone or something that was not themselves and had attributes of also being "higher" than them.

I now firmly believe the "Higher Power (HP) concept" as it is used and works in the AA program - works because it provides a Placebo Effect Placebo - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia . And, keep in mind "placebo" does not necessary mean it is ineffective or weak. In fact, it is and can be very powerful - not just for AA but for many other conditions one might never have imagined. For example, the well-documented case of the placebo effect in arthroscopic knee surgery as cited in the 2002 New England Journal of Medicine ( http://content.nejm.org/cgi/reprint/347/2/81.pdf whereby patients who were (mis)led to believe they had undergone arthroscopic knee surgery had the same miraculous recovery rates as patients who actually had the surgery.



Understanding or for those who may disagree with me - believing - this placebo effect does not endanger my sobriety in the slightest. I already know I do not want to, need to or have to drink alcohol. However, this understanding also helps me figure out the numerous other steps or rituals attached with AA -that might help other recovering alcoholics with their sobriety- aren't necessary nor helpful to me.

I utilize the surplus time and energy away from drinking to spend it now with my family and also Church. With the gift of sobriety, I want to celebrate it with those who are closest to me, not regular AA meetings every night.

I certainly don't want to dissuade anyone for whom AA might be the best - or only solution - depending on where you might reside (which is why I posted it in this section and not in Newcomers to Recovery). For many expatriates living outside the US, it is often the only friendly English-speaking solution.

suki44883

Best of luck to you, North. I believe that some people do need that group support and there is nothing in the world wrong with that. However, I also believe that some people can do just fine without it, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, either. I wish you the best life has to offer. Enjoy your life, your family and your Church. Please keep us updated on how you are doing.

Ananda

thanks....

I attend AA and i get what you are talking about (at least parts!).

yeah, i really encourage you to attend some meeting and stay in contact with your AA friends.

I attended aa for a long time. I got sober at long last for 7 years. The first 2 were after I discoverd a spiritual path suited to me and attended AA once a week.

AFter the first 2 years i stoped attending AA because I had "issues" with it (doesn't matter if they were legitimate or not) and was sober another 5 years.

After a period of time i slowly slid away from my spiriutal roots and eventually life delt me a blow and well lots of other stuff....

Point is today I believe that if i had stayed in touch with my f2f AA group, i might not have ended up in the 8 year long drunk that almost killed me.

anyhow just my expereince, and you are right many here make it without AA....so if that is what you choose thats great too Just make it work ok....too many have died from this disease already

Tommyh

I utilize the surplus time and energy away from drinking to spend it now with my family and also Church. With the gift of sobriety, I want to celebrate it with those who are closest to me, not regular AA meetings every night.

absolutely,I was encouraged to do this and I pass it along to others.My second sponsor asked me one question one day
if I am gone to meetings every night,what good am i doing with my family?You was drunk every night and now gone to meetings every night,whats changed?
One of the main purposes of AA is to help us get sober and get back out there in the mainstream of life and live....

michelle01

Well, I don't think you should cease involvement abruptly. I don't go to AA meetings that often compared to other people but I think I will always use it one way or another. It helps me to 'touch base', and I feel a very real spiritual comfort there which is worth going just for its own sake.

I'm not sure about the 'placebo' effect, whether you're a believer or an atheist. Not when you look at the definition of a HP. I think it's a bit more than that. The whole idea is that it's so hard to quit, using your own resources, just because of the sheer nature of it. But I congratulate you for doing so well with your recovery.

tommyk

AA is there for people who want what AA has to offer.

AA will be there for you if you decide to attend meetings again.

barb dwyer

best of luck to you, north.

I take 'time outs ' from the people in the program as well but that was after my first year, and after I'd completed the twelve steps.

I hope you find hapiness. Staying connected with SR helps.

sugErspun

The end of your post states that AA may be the only English speaking solution...

Is it a solution or not?

It's rather confusing post in general ~ seems to be more agenda based than anything else, but to each their own.

AA does not claim to be the only way to sobriety, never has, never will.



If your post is not to dissuade someone who is looking for help from AA (and that is your right to do...there is no argument there)...then I must completely misunderstand.
Let's call a spade a spade huh?

CarolD

Hi North.......

Actually.........the program of AA is in the first
164 pages of the Big Book. Nowhere does it say
a thing about how many meetings you should attend.
You are listening to opinions ...not the book's directions.
The 12 Steps are the AA program.

As I read your thread....your new plan is to
attend one meeting a week for fellowship.
Why not just call AA friends up for an outing?
That way no one would expect anything from
you with regards to doing the AA program.

Best wishes on your journey.....

coffeenut

Doesn't matter how you get sober. Matters that you stay sober. Best of luck, to you. SR can be invaluable.

bugsworth

North, I see nothing agenda based in your post and am not sure why it was even mentioned. I too gradually left aa after I had some solid sobriety time under my belt. I can identify with your feelings as I also had many reservations about the theology taught in the rooms. Much of the program is in direct conflict with my religion and as such I could not continue. When one leaves aa there is an implied notion that sobriety is unsustainable...your observations here at SR are correct, that notion is false. Stay the course, stay true to yourself and above all else live the best life you can...after all that is why we get sober.

doorknob

I'm right on board with the placebo effect theory to explain how people find such strength in a belief that something is intervening, even though it may not be grounded in fact. But it doesn't work if you can't believe it. It's like participating in a clinical trial and being told upfront that you are going to receive the placebo. It defeats the purpose.

