RufusACanal

As a boy, I received a red ball for some special occasion from my folks as a gift. I despised the color red. Don't ask me why, but red just was not the color of my dreams. Maybe my red hair as a boy had something to do with this distain for red. Blue was my color! Teachers and friends of the family would compliment my blue eyes like my Dad's and I loved blue for it!

I loved that blue, I mean red ball. Over time the ball became blue, well sort of anyway. I used school watercolor paint to turn it blue and for awhile it made it easier to believe it was truly blue. Of course with playing and water the blue came off. I was relentless in the pursuit of changing that ball from red to blue. I tried using those cheap Bic Pens to color it blue. I tried everything, but the red would still shine through. So I finally made believe that this red ball was blue and no matter what the ball looked like to anyone, it looked blue to me.

In life as a recovered Alcoholic, this behavior and thinking of denial is ever present. Today when offered the opportunity to make a decision according to any given situation, I return to the Red Ball. Do I accept what my senses tell me or do I attempt to color the ball blue? Just because I put the plug in the jug does not make the process go away, I still have to choose. I dream today, but I do not live in my dreams. I make decisions and take action today that I am responsible for and the blue ball never enters the picture. Why, because I know what the truth is today. The ball is red.

Astro

Isn't that sorta like "I'm a pickle and can never be a cucumber again"?

RufusACanal

LOL, there you go!

nandm

Reminded me of that uneasy feeling I have had the majority of my life that somehow I was not what others expected or wanted me to be which meant to me that I was not good enough. I guess I relate to the ball....lol

I have learned in sobriety to let go of that feeling. I have come to accept that others don't have to like me and in fact there are people who will truly dislike me. What others think of me is really none of my business. My HP is the only one besides myself that I have to be able to look in the eye and answer to.

Once I started living these lessons my life became easier. What a load off the shoulders to not have to try and be everything to everybody. Talk about an insane actress.....that was me.

Thanks for the thought for today, Rufus.

Horselover

That was a great analogy and actually, so was Astro's.

Boy can I identify with you Nands on that entire post. I always cared and sometimes still do to a point, what people thought of me. I think I am finally outgrowing that though. Thank for that post!