changeisgood

I knew I was an alcoholic when getting drunk became pretty much an everyday occurrence; of course it took another 3+ years for me to take quitting seriously.

With hindsight and 7 months sober I now realize my drinking was a problem long before I started drinking every day.

Eclipse

I knew I had a problem when I started drinking more and more and more often. I would be waiting for the kids to get out of the kitchen so I could sneak a glass of wine at 11:00 in the morning. I would drink 2 bottles of wine a night. I felt like crap. I was anxious, depressed, sick and sick of it.

lizw

When I went to treatment I went with the belief that maybe I had a drinking problem but I never entertained the idea that I was an alcoholic.

Following treatment, when instead of lapsing on alcohol, I took to 'socially' smoking pot 24/7 there were two events that lead me to hope I was an alcoholic, because if I wasn't next stop for me was the nutward.

1. My daughter (3) was left in my care for the afternoon and too stoned I wasn't watching her and she knocked hotwater off the stove. It seriously burnt her and just as my younger brother chucked her in the shower, my mother arived home. Her and my father had been caring for my daughter for about 6 months by this stage. And she just new something was wrong. It's not normal to come home and hear someone phoning an abulance and the first thing she said was "What have you done now Elizabeth?" And will never forget that moment for the rest of my life.

2. I wanted to murder the guy I got kicked out of treatment with. I can't even remember why. But he was suppose to be 'the start of my new life' as we were living in a different town to where I grew up etc... And some how I realised or could clearly see, it didn't matter where I was, who I was with, or what I was doing but if I was drinking or using, I was dying. The phrase where ever you go, you take yourself with you, really rang true for me.

It was after those incidents I went to AA (1997) and have gone ever since. I am unsure at what point I decided I was an alcoholic. Truth be told, if they had told me to label myself a ******** duck, I would've agreed to it as I felt so friggin bad.

I drunk after a year though. And had not stopped going to AA or anything. Just become barking mad. So that may have been the nail in the coffin for me. I also know that for awhile, I accepted I was an alcoholic, a day at a time - rather than just deciding at one particular moment/time I was.

Julesy

I realised I was an alcoholic when I saw how secretive I had become. I would hide my drinking from my family and my husband. Sometimes they would twig, but I would invent some excuse and carry on. I also knew when I would make a resolution in the morning not to buy any more wine today, but would inevitably break that promise as I just could'nt face an evening sober. I knew I was an alcoholic when despite an irritable liver I still kept pouring it down.
I just knew what I was doing to my body was sooo wrong that I must be an alcoholic as otherwise I wouldn't do it!!!
Now I feel so lucky to be given the chance to be a sober person. I'm lovin it. Been 2 months now.:atv

Boleo

I had to admit I was an alcoholic when no amount of beer could give me the sense of ease and comfort that I was looking for.

Pinkcuda

I admitted I was Powerless over Alcohol. I admitted this for years. I just couldn't bring myself to take the second half of step one. My life was still managable and I devoted my life to trying to prove it.
In my mind I was proving it. I would dismiss every negative occurance as coincidence or blame something or somebody else. Nothing was ever my fault. If it was it had nothing to do with alcohol.
I was on my first drink of the day when God decided that he'd seen enough. Any preception that my life was "Managable" was an illusion. This was demonstrated to me right then and there. I poured it out and tossed the Mason Jar under my seat.
5 Years later I am still cleaning up the damage I left in the wake of my "Managable" life.

lizw

When I first started attending AA, I thought maybe I had a problem with alcohol, like I was a problem drinking. I knew there was something wrong with me!

I started to believe that maybe I was an alcoholic, not a problem drinker, when I started to relate to the drinking stories and the feelings of people who were sober in AA.

Drinking after a year in AA, after having a sponsor, working the steps and making amends was rather convincing too. I mean if there was ever gonna be a time where I could drink safely, it would be after I graduated the prgram? Right? Lol.

Just prior to the ABC in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, .....our personal adventures before and after made clear three pertinent ideas -
A- that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
B - that no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
C- that God could and would if he were sought....

I'm saying this because the Big Book doesn't say, we came to AA convinced we were alcoholics so we stopped drinking. It says our adventures before and after, convinced us. And this has been my expereince too.
:atv

Quoted: Alcoholics Anonymous..BB
First Edition

psyk0

-The way I felt when I didn't drink (really scared and as if my nerves would pop out of my body)
-The fact that I needed more and more booze to feel sort of "normal"
-Not being able to have a conversation because I was either too jittery, or too drunk
-The overwhelming loneliness
-Really NEEDING to drink, every day, for years and years
etc, etc, etc

I guess I knew I was an alcoholic, the idea of living without alcohol just scared me so much that I didn't even consider that an option.

But there was no doubt in my mind whether or not I was an alcoholic. In my early drinking years perhaps, but in the end? No doubt whatsoever.

Texasblind

When I missed a final dress rehearsal thanks to passing out on vodka, I knew I couldn't control it. That wasn't rock bottom, but certainly did lead me to admit I was alcoholic.

least

All the pieces of my reasons, my story, have already been given by the previous posts. But I'll list them again, just to strengthen my sobriety.

I started hiding my bottles, sneaking them in and out of the house so the kids wouldn't see. I started drinking wine in a coffee cup so the kids wouldn't think I was drinking wine. I would often wake early AM and not be able to go back to sleep without a glass or two of wine. I was getting the shakes so badly I was drinking wine when I got up, and had to give up coffee cause I was so agitated I couldn't stand the caffeine. I was told by one of the kids that I'd picked her and her friend up after school obviously drunk. ( I thought I was good at seeming sober - hah!) I was buying cheaper and cheaper wine just so I could still afford it. I was often driving to get a second (or third) bottle of wine cause I'd already had one and it was still early evening.

I started to notice a strange unpleasant odor. Thought it was in the house - it WAS, it was ME smelling like old stale wine. Yuck. I often found myself at the drive thru when they opened at 8 AM. Sometimes I was so bad off waking up early that I drove to the grocery store for my first bottle cause they opened at 7 AM. That's awful. I knew I "had a problem" but didn't have any desire to fix it and didn't think I could stand to live without alcohol. I was isolating more and more. All I wanted to do was drink wine, all day, every day. I was unbearably depressed and wanted to die, even wanting to kill myself.

I was always afraid, always lonely, always felt sick or drunk or shaking like a leaf. I couldn't stand myself. Late last year I 'knew' I was a PhD: a Poor hopeless Drunk. I knew I had to stop drinking, but I couldn't stop. Even after being in rehab three times this year I still drank. But now I"m sober 99 days and don't feel hopeless anymore. Sorry this is so long, but I need to get this out. Any time I need a reminder of why I'm sober I can read this thread. It's all right here.

Thanks to all here for staying with me on this long strange trip. You've helped keep me from losing what was left of my mind.