CollegeStudent

Hi,
I am a 20-year-old college student. Like most college students I drink on the weekends. However, unlike most college students I’ve seen alcohol ruin lives. My Dad is an alcoholic and it caused problems in my family for many years. He has been sober now for a year and a half but it’s still a constant battle for him.
Now I know alcoholism runs in family and it certainly seems to run in mine. I never drank in high school because of everything with my Dad. The first time I got drunk was freshmen year in college. Last year, I wasn’t too bad. I didn’t drink very often and didn’t always get drunk. However, in the last few months’ things have changed.
I feel like I can’t control how much I drink. I always promise myself that I’m not going to overdo it but I ALWAYS do. Every time I drink, which is Thursday, Friday and Saturday night I black out. Every single time, without fail I wake up and the last chunk of the evening is missing. I wake up the next morning feeling extremely sick and embarrassed once I’m filled in on what I did the night before. A lot of the time I wake up still drunk and am always badly hung over. Sometimes I am even sick for an entire week afterward because of having a rough weekend.
Now I don’t really think I have a problem, like I think I just can’t control myself and am not being responsible rather than having a problem with alcohol. I’m not stupid though and I know it can become a problem. Plus forgetting 45 percent of my weekend is not exactly the best way to live. My friends are getting sick of having to deal with me when I’m drunk (Like I literally get to the point where I can’t walk, am passing out at parties and won’t listen to anything anyone tells me) and I feel really bad but it just feels like I can’t control myself. It’s like once I start drinking; I just need to drink more and more. I know I should probably just not drink at all but the truth is I really like to drink, Like sometimes I won’t drink like I don’t HAVE to drink, I just do so to have some fun but I’m not like addicted. I just have a problem controlling the amount I drink. I just need to find out how to drink responsibly so I don't make the same mistakes as my Dad.

bostonluv

This website is not a moderation website. However, there are some out there maybe you should check out: My Way Out is a moderation website. I warn you, not many people are sucessful trying to moderate after a certain point. Blackouts and not being able to control your drinking are drinking problem red flags.

It's nothing to be ashamed of. I honestly feel that I cannot help myself and am completely powerless over alcohol after that first drink. So many people have the same problem I do - the same diesease that runs in our genes. It has zero to do with intelligence. Our chemical makeup makes us somehow allergic to alcohol: we don't have a "stop" button. I don't know how many times I would go out drinking and say, not tonight. I'll be good. I'll pace and I just couldn't do it. In the end days, I knew that I couldn't control myself and I would think, I wonder what will happen tonight after I drink? I wonder what I'll do and where I'll end up? It amazed me that I could think that and still go over to the dark side. I changed when I drank. I could not help that. I could only help not drinking in the first place. It's worth the effort.

I hope you won't wait until you're in your thirties like me to do something about it. Read everything you can about it. Fill up on information. Try moderation - see what happens. I wish you the very best.

sailorjohn

WELCOME!!!

Not being addicted to alcohol is no guarantee you're not an alcoholic, the only advice I could offer, if you truly don't want to 'make the same mistakes as my Dad.' your only option is to refrain from drinking alcohol. Period. If you are an alcoholic, all you're doing now is following the progression of the disease through the stages, we alcoholics cannot 'drink responsibly'. Good Luck

Harley3801

.
Hi and welcome.

I'm afraid I don't have an answer for you about how to control drinking. I tried for years and was never successful.

I don't know if it's true but I've heard that if someone feels the need to control their drinking then it's too late . . . the drink is already controlling them. It's a progressive thing . . . .

When I was in college I drank exactly the same way you're drinking now . . . Thursday, Friday, Saturday . . . woke up feeling horrible and embarrassed at myself. Over the years, I added Wednesday, then Sunday, than Monday and finally Tuesday. It took me 15 years to become a daily drinker . . and then I drank every day for another 15 years. So add it up and it took me 30 years until I finally stopped. I'm happy for who I am today and I don't regret the past, but sometimes I think . . . what I wouldn't do to have those years back again.

