MagicMan08

So now that I am sober......fresh out of a four year relationship......and sitting at home on a Saturday night. I just realized I received no phone calls....no text messages, nothing. I have came to a sad conclusion that since I have split with my significant other, I have no one. Except for family. This is a weird feeling. I am Lonely.

I mean I can only go to the gym once a day, and AA meetings come to an end.

I have considered using facebook and myspace to contact people I used to hang out with or know from around and see if they want to hang out or meet up sometime...but yeah. Anyone have any recommendations on how I can make new friends?

Astro

Yeah, how about meetings before and after AA meetings? Going out for coffee, to movies, concerts, hiking, bike rides, bookstores, and meals with your fellows in recovery? Heck, that's what fellowship is about. We are not a glum lot!

After every meeting I attend there's usually a few groups that go out to eat, so let your group know that you're lonely, or restless, irritable, and discontent. And if you feel like taking a drink as a result of the way you're feeling, please reach out for help, at the very least come here and post on SR until the urge passes.

barb dwyer

I agree with Astro.

And maybe don't wait around to 'get invited' ....

just ask one or two people to join you for a coffe after.

Be honest.

A man asked me one night after a meeting to have a cup of coffee with him.
Said he didn't want a girlfriend... he just thought I was fun to talk to
and he was sick of going home to an empty house every night.

I asked if it'd be okay if I invited a couple of others to join
and he said sure.
He was a good bit younger than me so I invited a couple of people more his age
with a good bit of time sober to join us.
So we went.

He was a perfect gentleman
and now has his own 'recovery crowd'.

The point is -
he was completely honest when he spoke to me
and I knew he was sharing a carefully guarded truth.

He took the chance.
And it paid off for him.

tommyk

Astro stated it well.

Put yourself out there at meetings, tell folks you want to participate in activities.

And - become a caller if you desire to be called.

ClaretandBlue

That's a huge point, I just wanted to reiterate it. My first few meetings I got so many business cards and numbers and I would just sit at home and be like "why is no one calling me?!"

I SUCK at calling people, regardless of sobriety I was just never good at it. I made it a point one day when I got home form work to just call three people. I was *praying* to get their voicemail, that's how strange I am about talking to people I don't really know. Everyone picked up. I'm glad they did, I went to one guy's home meeting yesterday that he invited me too, and then went out for breakfast with the people at the meeting. Needless to say, I think that's going to become my home meeting.

Just pick a day and decide to give some people a call. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Hang in there, it's not easy, I lost a number of my "friends" through this disease, and it's hard to start over, but it's much easier if you make the effort rather than waiting for them to come to you.

123bubblegum123

Magic Man,

You sound like me in high school, god what hell that was.
My advice for you would be like astro said, announcing this at meetings.
Maybe talk about it at a men's meeting so you can get together with some guys,
usually my guy friends from AA/NA have poker nights and movies nights so I'm sure they
do stuff like that in your area. I also have made non-aa/na friends by taking classes, or just (shocker) going out alone. Every time I've gone to a movie alone or something fun downtown I meet really interesting people or run into someone who I sort of knew way back when but didnt really get to know well enough and I strike up a conversation. Then again, I'm a really loud/bubbly person so talking to nice-looking people never scared me off, but it just takes practise!

I have a lot of friends now, and I love them more than anything but honestly sometimes they bring a lot of drama and difficulty to my life. You always have us on here, too =]

Rach

CarolD

You can find new friends in the meeting rooms of AA

Go 15 minutes early .....and or stay 15 minutes after.
I've always found that by helping out....members are
really friendly.

MagicMan08

Thank you for all of the helpful replies. I am generally a very outgoing person who is able to talk to just about anyone, but when it is a large group of people you hardly know it can be difficult. But I agree with the "you have to put yourself out there" otherwise no one has the slightest clue how you feel. Also I do need to be the "caller" especially if people don't think to call me anymore.

Tazman53

magic as suggested, grab the bull by the horns my friend, in AA there is really no excuse to be lonely, it is a fellowship, we have camping trips, volleyball, dances, eating meetings, and more in my area, tons of folks in my area go out to coffee & or dinner after meetings.

The waiters & waitresses love a group of sober drunks vs. drunk drunks at our Dennys!

joedris

Good advice here. Get some numbers. Call people. And be sure you let the group know that you're new to the program. If you said that at any meeting that I go to, we'd be all over you like white on rice.

Overman

Social networking online, as mentioned before, can be helpful.

I've re-connected with so many former classmates and coworkers on Facebook that it blows my mind. Lots of people I never expected to see or hear from again.

