CarolD

I see members who are undecided about exactly
where they are with their drinking patterns/habis.

There is so much information ...opinions...research data.

For me...I considered myself to be an alcoholic
when I decided to quit...and could not stop drinking


My next step....
I had to want to quit more than I wanted to drink

I'm not asking for scientific explanations
rather your own realizations.

Anyone else care to share on how
they decided they were an alcoholic?

laurenlanai25

For me it was getting that gut level honesty and making a decision that I was miserable and was ready to do something different. I had to make a list of all the bad things that had happened to me and all the things that I didnt do because of alcohol. I realized that bad things always happened to me when I was drunk, it wasn't every time but when there was trouble you bet alcohol was involved!!

My fav quote in the big book is from a personal story...
"The difference between alcoholics and non alcoholics is alcoholics change their goals to meet their behavior and non alcoholics change their behavior to meet their goals"

Great topic Carol!!!! :o)

Astro

I was contemplating this same thing this morning.

My addiction was like an elevator, I had to choose which floor to get off on. Top floor? One of the middle ones? Basement? It was my choice to decide where my bottom was.

My winning streak was over, or maybe I never really had one at all. My spouse was done with me, my kids were frightened and confused, I knew there was nothing left for me.

I walked into my first AA meeting and never picked up a drink or drug again. Anything had to be better than the life I'd had up to that point.

And it was.

Lindsay

I think for me, I finally admitted that my life really WAS becoming Unmanageable due to my drinking. Emotionally, mentally, physically, financially...every single aspect of my life was becoming increasingly more difficult and problematic. In order for me to admit this I had to go on a 4 day drinking binge, miss two days of work, and come *this close* to leaving everything I love about the life I have right now to go back home and start completely over...rock bottom? Maybe, maybe not.

IBasically I suddenly realized I'd been living in denial and that I had to do something dramatic...(such as STOP drinking!) in order to turn my life around.

I've heard many times that once in recovery things begin to fall into place...I hope this is the case for me as well.

TTOSBT

This is going to sound corny BUT more than anything else that made me realize that I was an alcoholic and that my life had become unmanageable was the fact that I did not feel worthy of asking for help, from God, from my husband, from anyone. When those thoughts went through my head, I realized how wrong and messed up my thinking/drinking had become. Everyone is deserving of asking for help!!
When I surrendered, all the help I needed was right there and I felt that I had opend the door back up for communication with my HP.

Jomey

For me, it was noticing how fast life was going by and how much of it I was missing by drinking.

I wanted to know my husband, my kids, my HP, ME. I wanted to LIVE and live a LIFE, not an existence. No self-harm, no numbness, no faking anything, no dream worlds. I wanted the good, the bad and the ugly, so to speak, of "real life".

The only way I could do those things was to stop drinking. I am so happy I am on this journey of recovery.

Very interesting thread Carol, thank you.

Jomey

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

I was going to say that I knew that I was an alcoholic for a very very long time.

I knew it when I couldn't drive by the package store on the way home without stopping for a bottle of wine, even though I told myself I wouldn't, earlier that day.

I knew it two January's ago when I gave it up as my New Year resolution and lasted two weeks.

Then, when my very best friend and my exH washed their hands of me, THEN I knew it. Then I surrendered. Boy, I remember how that felt to finally do that. No fighting left in me.

Thanks Carol!

TTOSBT

I also wanted to mention something. One day, nearing my bottom, I thought I want to be interesting (while watching something on TV) and immediately it hit me, there is nothing interesting about a 39 year old drunk woman.

Texasblind

Good one.

When I lost my job, my home, my dogs, my girlfriend, my everything. I knew I had rock bottom. And instead of being mad at them, I was mad at alcohol.

VeritasAequitas

Thanks for the share Texas - I want to share the hate without the loss, but maybe it's the only way.

Carol - you always seem to know what to say. Thank you for your thread.

Tommyh

good thread Carol

I sat up on the side of the bed after 3 days of drinking and drugging

I had been in and out of AA for a year
Somehow I knew then,I was a hopeless alcoholic.Human Power would not,could not get me sober or keep me sober.I had tried everything I could and everything I knew,and failed

I also knew you folks in AA was sober and Happy,and I wanted to get sober more than anything else in the world then,and maybe I could someday,find a little happiness.


Happiness and sobriety has been a reward

bugsworth

The morning after a particularly hard night of drinking I woke up and realized I could no longer guarantee my actions after I consumed one drink. The sheer terror of my predicament cemented the fears I held for many years.

BaldHeadedJohn

Thanks, Carol.
I know I need to give this crap up. The minuses far outweigh the pluses.
I've read a lot of your posts, and you are truly an inspiration.

Blessed be.

Harley3801

.
I knew I was an alcoholic for a lot of years before I ever made it to AA.

My realization came one night when I was sitting in a bar. I remember looking around the room & thinking, "Geez, what a bunch of alcoholics. These people are here every night."