I do hope you find your answer.

Freedom1990

I have a 20 year old daughter who's a binge drinker, and it breaks my heart.

I was a binge drinker too.

Her father and I are both recovering alcoholics.

Edited to add: I also have a 30 year old daughter who's an active addict/alcoholic, and she says she'll never be like me. Never mind the fact she's divorced, lost custody of her kids, and has had numerous stays in jail.

Stubborn1

I have to say I wasn't an alcoholic but a binge drinker. I also didn't know when to stop. I continued like that for a while just like you. Hopefully you will reach a point and realize that you are not a pretty person when you binge. It's wasted time and missed memories. If you don't like the sound of calling yourself an alcoholic that's fine, don't but seek help. Blacking out, not remembering is a sign of many. This is the age where it will make or break you.
Please find your way out of this or you may be a victim to it as so many have. Good luck

Boleo

This sounds like you already know the answer to me.

bob_sapp

If you need someone to teach you how to drink responsibly you are already in sh1t, social drinkers never have this problem. I came to AA because I wanted to learn how to drink responsibly; I never did but I found a better solution.

Hope

This post describes me word for word. I didn't start drinking until college either because I had alcoholism in my family. However, my drinking in college escalated into me developing my own alcoholism. I'm not saying that this is the case with you, I'm just sharing my experience to give you an idea of what can happen.

But I was NEVER able to control the amount I drank. I tried for a while but all it ever did was get worse.

Blackouts are not a good sign.

When I started having blackouts, that was also the beginning of what became the end for me.

Someone once told me that if you have to learn to control your drinking, then you are out of control.

Only you can decide for yourself what your personal situation and where your drinking is at, but I am just sharing a few words of my own experience.

If you think it's anything near bad now, it will get worse. Guaranteed. I hope you never have to find out. But if you ever do and you want to quit drinking, just know that it is possible.

I'm glad you are here asking questions. Keep reading. You will learn a lot.

I wish you the best!

LosingmyMisery

There it is right there. Those two statements speak volumes to me. You are wise to be concerned. Alcohol ruins lives. It isn't worth it...

Rob B

Sounds like you got dealt the gene, alcoholism is hereditary. Try some controlled drinking, see how that works for you. If you are not alcoholic it shouldn't be an issue, If you are like me, you will crawl out of your skin wanting "one more" after you've reached your predetermined limit of 1-2 drinks, it will be unbearable torment to not take the next one.

If you decide you are alcoholic, there is a solution that has worked for many of us, you don't ever have to drink again.

tommyk

Now I don’t really think I have a problem, like I think I just can’t control myself and am not being responsible rather than having a problem with alcohol.

Ummm.... check that thinking.

CollegeStudent

Hi
I just wanted to thank each and every one of you for your replies. It’s funny how hearing someone else tell you what you already kind of know, really opens up your eyes.
I really appreciate it. As you can tell from my ability to be comprehensible right now, I’m sober. I can kind of see I have a problem, even writing that post out I was like “Wow you’re really kidding yourself if you really think you don’t have a problem” because that entire post I was just TRYING to convince myself that I don’t. I’m still not really willing to say “Wow I’m an alcoholic” because I’ve seen my Dad and it was really bad with him and when I even think I might have a problem I say “Well, I’m nothing like my Dad was.” And it feels like to have a problem I need to act like my Dad is, which is pretty stupid considering I never want to be that bad. I did go out tonight but I physically COULD NOT drink. My body literally would not let me drink…so I mean like I didn’t drink so I suppose that’s a sign that I can kind of control it. I did have the desire to be drunk (still do) but I couldn’t bring myself/didn’t drink alcohol. Well I had a few sips of a beer but could not finish it because it was like trying to drink puke. I really do thank you all so much because you really have given me a lot to think about. I feel like I’m not ready to say “Hey I have a problem I need to stop drinking” but I also feel very differently about my own drinking than I did even 24 hours ago. This seems like a really great site, so hopefully I’ll stick around and be able to stop myself from screwing up my life.

