HideorSeek

I think that the thought of blackouts is one of my major reasons for sobriety. To know that you can't trust even YOURSELF is too scary to contemplate.

Sara9009

Ahhh cringe for me too. Emails and late night phone calls that made zero sense that I sent to people that I didn't even really know that well. Waking up and calling my husband at work trying to feel out his mood to see what antics I had been up to the previous night. Climbing trees and refusing to come down until I ultimately fell down and would wake up with bruises all over. Waking up to my entire house clean and not remembering doing it (I could actually use a late night cleaning fairy). When I lived in Arizona waking up in the backyard completely sunburned and with rocks imbedded on my back to find I locked myself out of the house. I am really, really surprised I never ended up in the ER or worse.

Honestly, it just gets worse. Congrats on taking some steps towards sobriety. I spent a lot of time reading here and contemplating before I quit for good.

Believe808

WELCOME HOME, I can remember breathing a sigh of relief, Yes I was finally home again.

Lynxster

KC1:
I'm starting my 3rd week now without drinking; I never got to drinking liquor or wine, but I was up to about 3 cases of beer per week. You really need to try this sobriety kick, I think you will be shocked at how good you will feel in about a week or so without drinking. I know I sure was, the cravings still hit me especially if I get stressed, but I know if don't drink I will never have to wake up the next day with those horrible regrets. Just don't start feeling so good that you let that little voice in your head talk you into to just having 1 or 2 glasses and then stopping, 'cause then you will be right back where you were before. Been there done that too many times to count.
Best wishes to you and hang in there!

flutter

Maybe remember what "could have" happened will help you with sobriety. I'm really happy that I never have to worry about blackouts again!

jamdls

The blackouts do get worse, I was a blackout drunk early on, yet I kept drinking and as a result I don't remember much of anything for nearly a 25 yr period, I lost my life, and more importantly I remember very little of my daughter growing up even though we lived together. This is a warning sign for you and congratulations for recognizing it as such.

al13nw4r3

I blacked out quite frequently during my drinking days. The last was the scariest and worst however. I got into my car and rolled it going 50mph around a corner. Came to with a sheriff standing there. I'm so thankful no one was hurt. I am afraid of alcohol.

original

Blackouts did it for me. Went to a bar with a friend two weeks back, we had two jugs of beer and about 8 triple whiskeys between us. The last thing I remember was talking to the barmaid. Then waking up the next morning. Yep I'd took the car to the bar (it's just up the road), and then back again.

I rang him because I WANTED to know what happened.
I drove us home.

VERY VERY scary stuff.
I still can't recollect half the night to this day.

And that was enough for me to get the ball rolling, and decide to quit for good.

I could have hit someone on the road, or outrun a cop, anything could have happened. It hits home as well how EASY it is to get into a car after a night out.

Rule of thumb... if you're not ready to give up drinking yet- do NOT take your car to the bar.

I still feel guilty about that today. (quit on the 16th)
Just today I found 2 bottles of beer in my trunk, probably from that night,(I have a bad habit of opening bottles with my teeth- I know, I know) opened them and got a drop of beer in my mouth just prior to emptying them into the sink. I even felt guilty about that- so I think I'm going to be just fine...

I have come to realise, that alcohol is TERRIFYING!

Having said that, I was flying around in a Pitts Special a few weeks back and that, was utter bliss. Open cockpit...inverted flight...3000 feet- nowhere nearly as scary as alcohol. And I'm scared of heights!

californiapoppy

Blackouts, I always thought of them as "black holes" are the most terrifying results of my drinking. How much of my life did I lose in them? What embarrassing or horrible things could I have done? Who remembers what I forgot, and blames me or hates me for what I was during that time?

Lindsay

Welcome, KC. I hope you stay and continue to read at the very least...SR is a wonderful place!

I personally have been experiencing an increase in the frequency of my blackouts as of late. I have been attempting sobriety since August...with many failed attempts. Everytime I drank again, I thought it was my NEW rock bottom. I'm still wondering, and HOPING that this past weekend really was...because I hurt people...and that absolutely kills me.

I'm saying this because I experienced a blackout this weekend. Saturday through Monday evening are ultimately a huge blur. In this time frame, however, I drove all across town, saw my boyfriend, an EX, (), talked to both of my parents on the phone, multiple family members, was incredibly MEAN and HURTFUL to my bestfriend/roommate, had several falls obviously...given the bruises on my body. Is this FUN?!?!? Does it make me feel good knowing I was so hurtful/mean to people I love? My roommate for the first time ever told me that I'm starting to become a completely different person when I drink. I'm not myself. I have not always gotten this way...but hearing THAT from someone I care about/love SO much may finally be enough to me.

Don't think too far ahead...the worst thing I know I can do is say, "oh i'm never going to drink again!" and start to think about that...