For many of us, even in the States, ** is the only free f2f support available. For those who really need peer support, but don't fit the mold, the internet is the next best thing.

Bamboozle

Hello, north. Do what you gotta do. You're always welcome here.

jimhere

I would encourage you to follow your heart.

gravity

When I first quit drinking, I was a terrified. Guilt-ridden, scared of the future, depressed, low self-worth...not comfortable in my own skin. At one time, drinking was a temporary solution but it stopped working (it actually made things worse).

Today, I am confident, at peace, celebrating life...a very deep awareness of my spirituality.

So how did this happen? My path is the 12 steps.

I believe that when alcoholics first quit drinking, they are looking to attain serenity (peace of mind). Life with or without alcohol has become unbearable.

AA is not the only way to attain this peace. But the 12 steps are not a placebo any more than those other paths to serenity, including religion. They are all valid and real.

I have also come to the realization that participating in AA meetings are a part of the path I am on. A couple of hours each week to help those who are struggling. There was a very young person at our meeting yesterday - terrified, living in a detox centre. Sharing my experience, strength, and hope is the very least I can do.

My sincere best wishes.

flutter

Yep, I agree.. follow your heart. I also agree with a lot of what you posted...

I don't attend aa, or work the program. But I am curious after reading the post, why did you post about it? (I'm really not being a smartass, I was seriously left wondering!). Are you trying to talk yourself into something? er.. I dunno.

Interesting read though! We'll be here for you if you need support, of course

Pinkcuda

AA Big Book Pg 19
"None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning".

Nobody said you had to hide in meetings in order to stay sober. In fact, nobody ever said that meetings were mandatory as a requirement of membership.

The 12&12 says in the forward. "Many people, nonalcoholics, report that as a result of the practice of A.A.s Twelve Steps they have been able to meet other difficulties in life. They think that Twelve Steps can mean more than sobriety for problem drinkers. They see in them a way to happy and effective living for many, alcoholic or not".

Contrary to popular misconception AA is about more than simply quitting drinking. Otherwise it would be a One Step Program.

For the record. The book doesn't say anything about the Higher Power of "Your choice". The book says that we can choose our own concept of God as opposed to someone elses concept of God(organized religion)
Motorcycles don't cut it. Unless you need a ride to the bar.

All quotes from AA Big Book First Edition and the 12&12

Tsar7

When I came in I asked the relapsers what happened. Most said they quit going to meetings. I vowed this would not happen to me.

My biggest challenge in AA has been the constant changes that I have to get past. My favorite oldtimers leaving. My peers leaving. Seeing the meetings go chaotic. Courtslippers being 90 percent of the meeting. And on and on.

But I kept going. It got to where I was seldom asked to speak. But I kept going, ever redoubling my efforts. My friends would announce that they were cutting back on meetings. Once they cut back it wasn't long till they quit completely. I don't know why. A few stayed sober. Most did not

I noticed the guys with 35 years still burned up
Meetings. I decided to hang out with them.

My plate is very, very full. Operating several businesses, managing lots of realestate, sponsoring, keeping up with continuing education, on and on. With it comes lots of surprises, problems, crises, people and BS. I have to be totally centered to handle it as it comes at me. AA gives me that. It's one hour a day with no phone calls. no broken equipment, no irate customers, no tennants complaining, no employees calling in sick. Just the message that I'm damn lucky to be sober today.

I have truly found a softer easier way.

FightingIrish

I feel fortunate that meetings are not something I ever feel obligated to do. I generally find myself at a meeting at least six days a week, but if I miss a day or two, it's not something I lose a lot of sleep over. Meetings are not a "should" for me, but a "rather."

McGowdog

I have one meeting a week that is a "commitment" for me. I'm expected to show up and participate and sometimes chair this meeting no matter what, even if it's Memorial Day. Then I'm expected to show up Friday for lunch.

That's it. I need not go to another meeting the rest of the week. But the rest of the week, I can seek God and the 12 Steps of A.A. give me a great avenue to do that. I can go to church on Sunday or not. I've got all week long to fullfill the roles as a husband and an employee.

If for some reason, I see the opportunity to go to another meeting here or there throughout the week, that's just icing on the cake. I like to go to meetings, but rarely go to more than 2 or 3 a week. In reality, they're only about an hour long and about 2 hours off the beaten path when it's all said and done.

Sometimes I am asked to speak at a meeting or hear a 5th Step or line someone out on a 4th Step or talk to a new/potential drunk and that stuff is what really feeds me spiritually.

There's a great life and everything out there, but this avocation we have over here in A.A. enables me to help where I'm "uniquely helpful" to a certain group of people.

So the going to A.A. and stuff is not all about me. And neither is the bigger picture here.

Go well and enjoy life.