Why do many perfectionists become alcoholics?
judge only yourself
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Join Date: Sep 2008
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Why do many perfectionists become alcoholics?
As I research more and more on alcoholism to constantly remind me of my recovery I seem to find over and over again stories of people who were perfectionist who succumbed to alcoholism.
I too feel this played a huge role in myself when I would drink. Do you think it is because we want everything in our life to be perfect and when we cant have it that way we just think - the hell with it, I just drink then to destroy everything?
so scary but maybe true.
I too feel this played a huge role in myself when I would drink. Do you think it is because we want everything in our life to be perfect and when we cant have it that way we just think - the hell with it, I just drink then to destroy everything?
so scary but maybe true.
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Over the years I have seen alcoholics that would pretty much cover the entire spectrum of personality traits or types. I don't really know that perfectionists would be any more or less prone to alcoholism then any other type.
I got nothin'
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Hello, gantz. 
Perhaps you are focusing on the stories that are a reflection of your stories...I tend to do that myself with those who became alcoholic because of depression and self-esteem issues...
I find that the more I ask myself "why me and how did it happen?" the less I understand. I have a drinking problem. Call it dumb luck or genetics/environment...It just happened. All I know is that alcohol is a nasty beast for me. It's like Lay's potato chips. I can't drink just one.
Perhaps you are focusing on the stories that are a reflection of your stories...I tend to do that myself with those who became alcoholic because of depression and self-esteem issues...
I find that the more I ask myself "why me and how did it happen?" the less I understand. I have a drinking problem. Call it dumb luck or genetics/environment...It just happened. All I know is that alcohol is a nasty beast for me. It's like Lay's potato chips. I can't drink just one.
judge only yourself
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: osaka, japan
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by Bamboozle 
Hello, gantz.
Perhaps you are focusing on the stories that are a reflection of your stories...I tend to do that myself with those who became alcoholic because of depression and self-esteem issues...
I find that the more I ask myself "why me and how did it happen?" the less I understand. I have a drinking problem. Call it dumb luck or genetics/environment...It just happened. All I know is that alcohol is a nasty beast for me. It's like Lay's potato chips. I can't drink just one.
Perhaps you are focusing on the stories that are a reflection of your stories...I tend to do that myself with those who became alcoholic because of depression and self-esteem issues...
I find that the more I ask myself "why me and how did it happen?" the less I understand. I have a drinking problem. Call it dumb luck or genetics/environment...It just happened. All I know is that alcohol is a nasty beast for me. It's like Lay's potato chips. I can't drink just one.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
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My sponsor once observed that I was a perfectionist. I laughed! My house was a wreck, my kids weren't wearing matching socks, and I don't think I had a shower yet that day. But, it's not the manifestation of perfection she was referring to. It was my desire for perfection. I couldn't argue with her. Oh, I could, but since I couldn't craft the perfect argument, I let it drop.
That drive has followed me into recovery, though I've made some progress in allowing myself to be who I am, not who I think I should be. I'd say this past three months or so has been the most productive in that respect. Acceptance, or rather, lack thereof, is so much a part of what drives the alcoholic perfectionist syndrome. We want things to be the way we want them to be--and will bang our heads till they bleed trying to make them that way. Luckily, we have folks to show us how not to do that.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
That drive has followed me into recovery, though I've made some progress in allowing myself to be who I am, not who I think I should be. I'd say this past three months or so has been the most productive in that respect. Acceptance, or rather, lack thereof, is so much a part of what drives the alcoholic perfectionist syndrome. We want things to be the way we want them to be--and will bang our heads till they bleed trying to make them that way. Luckily, we have folks to show us how not to do that.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
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perhaps because many of us come from alcoholic/dysfunctional families.
Adult children of alcoholics tend to strive for a higher degree of perfection and want to control everything in their lives.
Adult children of alcoholics tend to strive for a higher degree of perfection and want to control everything in their lives.
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I was definitely a perfectionist and a control-freak, long before I began to drink.
I really had no idea that was either, but I fell far-short of perfection.
My belief is that being a perfectionist and control-freak is exhausting and hopeless. It made me angry and depressed in my life. I had to 'let go' in order to get better.
I really had no idea that was either, but I fell far-short of perfection.
