Getting Sober Without Groups
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 163
There's a wonderful book called "Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction" (aka the Small Book). I highly recommend to anyone who doesn't want to go to AA. I even recommend it for AA members who would like another perspective on their problem.
I also recommend "The Recovery Book." It has a lot of pro-AA stuff, but it also has very useful health information and other practical information for people in early recovery.
You might also want to read "Women for Sobriety."
And before you give up entirely on AA, you might want to read "The Zen of Recovery" for a less God oriented, but still spiritual approach to recovery.
Good luck to you.
I also recommend "The Recovery Book." It has a lot of pro-AA stuff, but it also has very useful health information and other practical information for people in early recovery.
You might also want to read "Women for Sobriety."
And before you give up entirely on AA, you might want to read "The Zen of Recovery" for a less God oriented, but still spiritual approach to recovery.
Good luck to you.
Eclectics Anonymous
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 286
Welcome to SR!
I always admitted from day one I had a problem as well. This was probably before I really even had a problem because I knew that was were I was going so oddly enough I called myself an alcoholic and continued to drink knowing this fact.
I have quit w/o any outside help. First time was 6 months and a little over a month right now so I am not a long-termer by any means.
I educated myself on what alcohol actually does to your body. Told all my friends and family (now I am really accountable), joined SR and strange as it sounds when my little alcohol "friend" in my brain tells me to drink. The rational part of my brain responds. Most of the time it is just "shut, up you aren't having a drink. Have a nice day." Other times I have to go deeper and write myself lists pros and cons or just simply reach out to people on here.
However, if this doesn't work for me I am willing to go and do anything, absolutely anything. If that means going and sitting in AA Meetings or elsewhere, I am going. What I am doing is working for now but if it changes and I feel myself start to slip backwards then it is time to change my game plan.
I started with a real honest assessment of myself. How much I have been drinking, how that was affecting everyone, why I wanted to stop, and why I didn't.
I always admitted from day one I had a problem as well. This was probably before I really even had a problem because I knew that was were I was going so oddly enough I called myself an alcoholic and continued to drink knowing this fact.
I have quit w/o any outside help. First time was 6 months and a little over a month right now so I am not a long-termer by any means.
I educated myself on what alcohol actually does to your body. Told all my friends and family (now I am really accountable), joined SR and strange as it sounds when my little alcohol "friend" in my brain tells me to drink. The rational part of my brain responds. Most of the time it is just "shut, up you aren't having a drink. Have a nice day." Other times I have to go deeper and write myself lists pros and cons or just simply reach out to people on here.
However, if this doesn't work for me I am willing to go and do anything, absolutely anything. If that means going and sitting in AA Meetings or elsewhere, I am going. What I am doing is working for now but if it changes and I feel myself start to slip backwards then it is time to change my game plan.
I started with a real honest assessment of myself. How much I have been drinking, how that was affecting everyone, why I wanted to stop, and why I didn't.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 753
Welcome to SR - this is an amazing place to be.
I also am not using AA. I have attended but decided it is not for me. I do have a plan and a self-made program that includes a minimum of an hour (like a meeting) a day of reading and/or time on SR, daily journal writing (most days), and checking in daily with my partner and weekly with a friend.
All the books and ideas that you have gotten on this thread so far are really great.
I also recommend a book about changing deep habits called "Changing for Good" - it really acknowledges the complexity of changing something like drinking - getting it out of your life. I particularly like this book's stress on the importance of making sobriety your top priority and allotting time to getting sober - working it!
Good luck and welcome. Keep posting, reading etc
I also am not using AA. I have attended but decided it is not for me. I do have a plan and a self-made program that includes a minimum of an hour (like a meeting) a day of reading and/or time on SR, daily journal writing (most days), and checking in daily with my partner and weekly with a friend.
All the books and ideas that you have gotten on this thread so far are really great.
I also recommend a book about changing deep habits called "Changing for Good" - it really acknowledges the complexity of changing something like drinking - getting it out of your life. I particularly like this book's stress on the importance of making sobriety your top priority and allotting time to getting sober - working it!
Good luck and welcome. Keep posting, reading etc
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 1,924
Being free of the bondage of active Alcoholism while having a joyous and success life is my reason for coming and staying here at SR. I found my New Life in the company of men and women who follow and live the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous; it is not the only way to personal freedom. Looking for the things that bring us together rather than separate us is one of the greatest assets that SR offers. I am no longer so stiffnecked as to believe that my way is the only way.
