ogre

ok, something has been bugging me.

A few months ago we had a bridal shower for a girl at work. We all had to bring something to eat and what we wanted to drink. Now this is what bugs me.......it was decieded that if one certain girl came that there was to be no alcohol because of her religious beliefs but if she didn't come than people could bring booze. I thought, well what about me......Doesn't it not cross their minds that even though I have been sober for 12 years that maybe it would be nice to not drink around me. I am only a few months of been clean from drugs, most of them don't know that though. But they know that I used to drink and that I don't now and that it has been along time. But I just thought that it would show respect for me to not drink!
Am I just being selfish?? Should I just learn to deal with it??

Gypsy Feet

Maybe the certain girl has expressed that it bothers her a great deal when alcohol is present and you haven't? As most of the people I know are drinkers, I haven't been surprised at the lack of enthusiasm towards my sobriety, but if it bothers you maybe you should talk to them.

Tazman53

Cevin when you said you were struggling with wanting a drink bad in another thread after 12 years without a drink I thought you had been sober and clean the whole time.

Alcohol can and in many cases is substituted with other mind altering substances, I have seen many an alcoholic use the marijauna maintenance program after years with out a drink reset thier sobriety date because they woke up an realized they had never really gotten sober, they just switched alcohol for something else.

Most, but not all addicts avoid alcohol as well as drugs because they are aware that one is either clean and sober or their not.

I have been sober a little over 2 1/2 years, that fact is not a secret to my family at all, even though I have told them that drinking around me is not an issue any more, they still will "Warn" me that there will be booze at a function they are having that I am invited to.

You see my sobriety is not a secret, just as that ladies religous beliefs are not a secret, others are able to show respect for me and my sobriety like they are able to show respect for that ladies religion, it is out there and known.

Have you told the folks at work you are in recovery? If not then how can they respect your recovery?

If it bothers you then it seems to me you have several choices, tell them you are in recovery and see if they have the same respect for your recovery as they do for that ladies religion, just do not go, or learn to deal with it.

Thanks to the program of AA I could care less if there is booze around or not, booze is just not an issue any more, I just simply chose to enjoy my life sober and free of the obsession.

ClaretandBlue

Let it go. You can't control their reactions, or what they choose to say and do.

We choose sobriety for ourselves, not others. In fact when people stay clean for others, it often doesn't last. Waking up sober, and going to sleep sober, and everything in between is your reward.

I understand the need for approval, or encouragement, but we need to learn to be happy with ourselves, regardless of others.

I'm sure the situation is frustrating, but in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if those people at work recognize your sobriety? I hope it doesn't. Be yourself, stay sober and don't worry so much about what other people think and do. You've got no control over them anyway.

Hang in there..!

Mark75

I wonder if part of your question is...

Do those with religious reasons not to drink enjoy less of a stigma and more accomodation by others than those who don't drink because they are recovered alcoholics?

Is that part of it?

Don't make yourself crazy over it... most people really don't think about it, which is probably the reason for the perceived "slight"

Mark

tommyk

"Have you told the folks at work you are in recovery? If not then how can they respect your recovery?"

Exactly.

keithj

Hmmm. In a word, yes. You are demanding that they show you respect. You are feeling resentful that they are not acting like you want them to.

We alcoholics are like tornadoes. I'm sure you've heard that story before. Is it enough to climb up out of the cellar with the destruction all around and think it's great the wind stopped blowing?

My sobriety is not a big deal in the lives of those around me. Those that knew me when I was drinking thought it was about time that I got grew up. We alcoholics are usually so self-centered, that we think everyone should be so proud of us for not running back into the burning building. The truth is, most people don't think of us much at all.

I am simply not so important that I expect everyone to plan their party around my wants and desires.

Anna

I absolutely do not believe that people should change their drinking habits around me. I have no control over that.

What I have control over is whether I choose to be around people who drink. And, I have control over whether I drink or not.

shaun00

i wouldnt expect...... or antisipate anyone to not drink because i was present.

Why should drinkers change there habits because of me.

If i felt vunerable i wouldnt go......period.

I have to remember this is about ME and ALCOHOL.....