And then it occurred to me that I was there every night too.

BackToSquareOne

I knew I was an alcoholic for the past 30 years but because I was always a binge drinker I lived under the grand delusion that I could control it. It was always kind of like smoking, we know it's bad for us but many do it anyhow. Just knowing your an alcoholic means nothing, most active alcoholics know they are alcoholics but they continue to drink. Several people have told me that the only time they are happy is when they're drinking so for them I don't know if there is an answer.

nandm

Lots of good stuff here. Thank you everyone.

I started wondering if I might be an alcoholic at the age of 21 when I got a DUI and the judge's statement was I must be an alcoholic because only an alcoholic would still be up walking around with a BAC of .22 and .23. But that thought passed within a few months after the DUI thing settled down as I was able to convince myself that alcoholics were those people who's hands shook when they didn't get a drink, they lived under bridges, they didn't shower, they didn't have jobs, they couldn't go a day without drinking let alone a week.

I kept that picture of the alcoholic with me for the next 15 years. I wound up getting a serious head injury during an evening of drinking. It was only then that I realized that when I drank I either could control how much I drank or I could enjoy drinking (which usually led to a blackout and stupidity). I realized I had become Dr. Jekyl and You Better Run and Hide. I never knew who would come out when I drank. I realized I had no clue how to live without drinking. Everything I did, including work, were centered around drinking, how I was going to get my next drink, how I was going to buy my next drink, where I was going to drink, who I was going to drink with. I realized that the alcohol was slowly killing me as well as those that cared about me. It was a frightening place to be. I was then ready to accept the fact that an alcoholic is not the picture that I had used to fool myself with for so many years, an alcoholic is me. The average looking person, working, living next door. Not necessarily the person who has lost everything. Because one can still have everything material but lose who they are on the inside. I had done that. I had no clue who I was because that person had been swallowed by the alcohol long ago. It has taken me over 7 years and I am still pulling away pieces of rubble to find parts of me I had long ago forgotten were there.

Sorry for such a long response.

Dee74

even with drinking all day everyday, my health failing, falling over, often dangeously, innumerable times, my life shrinking to nothing but my room booze and cigarettes....

I still wasn't ready to admit I was an alcoholic until some time AFTER I came to SR.

With hindsight I see how easy it is to ignore the reality.
Some ppl never wake up.

D

flutter

Carol, thank you again for this.. how timely.. my day was a bit edgy.

I knew I was an alcoholic for a very long time. So were all of my friends. It's easy to be "one in a crowd" and just keep on making bad choices. Even when I started drinking alone, I didn't realize it really. It was a "fun new way to enjoy the evening!".. good grief.

Most recently, I knew I was because my husband would tell me I was. "Pfft oh shush" my typical response as I felt sick to my stomach knowing how true it was.

And then I started hiding my drinking, or how much I was drinking. I would pour a rum and coke, and my husband a beer, and slam a few extra shots of rum when he was out of eyesight of me. Even still, my quitting drinking was "some day soon", and that's been the past year. Progression kicked in high gear and I found Vodka, as I'm coming to realize isn't so unique. I'd drink before social events, family events, they even noticed but I put it off on anti anxiety meds, or a sleeping pill hangover from the night before. They believed me! I kept it up and kept it up until it became daily. And in the morning. Hell.. (pun intended!) on some weekend mornings, I'd wake up, slam a shot or 3, and go back to sleep. WTF??

Course as most of you have read, my rock bottom landed me in the ER with a .55 BAC, fatal level.. and I was STILL awake and alert, baffled most docs at the hospital. I keep a bandaid on my IV line that has since healed (this was 2 weeks ago), as a reminder. I have the IV cap left on the floor of my garage, on a keychain. Weird? Probably. Effective? So far. Not a drop since, and none planned for the future.

You guys are amazing, thanks again so much for everything.

Bamboozle

It took me noticing a lot of things over a long time...

Blackouts (one that landed me a trip to the ER the next day).

Bottles and boxes piled everywhere over the floor. Obviously, my living space was in shambles--not because it was a crappy place to live, but because I had made it that way.

I would spend my days planning out how much, what kind, and where I would buy at what time. I always knew what stores sold what during what times and about how much it would cost me.

My life was (and in many ways still is) going nowhere.

After I moved for a change of scenery (hopes for a sober life) I continued my ways.

When I started getting noticeable health problems (heart palpitations ALL the time), I made my first serious attempt at quitting, but this wasn't for another 45 days until after I first noticed my heart was complaining.

This year I've had many starts and stops...more sober days than drunk...

At least I'm trying--heck, I never bothered to try before this year (not seriously, anyways).

Best of luck, everyone.

Zencat

I have a problem that once had me.

I sought treatment.

I maintain that treatment.

"Sometimes adversity is what you need to face in order to become successful."
- Zig Ziglar