There are members here who have found the key to change and they use that key daily. If you desire something different than the pain of your current circumstances, then please ask for their experience, strength and hope to help sustain you until you find your answers. Nothing in life ever gets done without effort, put away the excuses that keep you in frustration and pain and ask for help. Many are willing if you simple ask.
There are members here who have found the key to change and they use that key daily. If you desire something different than the pain of your current circumstances, then please ask for their experience, strength and hope to help sustain you until you find your answers. Nothing in life ever gets done without effort, put away the excuses that keep you in frustration and pain and ask for help. Many are willing if you simple ask.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Hi Alcoholica
Welcome. I've known people who have done it alone - but they're, pretty much without exception, miserable SOBs.
Like a few others here, I've gotten sober here at SR (no AA)...but this is a group thing
No-one does it alone here - we reach out, have others reach out to us - and that makes sense to me. For the last few years of my drinking I was very isolated and solitary - the way out of that, as I see it, is to reconnect with people.
How you feel most comfortable doing that is entirely up to you - but find a way that works for you, and commit yourself 100%
(Connection and support is all AA offers, as far as I see it too. It's not group therapy in any psychological sense. Just peer support)
I urge you to keep an open mind about everything Alcoholica.
Try SR - do whatever you want, sure - but don't block off any avenue.
We're fighting for our lives really. That's pretty fundamental stuff.
You may not have to, but I had to realise I *had* to do stuff I really didn't want to do to get sober and stay that way - but it worked.
I'm nearly 2 years sober now after being a 24/7 drunk.
Whatever works, even if we sometimes hate the idea
D
Welcome. I've known people who have done it alone - but they're, pretty much without exception, miserable SOBs.
Like a few others here, I've gotten sober here at SR (no AA)...but this is a group thing
No-one does it alone here - we reach out, have others reach out to us - and that makes sense to me. For the last few years of my drinking I was very isolated and solitary - the way out of that, as I see it, is to reconnect with people.
How you feel most comfortable doing that is entirely up to you - but find a way that works for you, and commit yourself 100%
(Connection and support is all AA offers, as far as I see it too. It's not group therapy in any psychological sense. Just peer support)
I urge you to keep an open mind about everything Alcoholica.
Try SR - do whatever you want, sure - but don't block off any avenue.
We're fighting for our lives really. That's pretty fundamental stuff.
You may not have to, but I had to realise I *had* to do stuff I really didn't want to do to get sober and stay that way - but it worked.
I'm nearly 2 years sober now after being a 24/7 drunk.
Whatever works, even if we sometimes hate the idea
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 137
I am someone that gets a lot of AA and use it as my primary recovery program. The meetings are great but as somebody who works a real program, it is a lot of work. Especially when you have dual diganosis (I have High-Functioning Autism which is insidious) My life consists of 4-5 meetings a week, a 40 mile commute twice a week, and I have to meet once a week with my sponsor.
I wish there was a SMART Recovery group but it is too far for me. If I want SMART Recovery, I have to start the group. I am not even trying to attempt that task until I have at least a year of soberity.
In addition, I have three thearpist and two thearpists actually treat the autism/.
addiction side of it.
I think what I grumble most about AA. Too much talk about "God" and how "God" got me sober. Meetings (a whole lot).
Not enough focus on the reliance on the group and personal strategies to remain sober. Some people will look down you unless you have "God". I think that I intellectually believe in a God. And I do read about him and dwell upon him.
Postives. I think the steps are awesome. I think a sponsor has kept me sober and provides me a lot of support.
My life. Stable now. Recovery is good. Life is Good.
I wish there was a SMART Recovery group but it is too far for me. If I want SMART Recovery, I have to start the group. I am not even trying to attempt that task until I have at least a year of soberity.
In addition, I have three thearpist and two thearpists actually treat the autism/.
addiction side of it.
I think what I grumble most about AA. Too much talk about "God" and how "God" got me sober. Meetings (a whole lot).
Not enough focus on the reliance on the group and personal strategies to remain sober. Some people will look down you unless you have "God". I think that I intellectually believe in a God. And I do read about him and dwell upon him.
Postives. I think the steps are awesome. I think a sponsor has kept me sober and provides me a lot of support.
My life. Stable now. Recovery is good. Life is Good.
ever closer...
