Getting Sober Without Groups
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1
Getting Sober Without Groups
Hi everyone :-)
First time visitor and poster.
I have convinced myself that I WILL NOT attend AA or any other group therapy. I do not think I am going to change my mind and I am not looking for anyone to try.
It seems this is mostly an AA forum and I think AA is wonderful for those that benefit from it.
It's funny because I remember growing up hearing "the hardest part is admitting you have a problem". Well - for me - that has not been the case. I have FULLY acknowledged my problem for a couple years now but I am no where closer to tackling the issue. I seem to have physical symptoms these days (high blood pressure etc) and REALLY want to kick this damn thing.
Anyone here had success quitting WITHOUT being part of a group???
First time visitor and poster.
I have convinced myself that I WILL NOT attend AA or any other group therapy. I do not think I am going to change my mind and I am not looking for anyone to try.
It seems this is mostly an AA forum and I think AA is wonderful for those that benefit from it.
It's funny because I remember growing up hearing "the hardest part is admitting you have a problem". Well - for me - that has not been the case. I have FULLY acknowledged my problem for a couple years now but I am no where closer to tackling the issue. I seem to have physical symptoms these days (high blood pressure etc) and REALLY want to kick this damn thing.
Anyone here had success quitting WITHOUT being part of a group???
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Absolutely!
Check out the Secular Connections forum. There's lots of non-AA discussion in other forums (this one included) but the Secular group is specifically for non-AA people.
Welcome to SR!!
Check out the Secular Connections forum. There's lots of non-AA discussion in other forums (this one included) but the Secular group is specifically for non-AA people.
Welcome to SR!!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Check "Sticky #3" at the top of the Alcoholism Forum:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
You could also try finding an Addiction Counselor for some one on one therapy. As to doing it alone, I personally have not met any one that has any success doing it that way and I have been continuously sober and clean now for almost 28 years.
I wish you well in your journey.
Please let us know how you are doing as we do care very much, no matter what road to recovery you find.
Love and hugs,
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
You could also try finding an Addiction Counselor for some one on one therapy. As to doing it alone, I personally have not met any one that has any success doing it that way and I have been continuously sober and clean now for almost 28 years.
I wish you well in your journey.
Please let us know how you are doing as we do care very much, no matter what road to recovery you find.
Love and hugs,
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Here's a recent thread on the topic:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ithout-aa.html
There are others, too, but I can't find them right now.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ithout-aa.html
There are others, too, but I can't find them right now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
You either do it with a group or you do it alone. Try sitting on your hands.
For the record as not to leave anyone confused. AA is not "Group Therapy" as your post would leave some to believe.
For the record as not to leave anyone confused. AA is not "Group Therapy" as your post would leave some to believe.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Welcome to SR! Glad you jumped in right away . . . some lurk for a long time before getting the courage up to post . . . good for you.
While I don't anticipate changing your mind, I'm just going to share some of my experience with you. For 25years I tried to do this Recovery thing my way, without all of what I thought were a bunch of brainwashed individuals. My way only kept me sick and sinking deeper and deeper down in dispair.
It was easy for me too to admit that I have a problem, what was hard was accepting that I cannot drink like a so called normal person and that I don't have all the answers. I guess I just wanted someone to tell me what I was doing wrong that alcohol caused such a big problem in my life.
I think alot of people have misconceptions about AA. I was scared to death that I was going to walk in and right away, I'd be forced to stand up in front of everyone like I'd seen on tv and say,"My name's Judy and I'm an alcoholic." I did not want to talk, I didn't want to really even be seen. I was surprised when I was able to sneak in, sit in the seat closest to the door and not say a thing and sneak out as soon as the meeting was over with.
There have been many people who have had success without going to AA Meetings. But in my opinion, this cannot be done alone. I've learned so much from other alcoholics and addicts, have realized that I am not alone in this and having someone to listen and bounce things off of when needed is something I have to have.
Millions of people all over the world can't all be wrong.
I hope you'll be open to suggestions, take what applies to you and let the rest roll by.
God Bless,
Judy
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Originally Posted by Pinkcuda 
For the record as not to leave anyone confused. AA is not "Group Therapy" as your post would leave some to believe.
If you become miserable enough to find out what AA is, and find out what AA is NOT, it will be there for you.
Good luck with your quest for sobriety, it CAN be done.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
No, technically AA is not "group therapy," a licensed psychtherapist does not lead an AA meeting. It is, however, group support and you'll find people there who share your problem with alcohol. But it's not the only way to get sober.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome ...
Do you have a plan for your sobriety?
Perhaps another SR member is doing
whatever your thinking about.
