Nervous tonight
DOS: 11/6/10
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Nervous tonight
Without details, will be around drinking tonight in a more stressful than usual setting. I'm actually not worried about picking up, but more worried about screwing up due to anxiety. I do have ativan prescribed for that very purpose but still freaking out a bit.
hugs welcome.
:ghug
hugs welcome.
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Be strong, in a situation where others are drinking I try to keep a non-alcoholic drink in my hands at all times and just remind yourself that at least you won't be sitting around tomorrow wondering whether or not you did something stupid.
:ghug
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Sunrise,
AA's Big Book has some directions for this kind of situation. Please bear in mind that these directions are intended for the recovered alcoholic who has been through all 12 steps and is living a spiritual way of life. I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do, but I avoided being around drinking until I was on firm spiritual footing. It doesn't take long if one dives into the steps. Also, I've been sober for a few years now, and I still break out the book and read and follow these directions when I'm presented with certain similar situations. I don't do it because I'm nervous; I do it because it's what I'm supposed to do.
"You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!"--AA Big Book, 1st Ed.
AA's Big Book has some directions for this kind of situation. Please bear in mind that these directions are intended for the recovered alcoholic who has been through all 12 steps and is living a spiritual way of life. I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do, but I avoided being around drinking until I was on firm spiritual footing. It doesn't take long if one dives into the steps. Also, I've been sober for a few years now, and I still break out the book and read and follow these directions when I'm presented with certain similar situations. I don't do it because I'm nervous; I do it because it's what I'm supposed to do.
"You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!"--AA Big Book, 1st Ed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
"You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it."
I find this very useful
I worked in a bar my first 9 mos sober and i followed those directions....and I use it still today.
It also helps at weddings and family events and stuff like that if i have an excuse ready to get out away from the party for a half hour or so for some alone time if i get to feeling uncomfortable.
I find this very useful
I worked in a bar my first 9 mos sober and i followed those directions....and I use it still today.It also helps at weddings and family events and stuff like that if i have an excuse ready to get out away from the party for a half hour or so for some alone time if i get to feeling uncomfortable.
DOS: 11/6/10
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Originally Posted by paulmh 
So don't go.
I do think I'll be fine, it'll just be strange to handle the stage jitters differently. The place I will be makes a mean fruity sprite thingy that I love.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
ya know, this is going to sound really goofy.. but hear me out (or read me out..). A while back, another poster was pretty scared about a night out, I think it was around the holidays, an office party or something, and she pulled up one of her old posts, where people were really supportive and encouraging, printed them out, and put them in her pocket. She carried us with her! She said it helped..
You'll be ok.
You'll be ok.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by sunrise1
I do think I'll be fine...
And I still follow the directions. That applies to not only these situations, but many aspects of a recovered life.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
If this is something that you absolutely have to attend:
The first thing I would do is to find a sober friend, preferably someone in the Program, to go with you. If not, someone who is respectful of your Sobriety, someone you can be accountable to.
Drive yourself or ride with the support person. This way, you can leave when you want and if things get sticky, you can always find a way to bail out gracefully.
Don't feel like you need to explain to anyone why you aren't drinking, unless you want to. I know many people are worried about what to tell people. Honestly, it's no one else's business. There's lots of good excuses if you don't want to tell the truth. I just don't feel like drinking tonight is always a good one. It's truthful yet you don't find yourself having to explain. For me, nearly everyone in my life knew I had a drinking problem so when I quit, they were all thrilled.
You mentioned some fruity drink that you like. Get one without the alcohol! I love a frozen strawberry daiquiri sometimes and there's no reason why you can't have a virgin drink. I used to get a lot of laughs in certain settings of course, by saying that it's been so long since I've had anything "virgin" in my life.
Just be careful with the ativan. Don't take an extra because you're expecting more anxiety than usual. Sometimes we can completely freak ourselves out ahead time that we actually are the cause of the stress.
I like the idea of printing out a support thread so to speak. But it's also a pretty good thing not to forget your worst day after. Remember what it was like when you couldn't remember what you did or remembered what you did that you wished you could forget.
Commit yourself to checking in with us tonight. Promise us you will, be accountable to us as well. That may help.
God Bless & Relax!
Judy
The first thing I would do is to find a sober friend, preferably someone in the Program, to go with you. If not, someone who is respectful of your Sobriety, someone you can be accountable to.
Drive yourself or ride with the support person. This way, you can leave when you want and if things get sticky, you can always find a way to bail out gracefully.
Don't feel like you need to explain to anyone why you aren't drinking, unless you want to. I know many people are worried about what to tell people. Honestly, it's no one else's business. There's lots of good excuses if you don't want to tell the truth. I just don't feel like drinking tonight is always a good one. It's truthful yet you don't find yourself having to explain. For me, nearly everyone in my life knew I had a drinking problem so when I quit, they were all thrilled.
You mentioned some fruity drink that you like. Get one without the alcohol! I love a frozen strawberry daiquiri sometimes and there's no reason why you can't have a virgin drink. I used to get a lot of laughs in certain settings of course, by saying that it's been so long since I've had anything "virgin" in my life.