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 361
I guess I just don't understand why someone would want to be all alone getting sober when there ae so many awesome people out there that could help! Good luck...I know all alone in recovery I would be right back out there all alone again.
ever closer...
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 361
Everday sober is a good day and that reminds me of a good thing I heard today while I was with a group of people who have a common thread of wanting to stay sober and not waste thier lives drinking and being stupid.
"A good day is one where everything goes right, a great day is when nothing goes right and I don't pick up a drink over it!"
"A good day is one where everything goes right, a great day is when nothing goes right and I don't pick up a drink over it!"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Sparta, TN
Posts: 24
Hi and welcome!
I'm trying to do this on my own...it's hard and I've failed a time or two, but I think I can. I honestly believe a group would be the best but I never had good luck with AA so trying on my own. It would be nice to have people there to support you who are going through the same thing as well.
Best of luck to ya!
I'm trying to do this on my own...it's hard and I've failed a time or two, but I think I can. I honestly believe a group would be the best but I never had good luck with AA so trying on my own. It would be nice to have people there to support you who are going through the same thing as well.
Best of luck to ya!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi Everyone....some posts and replies were removed.
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4. No Flaming: Posting of any content with the intention of disrupting the forum or inflaming members-be it on someone's person, religious beliefs, race, national background, sexual orientation, or recovery program. This includes flaming, flame baiting, registration of multiple accounts or impersonation of another member. Do not Harass, threaten, embarrass or cause distress or discomfort upon another Online Forum participant. This includes flaming on our forums or other public forums.
No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members. Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun on or insult another member or non-member. Decisions about health and recovery are highly personal, individual choices. "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.
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To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
I am jumping in late here but I just wanted to say that why would I want to do it without the fellowship of AA?
I had the best day! I had a sober Super Bowl party. My first! Twenty adults, all in AA, many couples, showed up with a couple of teens and a couple of younger kids. My husband is a normie and was a little leery. He had a blast! He was more sociable than usual, helpful, funny, and said my friends were funny. We had a ton to eat, lots of fun, laughs and memories! None of that would have been possible without the friends I have made in AA. AND my house was clean when they left!
I had the best day! I had a sober Super Bowl party. My first! Twenty adults, all in AA, many couples, showed up with a couple of teens and a couple of younger kids. My husband is a normie and was a little leery. He had a blast! He was more sociable than usual, helpful, funny, and said my friends were funny. We had a ton to eat, lots of fun, laughs and memories! None of that would have been possible without the friends I have made in AA. AND my house was clean when they left!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 600
I tend to come and go in the AA group to be honest. If i feel the need of other alcoholics i go to AA, if i feel ok, i tend to keep my sobriety by doing a lot of reading of AA materials and coming on here. 8 months sober and counting.
Paul
Paul
Absolute Evil
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 206
I used AA, in the past. Never as an ongoing crutch, but it did help me to break the cycle. Hearing others talk of their problems was a good thing.
But going week after week just isn't happening.
Now that I know about this place, I'll never go, again. I don't need to be in the presence of others, reading it on here is the same thing, to me, but without all the god stuff.
But going week after week just isn't happening.
Now that I know about this place, I'll never go, again. I don't need to be in the presence of others, reading it on here is the same thing, to me, but without all the god stuff.
.
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: chicago
Posts: 148
Originally Posted by sfgirl 
1. I would definitely read Sober for Good by Anne Fletcher. It has recovery stories of many people who took different paths including some who went down the AA route and a lot who took a more unique. I think it offers a very balanced view on the recovery process and shows all the different options. It will tell you the story of a lot of people who got sober and stayed sober without groups. Recovery really is a separate journey for everyone. There is no right or wrong.
ordered! thank you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 5
Hello,
I totally get where you are coming from. I've gone to only one AA meeting, and decided that it wasn't completelyfor me. I say completely because, A) I actually enjoyed listening to all the stories while I was there, and it really got me thinking about mine, B) I left with the Big Book that night. I have found a lot of solace in reading the Big Book, visiting this site, and my wife and kids have been very supportive of my desire to quit. I already purchased the book Sober for Good, and plan on reading it when I finish reading the Big Book. Also helpful to me, I made a huge list of all the reasons I don't want to drink, and I can look at it whenever I get the urge to remind me what I stand to lose by giving in.
Whatever path you chose, never forget that you need people to help you, and people need your help too. God bless you, and I really hope you and sobriety become the best of pals.
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