Please share and it's good to see you here with us
Do you have a plan for your sobriety?
Perhaps another SR member is doing
whatever your thinking about.
Please share and it's good to see you here with us
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,962
It is true that you can get and stay sober without group support
. I would like to point out that you are here at SC and this site could be considered as a electronic medium support group. So hang around and get somewhat of a feel of group support.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
I am four months sober without going to any sort of group. I do have a therapist, however, with whom, I have a long standing relationship, and cannot imagine doing this without her. I know four months is not that long but one of my best friends is almost two years sober with the same deal. So of course it can be done. I think it is done all the time. A few things:
1. I would definitely read Sober for Good by Anne Fletcher. It has recovery stories of many people who took different paths including some who went down the AA route and a lot who took a more unique. I think it offers a very balanced view on the recovery process and shows all the different options. It will tell you the story of a lot of people who got sober and stayed sober without groups. Recovery really is a separate journey for everyone. There is no right or wrong.
2. B/C I don't have 15 posts I can't post the link but go to the NPR dot org website and search the talk of the nation archives for sober for good or anne fletcher because a while back she was on the show and they have it on there streaming along with the author of Happy Hours. It is a great intro to the book and these things. And it is free.
3. I used to be vehemently anti-AA in my mind. It really had to do with the language that would ultimately reach me which seemed inflammatory. Everything seemed black and white. There was no discussion. If you disagreed, you were wrong because you were an addict and that threatened my individuality, my mind, everything that I was. I read the Big Book once and that thing pissed me off too. I hated how it was written. The language was outdated, geared towards a male population, etc. However, over the last four months I have sort of loosened up about AA. Granted I haven't gone to an AA meeting but I have been reading a lot about addiction and recovery and changed my tune about the 12-steps because I found myself transforming and needed a language to explore that. The 12-steps which previously made little or no sense to me suddenly intrigued me. Now I see all this in a much more relaxed attitude. I think I was very defensive, not because I was an addict in denial, but because I thought they were a group that was trying to tell me what to believe and do and that threatened my autonomy, individuality, and freedom— things that are extremely important to me. Now I realize that there is a lot of information that can help me and people that can help me everywhere and that defensive attitude was not the most helpful. It doesn't mean that certain things don't still get me mad. But I don't see AA as black and white but shades of gray if you get what I mean. So point being is that I think it is a mistake to completely disregard something that parts of can ultimately be helpful to you. So if you don't dig the whole group, AA thing don't ignore learning a little about some parts of it, even from the comfort of your home or books, because some of the information might help in your recovery. Or it might not. But no harm done in learning more.
1. I would definitely read Sober for Good by Anne Fletcher. It has recovery stories of many people who took different paths including some who went down the AA route and a lot who took a more unique. I think it offers a very balanced view on the recovery process and shows all the different options. It will tell you the story of a lot of people who got sober and stayed sober without groups. Recovery really is a separate journey for everyone. There is no right or wrong.
2. B/C I don't have 15 posts I can't post the link but go to the NPR dot org website and search the talk of the nation archives for sober for good or anne fletcher because a while back she was on the show and they have it on there streaming along with the author of Happy Hours. It is a great intro to the book and these things. And it is free.
3. I used to be vehemently anti-AA in my mind. It really had to do with the language that would ultimately reach me which seemed inflammatory. Everything seemed black and white. There was no discussion. If you disagreed, you were wrong because you were an addict and that threatened my individuality, my mind, everything that I was. I read the Big Book once and that thing pissed me off too. I hated how it was written. The language was outdated, geared towards a male population, etc. However, over the last four months I have sort of loosened up about AA. Granted I haven't gone to an AA meeting but I have been reading a lot about addiction and recovery and changed my tune about the 12-steps because I found myself transforming and needed a language to explore that. The 12-steps which previously made little or no sense to me suddenly intrigued me. Now I see all this in a much more relaxed attitude. I think I was very defensive, not because I was an addict in denial, but because I thought they were a group that was trying to tell me what to believe and do and that threatened my autonomy, individuality, and freedom— things that are extremely important to me. Now I realize that there is a lot of information that can help me and people that can help me everywhere and that defensive attitude was not the most helpful. It doesn't mean that certain things don't still get me mad. But I don't see AA as black and white but shades of gray if you get what I mean. So point being is that I think it is a mistake to completely disregard something that parts of can ultimately be helpful to you. So if you don't dig the whole group, AA thing don't ignore learning a little about some parts of it, even from the comfort of your home or books, because some of the information might help in your recovery. Or it might not. But no harm done in learning more.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Hello, Alcoholica. 
Welcome to SR!
I don't do groups, but I hang around SR frequently.
