hopingtohope

sober for 2 months, did relapse for 4 days a couple weeks out of rehab, but got back on the wagon right away. I still go to some meetings, but have stopped going to the one that I used to consider my home meeting where my "friends" go. and I go to aftercare one night a week and see a relapse prevention counselor once a week, which I seem to get the most out of.
You are right about the resentment thing, I definetely put personalities before principles and have become jaded with AA because of that. Probably just my history with these certain people/group, they are either 1) doing tough love, or 2) they have had enough. Either way, I need to move away from that, because it hurts too much and then I will drink. Its hard not to have expectations of people, but I won't get hurt if I don't.

keithj

I just don't know about that. It might be true and it might be the delusional thinking of an alcoholic mind. A fundamental turning point that launched me into recovery was a shift from my thinking that I knew what I needed or what would happen or what someone's motives were, to an "I don't know" mindset.

It was true. I did not know how to get and stay sober. The evidence for that was overwhelming. I got beaten down to the point of calling a guy in AA whom I didn't like very much. I felt intimidated and uncomfortable around him. I didn't like his message very much. But I couldn't deny that he had been sober for a long time and seemed pretty content. He also seemed very confident that he had an answer for me.

This guy, my first sponsor, had a very 'take it or leave it' approach to working with newcomers. He told me that he had to do certain things to get and stay sober, and that they were the same things that the authors of the Big Book had to do, and the same things that the sober and happy people in the rooms of AA had to do. He asked me if I was willing to do those same things, and if I was, he would show me precisely what those things were.

He didn't really care whether or not I was comfortable doing those things, or whether or not I philosophically agreed with those things, or even whether or not I thought those things were best for me. He just wanted to know if I was willing in spite of my disagreement and reluctance.

And I was out of answers. I couldn't stay sober and he had been sober a long time. It was OK if I thought it was all horsesh*t and didn't like any of it. He promised that if I did these things that all the other sober folks did, I would recover just like they did. I had nothing to lose and no good ideas left. So I gave it a shot, and I had a spiritual awakening as the result of taking the 12 steps. I relate to life in a completely different way than I did back then. I see myself as part of the the world instead of seperate from it.

Maybe it can be the same for you, Hoping. If you think that relapse prevention counseling once a week is going to give you that freedom from alcohol, then I encourage you to put your all into it.

But if you run out of ideas for how to get sober, one of those AA folks may have an answer for you. Take it or leave it.