My belief is that being a perfectionist and control-freak is exhausting and hopeless. It made me angry and depressed in my life. I had to 'let go' in order to get better.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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I consider myself a perfectionist. I don't know if it had to do with making me an alcoholic, but that said...
Nothing or nobody is perfect. Since I am a perfectionist, I can react badly when things are not perfect. As my disease progressed, I found it easier to say F*&% - it, not even attempt whatever task was at hand, and self medicate with alcohol and pills. Consequently, my house, my spaces, cars, whatever, went to crap. It was easier not to try and just change (eliminate) my feelings about it with chemicals. My self pride went to sh*t.
The perfectionism thing is something I am having to deal with now, in my recovery, big time. Since I am newly recovering, my messes are still all around me. When I have feelings that something is wrong, ie - not as I would want it, I don't yet know how to deal with those feelings in a healthy way. I get overwhelmed. I get urges...
I am working the third step hard and it is helping. Since I don't really have control over anything, I stop worrying about it and do the best I can. That is all I can do.
Mark
Nothing or nobody is perfect. Since I am a perfectionist, I can react badly when things are not perfect. As my disease progressed, I found it easier to say F*&% - it, not even attempt whatever task was at hand, and self medicate with alcohol and pills. Consequently, my house, my spaces, cars, whatever, went to crap. It was easier not to try and just change (eliminate) my feelings about it with chemicals. My self pride went to sh*t.
The perfectionism thing is something I am having to deal with now, in my recovery, big time. Since I am newly recovering, my messes are still all around me. When I have feelings that something is wrong, ie - not as I would want it, I don't yet know how to deal with those feelings in a healthy way. I get overwhelmed. I get urges...
I am working the third step hard and it is helping. Since I don't really have control over anything, I stop worrying about it and do the best I can. That is all I can do.
Mark
My name is alcoholic&Im a Walt
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 48
Two things some to mind:
It's progress not perfection no matter how hard I work the program of AA I will never do perfect it says in the Lit that the only step we can do perfect is the first step (and those who relapse don't).
And the second part goes along with the progess not perfection....Becasue being a perfectionist is a CHARACTER DEFECT of ME! And no matter how had I work the 6&7 step I will always have these defects but the best part is I can acknoledge them today! When I know these defects are active I can help myself today because when I was drinking I was clouded and didn't believe I (who me???) had defects!!!!!
GANTZ it also sounds like your confused and I remember I was highly confused my first few 24 hrs and still am sometimes but I remember something someone said once that helps me when I'm confused "KNOWLEDGE IS THE BEGINING STAGE OF LEARNING"
Thanks for the topic
It's progress not perfection no matter how hard I work the program of AA I will never do perfect it says in the Lit that the only step we can do perfect is the first step (and those who relapse don't).
And the second part goes along with the progess not perfection....Becasue being a perfectionist is a CHARACTER DEFECT of ME! And no matter how had I work the 6&7 step I will always have these defects but the best part is I can acknoledge them today! When I know these defects are active I can help myself today because when I was drinking I was clouded and didn't believe I (who me???) had defects!!!!!
GANTZ it also sounds like your confused and I remember I was highly confused my first few 24 hrs and still am sometimes but I remember something someone said once that helps me when I'm confused "KNOWLEDGE IS THE BEGINING STAGE OF LEARNING"
Thanks for the topic
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
On the surface being a perfectionist sounds like a good thing but in reality it can be anything but. For some of us it can be a nightmare. When taken to extremes Perfectionists are overly sensitive to criticism, perceived criticism or self criticism and take things way to personal. Often times comments on our actions or something we have done hurt us on a deep personal level when the comments were not personal at all. It is a deep seeded fear of rejection that drives us to our need for perfection. The obsession of perfection is a defense mechanism. Things like anxiety and depression find there places in my mind because of my inability to obtain perfection. It is a sickness of low self esteem and self loathing and fear.
My first drink of alcohol was the answer to all of this.
That's why this perfectionist became an alcoholic.......or already was one before I even took the first drink?
My first drink of alcohol was the answer to all of this.
That's why this perfectionist became an alcoholic.......or already was one before I even took the first drink?