There are many people who have successfully managed their addiction(s) without groups. You will find some of these people here at SR. They like to hide sometimes. Stick around for a while and you'll get to know them.
Hope to see you around.
Welcome to SR!
I don't do groups, but I hang around SR frequently.
There are many people who have successfully managed their addiction(s) without groups. You will find some of these people here at SR. They like to hide sometimes.
Stick around for a while and you'll get to know them.Hope to see you around.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Clinton Twp, MI
Posts: 133
I hope I don't need any meetings or what not , but I am open to going if I need to. I am trying to do this with the support of the people here as well as the love of my wife. So far I am on day 11 and my willpower is just as strong as it was on Day 1, if not more so.
It all depends on the individual. This is my first real attempt at being sober. In the past I always tried to "control" my drinking, without much success.
Be assured that you can find plenty of help here, I know I have.
It all depends on the individual. This is my first real attempt at being sober. In the past I always tried to "control" my drinking, without much success.
Be assured that you can find plenty of help here, I know I have.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 32
I think the important thing is to have some sort of support group--at least one or two people who know what you're going through and who are willing to offer support. I had attended AA several years ago, and it wasn't my cup of tea. But I know I can't kick the mental addiction to alcohol alone--I need to be able to have some sort of accountability to a few people who know me and care about me. Online forums such as this one are also helpful as a form of support system.
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
First off, welcome. 
I said the exact same thing before I got sober. AA was not for me, I would not attend under any circumstances. My alcoholism eventually beat me down enough that I gave in and tried it. (This isn't a pro-AA lecture, I promise. ) Six months and one sh*tty sponsor later, I decided that I'd been right, and I haven't attended since. As a non-AAer, I do find I have to keep myself out of some discussions here. 99%+ of the people here are totally fine with non-AAers, though. (And I should say, those first couple months in AA were really beneficial for me. Kept me out of trouble, et cetera.)
There's a couple specifically non-AA forums here... Check out the ones with "secular" in the names. There's also more than a few old-timers who don't do AA, I'm sure any of them would be glad to chat one-on-one with you if you need it.
Are you in dialogue with a doctor? If you're just setting up to quit that's definitely a good idea - they won't judge, just make sure you detox safely. And if I may ask, what exactly about AA turns you off? I've heard from a lot of people that groups like SMART and LifeRing can be great secular alternatives. It is important to build yourself a support network, however you do it.
Best of luck! Sorry for the wall of text there.
I said the exact same thing before I got sober. AA was not for me, I would not attend under any circumstances. My alcoholism eventually beat me down enough that I gave in and tried it. (This isn't a pro-AA lecture, I promise.
) Six months and one sh*tty sponsor later, I decided that I'd been right, and I haven't attended since. As a non-AAer, I do find I have to keep myself out of some discussions here. 99%+ of the people here are totally fine with non-AAers, though. (And I should say, those first couple months in AA were really beneficial for me. Kept me out of trouble, et cetera.)There's a couple specifically non-AA forums here... Check out the ones with "secular" in the names. There's also more than a few old-timers who don't do AA, I'm sure any of them would be glad to chat one-on-one with you if you need it.
Are you in dialogue with a doctor? If you're just setting up to quit that's definitely a good idea - they won't judge, just make sure you detox safely. And if I may ask, what exactly about AA turns you off? I've heard from a lot of people that groups like SMART and LifeRing can be great secular alternatives. It is important to build yourself a support network, however you do it.
Best of luck!
Sorry for the wall of text there.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
THere is help out there that's not AA-based. THis is not really an AA site, just a lot of members here who have successfully stopped drinking thru AA. I went to AA in early recovery but now only go to one meeting a week - my home group. You can stop drinking without AA. Coming here has been very helpful for me.
Just take it one day at a time. Just don't drink for today, and when tomorrow becomes today, repeat.
Welcome!:ghug3
Just take it one day at a time. Just don't drink for today, and when tomorrow becomes today, repeat.
Welcome!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
For me - it really came down to what I WOULD do, as opposed to what I WILL NOT DO.
Alcoholism will kill me - almost has. I could say I was against 'this' and 'that' - but it's all past tense. Liqour got me to a place where I would have done ANYTHING to get sober - and I am not talking about NOT DRINKING...I wanted it gone.
So - you have admitted your problem for 2 years, and you are still drinking? What is different this time?
Alcoholism will kill me - almost has. I could say I was against 'this' and 'that' - but it's all past tense. Liqour got me to a place where I would have done ANYTHING to get sober - and I am not talking about NOT DRINKING...I wanted it gone.
So - you have admitted your problem for 2 years, and you are still drinking? What is different this time?
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