I'm simply not drinking TODAY. Today's all we have.

KC1

I am ashamed to say that I did not make it two days. I went out to happy hour with friends from work tonight and had a martini and two glasses of wine. I don't know what the hell to do. I want to stop, but then again, I don't want to. I am so confused. I keep thinking I can get it under control, but deep down, I know I can't. Just trying to figure out when It will all kick in. Having re-read my posts for the past THREE years didn't do the trick. I feel like a loser, but I know I am not. I know it is the addiction talking. Just don't know what to do at this point. I know I have to stop, but I don't want to stop. My hairdresser almost died 6 years ago - his esophagus burst. He drank vodka and wine every single day till he ended up in the ER. He told me yesterday that he thought I was on the same path. I don't want to be on the same path, but I don't want to stop either. Am I a hopeless case????????????????????

Sigh................don't know what to do.

So sorry. i don't want to let anyone down but I think I am hopeless.

KC1

penny74

l once sent a co-worker an e-mail telling her l loved her. ( l am a married man)
Imagine how l felt after l sobered up and had to go to work again.
All 560 people that work there had heard of it.
The damage that drink does...

Never take the advice of someone who has not had your kind of trouble.
- Sidney J. Harris. -

KC1

OK folks. I am back and I guess this is it. It has to be. I woke up this morning with two bottles of very expensive wine "missing" from our wine cellar. We just bought this expensive stuff in Sonoma two weeks ago and it arrived yesterday. No idea where I might have "hidden" the empty bottles. I checked the trash cans, the recycle containers...nothing. Checked everywhere. Don't remember opening it and drinking it. Have a husband who won't talk to me and now I know why. Just sat down to the PC and there is broken glass all over the keyboard. Wine in the keyboard. Further inspection shows a broken wine glass in the trash under the desk. No wonder hubby won't speak to me. He worked here all day today so he had to have seen it and just left it. He is out at a meeting and I am going to bed before he gets home so I don't have to face him. Sent an offensive e-mail to a very dear friend - managed to get myself out of that one, blamed it on my sleeping pills. I guess this is what they call rock bottom? Going to try again. Tomorrow is Day One. I hope you guys don't get sick of me. I am trying very very hard to beat this. Very hard. Thanks.

KC

subject

I came home to a housemate in a blackout where he had dismantled thr entire kitche (stove, sink etc.) and was launching it out the back window while screaming about **** that I couldn't understand...no lies ppl, this stuff can get pretty bad. He destroyed our kitchen!

KC1

Thanks. I am very serious about trying again. I think I will end up dead if I don't stop soon. Thank you all so much. I really want to beat this...I really do.

hughs dad

I have made many controversial statements on facebook that I thought were very "witty", then woke up the next day and was like, ooohhhh nooooo.... Blackout's suck, I got them a lot. I guarentee I won't get one tonight.... not drinking tonight! Good luck to you (and all of us).

verity29

I know the pain of blackouts. I went to a work do where every employee from around the country in our company was to attend. I hadn't met many of them before and wanted to make a good impression. I was nervous but i promised myself to hold off on the drink as i was beginning to suspect i had no control once i started.

Anyway i decided in the end to have "a few" as i just coudn't relax. I seemed to be doing alright so i had a few more. The night went on with me becoming ever more raucous. I blacked out eventually. I awoke the next morning wondering what had happened the night before. My colleague told me i had called the managers B******* and C**** and started fighting with people. I would never use that sort of language normally.

I had to face the music and drag my hungover ass out of bed and go and apologise to hose people who were waiting in the foyer of the hotel. My boss didn't sack me but i had to leave that job in the end as i was in a position of responsibility and had lost the respect of my colleagues.

I had to tell my partner and friends that i just didn't like the job anymore but i knew the truth. What fun.......

I had many more occasions like that before getting my fill but i was very wary of work dos after that

KC1

Well, I did good yesterday! I made it one day! I was craving a glass of wine when I got home last night, but I instead poured myself a big glass of water, added some lemon and watched Grey's Anatomy on TV. Yeah! Maybe I can do it again today!

penny74

Good for you !!
Keep it up and in a few days you feel a complete different person !
Just do it !!


" I think I could, if I only knew how to begin. For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible."

Lewis Carroll

KC1

Well, I got past my 5:00pm wine craving. Around 7:30pm, got hungry, went up to the local pizza joint to get a salad. Sat at the bar to wait (bad). Ordered a martini. Took one sip and was disgusted with myself. Did not drink another sip. Ate my salad and came home and have been drinking water with lemon again. Just cleaned my entire kitchen from top to bottom with clorox spray cleaner. I bet I have the cleanest kitchen this side of the Mississippi. At least it kept me out of the wine closet...............

KC