Nothing wrong with alcohol.......till it becomes me and alcohol.

One thing that hurt the most when i started my program of recovery was i had to stop thinking about ME.....me......and more me.

when my wife is on a diet.....she dont go up the chocolate isle.

Same for me......when i feel vunerable around booze i get the hell away from it.

trucker

smacked

I also wrongly thought you had been sober for 12 years too..

but that's neither here nor there..

Have you expressed how you feel, like the religious girl has?

People really aren't out to accomodate us, or set us up for failure. Luckily in the end, it's all our choice.

joedris

I've got to go with Keith on this one. Deal with it. If you start resenting the fact that other people don't show you the proper respect, then you're setting yourself up. And as alcoholics that's probably one of the worst things we can do.

ogre

I guess i knew the answer to my question just needed to hear it from other people!
Thank you!!
I also have to say that you have all posted things that I had not though of before.
Like just subing the pills for alcohol! Thinking that somehow I am special when really I am just like everyone else!
I have always thought that by saying I was sober meant that I hadn't had a drink, which I haven't. And that being clean meant that I hadn't done any drugs. But I guess it is all the same.
During the 12 years that I haven't had a drink, I used prescription pills. Not in large amounts but not always taking them for the right reasons, meaning pain, I had also started hoarding them. But when I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had a big problem with drugs and alcohol. I was worried that even though I wasn't 'addicted' to the pills again that it would be just too easy to be back to the life. So, I had a hysterectomy and get rid of all the pills!
And than all of a sudden I wanted a drink...it makes sense. Other than when I was pregant with my son this is the longest I have gone with nothing in my system for many many years!!

FightingIrish

I would have to agree with what has been said. I can't expect other people to avoid drinking around me, particularly if I haven't ever asked them to refrain. And if you are an A.A.-er, the Big Book also says this.

Now, if it's a huge problem, you might ask them to refrain, though I would question why it would be a huge problem unless you are in early sobriety. I can certainly see not going to something if it is a drinking-focused event, but I have been to plenty of functions where there was alcohol involved, with very little difficulty. If anything, I tend to leave earlier as I have less tolerance for noisy places (if it's a bar with loud music).

As an active alcoholic I tended to get resentful when people didn't read my mind.

Sugah

When I was in rehab, I did some figuring and I wrote two dates in the front cover of my Big Book. One was my "sobriety" date and the other was my "clean" date. I was kicking myself because I'd been about six years alcohol-free and picked back up in August and September before I'd gone to rehab.

But I'd never really been "sober." Like you, I abstained while I was pregnant, and for awhile after when I nursed my kids, but other than that, I'd never been what I now consider sober to be. Whether my escape was in liquid, powder, plant or pill form, I'd always used something. When I got honest with myself, I scratched out the early date, the last date I'd taken a drink, and kept the latter one -- the last day I put something into my body to medicate my underlying problem (me).

If you are like me, a lot of other things can act as stand-ins for the booze. Take away the other things, the craving for the booze returns. If you find your mind obsessing over either booze or chemicals, maybe it's time to find an AA meeting.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

baggervance

It wouldnt bother me. What if you all had the shower at a resturant no one with you drank any thing but all the tables around you were? We are going to run into people drinking some times if Im in the right frame of mind I dont care who drinks or how much if it bothers me I wouldnt go or leave.

tiburon88

I would say deal with it. The world doesn't stop drinking because you do.


tib

CAPTAINZING2000

I know at certain events, there will be drinking. I go to sporting events usually with people in the program sometimes not. I go to comedy clubs with or, without people in AA. Concerts, weddings etc. there will be drinking.

Sounds to me like, you're white knuckling your sobriety. I gave my problem to the God of my understanding and cleaned up the character defects that, caused me to drink.

One of the things I was told a few years ago, I didn't cheat and steal cause I drank, I drank because, I cheated and stole.

I've had friends and family ask if, it would bother me if, they drank when, we were at a social function. I'm not bothered at all being around social drinkers. I will leave weddings when, the lights dim, the band starts and the main thing is drinking.


I didn't get sober to be miserable or live like a hermit!!!