Why do many perfectionists become alcoholics?
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 164
Originally Posted by Sugah 
My sponsor once observed that I was a perfectionist. I laughed! My house was a wreck, my kids weren't wearing matching socks, and I don't think I had a shower yet that day. But, it's not the manifestation of perfection she was referring to. It was my desire for perfection. I couldn't argue with her. Oh, I could, but since I couldn't craft the perfect argument, I let it drop.
That drive has followed me into recovery, though I've made some progress in allowing myself to be who I am, not who I think I should be. I'd say this past three months or so has been the most productive in that respect. Acceptance, or rather, lack thereof, is so much a part of what drives the alcoholic perfectionist syndrome. We want things to be the way we want them to be--and will bang our heads till they bleed trying to make them that way. Luckily, we have folks to show us how not to do that.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
That drive has followed me into recovery, though I've made some progress in allowing myself to be who I am, not who I think I should be. I'd say this past three months or so has been the most productive in that respect. Acceptance, or rather, lack thereof, is so much a part of what drives the alcoholic perfectionist syndrome. We want things to be the way we want them to be--and will bang our heads till they bleed trying to make them that way. Luckily, we have folks to show us how not to do that.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Thanks Sugah! I could totally relate to this! Not a perfectionist but running around in circles trying to be. Now I seek progress not perfection...I have finally taken the "S" off my chest!
In Peace & Love,
Lisa
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Originally Posted by 51anna
I was definitely a perfectionist and a control-freak, long before I began to drink.
I really had no idea that was either, but I fell far-short of perfection.
My belief is that being a perfectionist and control-freak is exhausting and hopeless. It made me angry and depressed in my life. I had to 'let go' in order to get better.
I really had no idea that was either, but I fell far-short of perfection.
My belief is that being a perfectionist and control-freak is exhausting and hopeless. It made me angry and depressed in my life. I had to 'let go' in order to get better.
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
Why do many perfectionists become alcoholics?
and that quest for sex, society and security...
Normal perfectionists are often high achievers in life...
Perfectionism is usually a good trait whether you are a banker, athlete, artist, actor or builder, because it makes you good at what you do...
For example, many professional athletes score highly on perfectionism....
Neurotic perfectionists - never feel that they have done their job well enough...
They are very intolerant of mistakes and extremely self-critical...
Neurotic perfectionists who criticise themselves excessively, put themselves at risk from psychological and physical disorders including:
# Depression
# Alcoholism
# Social phobia
# Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
# Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)
parts from... "Seeking perfection"
Nobody's perfect
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Originally Posted by Peter
I dunno' guys. When is it "perfectionism" and when is it just "unrealistic expectations"?
Being able to understand the difference has made my acceptance of life easier.
Being able to understand the difference has made my acceptance of life easier.
Like Peter, my job requires that I do as close to perfect job as I am capable of. I do some corporate event planning which requires lots and lots of logistical planning, contingency plans, and dealing with people who are at the very top of our corporation. My biggest fears have been being blamed for something going wrong or that was not my fault or people not following "my plan". It all drove me quite crazy.
I also turned these expectations on myself and those around me. My sponsor was always saying things to me about being too hard on myself if I made a mistake and wanting to do the program perfectly. I wanted 20 years in 20 months!
This past year I have tried to learn the difference as Peter put it up above. I still strive for perfection
When planning the logistics of an event BUT I have learned to take it in stride better when something doesn't go quite right. I just have to keep saying the serenity prayer over and over and over again.
I also am working on learning to just go with the flow instead of getting upset with people if things don't meet my expectations. I'm trying to learn to curb expectations because I have been told that expectations are a premeditated resentment.
Anyway, great topic!
Kellye
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Originally Posted by gantz
Do you think it is because we want everything in our life to be perfect and when we cant have it that way we just think - the hell with it, I just drink then to destroy everything?
After I accepted my alcoholism, I then had to accept that sobriety + AA equals a much better life but not a perfect one.
Be grateful for what I have, keep my expectations realistic, keep doing what I am doing. Life is not perfect but it is good.
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