My name is alcoholic&Im a Walt
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by Dean62
On the surface being a perfectionist sounds like a good thing but in reality it is anything but. It is a nightmare. Perfectionists are overly sensitive to criticism, perceived criticism or self criticism and take things way to personal. Often times comments on our actions or something we have done hurt us on a deep personal level when the comments were not personal at all. It is a deep seeded fear of rejection that drives us to our need for perfection. The obsession of perfection is a defense mechanism. Things like anxiety and depression find there places in my mind because of my inability to obtain perfection. It is a sickness of low self esteem and self loathing and fear.
My first drink of alcohol was the answer to all of this.
That's why this perfectionist became an alcoholic.......or already was one before I even took the first drink?
My first drink of alcohol was the answer to all of this.
That's why this perfectionist became an alcoholic.......or already was one before I even took the first drink?
You mean we are thin skinned and thick headed???
LOLWhat came first the chicken or the egg?:ghug2
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Join Date: Sep 2008
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This is Today's reading from Twenty Four Hours A Day
Instead of pretending to be perfectionists, in A.A. we are content if we are making progress. The main thing is to be growing. We realize that perfectionism is only a result of false pride and an excuse to save our faces. In A.A. we are willing to make mistakes and to stumble, provided we are always stumbling forward. We are not so interested in what we are as in what we are becoming. We are on the way, not at the goal. And we will be on the way as long as we live. No A.A. has ever "arrived." But we are getting better. Am I making progress?
Quote: Hazelton Publications
Instead of pretending to be perfectionists, in A.A. we are content if we are making progress. The main thing is to be growing. We realize that perfectionism is only a result of false pride and an excuse to save our faces. In A.A. we are willing to make mistakes and to stumble, provided we are always stumbling forward. We are not so interested in what we are as in what we are becoming. We are on the way, not at the goal. And we will be on the way as long as we live. No A.A. has ever "arrived." But we are getting better. Am I making progress?
Quote: Hazelton Publications
Last edited by CarolD; 11-24-2008 at 11:56 AM. Reason: Added Source
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I dunno' guys. When is it "perfectionism" and when is it just "unrealistic expectations"?
In my line of work (construction) I have to strive for perfection everyday. Clients demand no less and there have been times when I have come pretty damn close lol. It is not an evil for professionals to try and achieve the ideal and it is certainly not an "unrealistic expectation" to believe that when I hire a plumber he is going to give me a professional job.
It is however an "unrealistic expectation" to believe that the family picnic I have planned for this afternoon is gonna be perfect. The weather might change, the car could break down or my alcoholic brother in law may decide it's a good time to pick a fight with my mother.There are too many variables.
Being able to understand the difference has made my acceptance of life easier.
In my line of work (construction) I have to strive for perfection everyday. Clients demand no less and there have been times when I have come pretty damn close lol. It is not an evil for professionals to try and achieve the ideal and it is certainly not an "unrealistic expectation" to believe that when I hire a plumber he is going to give me a professional job.
It is however an "unrealistic expectation" to believe that the family picnic I have planned for this afternoon is gonna be perfect. The weather might change, the car could break down or my alcoholic brother in law may decide it's a good time to pick a fight with my mother.There are too many variables.
Being able to understand the difference has made my acceptance of life easier.
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Originally Posted by Sugah
We want things to be the way we want them to be--and will bang our heads till they bleed trying to make them that way. Luckily
*To Peter: your differentiation between perfectionism and unrealistic expectations makes a lot of sence to me, thank you.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
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Originally Posted by gantz
As I research more and more on alcoholism to constantly remind me of my recovery I seem to find over and over again stories of people who were perfectionist who succumbed to alcoholism.
I am a long-haul truck driver and spend a lot of time sitting at truck-stop lunch counters listening to other truck drivers. Aside from the the fact that the word truck is used more than the word f*** they are pretty much the same as people in AA.
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
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Originally Posted by Peter
Being able to understand the difference has made my acceptance of life easier.
In my line of work we depend on repeat customers so giving them what they want is critical to staying in business. I try to do my job as perfect as I can and I take pride in it.
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thanks sugah...i could totally relate to your post! not a perfectionist but constantly trying to become one and burying myself deeper & deeper in the process! now i seek progress not perfection!!
Lisa
Lisa
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