For me, the re-connecting is a part of my spiritual journey.

spen71

This is my major concern. As I think every friend I have I meet in the pub.

gravity

I did go through this loneliness early in my sobriety. My main group of friends were alcoholics/heavy drinkers. It just wasn't an option to keep hanging out with them.

I started spending more time with my sister and old friends who rarely drink or abstain. My sister, wife and I go to concerts, football games, & hockey games. It's kinda neat...my sister was getting a bit bored with her own life and she loves going out with me (although I'm not sure if she really cared for the Rob Zombie/Ozzy concert a while back! ). There might be people in your family who would really enjoy your company. Maybe even people you work with or old friends from your past.

I also spend a bit of time with a couple of guys from AA - coffee, visiting, fishing once, a couple of road trips.

I also had to learn to be content when I am on my own (I travel frequently for work). I have SR, out of town meetings, and many other things to keep busy. Often, I'm happy just relaxing in my hotel room.

Gypsy Feet

A friend of mine who has been sitting home alone for the better part of a year now just reconnected with some high school buddies and is having a blast. As he told me this, I was reminded that I ditched just about everyone I knew when I got sober, and for now the solitude is o.k. I am enjoying reading, work, getting lots of rest, and SR of course.

I think this part of life is cyclical, and I fully expect to have new friends when my path travels that way

Charmie

hello,,im finding im not lonely anymore,,i was lonely when performing! i enjoy my own company now,but i get to several meeting a week and i got a job in a charity shop for the red cross.if i am at home and feel like chatting i do what everyone else has suggested and pick up the phone! welcome and nice too meet you!

Captain Kirk

don't worry man. i haven't recieved a social (how ya doin/what ya doin/do u wann hang out) txt/call for perhaps 2 or 3 years now - possibly even more then that. in fact i don't even botther carrying my phone around anymore because i know nobody will call. actually i don't even keep it turned on, i just occasionally use it for the alarm. lol.
i honestly don't mind. i hated talking on the phone anyway. it used to make me anxious.

NeverLookinBack

Enroll in a community or a 4 year college and take a few classes for fun or personal enrichment. College is also a great way to meet women (or men, I don't know what gender you are), if you feel like you want to find another significant other. It's a great way to meet friends too! But, beware, a lot of people in college drink a lot or do drugs. Just be careful. Everything will work itself out, i'm sure.

debs

Haha... I FEEL yer pain!!!!

I recently ditched ALLLLLLLLLL of my buddies....

Cos I just couldn't recover with that influence...

I understand lonely...

But funnily enough.. I was a helluva lot more lonely WITH friends.......... than I am now with just my family...

Alcohol makes you a lot more lonely than lack of people around you does.

hopingtohope

same for me. been in and out of AA/recovery for last 10 years with relapses, and now even the people in AA are gone. I went to rehab (again) in June, and was going to meetings when I got out. Didn't get much of a welcome, think people are done with me. divorced 3 years, no friends, it sux and the loneliness is terrible. I wonder every day what the point of living is. I even work alone mostly, now that we had some lay-offs and all the people that were in my area are gone. I can go days without talking to anybody except maybe work related phone calls/emails.

yeah, guess we have to put ourselves out there, but I feel abandoned by ex and AA friends, I am too scared and hurt to try again. This is making me cry just to type it. Good luck, hope you find a friend.

keithj

Hopingtohope,

Does that mean you are not going to meetings now? Are you sober since the last rehab?

I see so many guys like you, Hoping, in and out of the rooms of AA for years on end. It's heartbreaking. Sitting there all that time and never really getting the message of recovery that is all around you. Generally, it's because they are looking for something else. And they become frustrated when they don't find that something else they are looking for.

I shared this with a guy last night who was coming off a combo weekend binge and jail stay. He's been doing the same thing as you, in and out for many years. Whenever he gets a little uncomfortable that AA isn't giving him what he thinks he needs, he gets a little resentment, starts thinking those guys in AA are full of crap, and finds himself drunk all over again.

What I shared with him was my observation of who stays in AA and who comes and goes with various non-drinking break periods in between drunks. Those who take the steps and have a spiritual awakening recover. Those who do not cycle in and out like he has done.

I shared that all those people in the rooms who are full of crap and not giving him what he demands have one thing in common that he does not. They are all sober. They all know how to stay sober.

I'm not saying that you are anything like this guy, Hoping. I'm just trying to get across the point that many people get fed up with AA because it doesn't give them what they think they need. Instead of that, it's possible to take what AA gives. People that know how to be sober sharing their experience with how they got sober and how they live sober.

Please contact me if I can be of any help at all to you.