nelco

dont throw your freedom from alcohol away......congrats on 12 years!!

ogre

I feel like a broken record now.....but all I have thought about again is having a drink!
I have tried to doing some deep down soul searching and although I don't feel stress or anxious, I did realize that alot of stuff is bugging me. And that it is worst when I am alone. Sometimes having time to think is the worst thing......
I need someone I can talk to who understands....but I don't have that. I have friends but I am not sure they will get it. I do know a couple of people that are sober but they have so much going on in their lives that I don't want to bother them. I have some friends on facebook that are sober but I want to talk....not chat!!!
I quit drinking and drugs on my own and I guess I will have to stay quit on my own too.....it is just hard.....
I know that sometimes that life is going to have it bumps and that getting past this will make me stronger.......but when does a person finally get strong enough!!
Tomorrow is a new day....and luckly a busy one....

tjhook

Maybe you could occupy some time by addressing the reasoning behind wanting a drink, and the pros and cons of drinking now. Grab a peice of paper and pencil....write down the reasons you can think of that may be causing you to think about drinking. Have there been any changes in your personal or professional life that could be triggers? (the triggers don't seem to go away)

Write down the pros if you were to drink, then write down the cons of drinking....I would imagine the cons would be a much bigger list

Maybe this will help you uncover why you are feeling the way you are.

Best of luck to you.....you don't need to drink!

sfields141

"To thine own self be true"

ogre

I did talk to my boss today about this. She is a very good friend of mine and I trust her.
She thinks that I need to talk to someone f2f, she realizes that it is easier to just post on her but feels that I need some actual real people to talk to. She also said to call her if I feel like I am going to drink. That is good!
I dont know....I think most of it is just I am lonely. Yes, I am married....but my husband is gone alot for work. So, most days and nights it is just me and my son. Once he goes to bed it is just me. I just want to have some to chat with, not nessarily just about staying sober but just about anything!!

Tazman53

Cevin I want you to know that 12 years is just awesome!!!

We have people who have gone many years without a drink and not gone to AA show up in meetings. Their stories are similar to yours, they are going through some tough times in dealing with sobriety alone. I have never seen some one with 12 years come in, but I know one guy personally that waited 3 years before his first meeting, he attends meetings on a regular basis, has a sponsor now and has taken the steps. He is doing really well now.

Look I am not going to say you HAVE to go to a meeting to stay sober, I will share with you that many people in AA tend to get a bit antsy around thier anniversary, usually they step up thier meetings for a while and come through it fine.

If you feel the need to talk to some one you could always call the AA hotline in your area and just talk, tell them what is up..... it can not hurt.

You sound as though some face to face with another alcoholic in recovery would help you, why not do a few road trips and check AA out. You have 12 years sober alone, AA sure is not going to make your desire to drink stronger, why not give it a try, if you don't like it don't go back.

I wish you all the best what ever you choose to do.

BTW I would like to thank you for sharing your struggle at this time, so many of us figure we get a little time under our belts and we have it licked, you sharing this helps me to be aware that I can not take my sobriety and my working on my program lightly.

ogre

Well, today was an interesting day!
By 9am I was freaking out, me anxiety levels were though the roof! I quickly mention to my boss how I was feeling. We have one man that works year around with us and he is a drunk. I actually thought about asking him if he had any booze at work!
I had a class this morning and after that I checked in with my boss and she called a friend who is in recovery and he came to talk to me. we talked for about an hour! It was great to talk to someone who understands where I was coming from.
So, my boss is going to make an appointment for me with addiction services. The fellow is going to help me meet up with another mum to talk to her.
I have an appointment with my regular doctor on Tuesday, but tomorrow I have an appointment with my specialist who did my surgery and I am going to ask him if he will give me something for the anxiety. Even if it is just enough to get me though till Tuesday.
I am still feeling really stressed and my anxiety is still pretty high but I feel like I am going forward now instead of going backwards.
I guess the next thing to do to is to talk to my husband about all of this! And that really stress me!

gravity

It's really good to see that you are taking action. I also have to deal with anxiety so I know how tough it can get.

I find that SR is a great place to hang around especially when my family has already gone to bed and I'm "alone". Gets me out of my head (RELIEF! ).

Take care.

Don

CAPTAINZING2000

Have you got a hobby or, other interests to keep your mind from thinking of a drink?

My isolating and thinking can keep me in a place i don't like to be some days!