yeahgr8

I'd listen to Carol's advice, get detoxed and get AA'ing! Or you can keep knocking a can off a day every 3/4 days and you will be cured in a couple of months

zoomer

I just wanted to say hi and I'm glad your back!

bovinePieBear

I'm working on it Yeahgr8.

Hi Zoomer!

I've been in touch with the AA and the SA now - and I'm going to an AA meeting tomorrow night! Yay!

I haven't got any nearer regarding the detox thing, after having made a lot of phone calls now. Amazingly it seems that all roads lead back to the damn recovery team that I'm already seeing, even through the SA. Still, I'm told that there's more possibilities that I should be able to learn about at the meeting tomorrow night.

I'll keep up the updates!

Lenina

BPB,

So happy to see you again! Please keep us posted on your progress!

Much love,

Lenina

Tazman53

BP hang in there, as we say in the states thee is more then one way to skin a cat!!!

Get to an AA meeting, I would bet money that plenty of people in AA in the UK will know different ways to get into detox, trust me you are not the only one in the boat you are in now.

bovinePieBear

Hi Lenina and Tazman!

I've had a chat with a local AA member now, by phone, and I'm all rared up for tomorrow night's meeting. And I have a plan too!

Early this week I had a whole load of blood tests and an ECG. I get the results early next week when I go see my GP. I've recently started taking Ramipril for my blood pressure, and I'm about to find out about the state of the rest of me... !

Armed with that information, I'll go to see the guy from the recovery team and tell him that I am going to stop drinking completely and immediately. Either he'll help me or he won't - BUT I've been assured that if he won't I can go to my GP and they will give me treatment as long as I demonstrate that:

1. I have home support (from my wife) and
2. that I am getting alcohol support (for which AA meetings qualify).

So, one way or another my stop day is going to be Wednesday or Thursday next week (18th or 19th Feb I think). All being well, by the end of next weekend I'll have done the initial detox. And then we'll see...!

zoomer

(((((((((((BPB)))))))))))))))) We are with you all the way!!!

stone

I am usually a binger but occasionaly those binges have gone on for months, drinking to balckout every day, 2 bottles of vodka a day type stuff...I did my own taper to come off it, I would do it over a week to two weeks and it was shear hell...though arguably safer than going cold turkey. NO WAY could I have done some kind of slow taper over months, I don't believe alcohlics can control their drinking to that extent.

I am glad you have come to your plan, it sounds like a good one!

BackToSquareOne

I could never taper off, always had to stop cold turkey. Your going to go through 3 to 5 days of absolute hell followed by a long period of anxiety, depression and insomnia but your doctors can prescribe meds to make the withdrawal period easier but I never found a way to avoid it 100%. Always best to do the initial detox in a hospital if your fairly hardcore.

TryingSoHard

BPB,

I just wanted to say hi, it's good to read some updates from you. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you've been doing. I'm glad you've been able to speak with some AA people and have a plan to go to a meeting. I think the f2f support will do you a world of good!

I'm sorry that recovery doc isn't more of a help. I can't imagine how frustrating that must be to you. I hope that you learn of more options tomorrow night at the meeting.

Hang in there, and please keep us posted!

bovinePieBear

Hey zoomer, stone, b2s1 and tsh - thanks for the support and thoughts.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh kay. So, I'm back from the meeting. It was... great! I was shaking, sweating and making a general spectacle of myself, but there really was a connection for me. And, I talked afterwards with a good few people, one of whom gave me his contact numbers for support, and I came away feeling really, really good.

And got home and opened a can. And am still drinking. So anything I type may or may not be taken with a pinch of salt. But.... I've modified my plan. Screw the doctors and the professionals. I am going to just do it.

There is another meeting on Sunday afternoon which I'm going to try and get to, and then another on Sunday evening which I will definitely get to - hopefully then (for the slow at adding, I know I am) that'll be two meetings that day. Whatever, Sunday is now my stop day. Then I'll go to the doc's on Monday and tell her that I've stopped, and she'll make her mind up whether to help me with any meds or not - that's out of my hands. I'll just eat Mars bars, drink water and headbutt the walls - and go to as many meetings as I can - through the week.

I know that once the withdrawal crap's over then I'm into the really difficult ****, I know... but damn, I just need it to stop now. I can't wait any more. I'm eating my own brain right now. It can't just carry on. It has to stop. And it will.

There's something I want to make very clear, noone at the AA meeting has suggested this plan of action. They have all been more or less supportive, whether or not they agree with it, of the medical advice I've been given, and certainly not one person has suggested that I do anything other than follow medical advice. As far as those people that I spoke to know I am going ahead with the Wednesday/Thursday plan, and they felt it was, more or less, a good idea.

But stopping drinking can't come soon enough. I want to have that boost, that leg-up that I am sure I'll feel from Sunday's meeting(s). And then, that is it. Stop. Let go. And let... be.