Just be careful with the ativan. Don't take an extra because you're expecting more anxiety than usual. Sometimes we can completely freak ourselves out ahead time that we actually are the cause of the stress.
I like the idea of printing out a support thread so to speak. But it's also a pretty good thing not to forget your worst day after. Remember what it was like when you couldn't remember what you did or remembered what you did that you wished you could forget.
Commit yourself to checking in with us tonight. Promise us you will, be accountable to us as well. That may help.
God Bless & Relax!
Judy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Each time we're faced with a situation like this and don't drink, we grow stronger. You're aware of the dangers ahead and you seem to be well prepared to face them. You'll get through the night, don't worry. And tomorrow you can look back and see how easy it was. Works wonders for your self confidence.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
It is okay to be uncomfortable at social functions. I used to be the life of the party. I never was uncomfortable because I always felt in my element. But I was always drunk.
In early sobriety, I avoided most social functions. But the few that I did go to I felt out of place, strange, like this used to be my place and now I just feel weird and all I want is to run home. I felt so much more awkward.
However, this is completely survivable. You can bear feeling awkward for a few hours. It isn't the worst thing ever. In fact I assume a lot of people aren't super comfortable in the party environment. It might not be the most pleasant thing but time makes these things easier. This weekend I was at a Las Vegas nightclub with alcohol practically being poured on me without the slightest feeling of awkwardness or desire to drink. It will pass, you just have to feel it, and learn to tolerate the waves of feeling that go with any sort of social interaction.
In early sobriety, I avoided most social functions. But the few that I did go to I felt out of place, strange, like this used to be my place and now I just feel weird and all I want is to run home. I felt so much more awkward.
However, this is completely survivable. You can bear feeling awkward for a few hours. It isn't the worst thing ever. In fact I assume a lot of people aren't super comfortable in the party environment. It might not be the most pleasant thing but time makes these things easier. This weekend I was at a Las Vegas nightclub with alcohol practically being poured on me without the slightest feeling of awkwardness or desire to drink. It will pass, you just have to feel it, and learn to tolerate the waves of feeling that go with any sort of social interaction.
DOS: 11/6/10
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Yaaaay
I made it- and it was a great night.
I did try to log in to keep in touch here, but I couldn't remember my password on my iPhone. Dagnabbit! I did have my sprite-y fruit drink... I am probably still floating from the amount, but it is an awesome mix of sprite, OJ, Pineapple, and a splash of Grenadine I think. Looks like every other fruity cocktail they serve at this place so it's not even a question I had to field tonight.
I'll have to check and see what my password is, LOL... I REALLY, REALLY wanted to check in and let you all know that I was doing well.
Nervousness is a different thing when you're not drinking, that's for sure. I only took the amount of ativan I am allowed and it really was ok.
After all this I feel like I should fill you in on the situation a little better. It's hard to give advice when the asker isn't giving up all the facts. I'm a musician. Tonight we had a really special guest, famous in my genre of music, sitting in with us. After seeing this person onstage at venues that hold 30,000, it's a little intimidating to share the stage. All in all it went great and I thank you for all your suggestions, hugs, and help.
I did try to log in to keep in touch here, but I couldn't remember my password on my iPhone. Dagnabbit! I did have my sprite-y fruit drink... I am probably still floating from the amount, but it is an awesome mix of sprite, OJ, Pineapple, and a splash of Grenadine I think. Looks like every other fruity cocktail they serve at this place so it's not even a question I had to field tonight.
I'll have to check and see what my password is, LOL... I REALLY, REALLY wanted to check in and let you all know that I was doing well.
Nervousness is a different thing when you're not drinking, that's for sure. I only took the amount of ativan I am allowed and it really was ok.
After all this I feel like I should fill you in on the situation a little better. It's hard to give advice when the asker isn't giving up all the facts. I'm a musician. Tonight we had a really special guest, famous in my genre of music, sitting in with us. After seeing this person onstage at venues that hold 30,000, it's a little intimidating to share the stage. All in all it went great and I thank you for all your suggestions, hugs, and help.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 85
Great job.. I was wondering how you were doing last night. Very happy things went well. I'm still avoiding situations like that, but I know I'll have to deal with it eventually. Reading stories about people surviving them helps, so thanks for doing this, and sharing it with us.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Good to know you came home sober......
Please everyone who goes out and has "mock-tails"
Smell before you sip!
It's so easy to get glasses switched by mistake.
Please everyone who goes out and has "mock-tails"
Smell before you sip!
It's so easy to get glasses switched by mistake.
DOS: 11/6/10
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Originally Posted by CarolD
Please everyone who goes out and has "mock-tails"
Smell before you sip!
It's so easy to get glasses switched by mistake.
Smell before you sip!
It's so easy to get glasses switched by mistake.
As a great P.S. to this story- well, 2 of them...
1- Our guest artist hasn't had a drink in 8 years (though I didn't probe why etc)
2- I'm about to figure out my password so next time I need to get in here in the middle of a gig, I CAN!!!
Happy sober day to all,
S
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