Hi. I'm new. Desperate. And drinking.
Whacked-Out Mama
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: St Paul, MN
Posts: 10
Hi. I'm new. Desperate. And drinking.
I wonder how many people come here after their second glass of wine, as I am now. I was without alcohol and drugs for 10 years, went on a year-long bender, went without alcohol for four years again, and now I am currently on a bender for 2 weeks. The difference now is I have two beautiful children who depend on me. My two year-old is standing next to me right now watching tears stream down my face, saying, "It's okay, mama".
Why am I afraid of AA? It's obviously not working on my own. And why did this happen? Why do I think I can drink? I need some support. Encouragement. Azz-whoopin' Should I come back when I'm sober??
Leah
Why am I afraid of AA? It's obviously not working on my own. And why did this happen? Why do I think I can drink? I need some support. Encouragement. Azz-whoopin' Should I come back when I'm sober??
Leah
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Welcome!
When I first started coming here, I was still drinking so you don't have to wait until you are sober. Hang around and read, post, and pretty soon if you are willing, you'll be sober.
Are you willing?
When I first started coming here, I was still drinking so you don't have to wait until you are sober. Hang around and read, post, and pretty soon if you are willing, you'll be sober.
Are you willing?
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Hey, Hejlena. You are welcome here whenever you want to be here to get support, sober or not. We all have our slips.
Welcome to SR! Feel free to post here when in need. You will find lots of support here. Nose around if you have some time. Here, big hugs:
Welcome to SR! Feel free to post here when in need. You will find lots of support here. Nose around if you have some time. Here, big hugs:
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
The things that make us drink are complex and not always easy to see at first or ever.
Not wanting to drink is a place to start. Just start there. The wine is going to pass through you. If there's some left you might think of pouring it down the drain. Let it be a symbolic gesture; a first step to coming back to sobriety. Every step you take in that direction is going to make you feel stronger.
If you need support, there are a lot of us here who are here and ready to listen.
Not wanting to drink is a place to start. Just start there. The wine is going to pass through you. If there's some left you might think of pouring it down the drain. Let it be a symbolic gesture; a first step to coming back to sobriety. Every step you take in that direction is going to make you feel stronger.
If you need support, there are a lot of us here who are here and ready to listen.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step no matter what program you choose to use.
Don't be afraid to go to AA. They are used to people showing up a bit tipsy. If you did it every day for a month they might get mad at you but if it weren't for newcomers showing up tipsy half of them would not be there.
Don't be afraid to go to AA. They are used to people showing up a bit tipsy. If you did it every day for a month they might get mad at you but if it weren't for newcomers showing up tipsy half of them would not be there.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 146
Hejlena,
Reading your post it seems that during the last 15 years you have been drunk for approximately 1 of them. If my liver could boast that record it would dance a merry tune.
I guess I'm trying to say that it might help to look at yourself with more optimism? Unless you're not telling us all something about serious physical effects of drinking prior to the last 15 years I guess your body is in a decent shape? That's a great start! Now all you have to do is tip away that wine, seek solice in your good health and remember everything that worked so well for you for 14 of the last 15 years and repeat.
(I'm trying to be upbeat - sorry if others think that is irresponsible or if that isn't what you want to hear).
Reading your post it seems that during the last 15 years you have been drunk for approximately 1 of them. If my liver could boast that record it would dance a merry tune.
I guess I'm trying to say that it might help to look at yourself with more optimism? Unless you're not telling us all something about serious physical effects of drinking prior to the last 15 years I guess your body is in a decent shape? That's a great start! Now all you have to do is tip away that wine, seek solice in your good health and remember everything that worked so well for you for 14 of the last 15 years and repeat.
(I'm trying to be upbeat - sorry if others think that is irresponsible or if that isn't what you want to hear).
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Should I come back when I'm sober??
Why am I afraid of AA?
Well I sat down and when the meeting started I got enough guts up to introduce myself by my first name. Well a bunch of people shared a short version of thier story. In thier stories they did 2 big things, they told me enough about their drinking to where I knew they were just like me at one time so I identified with them, some sank far lower then me in their drinking and some no where near as low, but I identified with them all.
The most important thing these people gave me was HOPE!!!! Hope that I too could be happy, joyous and free like so many of them were.
Go to a meeting, I promise you no one will make you do anything, you do not have to say a word if you do not want to, just sit there and listen. If you go to 4 or 5 different meetings and find nothing you like and you find no hope for you in AA, then check out other recovery programs. AA does not work for every one, but there are other programs that are available, check them all out.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Almeria,Spain
Posts: 27
Think of the happiest day when you were sober, the birth of your lovely children, waking up with a clear head and relief that you and not the bottle were in control. Don't let your children see their mom drunk, weeping into a glass.
To-morrow is a new day. Phone an AA friend. You deserve a good life.