Dee74

Good man - I'm not a fan of tapering BPB.

I figure if you think you're going to be that sick, you should be responsible to yourself and put yourself under medical supervision anyway.

That being said - like you said yourself 'stopping drinking can't come soon enough' - so why wait until Sunday?

Not being a smartarse - seriously - everything else radiates out from that decision to stop

Good luck. I'll watch yr progress, mate.
D

TryingSoHard

I like that you're going to stop and then go for your appointment on Monday. I am not under any circumstances wishing bad withdrawals on you, but I do sincerely hope that when you walk into the doc's they see that you are not making this up and they HELP YOU. Either way, though, you're right - in order to quit, you need to quit.

It makes me really happy that you had a positive meeting experience. There's nothing quite like f2f support from people who have been there and know what you're feeling. I love SR but man, I sometimes I wish I could be in the same room as all of y'all!

Dee brings up a good question. You said, "stopping drinking can't come soon enough". So why wait 2 more days? Put down that can in your hand and stop NOW. Now's as good a time as then... maybe even better.

:ghug We're here. We care.

bovinePieBear

Thanks Dee and Trying.

"why wait until Sunday?"
Wow, listen I've maybe a dozen or so very, very definitely "smartarse" answers to this... !!! But I guess the only true answer is that I really gotta get drunk. Maybe some sad idea of a romantic goodbye. Buncha crap, I know...

Fact is I'm just not ready now, so I'm going to spend the next two days getting ready. People have given me books to read, I have numbers to call, I have SR. I am going to do it. Damn it I have to - now you two're on my case!

desertdonna

I'm so thrilled that you've got a plan of action, bvp, and that you found the meeting helpful. You sound 1000 percent better.

Stick with it, my friend. You can succeed just like so many here and elsewhere have.

Thanks for the update. And keep us posted. We're here to support you, too.

Many hugs,

Donna

TryingSoHard

Ok, B. You can have 2 more days. But then I've got your back.

:ghug3

Take care of you.

bovinePieBear

Hey desertdonna - blimey 1000% better? I have the horrible nagging feeling that's the kind of math that got me into this situation!

TSH - Yeah, great, I'm scared to death about what's going to happen, and MOST of that is because I know you're going to be on my damn back!!

Dee74

well yeah.
but I did the last hurrah thing - wish I hadn't had, but there ya go.

Remember - when you do quit? any hassles - call the docs

D

bovinePieBear

Hmm. Ok. Ok. Ok.

Ok.

Can I say tomorrow? Can I? Can I say this is it? It's 1.39am GMT in the UK. I'm drunk. I need to go to bed because I have stuff to do tomorrow. Like breath, and maybe eat or something. I have several cans left, but I've already stopped going to get them.

It's 1.40am. What the hell difference would it make if I just said this is it now? What difference would it make? Can stopping now... I don't know what I was going to say. It's 1.41am.

Could this be it? Can I face... the idea of this NOT being it? What difference does Sunday make? The meetings help... that's true. But there's always here on SR. And my children's faces. And my wife... who I simply adore. And yet hurt, and hurt, and hurt. Over and again. Imagine if I simply didn't do that any more.

Could this be it? My mind's racing. I will hate myself tomorrow for even thinking of writing this, let alone having written it... let alone having posted it... Did I post it? If I did, you're reading it, I posted it - oh trust me, I hate myself for it right now.

Could this be it? Although I'm already planning my future lapses. I'm already thinking about when it would be acceptable to fail, and so still get loads of sympathy and helpful support. I'm already working out how I might be able to work things so that somehow I get my next drink EVEN IF IT'S WEEKS FROM NOW AS LONG AS I GET IT.

Could this be it? Oh God could this be it? Can I do it now?

Well, let's look at it. I'm drunk, number one, so I could think and type any damn crap that would seriously **** me off when I found out in the morning - that's just a fact. Number two, number one is really true. I have absolutely no idea whether there is a number three, but I will hazard a guess that it is about cold feet, doubt and being chicken. If I were to stretch to a number four, it would first of all go over the first three things a couple of times, which probably brings things up to about nine or ten, though probably I'm being generous, and then suggest that there might be a cooling off period in which small print can be read, typos corrected and general hesitancy can be achieved with some cautious and well practiced though still wary backing off - at least that is if everyone involved would just stay really, very quiet and not point anything out.

So let's look at it again. Could this be it? Could this be it? Could this be it?

Could this be it?

Dunno. But it seems like a very good idea. I might think about it maybe as a possibility of happening at some point around about, more or less, now, ish. When I've had a minute. It's 1:51am.

bovinePieBear

[Insert swear words that you are ok with] I posted the above, and got a can.

God help me. Not Sunday, tomorrow.