NoelleR

"... I did go out tonight but I physically COULD NOT drink. My body literally would not let me drink…so I mean like I didn’t drink so I suppose that’s a sign that I can kind of control it..." ---- WHAT...? grrrrr

"...I did have the desire to be drunk (still do) but I couldn’t bring myself/didn’t drink alcohol. Well I had a few sips of a beer but could not finish it because it was like trying to drink puke..."

That was definitely NOT control----you didn't control your deinking; your body wouldn't allow the alcohol in.....controlled drinking would be when you decide to go out and drink, you set yourself a limit.....say 3 drinks, and then stop.....this should be tried a number of times, not just once. A non-alcoholic would have no problem stopping.....in fact non-alcoholics do NOT 'control' their drinking; they just drink so many and then stop because they simply don't want any more.....

Now.....back to your original post.....you're a binge drinker, and you're not asbad as your dad.....hmmmmm I know many folks will tell you that alcoholism is progressive.....progressing from binge drinking up to daily drinking.....and I did that.........but then I progressed (regressed?) back to binge drinking.......and there I was.......: binge.....arrest.....court.....back to square one, and let's do this all again next week.....NO, I wasn't an alcoholic; I was just a binge drinker.....lol

In AA we say that it's not how much you drink, or how often you drink; it's whether you can predict what will happen once you have that first drink. I know that with me, I couldn't......sometimes I'd only have a few (well, a few for me anyway), and other times (most times) I'd have that first drink, and I'd be off to the races.....lolol

I wish you the best, in whatever your decision may be. I made the decision to quit, and I have not regretted that decision once in the past 20+ years.


NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86

bald2000

Hello, Student. I came here from NotDrink.ru. There exists special partirion of forum devote of "controled usage" of alcohol. Some people can do it. But I, like most of people, think what if human has troubles with alcohol the best way is stopping drinking quite and forever.

CarolD

Hi and Welcome!

There are several levels of alcoholism.
Please read these links for information

Alcohol and Brain

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Blessings to you and your Dad

feelingboring

Hi all,
I'm new to this forum as I've not sought support before since I stopped my moderate drinking with 'no-problem' just about a year ago. Recently though, despite not missing alcohol I've been getting very angry and emotinal about not drinking. It could be that I'm under a fair amout of stress and am in contact with a different social group who drink excessively.

I'm really interested in this thread and genetic links as my brother was an alcoholic and for that reason I think I did contol and limit the amount I drank. I do think if you have seen alcoholism in your family though, that you are aware of what are 'normal' levels of drinking and when to stop. I remember being offered strong cider, brandy and whisky to 'get me through' my mothers funeral by my brothers- that it would be better for me not experience the sadness of the event seemed bizare to me. Also NoelleR is it really true that non-alcoholics have no problems stopping drinking? If so, when does stopping drinking end??????

I'm really interested in peoples ideas and what I might learn

Harley3801

Not stupid at all . . . It's all part of figuring out who we are. As you've probably figured out by now, alcoholism doesn't fit any type of norm. . . . you can't define it by comparing yourself to someone else (your dad, for example). I found it more useful to listen to what others said and identify with what they said or had done. If I had to compare myself with someone who lost a job or had a dui in order to define myself as an alcoholic, I'd still be out there drinking.

flutter

Feeling.. My opinion, and what I've learned is, that control is not an issue for non-alcoholics. Can drink, or not drink, it matters not. For us, the alcoholics, it is all about control, and usually our warped thinking that we have some (ha ha).

A non-alcoholic wouldn't be concerned about alcohol, as it's not of matter to them.

To us, it has to be, and that it matters.. saves our lives with every sober day.

Ok I need coffee, I'm rambling Happy Sunday!

laurenlanai25

a favorite quote...

"when I controlled my drinking I was not having fun, when I was having fun I was not controlling my drinking"