To-morrow is a new day. Phone an AA friend. You deserve a good life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 5
I live in Plymouth, MN. If you need to talk please send me a private message and perhaps we can meet at a coffee house and share our stories! I have been sober since 7/26/07 and I completely "get" what you are going thru. Be gentle with yourself for now.
Take care my friend
Carolyn
Take care my friend
Carolyn
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 38
Leah,
I can totally empathize with your situation, as I am going thru something similar. I just want to say, don't beat yourself up too badly, I think you're A-Mazing for all that sobriety time. You should be proud of that. And when you are ready, you will draw upon that same strength to get sober again. You can do it. You have already proved it.
Folks here know that I'm not sober now. I was for 7 years, then went out for 8+ yrs. Now that's a bender! I leave for rehab in 3 days....
If you can, do whatever you can to get help. You've got options! Here at SR, or go see an alcohol therapist, or talk to your sponsor or spiritual teacher. Whatever it takes. It's your life and you're worth it. You deseve to be happy. We all do.
If you don't have any support system at all (family, spouse, friends), call your local AA in the white pages, be anonymous and just talk. They can help.
Most definitely keep posting here. I don't care how much wine you've had. We are here to listen and support and love you.
And WE DO!!!
I can totally empathize with your situation, as I am going thru something similar. I just want to say, don't beat yourself up too badly, I think you're A-Mazing for all that sobriety time. You should be proud of that. And when you are ready, you will draw upon that same strength to get sober again. You can do it. You have already proved it.
Folks here know that I'm not sober now. I was for 7 years, then went out for 8+ yrs. Now that's a bender! I leave for rehab in 3 days....
If you can, do whatever you can to get help. You've got options! Here at SR, or go see an alcohol therapist, or talk to your sponsor or spiritual teacher. Whatever it takes. It's your life and you're worth it. You deseve to be happy. We all do.
If you don't have any support system at all (family, spouse, friends), call your local AA in the white pages, be anonymous and just talk. They can help.
Most definitely keep posting here. I don't care how much wine you've had. We are here to listen and support and love you.
And WE DO!!!
Whacked-Out Mama
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: St Paul, MN
Posts: 10
Thank You
Not sure where my "quick reply" went earlier, but I want to take some time to say thank you for you supportive replies to my post. The wine is gone, I called my crochety old neighbor, who I love to pieces, and he took me to an AA meeting, where I sat sobbing and feeling really grateful that, when I reached out, people were there. Thanks. And Grace--I'm with ya'
Lena
Lena
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
TwistedSister....Welcome to SR!
You can't use PM to contact other members
until you have 6 posts.
You also may not post your phone number
or e mail address on the Forums.
I didn't want you to be disappointed
when no one answered your offer.
You can't use PM to contact other members
until you have 6 posts.
You also may not post your phone number
or e mail address on the Forums.
I didn't want you to be disappointed
when no one answered your offer.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Russia, Lair
Posts: 29
Hello, Lena! If you still have alcohol pour out it in toilet bowl! I have some experiense of unsuccesfull attemps to stop drinking, but now I know what almost impossible to stop for a long time using a strength of will. You must change your mind. Most of sobers do it with programms and tehnics like AA or others.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 13
I'm not sober yet, either. I am living a miserable existence of going to work hung over while looking forward to that evening drunk - my temporary escape from life. I am sick, my eyes are red & gray all day & eye drops don't work anymore, I have been bleeding (menstrually) non-stop for almost 3 weeks, my boyfriend is sick of my complaining about the cramps and bleeding - he only wants one thing at this point - and the thought of sex right now makes me cringe. I am under tremendous stress trying to pay past-due bills from after I lost a job a few months ago and it took a while to find this one I've been at for almost a month, and I feel like the littlest hobo. I have basically no family or friend support and no insurance. I'm so sorry to keep on and on, but I have no where to turn. If I miss work, I'll be homeless so rehab is not an option at this time. I come on these boards and am desperately trying to find hope for a brighter day, one step at a time. The people here are wonderful and non-judgmental. Thanks so much for not judging.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Russia, Lair
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by LadyInRed 
I'm not sober yet, either. I am living a miserable existence of going to work hung over while looking forward to that evening drunk - my temporary escape from life. I am sick, my eyes are red & gray all day & eye drops don't work anymore, I have been bleeding (menstrually) non-stop for almost 3 weeks, my boyfriend is sick of my complaining about the cramps and bleeding - he only wants one thing at this point - and the thought of sex right now makes me cringe. I am under tremendous stress trying to pay past-due bills from after I lost a job a few months ago and it took a while to find this one I've been at for almost a month, and I feel like the littlest hobo. I have basically no family or friend support and no insurance. I'm so sorry to keep on and on, but I have no where to turn. If I miss work, I'll be homeless so rehab is not an option at this time. I come on these boards and am desperately trying to find hope for a brighter day, one step at a time. The people here are wonderful and non-judgmental. Thanks so much for not judging.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
