Welcome, KC. I hope you stay and continue to read at the very least...SR is a wonderful place!
I personally have been experiencing an increase in the frequency of my blackouts as of late. I have been attempting sobriety since August...with many failed attempts. Everytime I drank again, I thought it was my NEW rock bottom. I'm still wondering, and HOPING that this past weekend really was...because I hurt people...and that absolutely kills me.
I'm saying this because I experienced a blackout this weekend. Saturday through Monday evening are ultimately a huge blur. In this time frame, however, I drove all across town, saw my boyfriend, an EX, (
), talked to both of my parents on the phone, multiple family members, was incredibly MEAN and HURTFUL to my bestfriend/roommate, had several falls obviously...given the bruises on my body. Is this FUN?!?!? Does it make me feel good knowing I was so hurtful/mean to people I love? My roommate for the first time ever told me that I'm starting to become a completely different person when I drink. I'm not myself. I have not always gotten this way...but hearing THAT from someone I care about/love SO much may finally be enough to me.
Don't think too far ahead...the worst thing I know I can do is say, "oh i'm never going to drink again!" and start to think about that...
I'm simply not drinking TODAY. Today's all we have.